Friday, December 18, 2009

No need to complain.

Recently I have noticed that my daughter complains all the time. And as usual when I notice something irritating in one of my children I ask the question "where does she get that from?" I mean I am constantly telling all of them how thankful we should be for all that we have. We do devotionals on being thankful and grateful all the time. From my "perspective" I think she has a great life. From my "perspective" I think she has nothing to complain about.

As far as I am concerned my children have so much to be thankful for... Perspective is a funny thing. OF COURSE as I was thinking about this the whisper of the Holy Spirit came rushing in. OF COURSE He showed me how like most bad habits my children have accumulated in their short lives they learned this from the one they are around the most. OF COURSE He started to remind me of all the things I complain about.

This time though it was a little different. It wasn't a reprimand about complaining it was more of a question. The question I felt him ask was "When others hear me complain what do they think?" From others perspective do I have anything to complain about? What about the woman who can't have children? What would she think of my complaining about mine? What about the person who has less than I do? Would I have any right to complain? What am I saying about God's provision when I complain?

Maybe I should spend more time praying and less complaining. Maybe I'm really hurting my witness when I am complaining! Maybe I should take my own advice and be MORE Thankful. Maybe I should take a moment to count my blessings before I complain. Maybe I should see my life from others PERSPECTIVE. Because GOD has been good to me. God has met all my needs through CHRIST JESUS.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Being available...

For years I have felt a burden to start a Storehouse ministry. Where people who want to get rid of stuff would donate their things (clothes, food, furniture...) to people who are in need. I never felt like the time was right, but this vision was always in the back of my mind. In the last year my family has had hard times just like everyone else. There have been times when things were pretty tight around here and although we have not been without we have had to sacrifice. It has really made me think about all the parents out there who must be so broken hearted when they look at their children and they don't have anything to give them.

There is a lot of suffering going on around me and I know that God has used this as well as our own struggles to propel me into action. Recently I have felt the burden that now is the time. I have so much going on with my family, but I think this is on of those things the Proverbs 31 woman would do. She takes care of the poor.

At first I was thinking really big. I was overwhelmed with all the what-ifs and not having the resources. I started praying "Ok, Lord, if this is what you want me to do then you have to make it happen. You have to provide." Little did I know that He had his own ideas. One day I said "Ok, what is your vision?" I mean I thought He was gonna come through with a building and really make this legit. But, it seems His answer was different for now anyway. I just started receiving all this stuff from people. Stuff that doesn't fit us. Stuff we can't use right now. And then COINCIDENTALLY people informed me of needs that they knew of?!?!? God began to show me that He would let me know WHEN there was a need and He would provide the things for that need, but I had to be available. I had to pay attention. I had to let the Lord lead me. BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM, not me.

He is AMAZING... I can't wait to see what God does next...

Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas crafting...

Listening to Christmas music and doing crafts. I love this time of Year!!!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Just thinking...

I am so hardheaded. Why can't I just get it? I shake my head at myself, I can't imagine what the Lord does?! Let me start out by saying God is so faithful to me. I DO NOT deserve it, but yet He is...

He is trying to teach me to trust Him and Him alone. This is so hard for me. I always try to make things happen. As I was thinking of this tendency the Lord brought to my mind the children of Israel wondering around the desert. Everyday the Lord provided manna from heaven and everyday some would try to get too much or complain about God's provision. Their efforts to get to much always lead to nought when it would rot and be useless. I am like of them. God is providing for us "one day at a time". He has never once allowed us to beg as Psalm 37 talks about. Everyday there is just enough. BUT, everyday all I can think about is tomorrow and next week and two weeks from now. It's so funny because He was showing me how they would say everyday "Yeah, I know he provided today, but what if He doesn't come through in the morning!?" I feel like they must have felt... Out there in the wilderness with no food in sight just waiting on this invisible God to provide manna from heaven. I have never thought about this before. I used to say How could their faith be so small they saw all of God's miracles. Yet, I have seen plenty of God's miracles. Just like the children of Israel though I remember Egypt where there was plenty. Is Egypt better than this?! Lord, help me trust you! I don't want to doubt. Help my unbelief. Build my Faith. I'm thankful for the Word of God. There is so much comfort in knowing that no matter my situation there is someone in the Word of God who had to go through it before me and always God was Faithful. I don't want to fail this test.

Friday, December 11, 2009

How Great...

