The Real Me is the one I try real hard to not let anyone see, but if you want to meet the real me, come over to my house and watch my children for a day...
My children are a reflection of the real me that I hide from the rest of the world. My children who are born with a sin nature and a rebellious heart are a mirror image of what's in my heart. Caleb with his anger. Jordan with her sass. Isaiah with his complaints. Andrew with his temper tantrums. All of them with their impatience and selfishness. I get so frustrated when I see all of these things in them, until God reminds me, that's a picture of the real me.
The real me is lazy like my kids who don't want to clean their rooms. The real me is impatient and unkind with anyone who impresses on my time or gets in my space. The real me doesn't want to eat my veggies, I want sugar instead. The real me is angry that things don't always go my way. The real me would rather watch stuff I shouldn't than spend time in God's word. The real me is tempted by everything. The real me is jealous. The real me is mean. The real me is out for #1.
This morning when I was making breakfast my two middle sons complained the whole time about what I was making. They don't want to eat healthier. They like cereal and pancakes covered in syrup, who doesn't. Oh me I would rather make that stuff, it's yummy and then I wouldn't have to fight with them. Instead I continue to make the healthy food that no one wants, because it's better for them, even if they don't care. As I cook I grow angrier and angrier at my children for being so hard to deal with, AND THEN... The Lord places the scene of the children of Israel in my minds eye. Complaining about EVERYTHING. Disobedient at every turn. Rebellious and Hardheaded. Problem is he wasn't showing me that because of my ungrateful children, he was showing me how he has to deal with the same thing from all of his children (including ME). Then He so graciously pointed out that my children are a reflection of the real me. The one that they get to see. The one who is not perfect inside the walls of this house. The one who complains all the time. The one who loses her temper all the time. The one who would rather go back to Egypt then follow God in this wilderness.
Oh yes, I can fool myself at times, but I have no goodness apart from Christ. The fruit of the Spirit in my life... love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control ONLY COME FROM HIS SPIRIT. The real me as at war with the Spirit in me all the time. Galatians 5:24-25 tells us "and they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." Crucify the Flesh... That's what I have to do on a daily basis, because when I became a follower of Christ I didn't become perfect. Everyday I have to die to MY, MY, MY affections and lusts... Do you see that? MY affections and lusts... I still have them, I just have to KILL THEM and live in the Spirit. My children haven't learned to do that yet, so when you see them misbehave just know they are a reflection of me.
Showing posts with label about me.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me.... Show all posts
Monday, February 27, 2012
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
5 things that save my sanity...
Today was ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!! You know the kind... the it's 8:05am and you wanna turn around and get back in bed cause YOU KNOW it's gonna be rough kind of day. Some days on this journey of Home-schooling are definitely harder than others. The days of school that coincide with teething baby and fussy toddler are the ones that do me in. They get me to thinking maybe I'm not cut out for this.
Today was a EVERYBODY including mommy is just too tired for this day. If baby wasn't crying and screaming momma while he pulled on my pants leg, then 3 year old was throwing himself on the floor in a fit of crying, and then to top it off if neither of them were crying, 7yr old was crying, whining, and throwing a fit about what she had to do. I literally sat on the floor at one point with 3 crying kids wailing around me, thinking WHAT AM I DOING???? It would be so much easier to send my big kids to school. I could take my littles to the park and play and do all the fun stuff I used to do when the bigs when they were little. I could clean my house (which by the way looks like FEMA should be called in). Someone else could be dealing with this 7 year old right now. BUT, I KNOW this is what God has called me to and that everyday is not like this. In fact yesterday my 7 year old was a perfect student. Anyway, back to the point of this post... I KNOW it is God's desire that we are thankful even in hard times, so as I was sitting here reflecting on this day I came up with a list of 5 things I am thankful for even on days like this.
1. I'm thankful PAPER PLATES!!!
2. I'm thankful for my beautiful husband who works from home and can interject some humor in days like this.
3. I'm thankful that on days like this when I know we won't get much learning done anyway, that I can sit on the floor with the bigs and the littles all together and read book after book to entertain them.
4. I'm thankful for dish washers, washing machines and dryers, and ANYTHING else that makes keeping this place going EASIER.
5. BUT the thing I am MOST thankful for on days like this is the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of my four children, because I AM NOT the perfect mom and Jesus is working this thing out in me. My kids see the worst of me and I am so thankful that they forgive easily and love completely!!!
Lord help me be a better Mommy please in Jesus name!!!
