Monday, April 5, 2010

New Life...

Well, I'm at 33 weeks. You know this is about the time you're ready for this to be OVER!!! I love pregnancy. I think for the most part it's a wonderful, beautiful experience. Right up until about now when I begin to think this just might go on forever and I wonder if my body will always feel like this. Thank the Lord this is not my first go round so I KNOW that all of this is passing!!! And forgotten two seconds after holding that sweet new life in my arms. The longing for this newest little person is intense. Especially after two of my close friends have recently given birth. I don't even want to hold their babies because I know it will be unbearable waiting for Andrew to come. They are so beautiful though.

I love every stage of life so far. I love my "big" kids and watching them learn and form their own personalities and minds. I love watching my almost 2 years old walk and talk and sing. I enjoy watching them take in the world for the first time. I love being a mother. BUT, there is something remarkable about holding that new little life in your arms for the first time. Something so rewarding about them being so totally dependent upon me for the first few months. Something amazing about being the most important thing in the world to that small little person. I have missed that. I can't wait for this new little person to come meet us all. I am so blessed to be able to bear life. To be a Mother is so intensely amazing. To be a Mother and to have such beautiful moments with my little people is more than I could ever have imagined. I am so thankful for God's grace. I am thankful to be a woman, to bear life in my flesh, to feed from my body, to nourish their spirits and souls. What a privilege, what an honor.

So, I wait patiently enjoying the time that I have before 3 turns to 4. Waiting in anticipation to see how this new life fits into this family. Waiting until that moment when I can't remember what life was like without Andrew. Blessed beyond measure. I wait with aching back and sore feet knowing that SOON it will not even be a memory because my long awaited treasure will be here in my arms...

Thank you Lord for allowing ME to be Jordan, Isaiah, Caleb, and Andrews mother. Thank you for allowing me to live this life. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love. Thank you that your mercy endures forever and I am proof!!! I love you!!!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The difference...

Some days around here are better than others. Not just for me, but for the kids as well. I am 32 weeks pregnant. My feet hurt and my back aches. My nerves are raw and I have little patience. Sounds like the set-up for disaster... I've been getting up in the morning and having quiet time with the Lord. He is making me ever more aware that He is the Vine and I am the branch... "IF I abide in HIM I will bear much fruit." BUT, if not I will kill the fruit.

There are those days though that I think I'm way too tired and deserve to lay in the bed for an extra hour or two. Thinking foolishly that if I get more rest that I will be able to face the day in better form. Forgetting of COURSE that if I was walking in the SPIRIT that I would be able to face anything today. AND, that the fruit of His Spirit is just what my family actually needs from me... Love, Joy, Peace, Gentleness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Patience and Self-Control... These are the things that make the difference to ME AND THEM. Not more rest. More time with my Father.

On this day when I decided that sleep was so much more important I have managed to treat my children like a nuisance instead of a blessing. What a miracle I have growing inside of me. What precious treasures I have in front of me... Lord, help me to not forget that you MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN ME... AND, they the little people You have given me are the most important "thing" I have. Don't let me go my own way or lean on my own understanding. You can be my rest. You can be my strength, You can be my joy. They need me to be filled with you...