Feminine Modesty

For a long time I feel like I have been in transition. I grew up thinking that my value and worth were completely based on looks. I felt confident in my looks and I dressed to make the best of what I had. When I became a Christian it was a new world to me. Even I knew that there was about to be a major overhaul in my life. It's been 13yrs now and I thought I had come so far in my walk. I thought I was getting close to the finish line of things that needed to be changed. I have been working on applying the Word to so many areas of my life. Not that I had arrived, I was just so much better than where I started. Wow. Little did I know that all that other stuff had all been surface stuff. I mean God and I had done some work, but it hadn't really reach the deeper layers.

After becoming a mom 5 years ago to a beautiful daughter, I realized I didn't want her to be like me. I did not want her to find her identity in her looks or clothes... So, thus began the work of the Holy Spirit in this area of dress. I began to be burdened about not feeling and being feminine... Man is that a process. There was a time in my life when I really thought feminine meant showing your body. Well, I really couldn't have her doing that now could I. I knew enough to know she was going to grow up and dress like me, because I had grown up to dress just like my mom... So, first I started wearing more dresses and such... Then I stumbled upon "Above Rubies" and other websites that were taking this issue so much further. Then I picked up my bible and said ok what do you have to say about this?! Well, needless to say what I saw in the pages of God's word did not reflect the women in my church or any women I knew. In fact to the women in my church you would have to be one of those "other" denominations if you had long hair or wore longer skirts. Anyways, I'm getting off the subject I just really didn't have anyone to show me the way... Then the word Modest came in to my vocab... What exactly did that mean?! I mean I was trying really hard not to "show anything". Wow, now God is telling me not to draw attention to myself?! Well, I was more than willing to dress more feminine and even show less skin, and just be more mindful of my dress, all the while being very fashionable. I even thought to myself I can be an example of modesty and fashion at the same time... Thus exposing my MAIN problem VANITY. When I read I Peter 3 and 1 Tim 2 and I saw the words modesty, sobriety, and shamefacedness I knew that could not be good. Then he goes on to talk about accessories (I LOVE ACCESSORIES), and hair, costly array. That is just going to far... Then He goes on to say that we should adorn ourselves with Good works if we profess Godliness. OH MY GOODNESS. To tell the truth that is where I have been stuck for the last few months. Seeing the situation of my heart. That I after all this time still found my worth and value in looks and clothes. That I still do not see my worth in Christ alone. I just read a great article on "Jesus is my Pearl" blog that showed me alot of what I am writing now... Things I could not admit to myself. What will my family think? What will my husband think if I go all the way. This is my cross right now, because I can see that I am holding on to my identity instead of holding on to Christ...

Well, that's enough self-reflection for now... I have to sit and meditate on all of this and pray for God to change my heart and help me become obedient... But, one last thought, the more I have embraced God's ways the more free I feel. I know to some they will assume this is about legalism and all that, but really it's about finding my identity in Christ and being free from years of bondage...

Update...

Well, I haven't been blogging in a while so there have been some changes in my life. Life is full and we are happy and healthy. Everyone is growing and changing.



My "baby" is now 16mos. old and doing the toddler thing. It's funny I never get tired of watching a little one learn about the world. It is so fascinating. He is nothing like the other two. He is fearless, outgoing, and FUNNY. I love watching all my children with each other... I guess it is a good thing that he is growing up, because we are expecting blessing #4 in May. We have 1 girl and 2 boys, so big sis is hoping for lil sis... It would be wonderful to have another little girl, but we will be happy with another rough-houser too.



My oldest is 5 and she started school this year. We decided through much prayer that home-school would be best for our family and it has been AWESOME. This I will have to document elsewhere, but I will say here that I love having her home with me. This is what I envisioned life should be like...



My middle is about to turn 4 and all of the sudden he has developed a real passion for football. That's all he thinks about. He tackles everybody, but mostly his little helpless brother. It's amazing how much they have all changed in a year. I love watching them all develop their own personalities, likes, and dislikes.