Sometimes a miracle is such a small thing that you couldn't share it with someone else because they wouldn't see the wonder in it that you do. Sometimes an answer to your prayers is just a whisper back as if to say "I hear you..." I had one of those moments today when I really needed to know that He hears me. I know the Lord is trying to help me learn how to have a much more personal Faith in Him... I'm in a period in my life where I have learned that I can trust Him, but that I can not always be trusted. I think of the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac, and how really the test was could God trust Abraham. He saw that He could.

So, today I whispered a little prayer and tried with all my might not to try my old tricks of making things happen. Then it happened a phone call with a very ordinary invitation, but to me a whispered response to my heart. Yes, God hears my prayers. Yes, He cares about the small things too. Yes, He sees me trying and He provides. Because He is Jehovah Jirah "The Lord will provide". How Great is our God that He cares for each one of us and our situations.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Today I was getting on to my son for something I had gotten on to him for about a hundred times already. I had this thought as I often do and I know probably every parent does "When is he gonna get this?" I've discovered that parenting is the hardest thing I have every done. Especially if your goal is "training them in the way they should go". I say especially because I am still being trained in the way I should go and I have no wisdom of my own. I have seen so many parents who have given up along the way and I really don't want to be one of those. But, I do understand. It is so hard to be diligent and to continue when you feel defeated. It is so hard when you feel like no one is listening or receiving the instructions. It's hard when you are trying to do your best and you feel resented and misunderstood by the people you love so much...

While all of these thoughts were playing in my head the soft voice of the Holy Spirit said "yes, I know how you feel!" Then he brought one of my favorite verses to mind. "Being confident of this very thing, that He which has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. " I am a work in progress and it has been a long time that God has been at this work in me. I have been stubborn and rebellious, BUT God has been faithful, kind, and patient to me along the way. He has been there to bring me back when I have turned my back on him. He has loved me enough to not give up on me when I made it seem impossible that I would ever get it. HE has done that for all of HIS children and we owe it to ours to be faithful and kind and understanding and patient. We should be willing to work hard when we are tired and discouraged, because Jesus Christ had done the same for us. We can not give up or be discouraged this is a War for their souls and just as God fights for us everyday we must fight for them. When I think of how much patience my heavenly Father has had with me it motivates me to continue. He is showing me the way by the way he has treated me...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

being real

I usually try to stay positive when writing on here or facebook. I just want to point to God and His faithfulness, but today I'm gonna share a weakness.

I think we have 3 pretty good kids, BUT they are certainly not perfect! Not that anybody is. I just want them to love Jesus and follow him with their whole hearts. I have known since before they were born that I was inadequate for this job, but God would lead us along the way. My weakness is thinking that wisdom to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in just given. I read my bible on a regular basis. I try to lead them in righteousness. We're home-schooling for many reason, but mainly to keep them from the bad influence and lies of this world. BUT, with all of that said... they are humans with strong wills and sin natures. I need more than all the 12 step programs or time out or spanking... I need wisdom. I have to spend time in prayer for all my children and pray for direction for each one of them individually. I have to "train them in the way they should go" with much prayer... I can not be lazy about this area of my life.

Today I was feeling so defeated. Every time I turned around my oldest a girl was being sassy and I had "tried" everything to let her know that this wasn't going to be tolerated. I had to discipline her because she just kept talking back. Afterwards as I was holding her in my arms I began to pray quietly because I didn't know what to do at this point. I felt like I had talked her out... As I was praying I told the Lord that I just wanted to raise them for His glory and I just didn't seem to have a clue how to do that. I was praying for wisdom for her and asking for her heart to be devoted to him. I was begging him not to allow myself or my husband to ruin these children that He had placed in our care... "What do I need to do?" I cried. As always my faithful loving Father answered my sincere plea. He showed me how very little time she has had exclusively with us since her brothers have been born. How she needs that time with mom and dad. How she is crying out for attention and we had better answer that cry before it is too late. I made plans immediately for the boys to go to gma's by themselves and we're taking her to have some alone time tonight. I'm sooooooooo thankful that when I desperately need an answer my Father will always give me the right one. I need to be more diligent to pray for his light to guide me daily while I'm on this journey. I just love my God for being so faithful to allow me to get uncomfortable so that I will begin to seek Him. God is so Good.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy at Home

It's 5:50pm and I have just finished mopping my kitchen floor. Dinner is in the oven as we speak. My children are playing together having a grand time. We have had an hour of exercise, walking around our neighborhood pond with another HS family (you know socializing). School went great today. My daughter is reading above her grade level. She is responding well to having Mom as teacher. I am blessed to be at home with all my children around me daily. I am blessed to pass on my faith to my children on a moment by moment basis. Just as scripture tells us to "tell our kids when we rise, when we walk by the way, and when we lay down to sleep." Truly I am happy at home, in a way that the world tells me I can not possibly be. God is Good and we are blessed.

