tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5621667629974536342024-03-05T03:31:51.569-06:00His Truth Endureshistruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.comBlogger262125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-84099220295018274862023-11-05T15:35:00.000-06:002023-11-05T15:35:06.445-06:00You've changed<p> It's a subtle thing that I don't think people even realize they are doing but it's always there, that look in their eyes and the constant silent question... "What happened to you?" </p><p>What happened to the woman who would loudly proclaim God's promises? What happened to the teacher? What happened to your joy and your faith in God? Why are your eyes always sad? </p><p>Just like seeing me reminds people that I've changed, seeing them reminds me of the same. Seeing people who know the woman that I once was or maybe who is just buried is painful and heartbreaking. People remind me of a time when I was FULL of hope, expectation and certainty that I could make it through anything with just a mustard seed of faith. </p><p>They remind me of a time when faith in God was effortless and easy. They remind of before... </p><p>You know those moments that divide history. Moments so sudden and tragic that your life is now divided into before the tragedy and after. I know you do. Life happens to us all. Universally a lot of life has happened to all of us in the last 4 years. We've all changed. We all take life more seriously. We all count our blessings more. We all try to focus on the good things in our lives a little bit more, but I know there is a universal feeling of being changed in deep and meaningful ways. </p><p>Today as I encountered this experience once again, I thought about Naomi. The Naomi who followed her husband and two sons to a foreign land to find food during a famine was not the same Naomi who showed up at the gates of Bethlehem years later. Naomi who had lost her husband and two sons during that time returned to her hometown a very different woman. </p><p>When the people came out to greet her, they were expecting to see the same sweet Naomi she had once been, but they encountered a bitter broken version of her who confessed, "I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The LORD had afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune on me." </p><p>At first glance it looks like Naomi has lost all faith in God. It looks like Naomi has given up hope and maybe even allowed her bitterness to destroy her relationship with God, but the truth is Naomi knew that God alone was her help and hope. </p><p>Naomi's faith that God had not forsaken her is what drove her to head back home when she heard the Lord had visited the land. She may have been bitter, but she knew where help came from. She may not have danced into the gates of Bethlehem with bells on and shouts of praise, but with clinging fingers she held on to the hem of the Almighty's robes and expected to find help in God. </p><p>Even though Naomi knew who had allowed the bitter things into her life she didn't walk away from God she clung to him. </p><p>Here's the thing... sometimes life is really hard, and it can change you. Grief doesn't have an expiration date. We NEVER know what is going on people's lives even when we think we do. We don't know all that goes on behind the scenes of a person's life. Life can sometimes be bitter and painful. </p><p>The truth is I have changed, but GOD has not. The truth is my heart hurts still, but my faith is stronger than ever, because it's not in anything else, BUT GOD now. The truth is I'm not the woman I used to be, but HE is the same yesterday, today and forever. The truth is my family experienced a season of tragedy that rocked our world, but not our faith. The truth is there are constant reminders in my life of a time when two people filled our lives with so much love and laughter and now they are gone and that has changed me. </p><p>The good news is the story didn't end for Naomi there... You can find her story in the book of Ruth. It's a beautiful story of God's faithful love and restoration. Naomi's story gives me hope and reminds me that seasons of our lives don't define us and bitter winters are always overtaken by the glorious beauty of spring. </p><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-58197346093272988162023-10-18T12:02:00.002-05:002023-10-18T18:38:01.177-05:00Queen of Quitting<p> I have been known to quit a few things in my life. I quit dieting, I quit exercising, I quit blogging, I just quit, especially anything remotely good for me. </p><p>This morning as I was thinking about starting all the good things again, I had this thought... WHY? and the very next thought I had is you are "the queen of quitting". Immediately all the other reasons I shouldn't start over today came flooding back in. The negative self-talk that has become my Identity started telling me who "I am" again and why I don't deserve to start again. </p><p>Since I'm working on changing my mindset and shutting down the negative soundtrack that I have in my head all day, I plugged my headphones in, turned on my favorite "mindset" podcast and started cleaning my kitchen. I'm learning that taking some kind of action helps quiet the worst voices in my head and I know that a clean kitchen always makes me happy, especially when someone else does it... wah wah. </p><p>Wouldn't you know today's topic was all about IDENTITY. Personality, who we think we are. Identity or the story we have told ourselves about who we are is the determining factor of the things we do. The things we do then become the person we think ourselves to be. AND the loop goes on and on and on for years until we start to believe that we will always be that person. I know you've heard people say "well, that's just the way I am" and what they mean by that is they can never change. So, like me when I called myself the "queen of quitting" I believe myself to be someone who always gives up... so why even start again.</p><p>As the hosts were discussing this idea of identity this quote hit me and honestly gave me so much hope for myself and maybe even a little forgiveness for the person I have been, and I pray that it has the same effect on anyone reading this post. </p><p>"YOU are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago." Alan Watts</p><p>That is such a powerful statement.... It doesn't matter what you did yesterday, because it's gone. It doesn't matter what runs in your family, or what behaviors you have done in the past to give you the identity you have today. </p><p>Because the sun came up today, we know we can have God's mercy for all the days before. Because you have air in your lungs today you have been given a new opportunity to become the person YOU know in your heart you can be. Because God said old things have passed away you know today can be a fresh start for you. </p><p>What we do becomes the identity that we tell ourselves that we are. The amazing thing about that is we can change what we DO and become the person that we desire to be. We can literally change the story that we tell ourselves about who we are. </p><p>I have a lot of old stories on feedback loop that continue to sabotage the person I want to be, but I CAN flip the script.</p><p>Another really important aspect of this is remembering your WHY... So, for me, I want to get healthy. WHY??? Because I want to be able to enjoy my future grandchildren. I want to be able to play with them and have abundant energy. I want to enjoy my life and not miss out on things because of poor health. My WHY is health for the future so my choices today MATTER. In the moment I may be in my feelings and want to eat total trash... but, I need to remember my WHY. When I start to make healthier choices, my mind begins to "identify" me as a healthy person. Healthy becomes my identity. When health is my identity, I will naturally make choices that confirm that identity.</p><p>Another example of this for me is... I LOVE this blog. I feel very passionate about sharing things that God is showing me and I LOVE sharing those things with people who might need to hear what God showed me that day. Maybe someone out there will be helped in that moment. Maybe they will be reminded of God's unconditional love for them. Or maybe someone out there also suffers from some of the same things I do and maybe they will feel a little less alone. </p><p>Even though I LOVE this blog... I also HATE it. I hate the way it makes me feel about myself sometimes, so I have quit blogging a thousand times. I started a long time ago with this thought in my mind "I am not a writer" but I do love to share. So, with that identity firmly placed in my mind that I am a counterfeit writer I have started and stopped so many times. I criticize myself and imagine there are phantom critics out there who also think "wow she sucks at this" and then I quit again. </p><p>When those thoughts come in and that fear of failure or rejection comes in it's vital to remember "my why". I'm not doing this to for approval, I'm not doing it for likes, I AM doing this because I want to share God's faithfulness with someone who could use a reminder today.</p><p>The stories we tell ourselves matter and they are creating the life that we are living right now... The good news is you can change the story and you can change your life. You can become the person you know you want to be. You can start right this moment... "WE are under no obligation to be the person we were 5 minutes ago." Today, I decide to change my identity from the "Queen of Quitting" to "Queen of creating the life I want".</p><p>Most important of all is who we are and who's we are... </p><p>We are blessed. We are chosen. We are adopted. We are accepted. We are redeemed. We are forgiven. We are LOVED by a GREAT GOD, who sent His own son to give his life for us. Ephesians 1 tells who we are IN CHRIST and because of that we have every reason to LIVE like we are the people God says we are and in the LOVE that he has lavished on us!!!</p><p> </p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-45485453314341113592023-10-16T15:13:00.000-05:002023-10-16T15:13:07.229-05:00Don't be a donkey<p> One of the joys of homeschooling is reading with your children. There have been times during times of mourning that hearing my little ones read the Bible was the healing balm to my soul. Other times what we read that day would be like a slap across the face. Take our little story today...</p><p>"A donkey having heard some grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded to know what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, "The dew." The Donkey resolved that he would live only on the dew, and in a short time died of hunger." Aesop's Fables</p><p>Comparison is the thief of joy. </p><p>What kind of donkey do you have to be to spend all your time and energy comparing yourself to others? </p><p>I've struggled with this for GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW LONG... It makes me crazy. At least I catch it now more than I used to, and I can talk myself out of it sometimes, but comparison steals my joy all too often. </p><p>I have a great life that I love very much with many blessings I could count all day every day, but what do I do instead? I ruminate on a single aspect in my life that has been a struggle FOREVER. I tell myself if I had "that" I would be happy. My life would be complete. </p><p>As women maybe we are prone to do this more and with social media we only ever see the good side of a person's life so it's easy to compare someone else's life with ours and think they have something we need. </p><p>Could be looks, money, marriage, it could be cars, houses, clothes. It could be friend groups or careers. But it's a lie to think that someone out there in the world HAS IT ALL. Everyone has some wonderful blessings in their lives, and everyone has some serious hardships and struggles. </p><p>You could look at a person's life that you admire and think "wow, they have the best life" because her IG shows the part of her life that she's proud of, but what it doesn't show you is the parts that hurt, the parts that keep her on her knees. However, they are there and at the end of the day I know that we would all choose the life that we are living and have been given. So, maybe at the start of the day we should set our intentions that we are going to be grateful for our whole life, the good and the bad. </p><p>Instead of being like the donkey and starving to death wanting someone else's gifts, we should recognize our own. </p><p>The best way to overcome this disease of comparison is to be extravagantly grateful for what we have been given. Starting with the simple, yet vital things like air in our lungs, a body that can experience this world and just keep going from there. The simpler your gratitude starts the greater the blessings that you have to praise God for. </p><p>God created the grasshoppers and the donkey each with their own purpose. He didn't make them the same. He didn't give them the same purpose, but they were both created to bring HIM glory in their own ways. </p><p>Remember the Apostle Paul's words to the Philippian church, as he himself was sitting in prison... "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is commendable, if there be any excellence, IF THERE IS ANYTHING WORTHY OF PRAISE, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS." Phil. 4:8</p><p>There is always a reason to PRAISE. As long as we are alive and breathing, we have a reason to praise the LORD. If praise is in our lips nothing else can come out. When we practice an attitude of praise and thanksgiving life has a whole new outlook. </p><p>Life is already too short.. don't be like the donkey and starve yourself of the simple joy of living a contented, grateful life. </p><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-79187883378938474122023-10-06T11:24:00.004-05:002023-10-06T12:43:01.122-05:00Beauty from Ashes<p> Well, I'm coming out with a bang. I'm going to talk about something we are never supposed to talk about, but I know that there are people out there like me and I'm sure this will bringing a little bit of healing and peace to those people... The group of people I'm talking about are the "adult children of divorce".</p><p>This post is dedicated to the man who has had to deal with the consequences and affects that my parents' divorce has had on me. It's also dedicated to my children who have also dealt with my insecurities over the years. </p><p>First of all, I want to say even though I was only 10 when my parents decided to end their marriage, I knew WHY they were, and I understood. Even at the time I remember thinking it was probably for the best. It was a difficult time for everyone involved so I am in NO way shaming anyone. </p><p>Secondly, I want to say that my parents' remarriages brought whole new families into my life that I adore, especially important to me are 5 of my siblings that I do not ever want to think about living without. Both of my parents found new loves that have been lasting lifelong partners, best friends and amazing stepparents to myself and my brother. </p><p>If there was ever a best-case scenario, I think my brother and I had that. We love our families (all of them) more than anything. </p><p>With all that being said I have a little story to tell. The details don't matter because one thing I've learned is you can have a best-case scenario and still have consequences that need to be talked about. </p><p>The night before our wedding my future husband and I were walking from the chapel to the rehearsal dinner and of all the things two hopeful young people who were about to get married could be doing.. we were fighting. I was upset about who knows what and he was dumbfounded. What in the world could have turned his future bride into this ranting woman beside him? I remember him stopping me in my tracks and demanding to know what was really going on. </p><p>In that moment I just yelled out "why are we even doing this, it will never last?"<br /></p><p>Boy did that catch him off guard. I could tell by the look on his face this thought had NEVER occurred to him. I could tell by his words that what I had just said was like some kind of foreign language he couldn't understand. </p><p>What I know now was that he couldn't imagine anything other than us spending the rest of our lives together and that belief was the solid truth that was leading him to that altar. What I didn't know at the time was because he had grown up in family that had stayed together through the good times and the bad, he didn't' even consider there was an alternative.</p><p>What I also didn't know was that was the beginning of me using my insecurities as a weapon against his unconditional love. </p><p>And what he didn't know was that God had selected him specifically to help heal the broken insecure places in my soul. He didn't know that he was getting a runner who didn't have clue how to solve conflict. He didn't know that he was getting someone who had to be talked off the ledge on a regular basis. </p><p>He also didn't know that when we hit a rough spot after 19 years of marriage that all of that stuff was going to come up and threaten to destroy everything we had built together. He didn't understand that and neither did I.</p><p>For a season we couldn't figure out how to fix what had gotten broken. Life had hit us hard a couple times and we were struggling to find our way to each other in the midst of these storms. We were both feeling broken, alone and confused. What had happened? How had we gotten here? More importantly how do we get back? </p><p>As I said in my "I'm back" post yesterday... God had been so faithful to me and in this season it's more evident than ever. As my husband and I started trying to find our way back to wedded bliss our Heavenly Father faithfully dropped a book into our lives that has changed everything. We started reading the book together and applying the principles we were learning about, and our marriage began to transform. The love, affection and devotion all came flooding back in. But one thing we knew for sure is we had to figure why it had derailed in the first and so that it would never happen again. </p><p>Since this post is about me... that's all I'm going to focus on.. the one big thing that God has revealed to me that is helping me better communicate to my husband what is wrong and what I need.</p><p>One night as Bobby was reading the chapter about solving conflicts in a healthy way there was a section that hit me and immediately answered so many of my internal questions. The author had taken a little detour while talking about conflict with special section about "children of divorce". He quoted from a book called, "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" and what it had to say was a HUGE lightbulb moment for me. </p><p>"<i>Because children of divorce don't know how to negotiate conflict well, many <b>reach for the worst possible solutions when trouble strikes. </b>For example, some will sit on their feelings, not mentioning complaints or differences until their suppressed anger blows sky high. Others burst into tears and are immobilized or retreat into themselves or the next room and close the door. But the most common tendency is to run away at the first serious disagreement and <b>wrestle with unconscious demons. This is because from the perspective of a child of divorce ANY argument can be the first step in an inevitable chain of conflict that will destroy the marriage."</b></i></p><p>That may not be everyone who experienced their parents' divorce, but I know after 20 years of a beautiful stable marriage to the most reliable and stable person I know, that's my reality. </p><p>I have lived with the thought of impending doom forever. No matter how good my life has been there has always been this thought in the back of my mind that it won't last. I have held back so much of myself so that I would have enough of me left if he ever decided one day that he had had enough. I have struggled to feel secure in my husband's love and sometimes even with my children. I have struggled to suppress thoughts that one day everyone is going to leave, and I will be alone. </p><p>That night while Bobby was still reading, I ordered the book that had been quoted off of Amazon and started reading it as soon as it arrived on my doorstep. I made it through one page, and I was already bawling... so much of my crazy way of thinking was starting to make perfect sense. So many of my "unconscious demons" were exposed and I started to see my life and my marriage through a clearer lense. </p><p>And within the first few pages I realized exactly WHY GOD had gifted me with my husband and his specific characteristics and attributes. God had been using him to show me the unfailing, unconditional love of God. He was showing me that no matter how far I go he's going to find me and bring back to him. He's been showing me what forever looks like all this time. He's showing me what "<span>I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU" looks like. </span></p><p>For the first time since that night before our wedding I am completely secure in this forever love. I'm confident in my husband's love and more importantly in God's love. </p><p>In the beginning of Jimmy Evans book "The Four Laws of Love" he makes the profound statement our spouses are given to us by God to heal of us of things in our past and with all the work that Bobby and I have put into our marriage in the last few months I can say with complete confidence that for us nothing could be truer. </p><p>So, because of God's incredible faithfulness I can joyfully say cheers to the next hundred years. Let NOTHING but death separate You and Me baby!!!!!