Today was a EVERYBODY including mommy is just too tired for this day. If baby wasn't crying and screaming momma while he pulled on my pants leg, then 3 year old was throwing himself on the floor in a fit of crying, and then to top it off if neither of them were crying, 7yr old was crying, whining, and throwing a fit about what she had to do. I literally sat on the floor at one point with 3 crying kids wailing around me, thinking WHAT AM I DOING???? It would be so much easier to send my big kids to school. I could take my littles to the park and play and do all the fun stuff I used to do when the bigs when they were little. I could clean my house (which by the way looks like FEMA should be called in). Someone else could be dealing with this 7 year old right now. BUT, I KNOW this is what God has called me to and that everyday is not like this. In fact yesterday my 7 year old was a perfect student. Anyway, back to the point of this post... I KNOW it is God's desire that we are thankful even in hard times, so as I was sitting here reflecting on this day I came up with a list of 5 things I am thankful for even on days like this.
1. I'm thankful PAPER PLATES!!!
2. I'm thankful for my beautiful husband who works from home and can interject some humor in days like this.
3. I'm thankful that on days like this when I know we won't get much learning done anyway, that I can sit on the floor with the bigs and the littles all together and read book after book to entertain them.
4. I'm thankful for dish washers, washing machines and dryers, and ANYTHING else that makes keeping this place going EASIER.
5. BUT the thing I am MOST thankful for on days like this is the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of my four children, because I AM NOT the perfect mom and Jesus is working this thing out in me. My kids see the worst of me and I am so thankful that they forgive easily and love completely!!!
Lord help me be a better Mommy please in Jesus name!!!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Practice, practice, practice...
My daughter recently started keyboard lessons. This has given me some insight into her personality. She loves the playing and going to class, she loves the attention she gets from others when she plays for them. I know it is boosting her self-confidence that she is mastering a new skill, BUT... She does not like to practice. She wants to be good and even know the songs the very first time she attempts to play it. She also doesn't understand why she has to practice the same songs over and over again. I've noticed it's the same way with school work. At first I was very frustrated by this and would lose my patience quickly with the lack of motivation. It didn't take long for the Holy Spirit to begin using this as a learning opportunity for me. As I began to see that I am much the same way.
The bible says that there is a way that seems right to man, but the end leads to death. Throughout the New Testament we are commanded to die to the flesh and renew our minds. Notice this word DEATH. This does not imply something painless and easy. However, I want EVERYTHING to be easy. I want being married and being a mom to be easy. I want homeschooling and housework to be easy. I want Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness AND self-control to be easy. I want hospitality to be easy and I want it to all be easy simultaneously. BUT, as you well know they are not. It takes years of practice and a test every now and then to learn any new lesson, especially when you are not naturally gifted in such areas.
God has always been faithful to allow me to get too far out in the water so that I will call out to him for help. HELP ME!!! That's my cry. I can't figure this thing out... At first it was marriage. I cried out for wisdom because "MY WAY" was definantly NOT working. God was faithful to answer my cry. He began to shower me with new ideas and ways of acting, thinking and feeling. I started to apply his wisdom to my marriage and WOW things really started to turn around. It wasn't easy, mostly because the principles that I learned didn't come naturally to me. Thankfully though things really changed and we have a good solid marriage thanks to God's word. THEN- dun, dun, dun... What happens you hit a few bumps in the road or some stress, or hormones or a new baby... Anyway there is a time of hardship and testing. How well did I really learn these new principles??? Well, I think I did pretty good when EVERYTHING was calm and still. Life doesn't stay that way long and what I have found is it takes a lot of PRACTICE to get something new down. Even then you still don't have it so it takes some testing to see how well you remembered what you have been taught. And over and over with the same lessons because like I said I don't come by this naturally.
Then it wasn't long after that that my two oldest children decided to have an opinion about life and distinct personalities marked by sinful heart. Don't get me wrong my kids are beautiful amazing creatures, but the Bible says that we all have a sinful heart and that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. So, after tears of frustration again I cried out to God for wisdom. First I must say that I foolishly thought that this parenting thing was gonna be easy. Just make some rules and apply some discipline and nothing can go wrong. WHICH is severely underestimating the FREE WILL of these little humans. Thankfully once again God began to show me some things. This I must admit has been an ongoing day by day adventure. Training a child in the way they should go can be a minute by minute responsibility and then you add a new little person every couple of years and it gets pretty crazy. But, when we call God is faithful to answer!!! Along the way parenting has given me the most opportunity to become more Christlike. So, the lessons in patience, gentleness, kindness and of course self-control have all come through parenting. AGAIN these are things that are completely out of my nature and character, but I found out the hard way that children learn by example. So, IF I was going to see these characteristics develop in my children then I was gonna have to learn them.