I had to take a break from the post for a minute. It's 6:30 and they had a bath because the grandparents are coming for dinner on a school night!!! My house is fairly clean. Yes I have 3 children 5 and under. I would love to take credit for lots of wonderful things that are happening in our home and family, but I can't it is all God. His word teaching us, his Spirit leading us into a wonderful way of life. Home-school has been such a blessing in sooooo many ways and I am thankful to have this opportunity. It amazes me when I talk to others about how hectic their lives are and how little time they have away from school and home work. I am blessed every time I talk to a mom that has to work and how "unfulfilled" they seem to be. I am glad that God never allowed us to get into a situation where we had to figure out how to make it work for me to stay home. Alas, I am happy at home.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Feminine Modesty

For a long time I feel like I have been in transition. I grew up thinking that my value and worth were completely based on looks. I felt confident in my looks and I dressed to make the best of what I had. When I became a Christian it was a new world to me. Even I knew that there was about to be a major overhaul in my life. It's been 13yrs now and I thought I had come so far in my walk. I thought I was getting close to the finish line of things that needed to be changed. I have been working on applying the Word to so many areas of my life. Not that I had arrived, I was just so much better than where I started. Wow. Little did I know that all that other stuff had all been surface stuff. I mean God and I had done some work, but it hadn't really reach the deeper layers.

After becoming a mom 5 years ago to a beautiful daughter, I realized I didn't want her to be like me. I did not want her to find her identity in her looks or clothes... So, thus began the work of the Holy Spirit in this area of dress. I began to be burdened about not feeling and being feminine... Man is that a process. There was a time in my life when I really thought feminine meant showing your body. Well, I really couldn't have her doing that now could I. I knew enough to know she was going to grow up and dress like me, because I had grown up to dress just like my mom... So, first I started wearing more dresses and such... Then I stumbled upon "Above Rubies" and other websites that were taking this issue so much further. Then I picked up my bible and said ok what do you have to say about this?! Well, needless to say what I saw in the pages of God's word did not reflect the women in my church or any women I knew. In fact to the women in my church you would have to be one of those "other" denominations if you had long hair or wore longer skirts. Anyways, I'm getting off the subject I just really didn't have anyone to show me the way... Then the word Modest came in to my vocab... What exactly did that mean?! I mean I was trying really hard not to "show anything". Wow, now God is telling me not to draw attention to myself?! Well, I was more than willing to dress more feminine and even show less skin, and just be more mindful of my dress, all the while being very fashionable. I even thought to myself I can be an example of modesty and fashion at the same time... Thus exposing my MAIN problem VANITY. When I read I Peter 3 and 1 Tim 2 and I saw the words modesty, sobriety, and shamefacedness I knew that could not be good. Then he goes on to talk about accessories (I LOVE ACCESSORIES), and hair, costly array. That is just going to far... Then He goes on to say that we should adorn ourselves with Good works if we profess Godliness. OH MY GOODNESS. To tell the truth that is where I have been stuck for the last few months. Seeing the situation of my heart. That I after all this time still found my worth and value in looks and clothes. That I still do not see my worth in Christ alone. I just read a great article on "Jesus is my Pearl" blog that showed me alot of what I am writing now... Things I could not admit to myself. What will my family think? What will my husband think if I go all the way. This is my cross right now, because I can see that I am holding on to my identity instead of holding on to Christ...

Well, that's enough self-reflection for now... I have to sit and meditate on all of this and pray for God to change my heart and help me become obedient... But, one last thought, the more I have embraced God's ways the more free I feel. I know to some they will assume this is about legalism and all that, but really it's about finding my identity in Christ and being free from years of bondage...

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Well, I haven't been blogging in a while so there have been some changes in my life. Life is full and we are happy and healthy. Everyone is growing and changing.