</p><p>There is so much more to be said about this subject, but I definitely can't say it better than the two books I have mentioned so if this post resonates with you in ANY way you should look into reading them. </p><p>God promises in the book of James to give wisdom liberally to anyone who asks for it... so if you are struggling with any of the issues that came up in this post pray for wisdom and God is faithful to supply it. </p><p>I also want to leave everyone with the thought that no matter where you find yourself on the spectrum of divorce whether you have been in it or you were the child whose parents divorced, or your marriage is struggling right now... God brings beauty out of ashes, and He redeems and restores every single thing that we go through for His glory if and when we allow Him to move and work in our situations so take heart in knowing that His mercy is new every morning and His faithful love endures forever. </p><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-26451688483072767482023-10-05T22:32:00.000-05:002023-10-05T22:32:09.198-05:00I'm backkkkkkkkk...<p> So, I have been thinking about this for a while. Starting my blog back is super, well a lot of things, but it's so hard for me, but also, I love sharing my thoughts with the world, but I scrutinize every single thing I say and do until I'm paralyzed with fear. I know my grammar is imperfect and my commas are misplaced, sometimes, my sentences tend to run on and on (like this one) but really at the end of the day none of those things matter. I have words in my soul that won't be contained and a few people who have asked me to (get over myself) so this is me getting over myself. </p><p>So, to all my sweet encouragers keep your eyes open for future posts. For friends who I've made over the last couple years this is my blog about how God has been faithful to me over the years, in spite of my constant wandering. There is really no telling what you will find when you look back at posts from years ago, but I hope one thing you will see is that God is good, and He has been faithful to me. </p><p>I have a million drafts that I have spent countless hours pondering over and IF ever any one single thing I wrote had the power to encourage someone about God's love and faithfulness then shame on me for not sharing it. So, with all the fear that comes with exposing myself I'm taking the leap back into the world of blogging and I pray that you find something among these words that brings you hope or peace or courage to keep going no matter what, because Jesus is worth it all. </p><p> </p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-72713546129230690342021-09-27T13:28:00.002-05:002021-09-27T13:28:59.173-05:00Don't Shrink<p>You were made to SHINE. Seriously, you were made to shine. You were made in the image of the Creator of the Universe, who shines so brightly, that the Bible says in heaven we won't even need the sun. You were fearfully and wonderfully made by the Divine glorious Creator of everything beautiful. You were made to bring GLORY to GOD. You were made to be an image bearer of the most glorious, incomprehensible beauty... so let me ask you this??? Why aren't YOU? </p><p>Why aren't you running wild in your beauty and gifts? Why am I not living in the glory I was created to live in? When did we stop? Why did we stop? More importantly, who are we hurting by NOT living up to our fullest potential? When did we give up on our hopes and dreams? When did we lose our passion?</p><p>I can tell you when I lost mine... There was this moment in my life that I was on top of the world. I was doing the thing I was made to do and I was loving it. I LOVE to teach. I LOVE women's bible studies. I LOVE to motivate women to love Jesus with all of their hearts and encourage them to trust Him completely and some people say I'm pretty good at it. It's the burning passion in my soul. It's the thing that lights me up inside and something I know I was made to do. Anyway, I was really doing my "thang" and in the groove, running my race and it felt AMAZING, but just when it was really feeling good and I was hitting my stride, I made fatal mistake... I looked around. </p><p>I looked around at the other runners and I started comparing myself to them. "She's better than me, she's smarter, she's funnier, she had a degree, she this, she that". Then I looked at the people in the stands and heard the remarks from the people on the sidelines and that sealed my fate. I stumbled, lost my confidence and took a fall and I stayed there. Limping off the track I began to tell myself I'm just not good enough. Eventually, I gave up on all the things I loved, because of some phantom voice, who told me I wasn't good enough. </p><p>Forget the fact that I was made for this. The burning in my soul that compels me to do this thing tells me I was made for this. My love for women tells me I was made for this. My passion for yelling on the roof tops anything I am learning about God, love and life, all drive me to do this thing. The only thing that mattered was this belief that I latched onto and it began to control my life. Eventually, I kind of just gave up on me. The belief that I wasn't good enough saturated into every area of my life. My thoughts became a constant rumination of all that I'm not.</p><p>Recently, I've learned this concept that I will call "the mirror" and it goes like this... people are a mirror for us. In other people we are able to see things that reflect back to us about ourselves. Some things are good and some things that we would do well to work on. Sometimes, we may see things we envy and that clues us into the fact that we are not living up to our potential in that are of our lives. Other times, we may see things that motivate or challenge us to strive to reach our goals. We can be inspired by others if we allow the mirror to have it's desired effect. </p><p>Lately, I have see the mirror effect in two of my sons... they are both gifted athletes (that's not the mirror part) 😉 and I can say that because their physical abilities didn't come from me. They have both been told on numerous occasions, they have been blessed with athletic ability and they have potential to go far on the field. When they were younger they both shined on the field, but somewhere along the way as they have gotten older and more aware of "other people" the light has dimmed a little in their eyes. I can tell they are starting to believe that little lie of "not enough". I can see it when they come off the field feeling like they could have done better. I can tell they have lost confidence and don't believe in themselves as much as they used to. It's hard to watch because I know the potential that each one of them has. </p><p>It's also sad because losing confidence isn't just about them... Football is a team sport and when anyone on the team isn't playing their position to the fullest potential, it effects the whole team. There are 10 other players on that field that need them to play at their best. When everyone is playing their position to the best of their (GOD-given) ability's YOU WIN GAMES. </p><p>It's the same in this life that we are living for Jesus... we are in this together and when everyone is walking in their gifts and calling... GOD IS GLORIFIED! We are made to bring GLORY to GOD. When the sun does what it was made to do it brings glory to GOD. When the moon does what it was created to do, it brings glory to GOD. When we do what we were made to do and we do it with all of our hearts, as unto the LORD, we bring Him glory. When we are do it together we win games.</p><p>Thinking about this reminded me of the story of David and Goliath. For 40 days the army of Israel lined up on one side of a valley, dressed in battle gear and shaking in their sandals, wondering who would fight the giant. Forty days in a row they got up, lined up in battle formation and did nothing. Every man from the King to the armor-bearer was paralyzed by fear. Until David, a teenage shepherd, showed up to check on his brothers. </p><p>David was stunned by what He saw... The army of the LIVING GOD was standing there being mocked and insulted by a Philistine barbarian. You know the story so I won't rehash it here, but the part I want to concentrate on is what happens after David steps up and slays the giant.</p><p>"David ran and stood over him. He took hold of the Philistine's sword and drew it from the sheath. After he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword. When the Philistines saw that their hero was dead they turned and ran. THEN THE MEN OF JUDAH SURGED FORWARD WITH A SHOUT AND PURSUED THE PHILISTINES TO THE ENTRANCE OF GATH AND TO THE GATES OF EKRON." </p><p>When David believed God, he didn't doubt himself. When David believed God, he didn't fear the giant. When David believed God it didn't matter what his brothers or the king said... When David believed God he knew that all things were possible. If all things were possible then that meant God could use a shepherd boy to slay a mighty giant. And when David believed God, he inspired a whole nation of men to believe God too. He inspired them to get in the fight and defeat their enemies. He inspired them to live a life of purpose for the GLORY OF GOD. He inspired them to walk in the promises that they had been given. </p><p>The same goes for you... When you believe God and you walk in the purpose and passions that God has placed your heart you will inspire others to do the same. You will inspire people to fight their battles and defeat their enemies. When you shine, other people shine. </p><p>"And WHATEVER you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the LORD Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17</p><p>"WHATEVER you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the LORD and not for man..." Colossians 3:23</p><p>So here's my question for you... in what area are you shrinking? Where are you not reaching your full potential? Why? What thoughts and beliefs are keeping you from being and doing all that you were created to do? And lastly... who could you inspire if you decided to go all in and overcoming your self-imposed limitations??? </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-34106509495880895652021-08-10T10:28:00.000-05:002021-08-10T10:28:23.791-05:00Breaking up is hard to do<p>That's it I'm so done. I am so over this toxic abusive relationship. When you are done you just feel it in your bones. You know the feeling... when you're just so sick and tired of the never ending cycle of abuse and you just know you have to walk away. Well, that's where I am. I'm done.</p><p>I'm so sick of calling her and her being emotionally unavailable. I'm sick of her judgement and condemnation. She is the one person I can always rely on to tell me just how stupid I am. Like clockwork I always turn to her for comfort and she spews out her toxic abuse. </p><p>Is it really too hard for her to offer a kind word or a little hope? Is it so hard to give some compassion when I need it most? What is wrong with this person who is supposed to be my friend? </p><p>What hurts the most is I hear her talk to other people all the time and she's not like this with them. She tries to encourage other people and offer them hope, but ME, nothing. She is so vile and mean to me that I just run away in shame. It's hard to even look at myself through her eyes. Am I really so horrible? Is there really NOTHING to love? Does she really NOT see anything of worth and value in me? </p><p>But, today I'm done. I'm done listening to the toxic spew and the hatred. Yesterday was the last straw. You will not believe what she did and how she acted...</p><p>I was in such a great place emotionally, I was so proud of the work I had been doing to deal with old junk and to get rid of stuff in my life that wasn't working for me. I had decided that I was going to do the best I could do in every single situation and I was going to be proud of me. I know perfection is not attainable, but I knew I could be better. In fact, I had really let myself go in the last year. </p><p>I had gained a lot of weight and gotten really lazy. I took a good hard look at my life and I did NOT like what I was seeing. So, I asked myself, "Angela, what in the world is your problem, this is NOT who you want to be." With the weight that I had gained there was a constant feeling of hiding... I didn't want anyone to see me. I didn't feel good about myself and my clothes were too tight. But weight was just a symptom of something so much deeper... What was it? Well, that's a whole other post, but the bottom line is I was FULL to the brim of shame and self-hatred.</p><p>So, I decided to start small and love myself with tiny steps. I couldn't do one thing about where I had been. The past was the past and it was gone, but I could deal with today and I could take the step right in front of me. That step seemed to be to love me. I mean if God could love me, surely I could love me better than I had been.</p><p>So, I did some things. A lot of things. I got rid of some things and I gave myself some things I knew would help. I took baby steps and I started small. I read some books and I opened up my head and heart to receive God's love because I knew He was the source. I started rejecting old ideas that I had and I started embracing some news ones... and I started to really feel myself for the first time in a very lonnnnnngggggg time, so long in fact, that I can't remember a time when I liked me. </p><p>But, here I am starting to feel a spark of self-love... One thing that helped me was saying to myself... "Talk to yourself the way you would talk to other people." Be kind to Angela too. My goal has been to fill up on love so that I can overflow it onto the people around me, because LOVE FEELS GOOD. My kids want love, my husband wants love, my friends want love... love is patient and kind, love is full of joy and peace... love is good. God is love. So, that's where I started, I just started loving me a little at a time.</p><p>I've read in my books that sometimes when you start doing this you start distancing yourself from the negativity in your life and sometimes that means people. So, I can't say that I'm shocked that this particular friend would have to be evicted from my life. She's rude and mean and cruel and nothing ever makes her happy. </p><p>You won't believe what she did just yesterday... I was in such a good happy place, almost in a bubble when I did something that snapped me back down to earth. I was sitting at a red light and there were 2 cars in front of me and I didn't want to wait for the light to turn green. Next door to me was a gas station so I decided to cut through, I was only a minute from my destination, why wait huh? Well, I pulled right out of line and into the parking lot of the gas station and immediately hit a big curb... actually it was square so I hit two of them. As soon as the car bumped back down to the parking lot I hear a hissssss and you guessed it, two busted tires. </p><p>OH MY GOODNESS all the feels came back like a flood. I was embarrassed and ashamed and I wanted to hide. I just wanted to melt away right there and just not deal. I knew instinctively that I had done more damage than just the tires and all I could think about was the unnecessary expense that I had just caused and I went into self-destruction mode. </p><p>But...it was an accident. My little boy had just had an accident on the 4 wheeler the day before and I had offered him love and compassion and understanding. I had said, "Everybody makes mistakes, don't beat yourself up." So, remembering that conversation I said the same things to myself, because I had made a promise to talk to myself the way I talk to other people.</p><p>The embarrassment started to fade and I took action to deal with the situation at hand and I started to feel better. But then I decided to do something unwise... I called my friend hoping to connect with someone and ease my feelings of shame and humiliation over a shared human experience "that people make mistakes and it's going to be ok." </p><p>That is NOT what I got. It was the same old thing... How stupid. What is wrong with you? Why can't you ever do anything right? Look at you causing your family all this money. It was just an endless barrage of hate and condemnation. </p><p>I was so sad and I was already beating myself up, why couldn't my friend be kind to me and understand how bad I was feeling? Why couldn't she offer me some love? </p><p>I just realized in that moment that she wasn't going forward with me in my journey. She had served her purpose, but it was time to let her go and walk away. She was a part of a past that I didn't want to stay in. So, I let her know it's over. We are done. I told her that we just weren't compatible any more and I needed some distance. </p><p>You know what she did? She listened to what I said. She heard my heart and what I was trying to say and she said, "Angela, I want to be a better friend to you." </p><p>I really want to believe her, so I'm going to give her the grace that I would want to receive. Maybe she just needs a little time. I know that she's able to be a good friend... I've seen her be a good friend to other people. </p><p>Yes today is a new day and since God's mercy is new, I guess my mercy can be too. </p><p>So, Angela I forgive you for not being a friend to me. I forgive you for hurting me and calling me stupid. I forgive you for never offering me compassion and love. I forgive you for expecting me to be perfect and for judging me. I forgive you for a million different slights over the years and I agree that together we will work towards healing. Thank you, Angela, for showing me who I want to be and who I don't want to be. Angela, you know I've always loved you, I just didn't know how. </p><p><br /></p><p>I hope this post resonates with you. There are so many women out there just absolutely hating themselves and living in a guilt shame cycle that feels like it will never end, but there is hope. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself for a reason. We can never love others if we are full of hate, even if that hate is self directed. I hope you will find a starting point here in this space to begin to give yourself some grace, love and compassion. God loves you and always has and always will. He demonstrated His love by sending His Son, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. If God has lavished His love on YOU, who are you to condemn yourself as unworthy of that love.</p><p><br /></p><p>I love you sister and my thoughts go out to you as you read these words... leave your thoughts if you feel this speaks to you!!!</p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-80075903167114665892021-08-05T19:40:00.000-05:002021-08-05T19:40:05.806-05:00Let It Go<p> "A journey begins with a single step." </p><p>Our lives are a journey. Along the way we pick up some things and we also lose some things. Some of us, like myself, are hoarders. We like to hold onto things when it is clearly time for us to let them go. The fear of losing taints every joyous occasion and even threatens to destroy our beautiful lives. In the same way that a toddler fights with all that they have to keep their paci, we fail to recognize what we stand to gain if we surrender something that we love. </p><p>For me, losing my mom a few years ago was one of those moments... Standing at her bedside I inwardly screamed, "I am not ready to live without her" and I meant that with every fiber of my being. I mourned in the way that many do, who express the sentiment that they died the day they lost their loved one. I've heard people say, "If I lost _______, you might as well put me in the grave" and I could understand that. </p><p>That day the world lost it's magic and joy could not be found. I walked around in a daze and even now when I think back to that time with 4 young children to care for, I don't remember much of what should have been a beautiful time in my life. </p><p>For many years the insecurity of life and the feeling of being completely out of control consumed me. Every area of my life had a dark cloud of fear hanging over it. The question "what if" loomed like a noose over every moment waiting to snuff all the joy of life. </p><p>I didn't realize at the time that I had died that day, the old Angela, who believed life was unicorns and magic was gone. The child-like, care-free faith I had once known seemed to vanish away. </p><p>But, one day a few years later a new Angela was born... sitting on the couch listening to my son read the Bible in his little boy voice, my mind latched onto something as if I was hearing it from far away or under water. The words were spoken by Jesus, to a man who had just learned that his sick daughter had died. The man had come to Jesus because his daughter was ill and wanted Jesus to come to his house to heal her, but on the way there was another situation that Jesus had to deal with. By the time they were on the way again, news had reached the father that his daughter was dead. </p><p>In that moment Jesus turned to the father and said, "Don't be afraid. Only Believe." </p><p>And I knew this was a moment in my life. A step to take. A door to walk through. And I did. Nothing major happened that day... really I just asked a question... "what am I not believing?" </p><p>Over time I realized I was believing death was the end. Subconsciously, I believed death was the end and I would never see her again. I believed there was nothingness after that and heaven was a fairy's tale. What was Jesus asking me to believe? I believe He was asking me to believe that death is only a doorway and I had not lost her that day. And this is HARD and it's going to be a really HARD truth to swallow, but her purpose on this earth had been served. Maybe it's easier to receive in this way... as long as we are breathing on this side of heaven we have a purpose to serve... so in the same way, when the LORD takes us home, our purpose has been fulfilled. For those of us that are still here it's up to us to release our loved ones and let them go. </p><p>It's been 9 years and literally thousands of hours of growth have happened since