So, what does that mean for me??? Just like my daughter has to practice that keyboard everyday I must renew my mind and practice. Just like she has to play the same songs over and over I must practice the same concepts over and over until I can play by heart without looking at the music or my fingers. It has to get out of my head and into the deepest parts of my heart. AND, when I have gotten it I must move on to the next song and practice until I don't want to practice anymore. Then just when I think I've really gotten all the old lessons God will shake it up again and test me on it to see IF I REALLY GOT IT?! So, instead of throwing fits I need to practice because I know I love to feel accomplished, I love to get the attention from my heavenly Father and even from those close to me who recognize the changes in me, that I'm getting better everyday. Just like my girl when she practices. I love to watch her as she plays. I love to see her face light up when she has played a song perfectly for an audience. Remember Heaven is watching...
The bible says that there is a way that seems right to man, but the end leads to death. Throughout the New Testament we are commanded to die to the flesh and renew our minds. Notice this word DEATH. This does not imply something painless and easy. However, I want EVERYTHING to be easy. I want being married and being a mom to be easy. I want homeschooling and housework to be easy. I want Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness AND self-control to be easy. I want hospitality to be easy and I want it to all be easy simultaneously. BUT, as you well know they are not. It takes years of practice and a test every now and then to learn any new lesson, especially when you are not naturally gifted in such areas.
God has always been faithful to allow me to get too far out in the water so that I will call out to him for help. HELP ME!!! That's my cry. I can't figure this thing out... At first it was marriage. I cried out for wisdom because "MY WAY" was definantly NOT working. God was faithful to answer my cry. He began to shower me with new ideas and ways of acting, thinking and feeling. I started to apply his wisdom to my marriage and WOW things really started to turn around. It wasn't easy, mostly because the principles that I learned didn't come naturally to me. Thankfully though things really changed and we have a good solid marriage thanks to God's word. THEN- dun, dun, dun... What happens you hit a few bumps in the road or some stress, or hormones or a new baby... Anyway there is a time of hardship and testing. How well did I really learn these new principles??? Well, I think I did pretty good when EVERYTHING was calm and still. Life doesn't stay that way long and what I have found is it takes a lot of PRACTICE to get something new down. Even then you still don't have it so it takes some testing to see how well you remembered what you have been taught. And over and over with the same lessons because like I said I don't come by this naturally.
Then it wasn't long after that that my two oldest children decided to have an opinion about life and distinct personalities marked by sinful heart. Don't get me wrong my kids are beautiful amazing creatures, but the Bible says that we all have a sinful heart and that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. So, after tears of frustration again I cried out to God for wisdom. First I must say that I foolishly thought that this parenting thing was gonna be easy. Just make some rules and apply some discipline and nothing can go wrong. WHICH is severely underestimating the FREE WILL of these little humans. Thankfully once again God began to show me some things. This I must admit has been an ongoing day by day adventure. Training a child in the way they should go can be a minute by minute responsibility and then you add a new little person every couple of years and it gets pretty crazy. But, when we call God is faithful to answer!!! Along the way parenting has given me the most opportunity to become more Christlike. So, the lessons in patience, gentleness, kindness and of course self-control have all come through parenting. AGAIN these are things that are completely out of my nature and character, but I found out the hard way that children learn by example. So, IF I was going to see these characteristics develop in my children then I was gonna have to learn them.
So, what does that mean for me??? Just like my daughter has to practice that keyboard everyday I must renew my mind and practice. Just like she has to play the same songs over and over I must practice the same concepts over and over until I can play by heart without looking at the music or my fingers. It has to get out of my head and into the deepest parts of my heart. AND, when I have gotten it I must move on to the next song and practice until I don't want to practice anymore. Then just when I think I've really gotten all the old lessons God will shake it up again and test me on it to see IF I REALLY GOT IT?! So, instead of throwing fits I need to practice because I know I love to feel accomplished, I love to get the attention from my heavenly Father and even from those close to me who recognize the changes in me, that I'm getting better everyday. Just like my girl when she practices. I love to watch her as she plays. I love to see her face light up when she has played a song perfectly for an audience. Remember Heaven is watching...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Finding Time and believing lies...
