Thursday, December 3, 2009

being real

I usually try to stay positive when writing on here or facebook. I just want to point to God and His faithfulness, but today I'm gonna share a weakness.

I think we have 3 pretty good kids, BUT they are certainly not perfect! Not that anybody is. I just want them to love Jesus and follow him with their whole hearts. I have known since before they were born that I was inadequate for this job, but God would lead us along the way. My weakness is thinking that wisdom to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in just given. I read my bible on a regular basis. I try to lead them in righteousness. We're home-schooling for many reason, but mainly to keep them from the bad influence and lies of this world. BUT, with all of that said... they are humans with strong wills and sin natures. I need more than all the 12 step programs or time out or spanking... I need wisdom. I have to spend time in prayer for all my children and pray for direction for each one of them individually. I have to "train them in the way they should go" with much prayer... I can not be lazy about this area of my life.

Today I was feeling so defeated. Every time I turned around my oldest a girl was being sassy and I had "tried" everything to let her know that this wasn't going to be tolerated. I had to discipline her because she just kept talking back. Afterwards as I was holding her in my arms I began to pray quietly because I didn't know what to do at this point. I felt like I had talked her out... As I was praying I told the Lord that I just wanted to raise them for His glory and I just didn't seem to have a clue how to do that. I was praying for wisdom for her and asking for her heart to be devoted to him. I was begging him not to allow myself or my husband to ruin these children that He had placed in our care... "What do I need to do?" I cried. As always my faithful loving Father answered my sincere plea. He showed me how very little time she has had exclusively with us since her brothers have been born. How she needs that time with mom and dad. How she is crying out for attention and we had better answer that cry before it is too late. I made plans immediately for the boys to go to gma's by themselves and we're taking her to have some alone time tonight. I'm sooooooooo thankful that when I desperately need an answer my Father will always give me the right one. I need to be more diligent to pray for his light to guide me daily while I'm on this journey. I just love my God for being so faithful to allow me to get uncomfortable so that I will begin to seek Him. God is so Good.

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