Well, that's enough for now I guess. I'm thankful for Family, love, and life... God is Good, Faithful, and True...

What I can do for You...

Is never really what I want to do for You (I mean me).

I don't have a lot of time... I have 3 small children and I'm trying to be a "helpmate" to my Honey... I often lament over not having the time to do anything "special" for the Lord. One day as I was mulling over the list of things I can't do for the Lord like:

I can't go downtown and feed the homeless. I can't write a book telling all my wisdom (tongue in cheek). I can't start (lead) a bible study. I can't go over seas and do missions. AND on and on this list could go.

The Lord spoke to my heart and said there are MANY things I CAN do FOR HIM that I overlook daily.

I have a niece who is a single mom with an 8mo. old that needs someone to watch Him for little to nothing. WWJD? I could make a few meals for the lady down the street who just had knee surgery. WWJD? I have a friend going through a divorce leaving no extra money who needs someone to watch her children when she goes to the Dr. WWJD? I KNOW this list could go forever because there are countless ways to show the Love of Christ, but the point is these are things that I don't want to do. They are things that take sacrifice and have little earthly reward. So, again I see the true state of my heart. Which is "deceitfully wicked above all things."

What the Lord wants us to do everyday is look for the people that need help (REAL HELP) and do something for them to show that He loves them and cares for them. Then we will be doing something "special" for Jesus.

Complaining

I guess the biggest thing that I struggle with is my tongue... Proverbs says death and life are in the power of the tongue and as I have become a wife and mother I have seen the truth of this statement. I probably wouldn't have the time or space here for all the lessons God has tried to teach me through interactions with my children. There are times though when this space helps me meditate on something He has shown me, like a diary of sorts.

Today in my devotional I read Philippians 2:14-15 "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and HARMLESS, children of God without fault."
I am known as a person who says whats on my mind. In a past life this was considered a virtue. Now, it's really a curse in so many ways. One of my favorite passages about wives is I Peter 3:4 where it says that "a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price." Proverbs has a lot to say about the tongue but on of my favorites that applies to motherhood is Prov 31:26 "...in her tongue is the LAW of kindness." I used to say well that's just who I am, (God forbid) I would even say this is the way He made me, BUT I have since come to see how much of what we learn in scripture has to be applied to our lives with a very healthy dose of Self-control.

It's funny because I think about how much I try to be Christlike to people I barely know or pass by on the street all the while I treat my family terribly. I would never treat stranger the way I treat my children. Although they can sometimes bring out the absolute worst in us it was not intended to be that way. We are supposed to exhibit the attributes of Christ to our family first and then our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why is it that I treat them the worst could it be that I have misunderstood the teachings of my Savior?! Have I misunderstood what Good Works He was talking about. Am I focused on the outside acts or on God changing me from the inside.

Back to the verse I read today... I complain about everything, I whine and complain and then I wonder why my kids do the same thing. I'm so thankful for the word picture that God gives me through my children. I may never get it if it weren't for seeing my children and then seeing myself the way God must see me. I love them so much and I try so hard to do what is best for them, but they don't want whats best and they complain.

I could go on for a while, but I won't I will just work on not complaining and disputing. I will work on having self-control and not making excuses for myself. I will work on not expecting perfection from others and mediocre from myself. I will work on "Rejoicing always" and being thankful in all things. I want to be blameless and harmless (to my family especially), and it may take a lifetime, but I am going to work on it everyday.

Thankful...