Today I was a ranting raving crazy Momma. By the middle of the day I thought I really better get out of here before I messed things up good. Of course I thought it was the kids, or the house, or homeschooling. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and thinking maybe I was the wrong person for the job. All I could see was a messy house, a crying baby, a screaming toddler and two big kids running around doing nothing productive!!!
The thing is that is the exact opposite of what I want for my life. I truly desire to be all that God wants me to be and I want to do it with a cheerful disposition. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I'm striving to learn and grow and become. I feel like the caterpillar inside the cocoon. Wrestling, twisting, and turning. Wanting to go forward to the new, but feeling so comfortable with the old. When will I become that butterfly???
So, today as I'm "thinking" only negative thoughts about myself and my life I received an email that talked about the enemies mission against a child of God. IF you belong to God then satan has no power over your soul or your eternity, but He does have the power to come against you in other ways. His greatest weapon is discouragement. He whispers those little lies that say you will never make it. You will never become what God wants you to be. You're doing a terrible job so why don't you give up. For me personally the enemy tells me that if I didn't have all these kids or if I didn't home school I would be able to do more. I would have more time if I didn't have so much going on... He tells me I just don't have enough time to do it all... All these negative thoughts all day feeding on my resolve and courage to push on.
After reading the email about thoughts and the enemies attack I "thought" or better yet God whispered to my heart that has been the problem today... I have been believing the lies all day. So, now I need to change my thinking... I need to start thinking on things that are pure and true and right... if there be any virtue or praise think on these things. I need to start listening to the Voice of Truth... because HE says "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." I have to stop believing the lies...
That's not all though God began to show me that I have time for what I want to do. I have time to spend on facebook or email. My time is precious and there isn't a lot of it so I need to really prioritize it. I also need to be more organized and proactive with my time even if that means writing a schedule out and sticking to it throughout the day. BUT, I cannot believe the lie that I don't have enough time in the day. I have to start a task and finish it so that I'm not looking around at a bunch of half done things all day. I know that I will feel more productive and encouraged when I have folded AND put up the laundry or when I have washed/dried AND put up the dishes... BUT, it's TIME to stop feeding on lies. This is my life and I love it. I know that things in the future will be harder even still than where I am now so I must take this time to learn and grow for the future!!!
Lord please help me to see every opportunity to become what you want me to be. Help me to call upon your NAME when I am feeling troubled. Help me listen to you and not my enemy... Thank you Lord for all the work you have done in my life!!! I love you!!!
The thing is that is the exact opposite of what I want for my life. I truly desire to be all that God wants me to be and I want to do it with a cheerful disposition. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I'm striving to learn and grow and become. I feel like the caterpillar inside the cocoon. Wrestling, twisting, and turning. Wanting to go forward to the new, but feeling so comfortable with the old. When will I become that butterfly???
So, today as I'm "thinking" only negative thoughts about myself and my life I received an email that talked about the enemies mission against a child of God. IF you belong to God then satan has no power over your soul or your eternity, but He does have the power to come against you in other ways. His greatest weapon is discouragement. He whispers those little lies that say you will never make it. You will never become what God wants you to be. You're doing a terrible job so why don't you give up. For me personally the enemy tells me that if I didn't have all these kids or if I didn't home school I would be able to do more. I would have more time if I didn't have so much going on... He tells me I just don't have enough time to do it all... All these negative thoughts all day feeding on my resolve and courage to push on.
After reading the email about thoughts and the enemies attack I "thought" or better yet God whispered to my heart that has been the problem today... I have been believing the lies all day. So, now I need to change my thinking... I need to start thinking on things that are pure and true and right... if there be any virtue or praise think on these things. I need to start listening to the Voice of Truth... because HE says "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." I have to stop believing the lies...
That's not all though God began to show me that I have time for what I want to do. I have time to spend on facebook or email. My time is precious and there isn't a lot of it so I need to really prioritize it. I also need to be more organized and proactive with my time even if that means writing a schedule out and sticking to it throughout the day. BUT, I cannot believe the lie that I don't have enough time in the day. I have to start a task and finish it so that I'm not looking around at a bunch of half done things all day. I know that I will feel more productive and encouraged when I have folded AND put up the laundry or when I have washed/dried AND put up the dishes... BUT, it's TIME to stop feeding on lies. This is my life and I love it. I know that things in the future will be harder even still than where I am now so I must take this time to learn and grow for the future!!!