My "baby" is now 16mos. old and doing the toddler thing. It's funny I never get tired of watching a little one learn about the world. It is so fascinating. He is nothing like the other two. He is fearless, outgoing, and FUNNY. I love watching all my children with each other... I guess it is a good thing that he is growing up, because we are expecting blessing #4 in May. We have 1 girl and 2 boys, so big sis is hoping for lil sis... It would be wonderful to have another little girl, but we will be happy with another rough-houser too.

My oldest is 5 and she started school this year. We decided through much prayer that home-school would be best for our family and it has been AWESOME. This I will have to document elsewhere, but I will say here that I love having her home with me. This is what I envisioned life should be like...

My middle is about to turn 4 and all of the sudden he has developed a real passion for football. That's all he thinks about. He tackles everybody, but mostly his little helpless brother. It's amazing how much they have all changed in a year. I love watching them all develop their own personalities, likes, and dislikes.

Well, that's enough for now I guess. I'm thankful for Family, love, and life... God is Good, Faithful, and True...

Monday, July 27, 2009

What I can do for You...

Is never really what I want to do for You (I mean me).

I don't have a lot of time... I have 3 small children and I'm trying to be a "helpmate" to my Honey... I often lament over not having the time to do anything "special" for the Lord. One day as I was mulling over the list of things I can't do for the Lord like:

I can't go downtown and feed the homeless. I can't write a book telling all my wisdom (tongue in cheek). I can't start (lead) a bible study. I can't go over seas and do missions. AND on and on this list could go.

The Lord spoke to my heart and said there are MANY things I CAN do FOR HIM that I overlook daily.

I have a niece who is a single mom with an 8mo. old that needs someone to watch Him for little to nothing. WWJD? I could make a few meals for the lady down the street who just had knee surgery. WWJD? I have a friend going through a divorce leaving no extra money who needs someone to watch her children when she goes to the Dr. WWJD? I KNOW this list could go forever because there are countless ways to show the Love of Christ, but the point is these are things that I don't want to do. They are things that take sacrifice and have little earthly reward. So, again I see the true state of my heart. Which is "deceitfully wicked above all things."

What the Lord wants us to do everyday is look for the people that need help (REAL HELP) and do something for them to show that He loves them and cares for them. Then we will be doing something "special" for Jesus.


I guess the biggest thing that I struggle with is my tongue... Proverbs says death and life are in the power of the tongue and as I have become a wife and mother I have seen the truth of this statement. I probably wouldn't have the time or space here for all the lessons God has tried to teach me through interactions with my children. There are times though when this space helps me meditate on something He has shown me, like a diary of sorts.

Today in my devotional I read Philippians 2:14-15 "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and HARMLESS, children of God without fault."
I am known as a person who says whats on my mind. In a past life this was considered a virtue. Now, it's really a curse in so many ways. One of my favorite passages about wives is I Peter 3:4 where it says that "a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price." Proverbs has a lot to say about the tongue but on of my favorites that applies to motherhood is Prov 31:26 " her tongue is the LAW of kindness." I used to say well that's just who I am, (God forbid) I would even say this is the way He made me, BUT I have since come to see how much of what we learn in scripture has to be applied to our lives with a very healthy dose of Self-control.

It's funny because I think about how much I try to be Christlike to people I barely know or pass by on the street all the while I treat my family terribly. I would never treat stranger the way I treat my children. Although they can sometimes bring out the absolute worst in us it was not intended to be that way. We are supposed to exhibit the attributes of Christ to our family first and then our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why is it that I treat them the worst could it be that I have misunderstood the teachings of my Savior?! Have I misunderstood what Good Works He was talking about. Am I focused on the outside acts or on God changing me from the inside.

Back to the verse I read today... I complain about everything, I whine and complain and then I wonder why my kids do the same thing. I'm so thankful for the word picture that God gives me through my children. I may never get it if it weren't for seeing my children and then seeing myself the way God must see me. I love them so much and I try so hard to do what is best for them, but they don't want whats best and they complain.

I could go on for a while, but I won't I will just work on not complaining and disputing. I will work on having self-control and not making excuses for myself. I will work on not expecting perfection from others and mediocre from myself. I will work on "Rejoicing always" and being thankful in all things. I want to be blameless and harmless (to my family especially), and it may take a lifetime, but I am going to work on it everyday.