the day I stood at my mom's bedside screaming that I was not ready for her to go and I feel like a whole other person. I decided to believe God that day in my living room, listening to my little boy read and being confronted by my lack of belief. I didn't push back... I knew He was right... I was afraid and I was full of unbelief. So, I took a step that day and I will never regret that step. </p><p>I had no idea that day standing beside my mother's bedside that I would face much harder things and be ok because I had grown so much stronger BECAUSE she had walked through death's doorway. </p><p>That much harder thing came on November 29th, 2020... It was early in the morning and my family was recovering from a pretty scary bout of CV, in fact my husband was still using an nebulizer to try to keep his oxygen levels up. There were definitely moments when I pleaded with the Lord, "please, heal Bobby, we need him." and so I never saw what was coming up around the bend. It was a train coursing toward us that would change our lives forever. The phone rang and there was chaos on the other end. Bobby's brother was telling us that their Dad couldn't breath, that they think he has had a heart attack, the ambulance is on the way. And I watched as a grown man, my rock, fell to the floor. His knees buckled and his heart broke right in front of me. His cries rang out through our house, but no one had the courage to ask what was wrong. If you don't ask... you don't have to face reality. But, my children knew there was only a couple things that could rock their father to the core and they didn't want to face either reality. </p><p>For me it was the most surreal reality though. My heart was broken. To know my father in law IS TO LOVE HIM, and to know my husband is to mourn and weep with him. To know that my children, all 5 of them, would experience the most pain they had ever faced and to know that I was wholly unequipped to help any of them, was to feel a feeling of utter dependency, knowing only God could bring us through this. </p><p>But, there was a whole other experience for me that day. The harvest of 9 years of struggle and turmoil... in my heart, mind and soul... I watched my beautiful Father in-love walk through that door into radiant light. I completely let him go that day. He was in heaven, he was full of light and joy and he was with Jesus, happy and whole. He had completed his journey and I knew in an enormous way this moment was a part of my journey. </p><p>Today in a book I read the words... "If life takes something from you... let it go." And I thought about the people I loved whom I have had to let go. Some have been pried from my hand and it took years to recover and some have been released and I immediately walked into the next phase of my life that didn't have them "physically" in it. When someone had to be pried away, I didn't like to talk about them and all the joy, because remembering was painful, I would tuck their pictures away and I would cringe when I saw photos and memories from the past. When I released my father in-law through that open door, I found his memory easy to conjure up and his smile readily available to enjoy, I wanted to see his pictures and talk about all that I love about him. When I thought about him my heart would fill with joy and not sadness and I realized how much his passing through that door had taught me about life and death. </p><p>My Father in-love's favorite phrase is "Just keeping living" and we plan to keep living in honor of a life well lived. We remind ourselves daily that He would want us to keep on loving life and living to the fullest and so we do and we look forward to the day when we walk through that doorway and see his beautiful smiling face and feel the big embrace of his bear hug and we whisper to our souls... until we meet again... and in our hearts we know that death was not the end, just a door way into radiant love and light. </p><p>This post is dedicated to all the people living in fear of the death of someone you love... may you find some peace and encouragement. I pray that you will "Be not afraid and Just Believe." </p><p>In this life we will have to let things go that we desperately want to hold onto, but when we will let them go... we will truly begin to live in the moment, not the past and not the future and it's only in the moment that we can find true joy, love, peace and abundant life. That's my hope for you. </p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-20510902339055122682021-03-05T10:20:00.001-06:002021-03-05T10:32:29.929-06:00Run Girl, Run.<p> We were all sitting around the table finishing up dinner and my oldest was telling us about her utter humiliation on the track that day. We all laughed out loud as we imagined her attempting to jump the hurdle and land flat on her back. She told us that she just lay there wishing she could disappear. As if that wasn't enough to want to die, her coach ran over to check on her and all the other runners just stopped what they were doing to laugh and point. Worst of all, the ex-boyfriend, of only a few days, was one of the spectators. It could not get any worse. We laughed and cried and laughed some more. </p><p>To tell you the truth I was shocked when she climbed in the car that day and told me she was going to do hurdles. This is the first attempt in her life to compete in any sport. She has 4 brothers and even though she is the oldest, in a lot of ways she has grown up in the shadow of her two closest brothers. We are a sports family... football to be exact... and in a lot of ways she has found it hard to figure out where she fits in. I think fear had held up back in the past, but this year she decided she was not going to give in to fear. </p><p>I was so happy when she decided she was going to run track. I was so proud that she was going to put herself out there and be brave, but I knew this decision also came with some risks. I knew that starting in the middle of high school, while everyone else had been doing this for years, could be a big disadvantage. I knew that like any new thing you start the potential to fail a few times was highly likely. I knew that failure had the tendency not to motivate, but discourage and often discouragement leads to quitting. </p><p>I know... because quitting is an habit in my life. So, I expected her to say, "I'm quitting. I can't do this." I expected her to say I need to move to another school where no one knows my name. </p><p>She didn't quit. In fact she will be running today in her first meet and she will be jumping those hurdles. She knows that the stakes are even higher today than they were that day in practice. Although she wanted to lay down and die that day instead of facing all those people who had just witnessed her fall, she got up and she tried again and again and again. </p><p>I learned a few valuable lessons that day from my daughter. Lessons about living and about running this race for Jesus. </p><p>First of all... run girl. Run no matter who is watching. Run even though you've never done this before. Run and give it everything you have. Get in the race. Do it even though you are scared. Don't listen to all the reasons why you shouldn't do it. </p><p>Be teachable... you've never done this before... that's ok. That's what the Coach is for. Talk to the people who know what they are doing. Talk to the people who are successful and find out what they do that works and do that. Practice. There is NOTHING in this life that you will automatically be good at. Practice makes progress and we get a little better every time. Too often we don't even start because we are looking at what other people are doing and what they have already accomplished. </p><p>When you fall, lay there a minute and laugh or cry or whatever you need to do, BUT don't stay there. Don't get up and run off the track and hide somewhere. So what there are people pointing and laughing... every single person messes up sometimes. Get up, hold your head high and go right back to the mark and start again. One of the most important qualities that any person and especially successful people have is the ability to laugh at themselves. It's the person who takes themselves too seriously who have a hard time finishing the race.</p><p>Don't take the people on the sidelines too serious. They will have a lot to say along the way, but what are they actually DOING? Keep your eye on the prize. Stay in your lane. Finish the race. Along the way you might trip, but get up and keep running. Listen to the people who see your potential, the ones cheering you on. Listen to your Coach, she put you in that race because believes YOU CAN DO THIS.</p><p>Paul talks about our journey as Christ followers in the terms of a runner in a marathon. He says, "Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us...</p><p>1. Let us lay aside every hindrance and sin that so easily ensnares us. </p><p>2. Let us run the race with endurance,</p><p>3. The race that lies before us.</p><p>4. Keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith. </p><p>We have a race to run. It was chosen for us by God and He has equipped us with everything that we need to run the race. Keeping our eyes on Jesus (our finish line) and getting rid of all the things that could knock us our of the race is the key to running our race successfully. Learn from your mistakes, don't give up because of them. Don't compare yourself to the runners around you... This is the race that was marked out for you. </p><p>There have been so many times I started running, but quit along the way because I believed that I wasn't good enough or I didn't have what it takes. I would listen to the negative self-talk or to the people in the stands laughing and pointing. Sometimes, I would quit because of my own hang-up and flaws. There have also been many times when I didn't even get in the race because of fear.</p><p>My girl is teaching me so much about going after what you want. I'm amazed by her determination to try something new and hard. I'm inspired by her resolve to work hard and keep getting better. I'm encouraged to see her sift through the lies and self-doubt and hang on to the truth no matter what. Her bruises will become scars that will tell the story of courage and bravery to finish her race and today she will be a stronger person than she was before. </p><p>The easy way is to quit. The easy way is to believe the lies. The easy thing would be to run off the track and never go back... but nothing worth having ever came easy. </p><p>Maybe your find yourself flat on your back after taking a big spill, get back up and try again. Maybe you're out of the race all together, get back in and try again. Be brave. Have courage and finish your race. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-81868817551177193262021-02-22T11:22:00.003-06:002021-02-22T11:52:37.406-06:00Love Yourself<p>WHY do I keep doing this? Going around this mountain again and again. One step forward and 250 steps back, seems to be my M.O. and I am sick of it. Looking in the mirror makes me cringe, because once again I find myself with 25 pounds to lose. How many times can a person find something they really worked hard to get ride of? Looking around my house I see chaos and disorder. I just keep thinking about the hours I put into organizing it a few months and here I am right back where I started. It's the same with every single area of my life. I started once and it felt amazing to see results, but somewhere along the way I stopped. Why do I keep doing this? </p><p>Why do I self-sabotage? Why do I derail every time I start seeing success? Why is it more comfortable to live in defeat? This is not the person I want to be... I mean really. There is a woman in my head who looks, acts, thinks and feels vastly different from the one looking in the mirror. The other woman is bold and confident. She loves life and she loves people. She has great ideas and works hard to make them happen. She is a force to be reckoned with. I love that woman, when I see her. I want to be her. She makes me proud.</p><p>But there's another women... She's a quitter. She quits her diet right when she is feeling amazing. She quits trying to keep her house clean and tidy. She quits doing everything that makes her feel like a winner. Then she starts doing all the things that reinforce what she really believes deep down... She doesn't deserve anything, she doesn't deserve happiness. This woman sees herself as nothing, not good enough. She retreats into her shell and hides from the world. </p><p>Last year I had a pivotal moment that forced me to really look at the trajectory of my life and decide whether I really wanted to continue to the destination I was heading. I had to take a good hard look at myself and say, "is this the person you want to be?" and the answer is no. However, I find the process to be the woman I want to be has been a series of setbacks and start-overs. After a lot of self-reflection I realize that my greatest flaws stem from my Identity, who I believe myself to be. I've read a couple of really great books this last year that all have one theme in common... the most important thing about me, is what I believe about me. What I have discovered about myself is my "identity" sucks. </p><p>Honestly, I hate myself. That's what I discovered. I truly believe that I am less than. I don't like me and then I do things that reinforce the worst of me and then I like me even less. </p><p>What is truly shocking is that I do like me. When I stop and think about the things that make me, me... I think they are pretty cool. That's why identity is sooooooooo important. We will act on who we believe ourselves to be. </p><p>For example, I LOVE this blog. I love to type my thoughts out and I like to send them out into the world and hope just maybe someone out there will relate. I LOVE this blog, but I always quit writing. I quit doing the thing I love, because I start to think... I'm not a writer. My grammar is not perfect and my commas are not in the right place or the wrong places. Maybe people are judging what I did or said wrong instead of just getting the point of the message. And sometimes I quit because I didn't get the feedback I wanted. Something I love then turns to a curse for me because I have attached on to this identity that I am NOT a writer, therefore I have no business writing. </p><p>In the book I'm reading right now, "The Magic of Thinking Big" the author speaks on this idea of Identity. He talks about talking yourself into being the person you want to be. He gives an example of a young man giving himself a daily pep-talk reinforcing only the things that are positive. He says, "Upgrading your thinking upgrades your actions, and this produces success." </p><p>Managed thinking brings results.... Identity creates habits that reinforce the person you want to be. It all starts with your thinking. In his book, "Atomic Habits", James Clear says when we focus on WHO we wish to become we will truly begin to see results on the outside.</p><p>This all brings me the epiphany I had a few days ago... Jesus said, "Love others AS you love yourself." Now we know that to have the mind of Christ we need to humble ourselves and put others first. We know that Christianity is based on the sacrifice of Jesus "laying his life down for his friends" and we know "there is no greater love than this" so to love others AS you love yourself seems to be a contradiction. </p><p>I know that Jesus said this because it is human nature to think of yourself first. It is also human nature to take care of self first. It's the worst of human nature to think only of self and we see the evidence of this in the broken world. BUT, WHAT IF all the brokenness in the world is because people DON'T love themselves and therefore are not capable of loving others.</p><p>What if the very basis of loving others rests in our ability to love OURSELVES. What if we are jealous, envious, cruel, judge-mental and unkind to others, because deep down we hate ourselves. </p><p>A few months ago sitting in church this idea hit me like a sledge-hammer. We were studying Proverbs, the book of wisdom, and the topic was on envy. </p><p>This is the horrible definition of envy... a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc. </p><p>Our Pastor was talking about how when we are envious or jealous of others, we tend to become very critical of the other person, pointing out their faults, flaws and failures. We do this because we have set our sights on something they possess that we want. DISGUSTING. In the instant he said that the Holy Spirit brought all the people to my mind that I had experienced this very thing. I was shocked and ashamed of myself. I was even more so when he explained that coveting others is telling God that He is not enough and what He has done for me is not enough. I was so convicted about this. I didn't want this to be true, but how could I change it?</p><p>Well, the answer is to love God and to love myself. I CAN NOT truly love others when I am starting from a place of lack. I have no love to give when I have no love. Love begins with God. Love begins with receiving my identity from Christ, believing that I am loved, chosen, accepted and adopted (Eph 1). I also have to truly believe and "identify" that God has a specific plan for my life and that I have been given specific gifts and talents to bring glory to God. The life that I have been gifted is the perfect life for me and the "lane" that I am in is right where I need to be. When I believe good things about myself and act on them, then I can be content and grateful. It is only in that state that I can truly love others. </p><p>I have so many more thoughts that I would love to share, but this is getting lengthy... So, for today, loving others begins with TRULY loving myself. Success (whatever that may be) is ONLY possible when we love ourselves. </p><p>If you find yourself sabotaging all the good things that make your happy... ask yourself if it's possible that you just might not love you like you should. Take a good hard look at you. Write down the things that make you uniquely YOU. Speak life to yourself. Encourage yourself. You were put on this planet for a reason and God adores you, so who are you to say any thing different!!!</p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-88587935559988723092021-02-19T13:30:00.003-06:002021-02-19T17:01:16.911-06:00Setbacks or Setups?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p>Well, it seems like the 500th day of wintergeddon here in the great state of Texas. It's like quarantine 2.0... only now you can't get in the car and drive around to break up the monotony, because of the snow. We've built snowmen and had snowball fights and there's been tons of snow football games. We've spent hours in front of the screens and countless hours putting together puzzles and playing board games. We have taken family time to the max, and honestly I'm grateful for the time that we have had together these last few days. </p><p>It doesn't escape my notice that we have very little precious time left, before my oldest two spread their wings and fly. So, this last year there have been a million times that I have spoken a silent prayer of thanks, for the time that we have had to slow down and be together. My younger boys will always remember the time that their giant teenage brother chased them around in the snow and built snowmen with them. They will always remember making snow ice-cream with big sister. They will always remember snuggling up on the couch with the whole family and watching movies. Lockdowns and snowstorms have provided us with countless opportunities to make memories that I won't take for granted. </p><p>I will always look back with grateful praise for the good that came out of all the bad. At just the right moment in our family, the world came to a standstill and we were given the most precious gift of all... time. Time to build stronger relationships, time to laugh, to love and to play, time to make memories that will last a lifetime. </p><p>This morning during one of those Andrew and I were playing an intense game of "Snakes and Ladders" and as we slid down snakes back to square one and climbed up ladders to take the lead again, I started thinking about how this game is so much like what God has been showing me lately. Every year for as long as I can remember the Spirit has spoken a single word to me that I could reflect on through-out the year. A word that challenged me or gave me hope when things got hard. This year that word was "necessary". While people were looking hopefully into 2021 thinking we had left the worst behind, I had a different feeling about the future. </p><p>Necessary was not really the comforting I wanted to hear, but I figured it was... well, necessary. During a sermon at church the Lord confirmed truly this is what He was saying to me, when our Pastor was preaching from Luke chapter 24. On the third day after Jesus had been crucified two of his disciples were making their journey back home. All hope was lost in their eyes. Jesus was dead. The tomb was empty, but where was He, the hoped for Messiah?</p><p>As the disciples walked along the road arguing, Jesus appeared to them and confronted them about their unbelief. He said to them, "How foolish and slow you are to believe all that the prophets have spoken. Wasn't it NECASSARY for the Messiah to suffer these things and enter HIS glory?" </p><p>Wasn't it necessary for Jesus to suffer, to be beaten, to be spit upon. Wasn't it necessary for him to be betrayed, mocked, and hung on a cruel cross. Wasn't it necessary that the Lamb of GOD be slain for the sins of the world. Wasn't it necessary for the defeat of CROSS to proceed the VICTORY of the RESURRECTION. For Jesus to enter into GLORY, HE had to endure the cross. For Jesus to go and prepare a place for you and me... the cross was necessary.</p><p>The disciples had experienced the set back of the cross, but the cross was really a set-up for VICTORY.