Lord please help me to see every opportunity to become what you want me to be. Help me to call upon your NAME when I am feeling troubled. Help me listen to you and not my enemy... Thank you Lord for all the work you have done in my life!!! I love you!!!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
100 Random things about me...
1. I love my family. I mean I love being a part of a family, I love the companionship. I love hanging out with my family, not just immediate, but my whole family.
2. I love holidays because I get to hang out with all of my family.
3. I love traditions... like pancakes on Sat...
4. I like cold weather clothes, but not cold weather...
5. I love living in Texas because one day it will be 30 outside and the next day it can be 75.
6. I really like my husband... I think He is probably the best man in the world and I'm not saying that because it's the right thing to say. I think He is really cool.
7. I like my kids alot most of the time, but even when their not being like able I love them more than I thought I ever could!!!
8. This should probably be #1, but... I really love the Lord. Sometimes I don't understand Him, but through it all He has been faithful to me. He loved me first and dragged me out of a pit so for that no matter what happens I will love Him.
9. I love Mexican food. Chips and salsa are my faves...
10. My best friend is 24, but she is so much more mature than I am at 32...
11. I love the color blue... any shade.
12. I love to be organized, but have not idea how to stay that way.
13. I have 5 junk drawers in my kitchen... You would think I could find better things to do with those drawers than keeping stuff I will never use?!?!?!
14. I love decorating shows so I can steal other peoples ideas because I have none of my own.
15. I hate kid's bday parties. I don't understand why I have to spend so much money on a bunch of decorations, plates, balloons, etc... that will just get trashed 2 hrs. later.
16. I throw away my kids toys when they get broken or lose pieces.
17. My favorite date night is dinner and a movie?! Nothing exciting..
18. Romantic gestures make me queasy...
19. My husbands jokes turn me on more than roses.
20. I love to laugh... sometimes when I'm not supposed to, sometimes way to loud, but I don't care.
21. I used to hate myself, but I'm really beginning to love the person God is making me.
22. I like my 32yr old body after 4 children. I'm not afraid of the light (if you know what I mean).
23. I love the feeling of security... with God, with Hubs...
24. I love a clean house, but I hate to clean... I don't mind to straighten, but I hate to deep clean.
25. Well, I could keep going, but I'm bored already and I'm sure you are too. SO, I am gonna stop at 25. I LOVE DIET COKE for the taste... What is wrong with me?????
2. I love holidays because I get to hang out with all of my family.
3. I love traditions... like pancakes on Sat...
4. I like cold weather clothes, but not cold weather...
5. I love living in Texas because one day it will be 30 outside and the next day it can be 75.
6. I really like my husband... I think He is probably the best man in the world and I'm not saying that because it's the right thing to say. I think He is really cool.
7. I like my kids alot most of the time, but even when their not being like able I love them more than I thought I ever could!!!
8. This should probably be #1, but... I really love the Lord. Sometimes I don't understand Him, but through it all He has been faithful to me. He loved me first and dragged me out of a pit so for that no matter what happens I will love Him.
9. I love Mexican food. Chips and salsa are my faves...
10. My best friend is 24, but she is so much more mature than I am at 32...
11. I love the color blue... any shade.
12. I love to be organized, but have not idea how to stay that way.
13. I have 5 junk drawers in my kitchen... You would think I could find better things to do with those drawers than keeping stuff I will never use?!?!?!
14. I love decorating shows so I can steal other peoples ideas because I have none of my own.
15. I hate kid's bday parties. I don't understand why I have to spend so much money on a bunch of decorations, plates, balloons, etc... that will just get trashed 2 hrs. later.
16. I throw away my kids toys when they get broken or lose pieces.
17. My favorite date night is dinner and a movie?! Nothing exciting..
18. Romantic gestures make me queasy...
19. My husbands jokes turn me on more than roses.
20. I love to laugh... sometimes when I'm not supposed to, sometimes way to loud, but I don't care.
21. I used to hate myself, but I'm really beginning to love the person God is making me.
22. I like my 32yr old body after 4 children. I'm not afraid of the light (if you know what I mean).
23. I love the feeling of security... with God, with Hubs...
24. I love a clean house, but I hate to clean... I don't mind to straighten, but I hate to deep clean.
25. Well, I could keep going, but I'm bored already and I'm sure you are too. SO, I am gonna stop at 25. I LOVE DIET COKE for the taste... What is wrong with me?????