Sunday, July 26, 2009


I'm so thankful to be home. I'm thankful for a husband who sees my purpose in being at home. Sometimes I take it for granted, but this last week has brought this thought to the forefront of my mind. There are reasons too numerous to count, but the one at the top of my list this week is being at home with sick kids... My youngest son who is one came down with a BAD case of Strep... Now I'm not saying that I love being at home with sick kids. It's actually about the worst thing ever, BUT when my children are sick all they want is Mommy. I can't imagine not being there to take care of them, to hold them, to soothe away the tears. Since this is my profession I don't have to worry about how long I'm home from work or losing income... All I have to do is take care of my children just the way I can remember wishing my working Mom could take care of me when I was sick... This hard week also makes me so much more thankful for the weeks that go by without trouble... I love being at home with my children. I love my husband and I love being there to support him. I love not missing anything about my kids growing up. I love watching them learn new things. I love being home everyday and I'm so thankful.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

"Behold the Lamb of God..."

Philippians 2

"Fulfill you my joy, that you be likeminded, having the same love, be in one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not everyman on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God thought it not robbery to be equal to God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in the fashion of a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in the earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue shall confess that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD, to the Glory of God the Father."

It's in my "human" nature to boast in all kinds of things. I boast about my awesome husband, my beautiful children, my charmed life. When I cook something halfway decent I boast about that. When I've lost a few pounds and my jeans are fitting pretty good I boast about that. It makes me feel good to boast about things going well in my life. And when things aren't going so well it's in my "human" nature to complain about that... When my kids are sick I complain, when my hair just won't do right, when I burnt the biscuits... you get the hint. But, lately God is showing how much my conversations are about "ME" and how very little they are about "Jesus".

God's word says The Spirit bears witness of Jesus.
When John was questioned about who he was he said "I was sent to bear witness of the Light."
John said "I must decrease and He must increase."
When John saw Jesus coming he said to the crowd "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world." Drawing the attention away from himself to Jesus.

Paul said "Yeah without a doubt, I count all thing loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ."

Lord, let me boast in you. Help me to be more like you so that when people see me they see you. Help me decrease so that you can increase."

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Why is it so easy???

To point fingers, place blame, forget our vows, and break the covenant we made with our spouse and God?

I have a friend who is going through a separation. Although I believe with all of my heart that God is going to intervene in this situation it makes me reflect on the tendency to throw away our marriages like so much trash. Where has our loyalty gone, where has our concern gone for our children? Why is it so easy to walk away?

Marriage is a Covenant (an oath, solemn contract made between God and man) whose terms are dictated by God.

Matthew 19:5-6 Jesus says "For this cause shall a man leave Father and Mother, and cleave (be joined) to His wife; and They two shall be one flesh. Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."

That verse should serve as a WARNING to people. Remember we made an oath to the Almighty "FOR BETTER OR WORSE". The terms specified and dictated by God. What this world says is okay behavior doesn't apply to His children. Why do we think God overlooks our sin and gives a get out of marriage free pass. We are fooling ourselves. And like so many other sins the consequences of divorce are devastating and undeniable.

Let me say this LOUD and CLEAR. I don't care how amicable your divorce is. I don't care what reason you give. Remember it takes two and because Jesus has forgiven me for EVERYTHING I too can forgive ANYTHING. I don't care how well-adjusted your children seem... There are ALWAYS consequences to Divorce. One study says that children who have had a parent die are much more emotionally healthy than the children of divorce. Believe me I know I am a adult child of Divorce.

Even if you don't believe in Divorce and you just have an attitude of unforgiveness and bitterness you are in sin. Jesus said if you go to give your gift at the alter and remember your brother has aught against you leave your gift and go make it right with your brother. We are so self-righteous. We need to go back and take a good look at the words of our Savior. He said they will know you're my disciples if you LOVE one another. No greater Love hath any man than that He lays down His life for His friends. We say we are Christ Followers, but we can't love and forgive our spouses. How dare we preach to the rest of the world... I know this sounds pretty harsh, but you can be sure that God showed me myself FIRST. My heart is deceitfully wicked above all else and I have a tendency to justify my sin and cling to the wrongs done to me. We have to get rid of our self-righteousness and learn how to LOVE. Because Christianity is not about Good works it's about LOVE.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Must Haves

It's been a wonderful week here in Texas. This is one of my favorite things about living here. You never know what the weather will be like. It has been sunny and 80 for the last 3 days. So, needless to say "we" have been outside as much as possible. Watching the kids play got me to thinking...

