Baby Baggage...

Just some random, jumbled up thoughts:

We have been super busy the last few days and I'm tired, but there is so much on my to-do list.  I'm sure you can relate.  This morning as I was sitting, drinking my coffee and going over all the things that need to be done and holding my little guy I could feel that none of those was going to get done.  My need to hold and his need to be held was just too strong.  That's when it hit me...  JUST MAYBE babies were MEANT to slow us down.

I know I used to fight it.  Press on...  Keep going.  Somewhere along the way though I just stopped.  At my house babies slow me down to a crawl.  I'm out of the races.  I can't do what I wanna do, what I think I should do and a lot of times not even what I need to do.  Some days are just a total wash...   Nothing productive accomplished except holding a baby.

I know I'm tired, I know my kids are tired, but it's baby that determines when it's time to just stop.  Babies are NOT in a hurry, they don'thave to-do list and they don't care about yours.  They just want to be taken care of, loved, held, fed, and all of that takes time.  And we do all this because if we don't we have a fussy baby, who will stop you in your tracks. 

The truth is big kids need all that too, but they can't get our attention like the baby can.  Last night we had something, and the boys stayed home with the grandparents.  When I walked in the door my 3 yr old talked my ear off until bedtime.  He missed me.  He needed me.  Not just because we were gone last night, but because we have been so busy.  He needed me to slow down. 

This morning when I was sitting drinking my coffee, holding the sleeping baby and thinking all these thoughts I decided today would be the day to just rest, relax, read books, talk or whatever.  We had a late, leisurely breakfast and afterwards I took the baby to have a bath...  as if he was reinforcing all my thoughts I sat and watched as he just splashed and played enjoying his bath, in no hurry to get out. 

In conversations that I have with all my mommy friends they say the same thing...  the worst part of any day is getting ready to go somewhere.  You know when you're yelling hurry, hurry we have to go.   Go get your shoes.  Go put on your coat.  Hurry we have to go we are going to be late.  But, children are notorious for NOT BEING IN A HURRY!!!  Take my 3yr old for example, he always wants to dress himself and I could do it a whole lot faster, but he wants to do and he takes a really long time.  

What about sickness.  At our house we come to a sudden stop when someone is sick.  The sicky wants mom to sit right beside them on the couch and take care of them.  Then the next sicky wants his turn.  On and on until we are all better. 

As I type this out I have all 5 children in the room beside me.  My oldest son is pressed so hard against my arm I can barely move, letting me know in his way that he needs mommy!!!  So, I'm gonna get off of here with unfinished thoughts, BUT knowing that maybe BABY baggage is meant to slow us down so we can truly see what's important!!!

Because... that's why!!!

This morning I was sitting on the couch and Isaiah (6) came over to sit on my lap.  We were getting a good snuggle in when Caleb(3) climbed up and tried to push his brother out of my lap.  I told Caleb I'm having a snuggle with Isaiah, "remember this morning in your room when we had a snuggle, now it's Bubba's turn."   It took 2 seconds for this to turn into a fight... They started pushing and name calling...  Isaiah tells Caleb "Well, you make the WORST oatmeal."  I really don't know where that came from, but they were going back and forth.  Right in the middle of this God brought home the verse I had read this morning...

"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; THAT YOU SHOULD SHOW FORTH THE PRAISES OF HIM WHO HAS CALLED YOU OUT OF DARKNESS INTO HIS MARVELOUS LIGHT:"  I Peter 2:9.

The thing is I struggle alot with being different...  I always think why do I have to do it this way, they (whoever they are at the minute) don't have to do it this way.  Why can't I be like them?  But, as I was watching this spectacle unfold today the Spirit spoke to my heart...  Just like I expect more from Isaiah and I want him to do things differently God expects me to do things differently.  The whole time they were arguing I was telling Isaiah to use "honey words"...   Proverbs 16:24 says "Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."  He knows exactly what I mean when I say that because he has been trained (not very well I guess),  that we should use honey words to build people up not insults...  But, right in that moment I saw what God was saying in I Peter 2:9...  If we do things God's way we will be showing the difference or better yet the training and instruction that we have received which brings PRAISE to HIM who has brought us out of darkness (the old ways of doing things). 