I'm so thankful to be home. I'm thankful for a husband who sees my purpose in being at home. Sometimes I take it for granted, but this last week has brought this thought to the forefront of my mind. There are reasons too numerous to count, but the one at the top of my list this week is being at home with sick kids... My youngest son who is one came down with a BAD case of Strep... Now I'm not saying that I love being at home with sick kids. It's actually about the worst thing ever, BUT when my children are sick all they want is Mommy. I can't imagine not being there to take care of them, to hold them, to soothe away the tears. Since this is my profession I don't have to worry about how long I'm home from work or losing income... All I have to do is take care of my children just the way I can remember wishing my working Mom could take care of me when I was sick... This hard week also makes me so much more thankful for the weeks that go by without trouble... I love being at home with my children. I love my husband and I love being there to support him. I love not missing anything about my kids growing up. I love watching them learn new things. I love being home everyday and I'm so thankful.

"Behold the Lamb of God..."

Philippians 2

"Fulfill you my joy, that you be likeminded, having the same love, be in one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not everyman on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God thought it not robbery to be equal to God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in the fashion of a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in the earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue shall confess that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD, to the Glory of God the Father."


It's in my "human" nature to boast in all kinds of things. I boast about my awesome husband, my beautiful children, my charmed life. When I cook something halfway decent I boast about that. When I've lost a few pounds and my jeans are fitting pretty good I boast about that. It makes me feel good to boast about things going well in my life. And when things aren't going so well it's in my "human" nature to complain about that... When my kids are sick I complain, when my hair just won't do right, when I burnt the biscuits... you get the hint. But, lately God is showing how much my conversations are about "ME" and how very little they are about "Jesus".

God's word says The Spirit bears witness of Jesus.
When John was questioned about who he was he said "I was sent to bear witness of the Light."
John said "I must decrease and He must increase."
When John saw Jesus coming he said to the crowd "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world." Drawing the attention away from himself to Jesus.

Paul said "Yeah without a doubt, I count all thing loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ."

Lord, let me boast in you. Help me to be more like you so that when people see me they see you. Help me decrease so that you can increase."

Why is it so easy???

To point fingers, place blame, forget our vows, and break the covenant we made with our spouse and God?

I have a friend who is going through a separation. Although I believe with all of my heart that God is going to intervene in this situation it makes me reflect on the tendency to throw away our marriages like so much trash. Where has our loyalty gone, where has our concern gone for our children? Why is it so easy to walk away?

Marriage is a Covenant (an oath, solemn contract made between God and man) whose terms are dictated by God.

Matthew 19:5-6 Jesus says "For this cause shall a man leave Father and Mother, and cleave (be joined) to His wife; and They two shall be one flesh. Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."

That verse should serve as a WARNING to people. Remember we made an oath to the Almighty "FOR BETTER OR WORSE". The terms specified and dictated by God. What this world says is okay behavior doesn't apply to His children. Why do we think God overlooks our sin and gives a get out of marriage free pass. We are fooling ourselves. And like so many other sins the consequences of divorce are devastating and undeniable.

Let me say this LOUD and CLEAR. I don't care how amicable your divorce is. I don't care what reason you give. Remember it takes two and because Jesus has forgiven me for EVERYTHING I too can forgive ANYTHING. I don't care how well-adjusted your children seem... There are ALWAYS consequences to Divorce. One study says that children who have had a parent die are much more emotionally healthy than the children of divorce. Believe me I know I am a adult child of Divorce.

Even if you don't believe in Divorce and you just have an attitude of unforgiveness and bitterness you are in sin. Jesus said if you go to give your gift at the alter and remember your brother has aught against you leave your gift and go make it right with your brother. We are so self-righteous. We need to go back and take a good look at the words of our Savior. He said they will know you're my disciples if you LOVE one another. No greater Love hath any man than that He lays down His life for His friends. We say we are Christ Followers, but we can't love and forgive our spouses. How dare we preach to the rest of the world... I know this sounds pretty harsh, but you can be sure that God showed me myself FIRST. My heart is deceitfully wicked above all else and I have a tendency to justify my sin and cling to the wrongs done to me. We have to get rid of our self-righteousness and learn how to LOVE. Because Christianity is not about Good works it's about LOVE.