</p><p>While were battling out the world's longest game of "Snakes and Ladders" I experience quite a few trips down the slippery snake. On the final slide down the snakes back I landed in just the right spot to win. It was the only way I could win with a sure and decisive victory. When the dice landed I had rolled exactly what I needed to climb up the final ladder to VICTORY!!! It was a long hard fight. There were up and downs, setbacks and advances, but every stroke was necessary to bring me to final victory!!! </p><p>It may be silly, but I can relate to this visual. Whether it's a diet or keeping my house clean, homeschool or a bad habit... I've allowed setbacks to define my thinking. If I have a setback, I'm prone to give up. I don't look at setbacks as opportunities. I look at them as failure, therefore, I see myself as a failure. I don't see myself as a get back up and start again kind of person, so I don't. </p><p>My attitude toward a setback should be to fight harder to get ahead. I should keep my eyes on the ladders instead of the snakes. I should learn from the setbacks, but not dwell on them. </p><p>I'm reading a book right now called "The Magic of Thinking Big" and I have been challenged to address my wrong thinking. Instead of dwelling on the negative, even and especially about myself, I'm learning to focus on the positive. I'm learning to look at the BIG picture and not the distressing details. </p><p>In Exodus we read that God had seen the misery of his people in Egypt. As they cried out to Him because of the oppression of Pharaoh, He was working out His plan. God called a man named Moses to be His spokesmen and to tell Pharaoh to set God's people free. As you can imagine, this did not sit well with the King of Egypt, and in turn for thinking that Moses could demand such a thing, Pharaoh turned his wrath on the Hebrews. He increased their workload and made their lives more miserable than they had been. As the situation became more unbearable the people turned on their rescuers and blamed them for making life harder for them. </p><p>Moses went to God and basically said why have you done this to the people and WHY haven't you rescued them YET like you said you would. God responded to Moses saying, "NOW you will see what I will do to Pharaoh: because of a strong had he WILL DRIVE them out of his land.' </p><p>God was using all the setbacks for a setup for the final VICTORY. Not only would Pharaoh let the people of God go, he would eventually DRIVE them out. If you skip a few pages ahead and a few horrible plagues in between, you see the final victory is the LORD's!!! As the enemy pursues the people into the Red Sea, the parted waters come back together and Pharaoh and his army drown in the sea. </p><p>As the New Year rolled around the Spirit whispered to my soul... necessary. What ever comes this year, it is necessary for the greater work that He is doing. It was necessary for Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery... to save many people alive. Joseph told his brothers "what you meant for harm, God meant for good." His setback was truly a setup. As the Hebrews experienced affliction and oppression, God was making a way for them to be set free. Their setbacks were really a setup. When Jesus was dying on a cruel cross and the enemy was rejoicing over his victory... it was really a setup for the greatest COUP of all time. The setback was the greatest setup. It was necessary for the LAMB of GOD to be slain so that by His death, burial and resurrection, He could set His people free from their sins. </p><p>So with the mind of Christ and our eye on the final GLORIOUS prize, let us endure the setbacks that we have faced and will face with confidence. They will eventually lead to us being setup in Heaven at the right hand of the SON of GOD, who payed for our sins and redeemed us from the grave. </p><p>Because "We know that ALL things work together for the GOOD of those who love GOD and are called according to HIS purpose." Romans 8:28</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTAe8y-GxFOjFPuAzEWifE23_e8HkJ7nG7UeIcNuIAIBGkK-UxyZkKwNcLYen7vLMr4jG3uX3X-SJnw3PrtLXcCDfQWgE_AgeO9nJEd7SuEilXAG2sn3reNSbimFU4c9jgu4IcqSEZmExm/s2048/IMG_6173.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTAe8y-GxFOjFPuAzEWifE23_e8HkJ7nG7UeIcNuIAIBGkK-UxyZkKwNcLYen7vLMr4jG3uX3X-SJnw3PrtLXcCDfQWgE_AgeO9nJEd7SuEilXAG2sn3reNSbimFU4c9jgu4IcqSEZmExm/s320/IMG_6173.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibnmTwVIl0cxPRULyGCxxsY8oP2w6y4V4UrFJVY0KEwI39wfLgRcXXjHk0XF_na80zbKW4wZwgzcazjX7bxIoP8RavgQIzP_84TRyxun9JIQA3scBl0oB-L-TEvVwndVEB1KGuylIl40lR/s2048/IMG_E6182.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1931" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibnmTwVIl0cxPRULyGCxxsY8oP2w6y4V4UrFJVY0KEwI39wfLgRcXXjHk0XF_na80zbKW4wZwgzcazjX7bxIoP8RavgQIzP_84TRyxun9JIQA3scBl0oB-L-TEvVwndVEB1KGuylIl40lR/s320/IMG_E6182.JPG" /></a></div><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-55706719427755516022021-02-12T15:13:00.007-06:002021-02-12T15:29:01.704-06:00I shall not lack.<p> It feels like I've been living in a constant state of fear since March, 11 2020... life changed for the whole world that day. Abruptly, we were thrown into a storm, tossed around and then set back down, only to look around and find that life didn't look like it had before. The only comfort I can find in all of this is that it happened to all of us. Like 9/11, I remember exactly where I was when I learned the news that Corona had swept into the land and we were all going into a lockdown "to flatten the curve". Suddenly, everything about our lives that we treasured was put on hold. We couldn't celebrate holidays with one another, no church, no extended family functions, no movies, no sports or shopping... </p><p>I remember sitting on the couch that day and scrolling through FB with this impending sense of doom. It felt like the end of the world and honestly the chaos that followed in the wake of this "pandemic" reinforces this constant feeling of doom. Our country is divided in every single way and it feels like the 6 feet apart only reinforces this idea that we are just too far apart to come back together again. Debates over politics, vaccines, masks, race, sex and every other topic have stripped us of the ability to look at each other as human beings who have more in common than not. It seems like bad news is all the news that we hear any more. </p><p>In the middle of all of this chaos my family is trying to navigate some big decisions. In the summer of 2019 we sold our beautiful home in the perfect suburban neighborhood and said good bye to friends we had grown to love and set out on a new journey. We bought an RV and moved our family of 7 out into the country. The plan was to begin immediately to build our new house and begin the next chapter of our lives. Plans don't always go as expected though. Just about the time we were ready to begin the process, the world came to a stand still and even though we are no longer locked down, it still feels like a very scary time to be making any big decisions. The future feels very uncertain. </p><p>I am a worrier by nature... I can look at every opportunity and tell you WHY it's not going to work or what could potentially go wrong. I'm always looking for the other shoe to drop and waiting for the next calamity with bated breath. It's honestly hard for me to every truly enjoy anything, because I'm focused on what could go wrong. So, with this current situation I definitely feel justified to sit around and do nothing and wait for the world to end... </p><p>But, then I remember the greatest news of all for those of us who know Jesus... My hope is not in the economy or a man in DC, my hope is not in the stock market or in gas prices. In fact, those are horrible things to put our hope in. My hope is in the LORD. </p><p>The LORD is my Shepherd... He leads me to green grass. Did you know the guy that wrote that was a Shepherd in the desert. He wasn't thinking of fields covered in lush green foliage. Sure there were times in the year that there was abundant food, but there were other times that the Shepherd had to search out the small patches here and there or had to feed the sheep himself. The bible says "The LORD will feed his flock like a shepherd." Isaiah 40:11 </p><p>David knew where his provision came from and he trusted that God was always going to take care of him. In fact David wrote in Psalms 37 "I've never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread." </p><p>Trust is the opposite of fear. Fear is the enemy's greatest tactic. He knows that fear immobilizes his opponent, so he preys on our fears. Fear paralyzes. Fear is a LIAR. </p><p>I don't think its a coincidence that the command to "FEAR NOT" is in the bible 365 times. Even though fear is a very powerful emotion there are ways to overcome our fears. The Apostle Paul, who was sitting in a Roman prison when he wrote the letter to the Philippians, said, "The LORD is NEAR, Don't worry about ANYTHING, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the PEACE that passes understanding, will guard your hearts and MINDS in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7</p><p>Look at that anxiety prescription... first pray, make your request, thank God for his past provision and the way you know he will work this new thing out AND then the peace comes. </p><p>So, that's what I've been doing with my fear and anxiety about the future... praying and GOD is faithful to bring me to a place of peace. Prayer is the way we talk to God... the bible is the way that GOD talks to us. The bible says that FAITH comes by hearing. </p><p>Today, when I was reading I was so encouraged by what God was showing me in his word. God had prepared the way well in advance, to take care of Jacob's family during the famine that was years away. Joseph, who was sold into slavery by his brothers, found himself in the second most powerful position in the land of Egypt. He had been placed there by God to be able to care for his family when the famine in the land of Canaan became too extreme. </p><p>When Joseph brought his family to Egypt, Pharaoh gave them the best part of the land and "Joseph provided his father, his brothers and all his father's family with food for their dependents" Gen 47:12 God took care of his children during the famine and they actually prospered during this time. Verse 27 says, "Israel settled in the land of Egypt, in the region of Goshen. They acquired property in it and became fruitful and very numerous." Pharaoh also put Joseph's brothers in charge of his flocks. So, in a time that appeared to be disaster, God caused his people to prosper and the crises actually created new opportunities for them. </p><p>Christians, we are called to live by faith and not by sight. We have the ability to turn our burdens into blessings. BUT it's up to us. We are NOT doom and gloomers... We are the children of the RISEN King. </p><p>Ultimately, the story of Joseph is the story of God's covenant faithfulness to His people. Joseph was sent to Egypt to "save many people alive". In a time when the world was experiencing famine God was increasing and prospering His children. God had a plan to bring forth His SON Jesus, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, to bless the whole world and take away our sins. </p><p>So let us set our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. Let us get our eyes off our portfolios and politics and find out what opportunities God has for us in this time. God has a plan and it's same as it was from before the foundation of the world... to save many people alive... so obviously whatever is going on in this time is part of that plan. With hearts full of TRUST in the LORD, let us use this time as an opportunity to share the HOPE that we have in JESUS.</p><p>Because the LORD is our Shepherd... we shall not lack. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-28041222337677754032021-02-09T15:35:00.003-06:002021-02-09T15:35:41.913-06:00Are you gleaning your fields?I remember standing in the middle of the Party City aisle staring blindly at brightly colored rolls of construction paper and thinking, "how am I going to buy this?" In the forefront of my mind I could see the $16.00 balance in my account. We still had a week until payday and nothing in the fridge to make for dinner that night, but I had signed up for VBS and I needed the paper to decorate my room. My oldest was just looking at me in her "I see through you" way and my youngest was running around the store touching and grabbing everything, wondering why mom would bring him to this cool store if he couldn't get something fun. My armpits were sweating, there were tears in the back of my eyes and I was just so sick of worrying all the time about money. <div><br /></div><div>I'm not sure how it happened, but it was a slow process that one day picked up speed like a snowball rolling down a massive hill, and the debt that we were in was about to drown us. Little by little we had made foolish choices and now we were reaping what we had sown. </div><div><br /></div><div>We had been trying so desperately to chip away at the debt, but every time we turned around something else would break or some new disaster would happen to sink us again. No matter what we did the situation just seemed to get worse. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, that day I grabbed my little guy and started heading out the door with my hands empty and with him asking rather loudly why we weren't buying something. Ashamed and embarrassed because my very perceptive teenager knew exactly why we were leaving with nothing. I cried tears of defeat on the way home, but I was determined to do what I had learned to do when I had a problem I couldn't fix. I went to my closet and threw myself down on the floor and I cried out to God... and He saved me (us). </div><div><br /></div><div>I could literally write a book about what happened after I prayed that day. Things that were so incredible you wouldn't believe me, but they are true. God truly turned our situation around starting that day. I could tell you a miraculous story about how God has provided for us, but that's not what this post is about. </div><div><br /></div><div>This post is all about the "one thing" that changed EVERYTHING for our family. I want to share a secret with you that's not really a secret, but will transform your financial life. First of all, let me say I am the furthest thing from a money expert. Everything I have ever learned has been through making terrible choices and terrible choices begin with terrible thoughts. So, first thing first... before our bank account changed our minds had to change. </div><div><br /></div><div>Let me tell you how we got into this huge mess in the first place... we thought our money was well... ours. We thought we could do whatever we wanted with it because it was ours and we had a "lack" mentality... we spent every dime we made and we could never get enough and THAT is where the debt started. We weren't happy and content with what we had so we began to use credit to get what we wanted and that was the beginning of a perfect storm. </div><div><br /></div><div>The truth is everything I am and everything I have is GOD's. I'm just a steward of my life. That mental shift changed my relationship with money. Viewing everything I had as a gift from a loving Father helped me begin to be grateful and thankful instead of greedy and jealous. With a new sense gratefulness I could now see the difference between a need and a want. There are a million things I could share about all the things that the LORD showed me during that time, but today I just want to stick to one idea.</div><div><br /></div><div>When GOD gave the laws to Moses he threw this little gem in that has been a game-changer for us. </div><div><br /></div><div>"When you reap the harvest of your land, you are not to reap to the very edge of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Do not strip your vineyard bare or gather its fallen grapes. Leave them for the poor, and the resident alien. I am the LORD." Leviticus 19:9</div><div><br /></div><div>What does this mean? Well, to glean something is to gather (grain or whatever you are harvesting) after the reapers. It's to get every last drop. Don't miss a thing. But God commanded the land owners to NOT glean their fields. He commanded His people to leave the perimeter of their fields and the leftover of their crops for people who were less fortunate, this included widows, orphans, the poor and resident aliens. This command was AFTER they were told to give their FIRST and BEST ten percent of the harvest to the LORD. He finishes this command by saying something essential to obedience "I am the LORD." </div><div><br /></div><div>He is the LORD. He is the provider. He is the reason you have a harvest at all. He sends the rain and makes the sun shine. Every thing they had came from Him. He had blessed them and so they should be like Him and bless those around them. They didn't own the land... the land was God's and they were stewards of HIS land and commanded to care for others from HIS land. </div><div><br /></div><div>There is a beautiful demonstration of this command played out in the book of Ruth. I encourage you to take a look at the story, you will be greatly blessed whether it's your first time or 100th. </div><div><br /></div><div>In this story God uses a man named Boaz to show us what this concept looks like. Naomi and her daughter in-law Ruth return to Bethlehem widowed and destitute with no one to provide for them. Ruth knowing she has to find a way to provide for her and her mother in-law finds herself in the fields of Boaz gleaning the grain that had been left behind. </div><div><br /></div><div>God provided for Ruth and Naomi through the hand of Boaz, who followed GOD's command, not only that day, but forever. He allowed her to glean his field that day and sent her home with more than enough for herself and Naomi. Later he gave her a years supply and eventually a lifetime when she became his wife. </div><div><br /></div><div>Boaz understood that everything he had was from GOD's hand. He understood that he was blessed to be a blessing. He understood his RESPONSIBITY to care for the people around him. He understood the truth behind this verse "He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and HE will repay him for what he has done." Proverbs 19:17</div><div><br /></div><div>or "A generous person will be enriched, and the one who gives a drink of water will receive water." Prov. 11:25</div><div><br /></div><div>I could share a many verses from GOD's word, but here is one last command straight from the lips of Jesus, "Give to the one who asks you, and don't turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." Matthew 5:42</div><div><br /></div><div>WHAAATTTT Jesus??? What are you saying... Well, let me tell you what I think Jesus is saying... TRUST GOD. If we trust GOD to take care of us we don't have to worry about what we give away. We don't have to worry about lacking anything. We don't have to worry at all... GOD knows what we have need of.... seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of Heaven and all this will be added to you. </div><div><br /></div><div>Seeking GOD's Kingdom is seeking to care for the people around us. Seeking the Kingdom means loving people and often times that means leaving your fields (un)-gleaned. </div><div><br /></div><div>Our situation is a little different than if was a few years ago and I am so very thankful for that, but I would go through it again to learn all that I have learned about GOD and about myself. I PRAISE GOD for changing my heart and mind about money. The simple truth that everything I have and everything I am has transformed everything. </div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe you are in the situation we were in a few years ago... Maybe you are sinking under the weight of debt? Maybe you see no way out of this mess OR you don't have debt, but can never seem to make enough money to pay your bills... I'm not sure where you are in your current situation, but I feel pretty strongly that this truth will transform your life. </div><div><br /></div><div>First and foremost... PRAY. GOD is willing and able to help you. Nothing is too hard for the LORD. HE can enter into your situation in a ways you never dreamed. </div><div><br /></div><div>And also there is a little nugget of truth that popped out at me today when I was reading this story again... Boaz could have easily justified gleaning his fields that year because there had previously been a long famine in the land. Naomi headed back home that year because she had heard "the LORD had paid attention to his people's need by providing them food." The famine was over in Israel, but I'm sure there were many land owners who hoarded up their grain that year. When we are fearful we will go without we tend to hold on to every last dime. That's why generosity is really an act of obedience out of a knowledge that GOD will take care of us and give us everything we need. </div><div><br /></div><div>No matter where your find yourself today I hope that you will consider the beauty of GOD's enduring and timeless truth... "One gives freely YET gains more, another withholds what is right only to become poor." Proverbs 11:24</div><div><br /></div><div>So I encourage you to invest in Heaven... the returns are out of this world. GOD BLESS YOU!!!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-59163823955764352002020-02-20T13:21:00.000-06:002020-02-20T13:44:23.615-06:00The Big D<br />
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It seemed the stars had aligned... After a 2-0 start at the first of the season our team had gotten increasingly better. They had all worked hard on offence, defense, free throws and team work. After those first two games they looked like a new team and they were winning game after game. Late in the season they got the chance to see how well they had progressed against the two top teams in the district and they won both of those games with a sound defeat. The Tigers were on top. </div>