If we do things God's way it brings HIM praise because His ways are better than our ways and we didn't do things that way before.  If Isaiah had listened to me he would have ended the argument and shown that Momma's ways are better than his ways.  If Isaiah would have been different than his younger brother and heeded instruction he could have been an example to Caleb of HOW TO ACT...

I know that's a lot to expect of a 6yr old, but it really showed me ME!!!  It showed me that if I would do things God's way and be different I could SHOW FORTH THE PRAISES OF HIM...  WHO HAS CALLED ME OUT OF DARKNESS INTO HIS MARVELOUS LIGHT.  If I lived what I was taught I could reveal God to others.  I could show that HIS WAYS are better than my ways.   We have the Word of God to instruct us in this life.  One major reason God has given his word is to reveal himself, his nature and to have a people who SHOW FORTH HIS WAYS!!!   So, like the title of this post...  Because we want to show forth His ways...  that's WHY we have to be different.  We have been called out, set apart, we are a peculiar people who do things differently so that we can reveal the ways of a Holy God.   No matter what it is God's way has always worked out better for me than my own ways...

Matchbox racetracks...

This morning I'm sitting in my two littliest boys bedroom reading while they are playing.  We do this every morning because they are very early risers and I am not disciplined enough to make it out of bed before they do.  SHAMEFUL I know.  Same thing every morning.  I get my coffee and my bible and sit down in the floor while they play with their matchbox cars.

 At some point EVERY morning they get bored with the perfect hotwheels cars and try something new AND potentially destructive...  this is the point when they find every car in their room that doesn't belong on the tracks and force them down the tracks.  How many times have I heard Dad say "don't put the big cars on their they don't belong.  You're gonna break the tracks... and I'm not gonna get you another."  This is a very real threat for our 3 year old.  His whole life is racing.  I can remember the first time I saw him line up his cars in perfect lines to have races, he was 1.   His FAVORITE movie of all time is Cars.  He would sit on the couch and watch the Nascar races and Monster Truck racing all day everyday if we would let him.  This boy has racing in his blood.  

This track is really cool.  Dad got it for him for Christmas.  An 8 ft long track with 6 lanes and a finish line at the end that tells which lane won the race.  Dad had it all right Caleb LOVED it.  He dreamed about this track since he saw it at Target on his Daddy date in early November.  He KNEW that was what He was getting for Christmas.  We couldn't wrap it until the night before because he knew the size of the box.  Caleb begged for this most special thing...  but he still takes a chance everyday to do what is not supposed to be done on it and break it.  ONLY hotwheels fit on the tracks.  Only hotwheels fit through the finish line.  It doesn't matter they still put all the big cars on there and force them down the tracks and they end up hitting the finish line when they can't go through. 

As I was watching this for the 1000 time God used this image to drive home something He had been trying to show me for the last 2 weeks.  God gave us a Life that only works His way.  He gave us the Instruction Manuel for His creation and it ONLY works the way He designed.  On this track of life IF you do things they way He designed them you can have a full life, a healthy body, and it can be very enjoyable...  BUT, if we do not do things His way we end up potentially destroying our lives.  WHY because we have vengeful God who doesn't want us to have fun????  As Paul said...  GOD FORBID.  In fact we have a loving Creator who KNOWS what is best for us.  We have a designer who made things to work in such harmony that if you do things His way you will be blessed with all the good He intended for us. 

The problem though is we are SO MUCH like our fore parents Adam and Eve.  God placed them in Perfection and gave them their choice of all the trees of the garden, except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and they chose to do the one thing he said not to do... and we have been doing it ever since.   Take the descedents of Noah.  After the flood God said "Go and spread out and replenish the earth."  What did they do stayed together and build a tower so they could make a name for themselves.  Take us...  We have the Book and all the blessing of obedience and what do we do?  Throw it out for our own wisdom, which the Bible says "there is a  way that seems right to man, but the end leads to death."  WHY?  We want to be our own God.  I see this in everyone of my children from the time they are able to express emotion...  they WANT to be God.   They do no want to be told what to do.  They want to do it their way at the expense of everything they could lose.  

