At my house we play a game called "Would you rather" and it goes something like this...
Everybody sits around the living room or riding in the car and we ask different people things like "Would you rather walk on burning coals or swim in ice water." Then the person says what they would rather do and asks another person something like "would you rather eat a bowl full of worms or drink a glass of swamp water?" Sometimes this game gets really gross and out of control, but it's a lot of fun, and the kids love to come up with crazier, yuckier, weirder questions... Lately I've had a lot of people asking me a lot of questions about our plans for more children and it made me think of this game.
Tonight as I was rocking my "baby" to sleep all of the conversations of the past few days were swirling in my head and the I'd rathers came to my mind. He's going to be 2 this week. This will be the longest that we haven't had a baby since we started having them. Naturally people want to know if we are finished because they know usually by now I would be pregnant. The thing is we (Bobby and I) aren't controlling that. We as a family have been praying for a while for a new baby and longing for the day when that happens for us. We have decided that the Lord knows what we can handle and we're gonna trust Him about this. I feel for my sisters who are in very tough positions and are making big sacrifices one way or another on this issue. Some are deciding it's time to quit... Believe me I understand. Some REALLY don't think they can handle another child, but in the hidden places of their heart they long for another one. Then their are woman who just don't want any more... I don't know where you are on the spectrum, but this is where I am:
I would rather have 10 more than never have another baby to hold.
I would rather have a 1000 more sleepless nights walking the floors with a crying baby than to sleep another night in peace.
I would rather live in a tent filled completely full than to have an empty nest.
I would rather be nursing for the next 10years straight (that would make me 45 if you're wondering) than to never nurse again.
I would rather cry everyday, because raising children is such a difficult task, than to have an easy life.
I would rather have 10 more children, than have another vacation.
I would rather dress in rags, than be designer clothes if that meant I had could never have another baby.
I would rather have the volume at the highest decibel of screaming and laughter from a full and happy house, than have quiet and peace.
I would rather be having a baby every two years, than not have another one.
I would rather teach 10 more children; please and thank you, Jesus loves me, and how to read, than have time to discover who I am again...
I would rather have 10 more just like Caleb, than to never have another.
I think you get my point. I have "those days" all the time. Earlier today Andrew cried for at least 2 hours and of course I started crying too. It's not easy. I was thinking about the baby stage and how hard it can be. Then the ones when you're teaching them to walk and you have to follow them everywhere. Then the two's when you lose your sweet angel and they become a tyrant. The 3's and 4's all the way up to the 20's there is something hard and challenging, but they are so worth it. I would rather have 15 children than be done right now. I'm praying that the Lord will send us an angel through adoption. To me this life has nothing to offer without the blessing of new life... Children are a blessing from the Lord and the only thing worth investing in!!! Some days I don't "feel" that way, but I know that passes and that the Bible is true... Children are a blessing, a gift, and a reward. So, NO I'm not done... Lord willing!!!