Wanna Talk About Me

 There's a song by the late country artist Toby Keith called "I Wanna Talk About Me", and the chorus goes like this...

I want to talk about me

want to talk about I,

want to talk about number one Oh my me my

What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see

I like talking about you, you, you usually,

but occasionally 

I want to talk about me

It's a funny song about how the guy always has to listen to the girl talk about everything under the sun and how he can never get a word in edgewise.  It's relatable...  I think we can all be like this sometimes, but especially in our relationship with our God.  

Our prayers times are often filled with moaning, groaning, complaining or begging for something that we think we will die without.  We bless "our" food before we eat, we throw up hasty one-liners before we head off anywhere.  We bless and curse people in traffic, beg for a good grade on our tests, request prayer from our friends, for anything from broken fingernails to broken homes, and all of that is wonderful, because God wants us to bring him all of our requests, but when do we ever just sit and let him talk to us... about Himself?

I find myself in long seasons like this...  and it's in these seasons of one-sided conversation that I feel disconnected, frustrated and unloved.  It's times like these that my prayers turn into accusations of not being seen, not being known, of being forsaken and misunderstood.  

In Bible study this week in the study guide "He's Where the Joy Is" by Tara-Leigh Cobble I read this paragraph that really made me start thinking about this.  

Cobble says, "Having a God who in one in nature/being and three in Persons can seem confusing or contradictory, but that's simply because there's nothing else like Him in existence.  No other religion in the history of the world has ever had a God like this, and WE WOULD DO WELL TO LEARN ABOUT HIM SINCE HE'S THE FOUNDATION OF OUR FAITH." 

This reminds me of the famous quote by A.W. Tozer, "What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.

I've been reminded this week that our God is like no other and in this humanistic, man-centered world we can loose track of WHO our God is and HOW our God shows his love for us.  It reminds me that the ONLY way I can know my God is through relationship with Him and by what He reveals about Himself through His WORD.  

A few months ago, I could sense the strain in one of the relationships with my children.  I could tell he was feeling unloved and unseen.  I could tell that there was a lack of understanding on his part about what love looked like from us, his parents, and that he needed to be reminded of this love and of who we are and who he is to us.  I also realized there was a lot that my now teenager needed to know and understand about me his mom, that had never really been appropriate to share before.  I knew that if I could share more of myself with him and if he knew me in a new and deeper way, he would begin to see my love for him much more fully.  

It's hard to get one-on-one time in a family of seven, so there can be long stretches of small talk and conversation in passing, while we head to this place or that.  I knew if we were going to have this pivotal and vital conversation it would have to be just the two of us.  

One afternoon I blocked off a few hours of time and asked my son if he would come away with me and spend some time just the two of us.  When we got in the car headed somewhere we could talk I told him I'd like to tell him my life story.  I'd like for him to know more about me.  I'd like for him to understand me more fully, because if he did, I told him, he would experience my love for him like he never had before.  

So, sitting in that car together I shared my life story with my teenage son.  I drew him in to my heart and my mind.  I opened up to him in a way that I never had before and as I did there were moments of tears, there were moments of understanding and recognition and ultimately a deeper, closer relationship.  But one thing I KNOW for sure happened that day, my son came away from that conversation, knowing for the first time in a long time how deeply I love him.  Little by little, day after day our love grows deeper, and our relationship grows stronger because NOW he understands the ways I've always loved him.

It's hard for us to understand a God, not of human making.  Throughout scripture there are many men and women who have cried out from human understanding to a God, who transcends everything we can comprehend, and questioned His love.  From the beginning of time, we humans have created God's in our own image.  

From the beginning God has been revealing Himself to humanity.  Progressive revelation has been God's way of giving us glimpses of himself little by little.  He has revealed Himself from the beginning as the Creator, then He revealed Himself by various differed names and titles, to the ancients, the Prophets and the children of Israel.  Eventually through His Son Jesus, who IS the express image of God, He revealed Himself as Our Heavenly Father, who has chosen, accepted and adopted us, all for His good pleasure.   

I John:9-10 says, "THIS is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.  THIS IS LOVE; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and SENT HIS SON AS AN ATONING SACRIFICE." 

Finally, God revealed Himself to us through the Holy Spirit, whom Jesus, says is our Advocate and who will teach us all things."  

I find myself in a season of solitude and more time on my hands than I've had in the past and I don't think it's by accident.  I know I have been like my teenage son, in my relationship with God.  For a while my prayers have been shallow, and my devotion has been luke-warm.  My heart has been cold, and I find myself feeling unloved, unseen and forsaken. 

 I know my Father is saying, "Angela, come away with me.  Let me tell you more about me.  Let me show you Who I am... because it's only when you fully understand 'Who I AM' that you can grasp who you are to me and how much I love you and always have.  

I Corinthians 2:11 says, "No one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God... We have received the Spirit of God so that we could understand what had been freely given to us by God."

If you find yourself in a season that you just don't understand God and you feel forsaken, unloved and unseen maybe it's time to sit down with the LORD and let Him talk to you about HIMSELF for a while.  I know we will all walk away from our time with Him with a fresh understanding of WHO He is and how much He has loved us.