That's why I am so thankful that God in HIS kindness toward us sent Jesus Christ His son to redeem us from ourselves.  I pray that God would conform my will and transform my mind so that I would DO THINGS HIS WAY.  He has been showing me all this great stuff about healthly living and eating.  His plan for our good and what do I do???  I CRAVE and LONG for the very things that are going to potentially destroy me.   Please Lord CHANGE ME and help me DESIRE YOU.  I PRAY that Jesus Christ would be my EVERYTHING.  MY EXCEEDING GREAT REWARD...  Help me Father not trade all the good benefits of obedience to your ways for the curses of doing things my way...

God's Word is the Instruction Manuel of life...  You can find wisdom for health, marraige, raising kids, finances and relationships with built in rewards for obedience.  Why would we want to do things our way?  It never works.  The big cars don't fit on the tracks!!!

Can't we all just get along?

I have four children...  Four completely different children.  The oldest is a girl and then three boys.  They look different.  One has straight hair the other three have curls.  Two have dark brown eyes that are almost black, the other two have light brown eyes.  All three boys have totally different body types.  They like different things.   One LOVES cars.  The other football.  The little guy likes anything... barbies, babies, balls and cars.   Caleb loves corn, Isaiah loves tacos and pizza, Jordan likes hamburgers...  Caleb and Jordan LOVE chocolate, and Isaiah won't eat it.  

In Psalms the bible tells us that God fashions us each individually.  As a parent of 4 completely different children I can see that this is true.   We (people) are all different.  That's not news.   With differences though can come conflicts.  My children with their unique personalities and sin natures often have conflicts.  I am convinced that NOTHING is more frustrating to a parent than children fighting.  I think it's CRAZY how much they can fight about.  I think they each thrive on annoying their siblings on a regular basis.

As if that's not bad enough they can NEVER agree on anything.  If one wants to go to Chick-fila the other two want to go to McDonalds.  When I ask if they want to go for a walk to the park two says yes and the other two say they want to ride bikes out front.  When I ask if they want goldfish for snack someone ALWAYS wants something else.   If my normally hardheaded child is having a good day, my easy-going child is being tyrant...  All of this could drive a crazy person sane... 

But, watching this on a daily basis has driven home one of Christ most important messages...  John 15:12 "This is my commandment, That ye love one another as I have loved you."   Jesus told his disciples the way the world would know they were his was that they would love one another.   There is nothing worse as a parent then having your kids fuss and fight over nothing.  Surely when God sees this in the church family it breaks his heart.

It doesn't even matter to me as a parent who is right or wrong.  I expect much more out of my more mature kids than I do from the little guys.  If my 3 yr old is arguing with my 6 yr old over something he has no idea about I expect my big guy to just over look it and not argue.  I expect my 7yr old not to hit back when they have been hit.  God expects the same from us.  Proverbs tells us not to argue with a fool.  Paul says when one person celebrates a holiday and another person doesn't celebrate any that we should not make this an issue.  The Bible tells us that we all have different gifts given to us to minister to the body of Christ...  not for us to boast and definitely not to separate us.  

The family of God is full of all different and diverse personalities all designed by God.   These differences should bring glory to God, but so often we use these differences to separate us.   It doesn't matter to God who is right and who is wrong...  As a child of God our life should be marked by humility and love like Christ for our brothers and sisters.  

Instead of acting like little kids who fuss and fight about everything we need to love like Christ loved so the world will know we are HIS disciples.  Then maybe we could then "go and make disciples of all men".  Boasting only in Christ because "if HE is lifted up he will draw all men unto him".   God the Father made us different to bring glory to Him.  We are each made in His image.  Let's celebrate what makes us different instead of letting it seperate us...   In the words of the great theologian Rodney King... "Can't we all just get along?"