Friday, January 22, 2010
Put to the test...
"Count it all joy when you fall into various temptations; Knowing this that the testing of your Faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
Sometimes life is harder than I thought it would be. Since the day God stretched out his had to me in salvation He has been restoring the years that the locusts have eaten away. It has been a whirlwind of wonderful experiences with very little bad days or setbacks... I have to admit I have been spoiled by his wondrous goodness. I guess I just set myself up to think that the trials and tribulations that Jesus talked about didn't apply to me. I have to admit the last year has taken my faith by surprise. People I know would say that is one of my strong points. My faith is strong. I really believe the word and try to apply it everyday to my life. BUT, I know me. I know my struggles and fears. I know that my faith is strong only when my life is going according to my plans...
"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you: but rejoice, inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy." I Pet 4:12-13
I guess it's easy to hear, see, and believe God when life is good and worry free. But, like Israel I wasn't closer to God because things were good. He was just a part of my life. So, I don't know if the this last year He has put my faith to the test because He wanted to prove me or because my heart was cold and calloused and it was time for brokenness?! I haven't responded the way I should. I basically went into a coma. I've been going through the motions. I have been hurt and disappointed and I guess I thought I would give God the silent treatment. On a much smaller scale I feel like Job must of felt. Little did we (Job and I) know all along when we were being righteous it was mostly outward. So, the last two weeks have brought me face to face with my desperate need for my Savior. I can't play games with Him anymore. I will never be able to out play him. I'm just so thankful that He is so patient. That his ways are not my ways. Because anyone else would have been done with me by now. I pray that this testing of my Faith will fan the flame upon the alter of my heart once again. It's been too long since there was a sacrifice there.
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes life puts your faith to the test. Is it real or is it a mask that you wear?
I hear sermons in church all the time about the sin of the Lost... We all know what "those sins are". But, very seldom are we as christians really confronted with the much worse apostasy of our hearts. Like Gomer the adulterous wife of Hosea I am coming back to my husband, my first love, the lover of my soul. And, I realize that the hedge that has been set around me was for my own good. I know for now that nothing will make me happy or satisfy me except a close relationship with Jesus...
Sometimes life is harder than I thought it would be. Since the day God stretched out his had to me in salvation He has been restoring the years that the locusts have eaten away. It has been a whirlwind of wonderful experiences with very little bad days or setbacks... I have to admit I have been spoiled by his wondrous goodness. I guess I just set myself up to think that the trials and tribulations that Jesus talked about didn't apply to me. I have to admit the last year has taken my faith by surprise. People I know would say that is one of my strong points. My faith is strong. I really believe the word and try to apply it everyday to my life. BUT, I know me. I know my struggles and fears. I know that my faith is strong only when my life is going according to my plans...
"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you: but rejoice, inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy." I Pet 4:12-13
I guess it's easy to hear, see, and believe God when life is good and worry free. But, like Israel I wasn't closer to God because things were good. He was just a part of my life. So, I don't know if the this last year He has put my faith to the test because He wanted to prove me or because my heart was cold and calloused and it was time for brokenness?! I haven't responded the way I should. I basically went into a coma. I've been going through the motions. I have been hurt and disappointed and I guess I thought I would give God the silent treatment. On a much smaller scale I feel like Job must of felt. Little did we (Job and I) know all along when we were being righteous it was mostly outward. So, the last two weeks have brought me face to face with my desperate need for my Savior. I can't play games with Him anymore. I will never be able to out play him. I'm just so thankful that He is so patient. That his ways are not my ways. Because anyone else would have been done with me by now. I pray that this testing of my Faith will fan the flame upon the alter of my heart once again. It's been too long since there was a sacrifice there.
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes life puts your faith to the test. Is it real or is it a mask that you wear?
I hear sermons in church all the time about the sin of the Lost... We all know what "those sins are". But, very seldom are we as christians really confronted with the much worse apostasy of our hearts. Like Gomer the adulterous wife of Hosea I am coming back to my husband, my first love, the lover of my soul. And, I realize that the hedge that has been set around me was for my own good. I know for now that nothing will make me happy or satisfy me except a close relationship with Jesus...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
So it seems...
that my lack of motivation has had a lot to do with staying up too late. I decided to start going to bed at my normal time again and would you believe that I feel 100% better. I don't feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I haven't been sitting on the couch bemoaning my life. It's amazing what a difference rest makes. Thankfully I'm feeling much better and it was all so simple to change...