With all the gizmo's and gadgets out there you would think that kids aren't happy without a bunch of "stuff", BUT as I have seen this week there really aren't that many things you can't live without except:

1. Dirt or Sand
2. Water
3. Sunshine
4. Bubbles
5. Imagination
6. Plastic bowls and spoons for making mud pies...

These things are the things that can really bring joy to our kids. They have hours of fun with the most basic things. I love my kids they really put life into perspective. I know people who never go outside, never let their kids get dirty, and spend hundreds on games, movies, and toys. I think it's time to unplug and get dirty. Get some vitamin D. It's beginning to look alot like SPRING. Yeah!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Tribute to my Husband...

Valentines Day is fast approaching and I am anticipating the same questions I get every year. "What did you get or where did you go or what did you do for V-day."

Well, I really don't like V-day. I don't want my Honey to spend his time fretting over the ways He could show his love to me.

So, as I was thinking about all this an idea came to me. I want my Honey to know that one day a year means nothing, flowers are nice, but they die. Jewelry is beautiful, but really who can afford that right now. Chocolate goes straight to my hips. I want my Honey to know that there are a million ways He shows His love to me everyday...

1. He makes me laugh when I want to cry.
2. He still thinks I'm beautiful, even though I don't look like I did before the kids.
3. He talks to me about things that are weighing on His mind.
4. He loves our children.
5. He works hard EVERYDAY to provide for us.
6. He gives up things that He wants (money, boat, new clothes, etc...) for all of us.
7. He still kisses me like He did at the alter.
8. He cuts me a break when everything isn't done.
9. He orders Pizza sometimes just because.
10. He lets me sleep late or take a nap when I really need it.

These are just a few of the wonderful ways my Knight in Regular Clothes shows me everyday that He loves me. I couldn't imagine my life without His everyday kind of love.

Monday, February 9, 2009

It's me?!

When I was younger and people would ask "the question, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was always the same. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I wanted to make a home. It was something that I didn't have when I was young. My Mom was a working mom and she was always tired. It seemed to me that my brother and I were more of an accessory than a legacy. We moved alot due to not having any money. I never had the same friends or went to same schools for long. The only traditions we had were at Christmas and Thanksgiving. I know it sounds like I'm whining, but I'm not I'm just trying to give some background. I don't regret any of that, because it has made me the Wife and Mom I am today.

Anyway, as I grew older and making half-hearted efforts to pursue a degree and "career", people would ask what do you want to do? My answer was the same. I would tell them I'm just wasting time until I get married and start my family. I knew this is what I was supposed to do. Even though I didn't become a Christian until I was 19 I knew I was meant to be a mother with a house full of children. As the years went by people continued to ask because there was not even a marriage prospect around. I was 25, living at home with my parents, working for minimum wage waiting for prince charming. Even I could see how I looked to others. As if I had no drive or ambition, but I knew God would give me the desires of my heart. I had decided not to waste the money to go to school when there was nothing I really wanted to do. I know some would say how lazy or worthless, but I know better, I was staying true to my dreams. I remember even ladies in my church who said things like being a wife and mom were not enough, you needed something more to make you fulfilled. I was dismayed at such comments, but I just trusted the Lord. I prayed for my husband all the time and then one day it happened. I knew He was the one. I'm one of those silly romantics who really believe there's just one and that I have his rib. This year we will be celebrating Six years of marriage and so far we have 3 children under 5. I'm glad I didn't listen to all those people because I would've wasted alot of time and money since I'm making a home here for my family every day...

Although I knew that I was meant to have a large family my DH is another story. I believe that God is the opener and closer of the womb and I have always wanted to leave everything up to him. I want to receive every "blessing" He wants to give us. For my husband this has all been a long journey for him. I just prayed that the Lord would change his heart. Between our 2nd and 3rd He wanted us to use protection so I submitted to his authority and silently prayed for him. After a while I began to tell the Lord "I know you want this for us, why aren't you changing his heart."
I remember one day I was crying out in my prayer time and all of the sudden an answer came. It was a revelation about my husband and probably most men. God began to show me how I was the problem. It wasn't that my DH didn't want more children it was my attitude. Even though I was staying at home because I chose to, I was buying into the lies around me.