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Walking into the district tournament everyone knew that this was our year. Everything was going our way and it was time to reap the rewards. Game 1 against the previously undefeated distract champs was everything it was supposed to be... glorious. From the bleachers the fans roared as our boys made their way off the court and into the locker room. We had one more game left later in the day and the Tigers would be holding that much deserved 1st place trophy in their hands. </div>
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After the team left the court and headed to the locker room the team playing after us grabbed their basketballs and headed onto the court to warm up. As time went by we all started looking around to find out who they were playing because there was no other school in sight. Blue clad fans sat on one set of bleachers and green filled the other side. The clock on the wall was counting down the remaining couple of minutes before the next game was going to begin and all the sudden I started to have a sinking feeling. We were the other team we were waiting for. The doors of the locker room opened and out marched those same boys that had just walked in there a few minutes before. Minutes was not enough time for them to get ready for another game. The blue team in front of us was rested and fed and rehydrated... Our boys were still dripping with sweat.</div>
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The game ahead of our was cancelled and our game had been moved up. The Tigers would now be playing back to back. The first two quarters were much like the previous game and they were able to stay ahead for most of the last two as well, but by the third quarter the fatigue was evident. The boys couldn't make a shot and sloppy play got them into foul trouble and there was a growing sense of dread. This was not the way this was supposed to go. </div>
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With 3 minutes left in the game the blue team made a 3-pointer that put them in the lead. The Tigers frantically tried to take the lead back but it just didn't happen for them that day. My heart broke for all of our boys. The disappointment was crushing. It just wasn't supposed to end this way. As the buzzer sounded and the final second ticked off the clock we all watched in stunned silence as the other team's fans screamed and celebrated and took pictures with a trophy that was supposed be ours. It was a sick feeling. I don't think there was a Tiger player or fan in that gym who didn't completely expect a win that day. </div>
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It's the deadly D... It's like a wrecking ball swinging through our homes. It's so powerful it causes us to abandon our marriages, reject our children and walk away from any relationship it can get its tentacles in even our relationship with God. What could be so powerful you ask??? DISAPPOINTMENT. </div>
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disappoint- to fail to fulfill the expectation or wishes of.</div>
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expectation- to look forward to, to regard as likely to happen.</div>
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I know disappointment well. Disappointment has eroded away at my happiness like a cancer. It has stolen my joy and robbed me of living life to the fullest. The D word has ruined friendships and relationships, it has taken years of my life and because of the D word I have been a "Mad White Lady" for a long time and I'm sick of it.</div>
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Over the years I have set myself up for disappointment because I had expectations (regard as likely to happen) that were completely unrealistic. I held the people in my life hostage to expectations they couldn't fulfil and I held a HOLY GOD to expectations that He had no obligation to keep.</div>
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I remember walking arm and arm through the sanctuary with Etta James belting out "At Last", and thinking... At last... at last I've found the one, the one who will make all the things right. We were deeply in love and it seemed the whole world was singing with us that day and I know for me there was not a cloud on the horizon that day. No evidence of impending storms up ahead. Only bliss. That day it was just me and my man and a bright future. </div>
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There were clouds on the horizon that day though. There was baggage that we had both hidden away in our separate closets. We brought those bags with us into a new shared space, so those rattling old bones were bound to come out sometime. My poor husband really had no idea what he was getting himself into... He had no way of knowing that in him, I expected to find everything I had ever needed. It was a heavy weight for him to bear and it was a crushing disappointed for me when fairy tales turned into real life.</div>
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Mentally I shifted all of my expectation on the next unsuspecting person who came along... a beautiful brown-eyed little angel wrapped in pink. In her I hoped to find everything I had been unable to find anywhere else. I hoped she would complete me. We were home from the hospital only a short time before I realized... oops I had done it again. My unrealistic expectations of motherhood left me with another layer of soul crushing disappointment. Not only was I NOT the best mother in the world, It was a slap in the face to find out I didn't know anything about motherhood and babies cry a lot and they are soooooo needy... What about MEEEEEE?!?!?</div>
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And so it goes... </div>
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The storms clouds were brewing and the horizon was becoming increasingly dark... one unmet expectation after the next was creating a perfect storm. And then my mom was diagnosed with cancer at 52. I expected her to beat the cancer. She was young and she had so much life to live. She had grandbabies to watch grow. I FULLY expected that she was going to be healed. I believed that she had been healed when she went into remission and my world was torn apart when her cancer came back with a fury. </div>
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I walked through a cloud of fog for months after she was gone. I was in shock. How could this be? It wasn't supposed to be this way. SHE WAS 52 and I wanted her back. AND I WAS MADDDDDDDD. This was the last straw in a long line of disappointments... </div>
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And I was mad for a long time. </div>
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I EXPECTED things to be different. I realize now with age and life experience that I set myself up for a lot of that disappointment. Like the Tigers walking into that gym that day with only thoughts of victory on their minds I too only expected a glorious future of wins. Loss was nowhere on my radar, but that is NOT life.</div>
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So, how do we deal with disappointment in a healthy way? As I watched those boys come out of that locker room with red rimmed eyes I took lessons in how they dealt with this crushing disappointment. </div>
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We cry. We hug. We take time to reflect on what went wrong and we learn. We listen to the Coach tell us how proud he is of our improvement and hard work. We hear him say he's looking forward to the next fours years and all the possibilities before us. We take pics with that 2nd place trophy and thank the people who helped us get to where we are... and then we get in that gym tomorrow and put the work in again. Next year we will walk into that gym knowing anything is possible and we will be a little more prepared than before.</div>
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I'm reminded of Joseph... sitting in prison as an innocent man, having been sold into slavery by his brothers and falsely accused of rape... talk about disappointment... but the Bible repeats over and over again "The Lord was with him." As children of God... we trust. We TRUST when we don't understand. When we would beat our chest and cry out "it's not supposed to be this way"... we TRUST. </div>
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We have confident assurance in the love of GOD and the GOODNESS of GOD...</div>
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"Why, my soul, are you so dejected? Why are you in such turmoil? Put your HOPE in GOD, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalms 42:11</div>
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"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten SON that WHOEVER believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16</div>
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We are assured of the love and the good will of our God, through the life, death, and resurrection of His son JESUS CHRIST and no matter what life may throw our way we rest in knowing we have a hope and a future in HIM.</div>
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<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-6774708583564639992020-02-10T09:48:00.002-06:002020-02-10T09:48:33.770-06:00Live LovedI just sat there for a while with a pit in my stomach. My heart was racing and the dread I felt at that moment was palpable. I was holding the phone in my hand, knowing what I was going to find, but not wanting to actually see the evidence with my eyes. I knew that things had been different lately. There was a disconnect that hadn't been there before, but I didn't know how to reach her. She just wasn't the person I knew. I was sure that it all had to stem from the little device I held in my hand and I wasn't sure that my heart could handle what I was going to find.<br />
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From the day that I knew I was pregnant with a little girl she become the crowning jewel of my life. In some way she would be my redemption. I hoped and prayed she could be all that I never was and my one greatest fear was that she would be just like me. I remember sharing this fear with my mom one day as we were sitting on the front porch together. I will never forget what she said to me that day and I remember it often when I look at the beautiful daughter that God has blessed me with... my mom said, "Baby, she's not you. She's going to grow up in a completely different way than you, with Jesus as the center of your home, it will be different." <br />
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That thought was running through my head as I sat there looking at the phone in my lap. With shaking hands I turned the phone on and fumbled for a minute to figure out the passcode, that just confirmed there was stuff there she didn't want me to see. I finally figured out the code and after opening her phone I started searching texts and apps to see what was going on. It didn't take long to find stuff that made me feel a little sick inside, because it didn't seem like she was trying to hide anything at all. There it was, just a click and I could see all that was hiding in her heart. <br />
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I honestly didn't know how I was going to feel at that moment... I guess I imagined myself filled with rage at the rebellion and disrespect, but that was no where near the emotion that I felt at that moment. I wasn't angry at all, I wasn't disappointed in her... I was something altogether different... I was confused.<br />
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As I sat there reading messages I couldn't believe what I was seeing... Here was the most precious jewel in my world, so loved, so adored with so much potential, settling for so much less than real true love. I couldn't believe how she was selling herself short for a little attention. Surely she could see what the rest of the world saw and what I her mother saw in her. She is a pearl of great price, she is treasured, loved, adored. Her value is so far above what I saw on that phone. I really couldn't believe that she couldn't see it. My heart was broken for her because if she could see herself like I saw her she would never settle for believing the lies of this world. <br />
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It was in that moment that I caught a glimpse of my Father's love for me. He whispered gently in my ear, "Angela, that's how I feel about you. I'm not angry with you about the sin in your life. Every time you pull away from me and settle for the counterfeit pleasure that this world has to offer my heart breaks for you, because you are worth so much more." <br />
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You see I had always thought of God's love as a "have to" kind of love. I mean He made us and all so He kind of has to love us. Until that moment I had never fully understood God's love as anything other than obligation. Sitting there holding that phone in my lap, knowing that I would do ANYTHING in this world to convince her of my love for her, God's love for her, her dad's love for her and of her infinite value and worth, I realized that my Father had been trying to convince me for so long the same truths. <br />
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The vision of the LORD walking into the garden, looking forward to spending some time with His children came to my mind. I can imagine Him looking around wondering where they were. This hadn't happened before, they were usually so happy to see Him each day. That day was totally different though, why were they hiding? <br />
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I can imagine Adam and Eve... hiding among the trees. Hearts hard and cold now because of sin. Fully expecting the worst, barely concealing their rebellion behind a few leaves. <br />
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I can see in my mind the moment He sees them standing there in guilt and shame... and I see Him thinking I wish my love had been enough. <br />
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As a parent, looking at my own beautiful child, I think I wish my love was enough for you. I wish you could see what I see. I wish you knew how valuable you are to me. I wish you would believe what I say about you, instead of listening to lies. I know what those lies will cost you and my heart breaks for you... but it's up to you. I can't do it for you. You have to believe what I say. You have to accept real love over the counterfeit and you have to trust that I know better than you. You have to trust me that I see what you do not see. <br />
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And I believe that there is something our Father wants to say to us today... <br />
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Daughter, you are loved so much more than you could ever understand. You are a jewel in my crown. Your value is far above any treasure this world could give. Daughter, live in MY LOVE today. I see you as you will be, as I created you to be and I have paid a great price to redeem you. Don't listen to the lies of this world and don't settle for less than the love that I have displayed on the cross. Daughter, believe what I say about you. You are chosen, accepted, adopted, loved and forgiven (Eph. 1). Live loved today.<br />
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Sisters, lets live loved today. <br />
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I share this story with permission from my daughter.histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-42424777092324986662020-02-07T10:33:00.000-06:002020-02-07T10:33:59.559-06:00A Tiny Change<div>
It started with the smallest change. To be honest I have a lot of bad habits and I do desperately want them to change and I really have tried to change them before, but eventually I just accepted the fact, like many of us do, that it's just the way I am. I wanted true and lasting change, but somewhere between wanting it and making it happen there was a disconnect and I would slip right back into those old ruts again. That changed after reading the very first chapter of the book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. </div>
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Atomic- 1. an extremely small amount of a thing, the single irreducible unit of a larger system. 2. the source of immense energy or power.</div>
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I was inspired by the stories in the book of 1% changes that had an explosive impact, just by doing one thing differnt. So, I asked myself, what is my 1%? Where did I want to begin making a change in my life? </div>
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It was a tiny thing really, seemingly insignificant... a messy kitchen. It started many years ago, when as a new mom I was overwhelmed by the daily grind of taking care of babies, who came pretty close together, and all the work that came with them. By the end of the day I was completely exhausted and ready to pass out after putting them down to bed. I would leave my kitchen a complete mess, until the morning. Dirty dishes piled in the sink and clutter all over the counters was just a way of life in my house. Every morning I would wake up feeling tired and defeated after walking into such a disaster, but it continued this way for years. </div>
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I would always start my day feeling behind. This had a big impact on our school day too, because I would have to clean the kitchen before making breakfast and we always seemed to be starting the day way later than I wanted to. After breakfast I would just leave the kitchen a mess again so that we could get started on school, but the whole time I was distracted by the disaster around me. Having my attention divided between school and my messy house always made me feel frustrated and I took it out on my children. </div>
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I noticed something amazing when my in-laws came to stay with us though, every night after dinner they would clean the kitchen and it would be spotless. In the morning when I walked into my clean kitchen I noticed a totally different feeling... My mornings were peaceful and calm instead of chaotic and overwhelming. Sadly, I never adopted this habit myself. I continued to leave all the mess for the morning. </div>
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After reading the first chapter of the book I knew that this was my first 1 percent. I had no idea that this one change would be a catalyst for some many others. I had always had the goal of a clean house, but my system was broken. I didn't understand how important timing could be. After changing my system I was able to reach the goal I had been chasing for so long.<br />
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My new system looked like this... First, have the dishwasher empty before dinner (and not by me), second clean up as I cook and load the pots and pans in the dishwasher as I go and lastly finish cleaning the kitchen immediately after dinner. That last step was key. If I waited even a few minutes it wouldn't get done. With the kitchen clean and ready for the next day I woke up feeling happy and capable of facing the day ahead of me. I felt like I was on top of things and no longer overwhelmed. <br />
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One thing I didn't expect was the satisfaction I felt after wiping down those counters and looking around at my finished job. Knowing that I had just set myself up for a better day was a great feeling. This reminded me of something I had read a long time ago about the way that God reacted after each day of creation was completed. He looked around at all that He had made and He said, "It is good". He admired all that He had accomplished. The Bible says that we were made in the image of God. In this way we are like God, when we complete a job our brains automatically look around at our finished work and admire what we have accomplished. I was experiencing this every night after the dishes were put in and I could hear the hum of the dishwasher and see the clean, empty counter tops. This was a good feeling... it was also addictive. <br />
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Suddenly, I had the urge to accomplish other things, like clean my closets. When my closet was clean and orderly I said, "Good job, Angela!" and moved on to the next thing like my refrigerator. Since my day started out so smoothly and we could get started on school earlier I had more time on my hands. I could get things accomplished like laundry. Since my laundry wasn't piled up I had even more time on my hands to do other things that needed to be done. After a few days that tiny change in my system made it possible to reach my goal of having a clean house every. single. day!!! I was sold.<br />
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It was now time to tackle some other systems in my life that were not working and hadn't been for a long time... things like my finances, meal planning, working out and school. I needed to take a good look at what wasn't working in my system and see what 1% changes I could make to accomplish all the other goals I had. <br />
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I'm still working on my systems, but I'm making progress and progress feels AMAZING!!! I no longer feel like "that's just the way I am". I honestly feel like I can accomplish anything now... just because of that one tiny change. <br />