Friday, January 1, 2010
A NEW Year...
I love the reminder every year that we get a fresh start to be better than we were before. I try not to make resolutions just because it is the new year, but I love the idea of reflecting on your life and making a real effort to be better.
This New Year more than ever this idea of a new start has made me reflect on my relationship with Christ and how he gave me a new start. A new life. A new future. It has made me think about how God says "His mercy is NEW everyday." I love that. I'm thankful for my new start 12yrs ago. I am thankful for new mercies everyday. I'm thankful for a future and hope.
This year of 2010 I pray that as I reflect on all these things that I will be renewed. I pray that God will "search me and know me, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." I hope to more concerned with what God wants to change in me. I pray to be called a woman after God's heart, or as Sarah a holy woman.
This New Year more than ever this idea of a new start has made me reflect on my relationship with Christ and how he gave me a new start. A new life. A new future. It has made me think about how God says "His mercy is NEW everyday." I love that. I'm thankful for my new start 12yrs ago. I am thankful for new mercies everyday. I'm thankful for a future and hope.
This year of 2010 I pray that as I reflect on all these things that I will be renewed. I pray that God will "search me and know me, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." I hope to more concerned with what God wants to change in me. I pray to be called a woman after God's heart, or as Sarah a holy woman.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Feminine Modesty
For a long time I feel like I have been in transition. I grew up thinking that my value and worth were completely based on looks. I felt confident in my looks and I dressed to make the best of what I had. When I became a Christian it was a new world to me. Even I knew that there was about to be a major overhaul in my life. It's been 13yrs now and I thought I had come so far in my walk. I thought I was getting close to the finish line of things that needed to be changed. I have been working on applying the Word to so many areas of my life. Not that I had arrived, I was just so much better than where I started. Wow. Little did I know that all that other stuff had all been surface stuff. I mean God and I had done some work, but it hadn't really reach the deeper layers.
After becoming a mom 5 years ago to a beautiful daughter, I realized I didn't want her to be like me. I did not want her to find her identity in her looks or clothes... So, thus began the work of the Holy Spirit in this area of dress. I began to be burdened about not feeling and being feminine... Man is that a process. There was a time in my life when I really thought feminine meant showing your body. Well, I really couldn't have her doing that now could I. I knew enough to know she was going to grow up and dress like me, because I had grown up to dress just like my mom... So, first I started wearing more dresses and such... Then I stumbled upon "Above Rubies" and other websites that were taking this issue so much further. Then I picked up my bible and said ok what do you have to say about this?! Well, needless to say what I saw in the pages of God's word did not reflect the women in my church or any women I knew. In fact to the women in my church you would have to be one of those "other" denominations if you had long hair or wore longer skirts. Anyways, I'm getting off the subject I just really didn't have anyone to show me the way... Then the word Modest came in to my vocab... What exactly did that mean?! I mean I was trying really hard not to "show anything". Wow, now God is telling me not to draw attention to myself?! Well, I was more than willing to dress more feminine and even show less skin, and just be more mindful of my dress, all the while being very fashionable. I even thought to myself I can be an example of modesty and fashion at the same time... Thus exposing my MAIN problem VANITY. When I read I Peter 3 and 1 Tim 2 and I saw the words modesty, sobriety, and shamefacedness I knew that could not be good. Then he goes on to talk about accessories (I LOVE ACCESSORIES), and hair, costly array. That is just going to far... Then He goes on to say that we should adorn ourselves with Good works if we profess Godliness. OH MY GOODNESS. To tell the truth that is where I have been stuck for the last few months. Seeing the situation of my heart. That I after all this time still found my worth and value in looks and clothes. That I still do not see my worth in Christ alone. I just read a great article on "Jesus is my Pearl" blog that showed me alot of what I am writing now... Things I could not admit to myself. What will my family think? What will my husband think if I go all the way. This is my cross right now, because I can see that I am holding on to my identity instead of holding on to Christ...
Well, that's enough self-reflection for now... I have to sit and meditate on all of this and pray for God to change my heart and help me become obedient... But, one last thought, the more I have embraced God's ways the more free I feel. I know to some they will assume this is about legalism and all that, but really it's about finding my identity in Christ and being free from years of bondage...