Lessons I've learned on sick days...

AHHHHH... Sick days the bane of every moms existence. The days that stop us right in our tracks. The days that test our endurance. Today is one of those days, but I was thinking about sick days andI realized along the way I have learned ALOT from sick days.

I remember in the beginning when I was a new mom with 2 small children that sick days and sleepless nights would almost undo me. I read an email the other day about how we always pray for good days when what we really need are a few hard days. Days that makes us stronger and teach up patience. I remember how 2 days of sickness and whining and vomit would make me cry and whine myself. I remember thinking is this ever gonna end. It's so funny to me how I literally fell apart. I hated taking care of sick whiny kids... I'm sorry that's just how I felt.

I used to hate that I couldn't get off the couch because they just wanted to be held. I would feel guilty that the house was a wreck and that I couldn't meet everyone's needs. I would just sit and look around and think about everything I could or should be doing. I would lose my patience (that I didn't have enough of anyway) with everyone and everything. I felt like a victim or that I was being punished in some way... Part of that punishment mentality had nothing to do with sick day it was other stuff that God had to work out of me (more on that later). Anyway, the point is I HATED SICK DAYS for a long time.

After a while though I started to see some changes in myself. I remember when I was 8 months pregnant with #4 and everybody in the house got sick. My oldest and I got the worst of it and we couldn't eat or drink anything for 2 days and we were up all night for 2 nights. I was trying to take care of her at the same time I was so sick, and it was hard, but God gave me the strength I needed to do what I needed to do. I was so proud of myself after that. I saw how far I had come from when I first started. Isn't that what hard times are all about?! Teaching us how to endure difficulty.

Although it's still not my favorite thing I can now embrace the interruption of a sick day. I know it's only going to last a few days. I can embrace the opportunity to sit on the couch with one of my babies and spend that time with them. I realize that God hasn't allowed me to be home JUST for home-schooling, but for sick days too. I know that being here patiently and kindly taking care of them when they are sick is just as important as teaching them to read and write.

This time it's the baby who is sick and I have been so blessed to watch as my older two have stepped up to help out. They are making breakfast and lunch. They are playing with their brother and keeping him occupied. They are asking what they can do to help me out. My children are learning how to serve and isn't that one of the most important things to learn as Christians, that it's not all about you, but how you can serve those around you (even mom). My son said today "I will do anything for you, because you always do things for me."

Sick days are not fun. Sick days wear on any moms nerves, but there is a lot to be learned from the hard days in this life. Sick days also make you appreciate the good days like you didn't before. Rest assured as a mom sick days will come and they will be hard. Sick days don't have to break you though... They can teach you so much along the way. I'm definitely thankful for the lessons I've learned from sick days...

Practice, practice, practice...

My daughter recently started keyboard lessons. This has given me some insight into her personality. She loves the playing and going to class, she loves the attention she gets from others when she plays for them. I know it is boosting her self-confidence that she is mastering a new skill, BUT... She does not like to practice. She wants to be good and even know the songs the very first time she attempts to play it. She also doesn't understand why she has to practice the same songs over and over again. I've noticed it's the same way with school work. At first I was very frustrated by this and would lose my patience quickly with the lack of motivation. It didn't take long for the Holy Spirit to begin using this as a learning opportunity for me. As I began to see that I am much the same way.

The bible says that there is a way that seems right to man, but the end leads to death. Throughout the New Testament we are commanded to die to the flesh and renew our minds. Notice this word DEATH. This does not imply something painless and easy. However, I want EVERYTHING to be easy. I want being married and being a mom to be easy. I want homeschooling and housework to be easy. I want Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness AND self-control to be easy. I want hospitality to be easy and I want it to all be easy simultaneously. BUT, as you well know they are not. It takes years of practice and a test every now and then to learn any new lesson, especially when you are not naturally gifted in such areas.