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I know most of you probably can't relate to leaving your kitchen a disaster and maybe cleaning your kitchen is no big deal at all, but I'm sure you have some habit in your life that you'd like to change. Evaluate your system, ask yourself what is NOT working and implement that 1 percent change. I know you will be amazed by the result of making that one tiny change. <br />
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So, what can you do today that makes a big difference in your tomorrow???</div>
histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-47434819412477072302020-02-04T10:08:00.002-06:002020-02-04T15:23:38.845-06:00Small Things<div>
HEYYYY... I'm back. It's been a lonnnnnggg while since I've posted anything, BUT I'm feeling inspired again. </div>
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It has been a while. Honestly, I LOVE this blog, but I'm not a "real" blogger so sometimes I don't do what I love to do because I feel inferior, I feel less than, I feel not enough. You know what I really LOVE??? Getting my thoughts out of my head and pounding the keys of the keyboard in the process. It feels like letting the air out of a balloon slowly. Releasing the pressure of all the jumbled thoughts and ideas that are rolling around in my head. It feels so good to get them out and it makes me HAPPY when I know that someone out there relates. That's why I started this blog long ago, because I LOVE it. I want to blog, but I'm not a real blogger so I quit. I don't fancy myself a writer, I just fancy myself a woman who loves to share my thoughts with other women... I don't use commas correctly and I don't have perfect grammar, so I let those things keep me from doing something that I LOVE to do. Getting over this is something that I am working on... because I LOVE this blog... have I over stated that?</div>
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Anyhoo, enough of that. Time to move on to the jumbled up thoughts in my head today. Small things, showing up, committing to a thing for the long run, that is on my mind today. </div>
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Like most of America I started this year out with New Year's resolutions, because, well you know how it is, I had things in my life that needed to change. I had bad habits I was sick of having and I had good habits that I wanted to start. Like most Americans I could look back at my track record of sticking to my NY resolutions and see that something needed to change. I never stick to my resolutions, but this year I was just sick of me enough that I knew I wanted things to be different this year. I got on Amazon and searched for a book about habits... and I found a gem and I want to share a few small things from the book that have made a big impact on my life. </div>
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The book is called "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/B07RFSSYBH/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Atomic+Habits&qid=1580830099&sr=8-2">Atomic Habits"</a> by James Clear. This book is the reason that I sat down at the computer today to do something I love. It's the reason I feel like I can start over, it's the reason I feel hope that I won't give up this time. So, go check it out. </div>
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I've always had goals, we all do, but my goals never seemed to amount to much. I had goals to save money, I had goals to lose weight and goals to get in shape, I had goals to see better results with homeschooling and I had goals to be a better home-manager... Goals have never been my problem. As Clear states from the beginning... we all have goals, but it's our systems that are not working. We need a new system to achieve the results that we want. He talks about how the long term, end goal, the big picture is the thing that gets us tripped up. Instead of having an end goal we should concentrate on becoming a person who is always improving. That's great advice, but the thing that inspired me the most is the amount of the improvement. Clear says that we get overwhelmed with trying to make too many big changes at once, changes that we can't possibly maintain. For example, if you have formally been a couch potato and you jump up on January 1st thinking you're going to run a marathon... you will be sadly mistaken. </div>
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Instead of starting with the 5K we should begin with a small step like putting on our running shoes and walking out the door for a walk and do that everyday, until that first step is a part of who you are. It's a habit. Maintaining a workout program for the long haul is about showing up everyday. At first it's showing up for a 10 min walk, and then it's pushing yourself to the next level. It's about showing up everyday, until your identity is someone who works out. If you have an end goal like losing 10 pounds, you will quit when you've lost the weight, but you will not have become the person who works out for the sake of health. </div>
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Show up, start small, create a habit, become the person who is... whatever it is your desiring to be. I can do that. That's not overwhelming. Clear says our goal should be a 1% improvement everyday. One percent better than yesterday. That is something I can get behind. One percent everyday for a year... 365 days of improvement. That's something that feels doable and you know what I'm doing it.</div>
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On January 13th I was driving my kids to school and the radio person was saying that her inspiration of the day was "Show up today in your workout, because by January 12th most people have quit their resolutions." Showing up on day 13th was the key to showing up for the rest of the month. There were days when I was just tired and I didn't want to do it, but I did something because I wanted to become a person who is healthy. </div>
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Today I'm showing up on this blog, because it's something that I love to do and it brings me joy. I have always been a starter. I like to start BIG and I want immediate results and I fizzle out quickly, but I'm working on that. I want to do this just because it makes me happy... and I hope to share a little inspiration along the way... but it all starts with showing up. </div>
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The Bible also has much to say about starting small and showing up... Here are a couple of verses... what a relief it is to know that God rejoices in those small beginnings as well and He is looking for faithfulness in the little things before He rewards us with bigger jobs. </div>
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"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin..." Zechariah 4:10</div>
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"If you are faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in the large ones..." Luke 16:10 </div>
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Start small and improve 1% daily. Set your mind on becoming the type of person you want to be and implement a system that makes it easy to become that person. Show up everyday and in a while you will begin to see the results you have been wanting to see for so long. </div>
histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-86365968751759707272018-11-18T21:14:00.001-06:002018-11-18T22:06:58.807-06:00He gets it from his Father.At our house we have had an ongoing game that started when we first became parents 14 years ago... when our kids do something dumb or crazy or even something amazing we say, "Well, he/she gets that from.. mom/dad." Sometimes, it's a dig because they are being totally annoying, sometimes it's an observation of them reflecting our own "greatness" and sometimes it's one of us seeing the ugly reality of who we really are, through one of our kids. <br />
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Today, I posted a brag post on FB about my almost 13 year old son and the character that he has displayed through a dismal football season. I hesitated posting, but in the end I decided to give honor where honor is due, because he inspires me to be a better person. <br />
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It's real easy for people to look at that post and say something along the lines that "we must be doing something right" or something similar, so I wanted to write this post to clear that up. <br />
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HE GETS IT FROM HIS FATHER.<br />
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Every single time that my kids have had to struggle through hard situations I wanted to save them from the pain. I have raged at God when I had to sit and watch my kids go through things that I couldn't fix. I have asked Him to do it another way. I've asked him to turn down the fire, afraid that it would destroy their tender hearts. I can't tell you how many times I have asked, "WHY". <br />
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"Lord, why does it have to be this way? Why are you letting them go through these hard things, don't you see how tender they are? This is too hard." This is what my prayers have looked like. <br />
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I've cried with them and I've cried for them. I've questioned the plans of God for a long time. <br />
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Last night, I sat in the bleachers for the 16th time in two long years and watched him lose AGAIN. 13 losses. Some of the losses were so bad that I cried in the car after ward in discouragement and disappointment... not because they lost, but because he had given it all he had. Never once did I see him give up. Never once did he look at the scoreboard and quit. These two losing seasons have changed my son. He's a different person than the one who joined this team 2 years ago and I am humbled. <br />
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I am humbled because I know he didn't get that from me. He gets that from His Heavenly Father. All the things I begged Jesus to rescue my kids from were the very things that are making them the people they are.<br />
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You know what they get from me? A sinful nature. Selfishness, pride, impatience, anger issues, control issues and so much more. If he was like me he would give up when things were hard. He would cry and complain and pout. He would quit and say it's not worth it. If he was like me he would throw his hands up and say forget it... <br />
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But THANK GOD... he is NOT like me. He's better than me, because Jesus KNOWS better than I do. He knows exactly what my kids need. He knows the plans that He has for their lives and He is preparing them for those plans. Plans that include determination and endurance, plans that take faith and hope, plans that won't be easy. Plans to bring GLORY to GOD.<br />
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I could NEVER claim that any of the good things about them come from me. I know what kind of parent I have been. I know what kind of person I am. I know the mistakes I've made and I know the basket case I can be sometimes. I KNOW, that while I've been all over the place trying to figure myself out... God has been in the background working through hard situations to produce character in their lives.<br />
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That's why I decided to go ahead and post that brag post on FB today, because really it's a praise about a God. It's a praise to God that He takes a mess and makes a message. He's the God who allows hard things in our lives, because He loves us and He wants to produce fruit that will bring glory to Him. He wants to refine us in the fire and He knows just exactly what to use and how much pressure to apply to bring forth a vessel that He can use. <br />
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So, let me get out of the way and allow My Heavenly Father to do what only He can do because if there is anything good about my son... he gets it from His Father.<br />
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I'm not sure where you find yourself tonight... maybe you're a parent that's struggling with a wayward child, who has gotten into trouble... It's equally as tempting to beat yourself up and say it's all your fault. It's not. It's easy to get bogged down in discouragement and disappointment... but, friend lift up your head... you don't need to carry that load. I urge to leave that child in the Father's hand and be encouraged that's the best place for them. Remember, "God is ABLE to do EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY above all that we ask or think according to the power that works within us." Eph. 3:20<br />
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Maybe you're in a situation with your child that is breaking y your heart for them, as they walk through a painful season. Friend, lift up your head. Be encouraged that God works ALL things out for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to HIS purpose. Rest in knowing that God knows just how much fire they can handle. <br />
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Where ever you find your self tonight... Trust God, He is faithful.<br />
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<br />histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-24370108804865412492018-11-14T11:57:00.001-06:002018-11-14T11:57:40.935-06:00Cleaning Up My MessIt's the sound that my nightmares are made of. The sound that every mother cringes and bites down a scream when they hear it. It's worse than the sound than the sound my eight year old makes when he's hurt, because I know that will just take a kiss and cuddle to make it right. It's the kind of sound that starts out my day with the worst sort of dread. <br />
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Just stepping out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my hair and checking out the new wrinkles and black circles under my eyes... I already feel tired when I think about what's coming today. I send up a quick prayer asking God for patience, maybe a little kindness and please help me not to yell at my kids. That's when I hear the sound that destroys any sense of calm... I know what I just heard, it's unmistakable, but while I quickly throw on my yoga pants and faded t-shirt, I lie to myself and say, "surely it's not, because someone would run in here and tell me what happened." <br />
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Swinging the bedroom door open, I step into an eerie silence. No running and screaming that normally fills the walls of my home, just quietness. Hope soars for one fleeting second and then I see him, standing in the kitchen, with the fridge door standing wide open. He's stuck in place, with a look of dread plastered on his face. Surrounded by a million pieces of glass, he has no where to go in his bare feet. Shattered glass covers the floor from one end of the kitchen to the other. I have no idea what he broke, but it must have been big. <br />
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Wanting him to recognize WHY this ALWAYS happens to him, I ask him how the glass broke into a million tiny pieces? My mind is screaming what, when, how, WHYYYYYYYY? Why do you do this all the time. My other kids jump on the opportunity to share the story of how the shattered glass has come about. It's at this moment that my thinly veiled rage reaches the breaking point. Why are they so gleeful when they are telling me what he did wrong? As if they never do this kind of thing. Why are they smirking? Why would they even open their mouths to share his mistake, when they have done the same thing so many times before. But, I know what it is... they're just glad it's not them this time. <br />
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The thing is, as much as I don't like the broken glass on the floor, I HATE the way the other three boys are rejoicing in the mishap of their brother. I HATE the way they take this chance to fill me in on what he did wrong. I HATE the way they LOVE to see someone else in the hot seat. <br />
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Walking back in my room, taking a few deep breaths to calm down, I put my contacts in so I can see the mess, which gives me a chance to not do too much damage with my words. It really doesn't matter why it happened or if he understand why he did this again. All that matters is he knows it's not the end of the world and mom will fix this. <br />
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When I come back out of my room there is no one in sight. They have all fled to safety. Somehow, he has extracted himself from the precarious situation. The fridge is still wide open, glass still covers the floor. He and I both know that only I can clean up this mess he's made. There is no way he could get all the glass. If it was a little spill, I would make him clean it up himself, but this is THE BIG ONE. It's in every corner, tiny little slivers are stuck in the grout, glass had somehow traveled all the way to the living room. Most of it is under the kitchen table and chairs. I will have to move everything out of the way to get it all. There are just some messes that a mom has to take care of.<br />
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While I'm sweeping up the glass, I see myself, stuck in the middle of a big mess of my own making. Surrounding by a sea of broken pieces, standing barefoot, with no way to escape. A mess that's so big I know I will never be able to do this on my own. In fact, I see a few messes that I'm made. Messes that I just can't clean up. Some of them are relational... I've hurt people and let them down. Some are physical that are the result of bad choices, some are financial. I see myself surrounded by the consequences of my choices and I feel stuck and overwhelmed. <br />
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While I'm cleaning up my son's mess I see clearly the truth of my situation... I've made a mess I can't clean up. On my own I'm stuck in it, somehow lacking what it takes to get the job done. My Father (who is nothing like me) gently asks me what happened. I struggle through my explanation, knowing He sees the truth... It happened because I was in a hurry. I was impatient to get what I wanted. I didn't take the time I needed to carefully move a few things out of the way. I just snatched at the thing I wanted and in the process I knocked over something and broke it into a million little pieces. <br />
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He doesn't have to say anything. I know it's my fault and to make things worse, we both know that I've done this before. We both know that I should have learned by now what causes this to happen again and again. With my head hung in shame for doing this again, I don't see Him take the step towards me. I'm not sure what to expect this time. Will He leave me here in this mess? Or will He help me again? With broom in hand, He tells me to go on so He can sweep up the mess. Relief washes over me, knowing that the next time I come down to the kitchen it will be as good as new. There will be no evidence of THE BIG ONE, everything will be made right. Only the memory will be left. <br />
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The memory of me standing in the kitchen, watching with dread as the glass hit the floor, the sound of millions of tiny pieces bouncing in a hundred different directions. The memory of my Father stepping in to fix what I have broken. The memory of the grace that He has shown me time after time. <br />
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Hopefully, we will won't do this again, but both of us (my son and I) know it will most likely happen again. We have a way of getting ourselves in messy situations. Hopefully, we will learn NOT to do this or that and then again, probably not. One thing we will learn for sure is sometimes we make messes too big to clean up and while we run off and try to forget about what just happened, there's someone bigger, stronger and smarter than us sweeping up the kitchen, making sure every trace is gone. <br />
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"Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your loving kindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sins." Words of David, after his sin with Bathsheba. <br />
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David's Psalm of repentance is filled with the most beautiful words ever recorded. David's confidence before God, in spite of his terrible sin, and his assurance that in the presence of God there is forgiveness, grace and mercy, have comforted my soul a 1000 times since the day I started following Jesus. Like David I have sinned greatly against the Lord. I have made messes that looked hopeless, BUT through the pages of scripture I see that His mercy is new every day. I see that nothing can separate me from the love of God. I see that God so loved that world that He sent His only Son to clean up the messes that we have all made of our lives. I see that the wages of my sin was death and eternal separation from God, but that He offered me another way. I see LOVE that covers all my sin. <br />
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Friend, I don't what mess you find yourself mired in today, but I know a God, who says:<br />
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"IF my people who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14<br />