After becoming a mom 5 years ago to a beautiful daughter, I realized I didn't want her to be like me. I did not want her to find her identity in her looks or clothes... So, thus began the work of the Holy Spirit in this area of dress. I began to be burdened about not feeling and being feminine... Man is that a process. There was a time in my life when I really thought feminine meant showing your body. Well, I really couldn't have her doing that now could I. I knew enough to know she was going to grow up and dress like me, because I had grown up to dress just like my mom... So, first I started wearing more dresses and such... Then I stumbled upon "Above Rubies" and other websites that were taking this issue so much further. Then I picked up my bible and said ok what do you have to say about this?! Well, needless to say what I saw in the pages of God's word did not reflect the women in my church or any women I knew. In fact to the women in my church you would have to be one of those "other" denominations if you had long hair or wore longer skirts. Anyways, I'm getting off the subject I just really didn't have anyone to show me the way... Then the word Modest came in to my vocab... What exactly did that mean?! I mean I was trying really hard not to "show anything". Wow, now God is telling me not to draw attention to myself?! Well, I was more than willing to dress more feminine and even show less skin, and just be more mindful of my dress, all the while being very fashionable. I even thought to myself I can be an example of modesty and fashion at the same time... Thus exposing my MAIN problem VANITY. When I read I Peter 3 and 1 Tim 2 and I saw the words modesty, sobriety, and shamefacedness I knew that could not be good. Then he goes on to talk about accessories (I LOVE ACCESSORIES), and hair, costly array. That is just going to far... Then He goes on to say that we should adorn ourselves with Good works if we profess Godliness. OH MY GOODNESS. To tell the truth that is where I have been stuck for the last few months. Seeing the situation of my heart. That I after all this time still found my worth and value in looks and clothes. That I still do not see my worth in Christ alone. I just read a great article on "Jesus is my Pearl" blog that showed me alot of what I am writing now... Things I could not admit to myself. What will my family think? What will my husband think if I go all the way. This is my cross right now, because I can see that I am holding on to my identity instead of holding on to Christ...
Well, that's enough self-reflection for now... I have to sit and meditate on all of this and pray for God to change my heart and help me become obedient... But, one last thought, the more I have embraced God's ways the more free I feel. I know to some they will assume this is about legalism and all that, but really it's about finding my identity in Christ and being free from years of bondage...
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Feeling Peculiar...
Titus 2:11-14 "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Savior Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."
It's one thing to feel peculiar in this world, that's to be expected. Things like modesty, un-family planning, submission to husbands all seem crazy to the world. Putting others first including your family is a mortal sin in this humanistic society. The notion that God is the opener and closer of the womb is barbaric. The idea that ALL life is precious and worthy of our time, energy, and effort is outdated. Picking up your cross, bearing others burdens, sacrifice, service all these commands ignored. We live in a world that says You are your own boss (god). My will be done. My pleasure is the most important thing. My life is about me. I'm gonna get all I can and step on anyone who gets in my way even if it's my spouse, children, or elderly parents. There is no denying the world we live in lives by these very same values. That's nothing new, but what really makes me sad is that as "christians" we have bought into all of this. We no longer follow Christ's example. We've become the like the world. The salt has lost it's flavor. It's sad, but there are few that would follow the whole council. There are a remnant of women sold out to the call of God. I feel a kidred spirit with so many online. I know God is calling us to raise a generation of Peculiar people to bring Honor and Glory to His Name. May we be found worthy. Thank you for sharing your lives with people like me who feel alone even in church. You give me the courage to continue searching for Truth.
It's one thing to feel peculiar in this world, that's to be expected. Things like modesty, un-family planning, submission to husbands all seem crazy to the world. Putting others first including your family is a mortal sin in this humanistic society. The notion that God is the opener and closer of the womb is barbaric. The idea that ALL life is precious and worthy of our time, energy, and effort is outdated. Picking up your cross, bearing others burdens, sacrifice, service all these commands ignored. We live in a world that says You are your own boss (god). My will be done. My pleasure is the most important thing. My life is about me. I'm gonna get all I can and step on anyone who gets in my way even if it's my spouse, children, or elderly parents. There is no denying the world we live in lives by these very same values. That's nothing new, but what really makes me sad is that as "christians" we have bought into all of this. We no longer follow Christ's example. We've become the like the world. The salt has lost it's flavor. It's sad, but there are few that would follow the whole council. There are a remnant of women sold out to the call of God. I feel a kidred spirit with so many online. I know God is calling us to raise a generation of Peculiar people to bring Honor and Glory to His Name. May we be found worthy. Thank you for sharing your lives with people like me who feel alone even in church. You give me the courage to continue searching for Truth.
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