God has always been faithful to allow me to get too far out in the water so that I will call out to him for help. HELP ME!!! That's my cry. I can't figure this thing out... At first it was marriage. I cried out for wisdom because "MY WAY" was definantly NOT working. God was faithful to answer my cry. He began to shower me with new ideas and ways of acting, thinking and feeling. I started to apply his wisdom to my marriage and WOW things really started to turn around. It wasn't easy, mostly because the principles that I learned didn't come naturally to me. Thankfully though things really changed and we have a good solid marriage thanks to God's word. THEN- dun, dun, dun... What happens you hit a few bumps in the road or some stress, or hormones or a new baby... Anyway there is a time of hardship and testing. How well did I really learn these new principles??? Well, I think I did pretty good when EVERYTHING was calm and still. Life doesn't stay that way long and what I have found is it takes a lot of PRACTICE to get something new down. Even then you still don't have it so it takes some testing to see how well you remembered what you have been taught. And over and over with the same lessons because like I said I don't come by this naturally.

Then it wasn't long after that that my two oldest children decided to have an opinion about life and distinct personalities marked by sinful heart. Don't get me wrong my kids are beautiful amazing creatures, but the Bible says that we all have a sinful heart and that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. So, after tears of frustration again I cried out to God for wisdom. First I must say that I foolishly thought that this parenting thing was gonna be easy. Just make some rules and apply some discipline and nothing can go wrong. WHICH is severely underestimating the FREE WILL of these little humans. Thankfully once again God began to show me some things. This I must admit has been an ongoing day by day adventure. Training a child in the way they should go can be a minute by minute responsibility and then you add a new little person every couple of years and it gets pretty crazy. But, when we call God is faithful to answer!!! Along the way parenting has given me the most opportunity to become more Christlike. So, the lessons in patience, gentleness, kindness and of course self-control have all come through parenting. AGAIN these are things that are completely out of my nature and character, but I found out the hard way that children learn by example. So, IF I was going to see these characteristics develop in my children then I was gonna have to learn them.

So, what does that mean for me??? Just like my daughter has to practice that keyboard everyday I must renew my mind and practice. Just like she has to play the same songs over and over I must practice the same concepts over and over until I can play by heart without looking at the music or my fingers. It has to get out of my head and into the deepest parts of my heart. AND, when I have gotten it I must move on to the next song and practice until I don't want to practice anymore. Then just when I think I've really gotten all the old lessons God will shake it up again and test me on it to see IF I REALLY GOT IT?! So, instead of throwing fits I need to practice because I know I love to feel accomplished, I love to get the attention from my heavenly Father and even from those close to me who recognize the changes in me, that I'm getting better everyday. Just like my girl when she practices. I love to watch her as she plays. I love to see her face light up when she has played a song perfectly for an audience. Remember Heaven is watching...

No need to complain.

Recently I have noticed that my daughter complains all the time. And as usual when I notice something irritating in one of my children I ask the question "where does she get that from?" I mean I am constantly telling all of them how thankful we should be for all that we have. We do devotionals on being thankful and grateful all the time. From my "perspective" I think she has a great life. From my "perspective" I think she has nothing to complain about.

As far as I am concerned my children have so much to be thankful for... Perspective is a funny thing. OF COURSE as I was thinking about this the whisper of the Holy Spirit came rushing in. OF COURSE He showed me how like most bad habits my children have accumulated in their short lives they learned this from the one they are around the most. OF COURSE He started to remind me of all the things I complain about.

This time though it was a little different. It wasn't a reprimand about complaining it was more of a question. The question I felt him ask was "When others hear me complain what do they think?" From others perspective do I have anything to complain about? What about the woman who can't have children? What would she think of my complaining about mine? What about the person who has less than I do? Would I have any right to complain? What am I saying about God's provision when I complain?

Maybe I should spend more time praying and less complaining. Maybe I'm really hurting my witness when I am complaining! Maybe I should take my own advice and be MORE Thankful. Maybe I should take a moment to count my blessings before I complain. Maybe I should see my life from others PERSPECTIVE. Because GOD has been good to me. God has met all my needs through CHRIST JESUS.