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and... "Come to me, all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28<br />
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and... "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, CASTING all your cares on Him, for He cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7<br />
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So, hand the broom over and step out of the way. Recognize it's too big for you to fix. Humbly take your broken heart to God, hand him all the pieces and trust Him to make all things new. Knowing this... ALL things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purpose...<br />
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I hate that I do this again and again, but His love for me is never more evident than when He's cleaning up my mess.histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-32926153894406265652018-11-13T18:27:00.001-06:002018-11-13T18:27:42.611-06:00Passing the TestSitting at the messy kitchen table, covered in books, pencils, and lunch plates with half-eaten turkey sandwiches, sending up a silent prayer that I will have the patience to handle the next few minutes. It's the worst part of my day... math time. Today, is the worst of all days though. It's test time. I have to hand it to them this time, there are no tears yet, just snippy comments and eye rolls. The test is 4 pages long and contains everything we have been learning for the last few months. Today is the day to see what they really know. <br />
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Oh, the things I have seen on test day. One of my children would kill me, if I told you about the temper tantrums that have been thrown over math. The tears, the frustration, the feeling of defeat that they would NEVER get this was the biggest land mine that we have had to learn how to avoid. <br />
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I have to be honest and say that half of the problem is that I am NOT a math teacher. I struggled with math in school and I would go back and kick my stupid teenage self and tell her to pay attention, because the question "when are you ever gonna use this" has now been answered. I'm gonna use it every day of my life, because now I have to teach 5 kids how to do it.<br />
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I've been summoned over to the table and invited to sit in between my two oldest kids and "help" them with a problem or 10. They made it through the first few pages without too much struggle, but those two pages were filled with equations they are now pretty comfortable with. The last 2 pages are filled with word problems, that have 3 or 4 parts to solve and even though we've been working on it for a week or so, it's still hasn't stuck. <br />
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The test is where I find out what they really know and what each one is having a little trouble with, sometimes it's where I realize they don't know it at all and it's time to go back and practice that a little more. The important thing isn't that they could do the work each day as we practiced it... the important thing is that they know it enough to be tested. <br />
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CAN YOU PASS THE TEST?<br />
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Listening to my kids grumble about how "math is stupid" and "why do we even have to do this" and "who cares, we won't ever use this in real life" and "Mom, it's TOO HARD", I think about how I've acted lately when I've been tested. I've been doing a lot of eye-rolling, foot-stomping and crying in frustration because, "WHY, do I have to go through this?", "WHY do I even need to know this? Haven't I do enough practice already?" <br />
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Listening to my kids gripe and complain and cry about math has given me the chance to see myself from my Father's perspective. Having already completed my school experience I know what's coming in the next few years. I know that what they are doing right now is a stepping stone that only leads to another stepping stone and one day they will be working math equations that look more like Spanish than math. They will think back to this stuff and remember how easy it was. I know they have to get this today or they will be clueless in the future. I know that what they are doing in math today is nothing compared to what they are going to be doing in the years to come. I also know that we can NOT move on until they get it enough to pass the test. <br />
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I know there's a big difference between knowing something, being able to do it at in any time or any circumstance and just kinda sorta thinking you might know it. So, being the faithful Father that He is, God will patiently sit with me and help me learn this lesson until I get it. Then He will test me to see if I really get it. Then He will sit down with me and go over what I got right and what I missed. Later, He will probably test me again to see if I really get it. It might take me a while, but He doesn't mind that. I might cry and complain and say I can't do it, but He knows better. I might stomp and have a temper tantrum, but He's too faithful to let me stay in that place for long. <br />
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One day last week when I was having a really crappy day and getting pretty frustrated with the circumstances in my life, angry with God for holding out on an answer to prayers that I felt like I had been praying for too long... a friend text asking how I was doing. I truthfully answered her question with a mile long text, unloading on her all my frustrations and fears. I told her how I had just been thinking about just taking care of this situation on my own and forget waiting around on God. I'm sure she rolled her eyes on the other end of the line, thinking about all the things we have been learning about faith in Bible study, and how easily I would throw my hands up in surrender. Being a good friend she reminded that sometimes God's answers take a while, but He is faithful to answer them. <br />
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Later, that night, after waking from a dream I had a few words from a verse that I vaguely remembered whispering through my mind... something about faith being testing and being more valuable than gold. Reaching for my phone, of course I googled the few words "faith more valuable" and up popped I Peter 1:-7, tapping on the first link that came up, I read the verses and cried. <br />
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"You rejoice in this, even though for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials, SO THAT THE PROVEN CHARACTER OF YOUR FAITH- MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD, which though perishable, is REFINED BY FIRE- May result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." I Peter 1:6-7<br />
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To be honest... I don't want my faith tested. I don't want to be refined by fire. I don't want to suffer (in any regard). I want my life to be exactly the way I want it to be. I want money in the bank, kids that listen, days that are peaceful, friends that make me laugh and can hang out on a regular basis, I want a marriage that takes no work, I want comfort and ease, I want plenty and popularity, I want people to love me and never be mad at me. I want my life to be completely stress free. I have realized that one thing I really don't like more than all others is having to trust an invisible God with my life. Faith is so completely out of my character. I want CONTROL. I want to fix. I want answers and I want them to come easily. I don't want to have to learn news things. I don't want to keep working on a problem til I get it. <br />
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It's taking a really long time for me to understand that control is an illusion. There is just too much I don't know for me to be the god and queen of my own life. Even though I fight Him tooth and nail and kick and scream and stomp to my room, yelling that I will never be able to do this... He is faithful. He won't let me have my own way... because it's no good for me. <br />
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So, He will sit with me and patiently walk me through the problem again. He will work with me day after day, until one day I have an "ah ha" moment. He will help me and encourage me and tell me why it's important and he will remind me of how far I've come. He will hold me when I cry. He will refute the lie that I can't do it. One day I will know with absolute certainty how proud He is of me for staying at it, even when I wanted to quit, because to Him my faith is more valuable than gold.<br />
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Through the years I will be tested on this thing again... and there will be harder things down the road. There will be new lessons to learn and their will be many more tests, of this I am sure... because the proof that I really know it will only show when I am able to pass the test. <br />
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"Now FAITH is the REALITY of what is hoped for, THE PROOF of what is not see." Hebrews 11:1<br />
<br />histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-7613196094899593552018-10-23T15:25:00.000-05:002018-10-23T15:25:12.885-05:00What I See<div>
This is his first season. He's 8, and most of the kids on his team have been playing for a while. That's enough to make you feel insecure, but that's not really the problem. I watch him hold back and second guess every move. I watch him let other people take the lead, because he's not sure of himself. I can see his potential. He's fast, real fast, and he will one day be a really good soccer player or anything else he wants to be, but for now he's holding back. I know what he is capable of and I know why he's so scared. </div>
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He's a younger brother of two pretty amazing athletes (and I can say that because I have no athletic skill at all). I also know this because other people say it all the time. We hear it from Coaches and from other parents. It comes so naturally to them. They make it look so easy and since the day that he figured this out he has been comparing himself to them. </div>
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It's not easy for him. He has to work harder and he has to try harder. He had to practice and drop a 100 balls before he could catch one, but he works at it with a determination that makes me ashamed of how easy I give up. Nothing has ever been easy for him and he's an overcomer. </div>
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The voice in his head tells him he will never measure up. The voice in his head says he isn't as good as his football star brother or as good as his brother that always scores goals. His voice constantly tells him, he doesn't have what it takes... so I have had to be that other voice in his head. </div>
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I want to be that voice that says, "Let me tell you what I see." I see that you work hard and never give up. I see that your brothers have been a valuable asset in your life, they have made you better. I see that you are fast, I see that you have a great kick, I see that when you were in the game the ball stayed at the other end of the field. I see that you are holding back and that you have so much more to give. I see that you are scared, but you don't have any reason to be... You are better than you think you are. </div>
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I also say "I heard your Coach say repeatedly, "Let Andrew kick the ball." I saw him tell you a few times that he didn't want you throwing in, he wanted the ball thrown to you, because he believes in you. Your dad and I see so much in you that you are holding back and only you can release it". </div>
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I also say "You have to believe what I say and stop listening to the voice in your head. You can do this, but you have to push through the fear. You will never know what you are capable of, if you keep listening to the lie that you aren't good enough".</div>
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One of the hardest things a parent can watch is a child paralyzed and held back by fear, doubt and insecurity. Sitting on the side lines waiting with baited breath for them to realize just what they are capable of, is excruciating. </div>
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But, I am Andrew. I am scared. I am in the game, but I'm holding back. I kind of know there's more in there, but I'm still idling. I'm still listening to that voice in my head that says, "Who do you think you are?" </div>
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I'm looking around and thinking they've been playing longer than me, I will just let them do it. They are better at this whole thing than I am, so Coach it's ok to take me out of the game. I'm ok on the sidelines. I'm just gonna run around the field and look busy, but there are those moments when I get my eye on that ball and no one is gonna take it away from me. There are those moments when I kick that ball so hard I surprise myself. There are times when I look over on the sidelines and it's looks like my mom's face is going to split in half from pride. There are those times when somewhere inside I know there is greatness that the world has yet to see... </div>
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After the game is over I remind that kid again of what I see... I see greatness and I'm going to tell him every day until he believes it too. I'm going to be that voice of truth that pushes him past the fear and to reach his full potential. </div>
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I'm thankful for the people in my life that do that for me. I'm thankful for the people that say "Let me tell you what I see." I'm thankful for people who remind me not to compare myself to other people, who tell me to run my fastest, play my hardest, give my all and forget about those older brothers.</div>
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I'm thankful for the sweetest voice of all... the One who said, "I chose you... you are mine." His love is beyond my understanding. He knows everything about me. He knows my fears, insecurities and doubts and I know it pains Him to know that I listen to the voice in my head instead of His. I know that He watches me hold back, out of fear and I know He waits patiently for me to finally start believing that "In Christ I can do all things." </div>
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I can see in my 8 year old that fear is a liar. Fear is paralyzing. Fear is scary and big and loud, but everything fear says is a lie. It's easy to see that in him. It's easy to see fear telling him that he's not good enough and it's just as easy for me to see how good he can be. </div>
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How do we shut up the fear? The Word... Just as Jesus refuted the enemy in the wilderness with the Word, we must believe the Word of Truth.</div>
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"There is no fear in love; INSTEAD, perfect LOVE drives out fear..." I John 4:18</div>
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The love of our perfect Father in heaven, through the love displayed for us by Christ Jesus on the cross is that perfect love that casts out our fear. </div>
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This morning when I was reminding my son of this truth, I asked him how he could know that he was valuable... he said because Jesus would never have given his life for trash. OH, SON you are so much farther along than me already. </div>
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Friend, are you holding back? Are you paralyzed by fear? Are you letting the voice in your head convince you that you are not enough? Fear is a liar... If Jesus has put you on the field play your heart out... the world is waiting for YOU!</div>
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histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-6925498979926099892018-10-04T10:01:00.000-05:002018-10-04T10:01:58.432-05:00Game of ThronesAn epic battle rages in the early morning hours and extends well after the sun has gone down... Who will win the bid for the throne, who will lead this tiny kingdom, who is really in control? I like to think that I am the one, who is running this show, but my 10yr old middle son gives me a run for my money ALL. DAY. EVERYDAY. As if we were two ancient armies, facing off on either side of a wide valley, we wage war all day, lay down in camp at night, and start up again in the morning. The clashing of two titans, with iron wills, ever ready to defend our ground. <br />
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Our most recent battle started innocently enough, cruising down the highway last night, jamming to a good song on the radio, when out of nowhere the station changed (side note: who in the name of goodness thought it would be a great idea to put radio controls in the backseat, I hate you.). I don't know when it happened that a mini human started thinking that he could just control the car radio, but my mini-me thinks by divine right he can change the station anytime he wants to. NOT COOL.<br />
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Our biggest battles happen during school hours each day. To graduate at 5th grade or not to, is the question. No, son... you can not quit in 5th grade and still go to college. No, son you have not reached the zenith of your education. You must press on with the thing we call school. "Sit down and do your work" is my constant battle cry. No you can't watch TV, play football, and eat all day, you must do school. ALL. DAY. EVERYDAY.<br />
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Speaking of TV, that's a whopper. Oh, 3 games of NFL Sunday were not enough for you? Oh, I'm sorry, yes let me see if I can muster up some sympathy for your pour mistreated soul. <br />
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There is no area that is off limits for the two of us. We fight about breakfast, junk food, music, TV, school, we fight about swimming in December, we fight about everything, and I guess if I was a better monarch, then we wouldn't fight at all, but people I'm tired. <br />
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To be honest, we are too much alike. Out of all my children, he is the one who is most like me. We love everything that we shouldn't, the only difference is that I understand a thing or two about consequences... Like if you eat too many brownies you will get sick. If you quit school in 5th grade you won't get a good job, and then you will be living with me for the rest of your life (and I can't handle that), so you are getting an education. I know stuff he doesn't know... so, like it or not young son you will submit to my will.<br />
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Another epic battle rages in another dimension every day as well... My will or Thine. My kingdom vs. His Kingdom. He being King Jesus, the rightful heir to the throne, the one who paid the price to ascend and be seated. Daily I pray "Your Kingdom come" and then fight frantically to recover the throne. The battle rages for control, leaving me with self-inflicted wounds, as our wills collide. <br />
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There is no contest... He is the undisputed King. I know it's a losing battle, but I fight anyway. When He says, "Love your enemies", I balk and say, "I can't". When He says, "Value others above yourself", I say, "Impossible." When He says, "You must die to yourself and pick up your cross.", I say, "It's too heavy, that's too much." When He says, "Be still (stop fighting) and know (that I am God)", I say, "I can't let go." <br />
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The power struggle rages on. I want to be Queen of my own life. I want to be captain of my own destiny. I struggle to surrender control of my life, because what if I don't like what Jesus does with it. But, whether or not I accept it in the moment, Jesus is King. He will have His way. There is really no power struggle, it's all in my head. He will have His way in my life and unlike the war between my child and I, there is no doubt who is in control. <br />
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He is King. His will for me is better than my will for me. Just like my child, my will is usually selfish. I have to constantly fight the battle of being completely self-centered... as if I were the Sun with all the planets rotating around me. I, like most earthly kings, believe that everything and everyone is here to make me happy. <br />
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As a parent, I have one main goal in life, it's NOT my kids happiness, because I recognize that what makes them happy, usually is NOT good for them. My main goal as a parent is to prepare and equip my children to grow up and be mature, responsible adults, people that are prepared for their future and that requires a lot of time fighting for what is best for them. <br />
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As King, Jesus, has ONE goal for His people... to prepare us for the future of being with Him. My happiness is NOT His priority. His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts. His ways are higher than ours. It's up to me to surrender to His will for my life, recognizing that He knows more than I do and His ways are better. It's up to me to bow my knee to the real King and say with my whole being, "Not my will, but Thine." <br />