God began to show me that this is my profession, but I was treating it like a hobby. Only doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

I was always mad about something. Complaining about something the kids had done. The house was always a wreck. Proverbs talks about the "virtuous" woman. That word actually means able. Wow. I want to be seen as ABLE. Able to do all that God has called me to do. If I had been my own employee then I definitely would have fired me or at the very least not given me any more work. The bible says that when you faithful with little you will be given more. No wonder my DH didn't want anymore children. I was not faithful with the little I had already. I was always looking at life only seeing how everything affected me. I was so me focused and it was turning my husband off.

After that I started paying attention to my attitude about everything. I don't want to be the reason we miss out on "blessings". I began to do my best instead of just getting by. I quit listening to excuses about having 2 small children. I quit bemoaning lack of sleep and no me time. I quit holding back and I jumped in to full time giving to my family and it has made a HUGE difference in our life. I started to see just how much Power I have, whether I use it for good or bad is up to me. I quit listening to the lies of this world. I have also been praying for contentment. I know that another reason that my DH doesn't want more children right now is money. We have a 3 bedroom house with 3 kids. I have no problem with kids sharing rooms, but DH is another story. In the last few years I have learned how to be much more frugal with our $. I have learned to be thankful and content with what my DH provides for us. I believe that if we as women will be content and affirm our husbands they will not work themselves to death to try to keep up with everyone around them. I have seen a big difference in my husband since I just let go of my vision of the "American Dream" and just starting loving my life.

I don't want "IT" to be me anymore. I want to be found faithful. Thank you, Lord for showing me me!!!

Friday, January 30, 2009

The Big Sin...

I took my 7mo. old to the Dr. today because He is sick... That goes without saying right?! Not anymore. Maybe I'm the only one, but I usually only take my kids to the DR. when they are sick. We have good insurance so that's not why. I'm just old-fashioned I guess.

Anyway, I'm sitting there with the Dr. telling her my sons symptoms when she looks up from her chart and says "Do you realize I haven't seen him for a check-up?" To which I reply yes I do. She then looks down again and Oh No here it comes, She realizes I'm the "ONE" who doesn't give my kids shots. Wow, I'm in serious trouble now. So, for the hundredth time (seriously) since I became a mother 4 1/2 yrs ago I have to hear a Dr. tell me about immunizations. I left one Dr. already because she just wouldn't stop nagging me about it. I have made up my mind. You don't have to agree with me, but last I checked it is still my choice. I feel like someone is going to call CPS on me every time I go to the DR. This is getting CRAZY... And as for the checkups. I know how He is growing. He is my third I know what developments to look for. If there were a problem I would not hesitate to get him the best care possible, BUT if it ain't broke don't fix it!!!

What do poor people do, what do people do who have 10 kids? I know they can't be taking their kids to the Dr. every time they turn around. What about all of us who grew up never going to the Dr. unless you were dying or something was broken??? I know alot of people disagree with me, but they are MY children, MY choices, and I "thought" my freedom! When they pass a law which I'm sure they will because REALLY it's ALL about $$$ anyway, and I have no choice I will do what they tell me too. But, for now I'm not giving my kids shots for illnesses they don't have and may never have. I will put my hope, trust, and faith in JEHOVAH RAPHA because He is the ONE WHO HEALS.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Feeling Peculiar...

Titus 2:11-14 "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Savior Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."

It's one thing to feel peculiar in this world, that's to be expected. Things like modesty, un-family planning, submission to husbands all seem crazy to the world. Putting others first including your family is a mortal sin in this humanistic society. The notion that God is the opener and closer of the womb is barbaric. The idea that ALL life is precious and worthy of our time, energy, and effort is outdated. Picking up your cross, bearing others burdens, sacrifice, service all these commands ignored. We live in a world that says You are your own boss (god). My will be done. My pleasure is the most important thing. My life is about me. I'm gonna get all I can and step on anyone who gets in my way even if it's my spouse, children, or elderly parents. There is no denying the world we live in lives by these very same values. That's nothing new, but what really makes me sad is that as "christians" we have bought into all of this. We no longer follow Christ's example. We've become the like the world. The salt has lost it's flavor. It's sad, but there are few that would follow the whole council. There are a remnant of women sold out to the call of God. I feel a kidred spirit with so many online. I know God is calling us to raise a generation of Peculiar people to bring Honor and Glory to His Name. May we be found worthy. Thank you for sharing your lives with people like me who feel alone even in church. You give me the courage to continue searching for Truth.