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It's up to me to trust God to know what is best for me. It's up to me to lay my weapons down, raise my white flag and let Him lead. I know what ever He does is good. He has proven that to me at the Cross. There is nothing He would not do for my good. He gave everything up for me... now it's my turn to give it all up to follow Him. He is the Worthy King. <br />
<br />histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-11121086772074305452018-09-27T10:46:00.001-05:002018-09-27T12:12:16.450-05:00Common GroundI knew I was on to something new and scary and amazingly freeing the day my friend Katie, walked into my house unexpectedly and I didn't kill over and die. Katie was my neighbor and our friendship had just begun to blossom, but our relationship mostly consisted of sitting out in the her front yard, watching our kids play in the street. I was just in the beginning stages of understanding that I did not have to be perfect, but on this day I was pushed to a new place I didn't know I needed desperately to go.<br />
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That day Katie waltzed through the front door and called out my name, walking through the dining room on her way to the kitchen, she looked into my laundry room and said, "Wow, am I glad I saw that." It looked like a clothes volcano had erupted. She hadn't even made it into the kitchen yet, so I knew she was about to be relieved of any idea that I was the perfect mom and wife, but I realized that day how much I needed her to know that. I needed her to take me down off the pedestal of perfection I could never actually maintain. <br />
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I was starting to understand a little of what Paul was saying in 2 Corinthians 12:9<br />
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"He said to me, 'My GRACE is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in WEAKNESS.' Therefore, I will GLADLY BOAST all the more in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me."<br />
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For years I had been trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother... I was on a mission of self-improvement to show myself, the world and God that I was good enough. But, the truth was I was a overwhelmed mom of 5 young children, one who was still in diapers. I was homeschooling 4 little people and any honest HS mom will tell you, that during the school year, it's either teach your kids OR have a clean house, but it's close to impossible to do both. I couldn't keep up with laundry or dishes... so there was never going to be a day that was good for Katie to just drop in. I'm so thankful that she pushed me out of my comfort zone that day. What wasn't lost on me that day was her relief in being able to look behind the curtain and see who I really was. She was happy to know that my laundry was piled up and my dishes were over-flowing and the most amazing thing is, from that day on she always came over to lend me a hand. <br />
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I learned a valuable lesson that day... If I would be open and vulnerable and truthful about my weaknesses God would use that to help me where I was overwhelmed. <br />
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It's human nature to want to show your good side, to close the laundry room door, so no one is able to see the real us. That's why Facebook and Instagram are so popular. We take 55 selfies just to get perfect one, making sure our neck is stretched out and that crooked tooth is not showing too much, we choose the perfect filter and make sure the lighting is just right... all because we want people to see the good stuff. We share our kid's achievements and our vacation pics, our date night selfies and nights out with friends. We don't share that fight we just had with our spouse, or the money problems that plague us, we don't share that we just cried our eyes out in the bathroom, because we can't handle life. We don't talk about the kid that's failing math or the one on drugs. Of course I don't recommend sharing your most personal details with the world wide web... but the thing is that a lot of times we treat our closest friends the same way. We don't want people to see the mess that we really are.<br />
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But, I LOVE what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 11:30 "If I must boast, I will boast about the things that show my weakness." <br />
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Paul had a lot of achievements to boast in, but when he met Jesus, He realized that all the stuff that he could boast in was worthless. <br />
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Paul said in Philippians, "But everything that was gain to me, I have considered as loss because of Christ. More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the SURPASSING value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." <br />
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When Paul met Jesus and realized that no earthly achievement was able to save him, he considered it all worthless. When He received the lavish GRACE of God, he was willing to let everything else he had hoped in fall away. Only Jesus mattered. <br />
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I think about the mom wars... you know working mom vs stay at home mom, breast feeding mom vs bottle feeding mom, granola mom vs twinky mom (I think I made that up), but you get the point. When we boast about what we think we do well or the decisions we have made, we divide ourselves into groups. <br />
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You know that awkward moment when you met a totally adorable new mom at the park and you strike up a conversation, everything is going wonderfully, UNTIL you mention that you're a (fill in the blank) mom. All of the sudden everything goes quiet and the conversation dies. There seems to be no common ground...<br />
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But what happens when you have that honest moment with a friend and you share your struggle? In that beautiful, vulnerable moment two souls, breath a sigh of relief and say, "Wow, I'm glad I saw that." <br />
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Think about sitting down talking basketball with Lebron James... how would you feel leaving that conversation? Talking to one of the "greats" would make me feel like a loser, who could never measure up. But, imagine having a discussion about the struggles of parenting with him instead. Imagine him sharing the struggles of balancing being a good dad and having to travel so much, imagine him saying he is burdened with guilt when he can't be there? How would you feel then? Empathetic? Compassionate? Connected? Would you find some common ground when you saw his weakness and vulnerability and wouldn't that make you feel much closer to him, because he allowed you a glimpse behind the curtain of greatness to the real man inside.<br />
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"Therefore if I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." Apostle Paul.<br />
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It's still hard to open my door wide and let the world see the truth, but the freedom is worth it. So, come on in, peek in my laundry room, check out my over-flowing sink and let's find some common ground.<br />
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<br />histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-35801564012626801822018-09-25T20:48:00.000-05:002018-09-25T20:57:11.897-05:00To Die For.A pen moving furiously, a hand trying to keep up with a mind more complex than most, paper holding truths hidden in mysteries for thousands of years, a heart so overwhelmed with gratitude, it didn't matter that he is imprisoned? The chain, of no consequence, he had found freedom that Rome could not take away. Being under constant guard, nothing more than a chance to share the Gospel, every time the guard changed. <br />
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The words on the page, a letter to his brothers and sisters in the churches around the world. Encouragement to hold on to the message they had received through him. The message he would ultimately give his life for. <br />
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Paul once zealous for the God of Israel and ready to rid her of all evil, had been the chief tormentor of the local churches. Now after coming face to face with King Jesus, Lord of all the earth, Messiah, Savior and hearing the message clearly for the first time, was a new man. His single-minded devotion to Christ and to sharing His Good News is unequalled. Nothing will stop him from heralding the Kingdom of Christ Jesus. <br />
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The letter he writes pierces the heart of any believer in Christ:<br />
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"Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually advanced the gospel, so that it has become known in the whole imperial guard...that my imprisonment is because of Christ... 18) What does it matter? Only that in every way... Christ is proclaimed, and IN THIS I REJOICE." Philippians 1:12-18<br />
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How could the man rejoice when he was sitting in prison? When he had lost position, power, prestige, friends and freedom? How could he say that the only thing that matters is Christ being proclaimed? <br />
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"To live is Christ and to die is gain?" How could he utter these words and live them to the fullest? What happened to him on that road to Damascus that so completely shifted his world view?<br />
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What teaching would Martin Luther, standing before the Holy Roman Emperor, Charles V, not recant on penalty of excommunication or death? What truth did he hold to that was more precious than life?<br />
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What truth so enraptured John Knox, that he would allow himself to be chained night and day in the galleys for two years, convicted as a common criminal, instead of recanting his beliefs?<br />
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Peter, James, John, Thomas, Philip all dying for the sake of the gospel... Why was their message so dangerous? Why were they so willing to give their lives for the advancement of the gospel?<br />
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What is the gospel? It's the "Good News". The message that the conquering King was victorious. The message they were proclaiming is the rightful King of all creation had come and He had vanquished His enemies, by his death on the cross. By giving himself as a sin offering, He had been the payment for our sins, by rising again, He had defeated our worst enemy, death. On the cross He had accomplished what we COULD NOT accomplish no matter how hard we tried to keep the law. <br />
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When Paul met face to face with King Jesus, he knew that everything he had been striving for his whole life no longer mattered. He saw in Christ, the peace of God toward man. He saw in Christ that he no longer had to strive to earn the favor of God. He no longer had to try to be good enough. He saw that through Christ his sins had been forgiven, once and for all and he now had peace with God and access to the Father through the Son. He would rather die than go back to trying to earn his own salvation. He would live out every last breath sharing the good news with anyone who would listen to him. <br />
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Peter, James, John, Martin Luther, John Knox and thousands like them would gave their lives on crosses, in arenas, attacked by wild animals, tortured to death on stakes, beaten, burned in the fire all for the sake of the good news they would never be able to recant. <br />
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"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? COME TO ME. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of GRACE. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30, MSG translation.<br />
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When you come to Jesus and you realize He has done all the work, you can rest. You no longer have to prove anything to anyone. Your standing before the God of Heaven is secure IN CHRIST and that truth is worth dying for. histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-562166762997453634.post-28957347155442737112018-09-24T19:57:00.000-05:002018-09-24T20:39:37.682-05:00I tried to be good... I remember sitting in front of the TV, nursing a baby, scrolling mindlessly through a 100 channels when something on the screen jarred me out of my zombie state. I was sucked into to marathon veg fest of "17 Kids and counting". Right there on that couch I had finally found what I had been looking for... "the perfect Christian woman". Michelle Duggar became the model that I pattered my life after. She seemed to me to be exactly what every Christian woman should be and I wanted to be just like her. <br />
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Let me back track a little... Growing up I was a wild child, least likely to succeed, bottom of my class and many other things that don't really matter now, but in my heart that's not really the girl I wanted to be. Now that I'm an adult I can look back at my teenage rebel self and see with different eyes and I love that girl now, but I hated her then. I did stuff I hated and I couldn't figure out why or how to not do it again. <br />
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At 19 I heard that greatest news of my life. For the first time in 19 years someone explained the Gospel to me and this what they told me...<br />
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God created us. He set some rules for his creation that were for their own good. People broke those rules. Sin separated us from God. He had a plan to restore us to himself, because He loved us too much for us to be eternally separated from Him. He sent His own Son to pay the penalty we could not pay. If we accepted through faith the GIFT that was given to us we could be reconciled to God for eternity. <br />
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I could agree there was a God, but up until that point in my life I didn't know much about him, except He wanted me to be good and I didn't know how, so I agreed with all that. I could not ever be good enough for God. In fact I was really shocked when the church didn't catch on fire as my mom marched us down the center aisle to the front of the church, to sit close enough to the "holy man" to get sprayed with spittle when he got really excited. <br />
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When He shared the Gospel (good news) about Jesus I knew I had never in my life heard any better news and even though I had no idea what it meant to give my life to him, I handed over my messy life to Him and received His clean life.<br />
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I started going to church all the time (and liked it), started reading my Bible ( and LOVED it), started praying and talking to God about all my worries, fears, hopes and dreams... I was astounded with this new experience with Jesus. <br />
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I knew I was supposed to be a new creation now and in a lot of ways I was, but what I didn't realize was that I still had all that old junk in there too. It wasn't mysteriously gone. I didn't know that God was going to be working on me from the inside out for the rest of my life. <br />
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Sadly, after a while I figured out that I still wasn't good. I tried really hard for a while... but some old things die hard. I decided to give up trying... so I quit going to church, stopped reading my Bible and I definitely couldn't pray, because I couldn't stand to think about God knowing all my junk. <br />
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I ran as far away from God as I could go, but He NEVER left me. He continually called me back. He whispered His love to my soul. He drew me in with His promise that no matter what I have ever done or will ever do, NOTHING could cause Him to give up on me. During that time I tried to drown out His voice so I could go on with my life without hearing from Him, but it never worked. <br />
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Against my will I ended up at church on a Sunday morning, feeling sick to my stomach, knowing I was polluting the people around me, worrying what rumors they might have heard about me, and wishing I could be anywhere else. Standing up front the preacher passionately shared the story of the prodigal son. Telling all who would listen about the son who had wasted his inheritance on partying and prostitutes and found himself cleaning pig pens and eating slop. How the son decided to turn around and go home and beg forgiveness, but as He was approaching His Father, who had been waiting for him every day, started running to him and wrapped him up in his embrace. The Father wrapped his robe around him, restoring him to the family and then throwing a party to celebrate his home-coming. <br />
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The second best news of my life wrapped around my soul that day. I promised myself that day I would do whatever I had to do to make up to my Father all that I had wasted. I still didn't understand how GOOD God was. I didn't understand that there would be many more times in my life that I would have to turn back to my Father and that He would ALWAYS have open arms for me. I didn't understand GRACE. <br />
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Grace- favor, love and acceptance that I COULD NEVER EARN. <br />
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I wanted to put as much distance between me and that girl who had wasted her life. I didn't want anything in my life to resemble that girl I was.<br />
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That's where Michelle Duggar comes in. If I copied her and did what she did then maybe I could finally be good enough. So I started growing my hair long, wearing only skirts, making sure my house was perfect and my children were well-behaved. I tried to talk with a sugar-sweet voice, I tried to be the perfect wife and mother.<br />
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I found out it was really hard to be someone else. I really missed my old faded blue-jeans, and I'm not really a great house cleaner, so my house was always a mess (so no one could stop-by, I would die 50 slow deaths), my hair starts breaking off after it gets passed my shoulders and if you know me at all, you KNOW I don't have a sugar-sweet voice. My kids talk about farting and every other in-appropriate thing in the world and sometimes my husband and I have heated exchanges that would disqualify me for perfect wife. <br />
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The harder I tried to be like her the more I felt like a failure. I wanted to be good enough, but striving to be someone that I perceived to be good, was more like a full-time job. The heavy burden starting making me anxious and I didn't want to be around anyone, because I felt like people were always judging me... and they thought I was judging them. I started to suffer with depression and I HATED my life. <br />
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A friend at church, who had seen the inner struggle and who was smart enough to know that I was trying to EARN what had already been given to me, handed me a Bible study called "Stuck". The first week the verses were all centered in Ephesians chapter 1-2. That week I reread those chapters repeatedly until they were imprinted in my mind... and I heard the 3rd best news of my life...<br />
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"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do." Eph 2:10<br />
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Time is too short to share all the verses that lead up to this one, but the basic thing that struck my heart like a lightning bolt that day was that God created me (individually) for reasons that He decided long before I was born. He made me ME!!! That day I quit trying to be someone else. I still have a great love for Michelle as a woman, who obviously loves Jesus, BUT that day I felt like chains had been removed from my body. I felt for the first time in my life the true freedom of GRACE. <br />
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For the first time in my life I knew that I was never going to be good enough for myself or anybody else and that was ok. The freedom of knowing that I could NEVER do anything to earn God's favor was life-giving news.<br />
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Knowing that God loved me infinitely more than I could understand on my best day and my worst day set me free from earthly expectations (mine and others). <br />
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I'm not going to do the "right" things all the time and that's ok... I'm not going to respond the right way or speak kindly all the time. I'm never going to be perfect and that's some good news!!!<br />
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<br />histruthendureshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09781087195919611263noreply@blogger.com0