Monday, April 30, 2018

Nobody Knows Better Than Me

Sitting at a table, in a room with four very special women.  Women who let me come each week and lead them in bible study and I wonder why?  Why do they keep coming?  Doubts plague me continually.  My stomach aches and I'm afraid all my fearful thoughts are written across my face, but I do it anyway.  I open my mouth and expose my deepest fears...  I feel God leading me to take a bigger step in faith.  How about we take the Bible Study away for bit and teach them all the things I've hidden in your heart?  Just take the Word and share it.

The Bible Studies that other people have done are my comfort zone.  I like them.  I just show up each week and cover someone else's work.  No personal responsibility, no risk.

We have a small group on this night and again I fear that's a reflection of me...  I've run everybody off.  I'm not good enough...  I'm not good enough...  I'm not good enough...  repeats in my head.  As I bow my head and share my heart and tears flow from my eyes four beautiful friends tell me I can.  I can do this and they are going to be with me the whole way.  They each speak life into my soul that night and encourage me to take that step in the water.  Leaving church I feel like maybe I can.

But really, who do I think I am?  I'm the homeschool mom, who struggles to teach her kid math.  I'm the one in the kitchen with too many irons in the fire, distractedly burning half of what she cooks.  I'm the woman who starts things and never finishes.  I'm the woman who gets tired and wants to run away.  I'm the mom who flies off the handle (literally, the witches broom) and yells at her kids.

Don't you know who I am Lord?  You know I'm still just that messed up kid that you called 20 years ago.  The one who couldn't get her act together.  I have no degrees, no letters behind my name...  I'm a nobody... and nobody knows that better than me.

Nevertheless, I will NEVER forget the day, a long time ago, that you whispered to my heart that "Joshua wasn't Moses."  You were starting a new thing with us and we were unsure if we should take that step...  I mean who were we to fill the shoes of someone as great as John and Christy Barnes, but when we had absolutely nothing to qualify us, you chose to call us to youth ministry.

Joshua wasn't the great renowned Moses.  He was the guy in the background.  He was the guy, who followed the venerable Moses for forty years, but never suspected that he would be his successor.  When Moses passed the baton, walked up the mountain and left the job in Joshua's hands I'm sure he was terrified.  How can you follow an act like that?

When the time came for the promise to be fulfilled, and the Children of Israel to enter the promised land God removed the most qualified leader and called a new man.  WHY?

Why would God do that?  My guess is so all eyes would be on Him.  My guess is that God wanted all the glory for bringing the children of Israel into their new land and defeating their enemies.  My guess is that God wanted eyes off of Moses, because he was merely a man and on Him, because He alone was their strength and salvation.

What I know for sure is Isaiah 55:8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways." declares the Lord.

Quietly, for forty years, in the shadows of a hero, God was equipping a new man to lead on.  God was preparing and molding a man who would follow his commands completely.  He was teaching Joshua to listen and obey, to be strong and courageous.  He was teaching him to follow the Lord, so that he could lead the people well.  But when God called him I can imagine only one thought running through his mind...  "But, I'm not Moses!"

Nobody knows more than me... the reasons why I am not the person that others would choose, but maybe that's why me?!  Why me???  Only one answer comes to mind as I ask myself and the Lord over and over again...

and this is it... "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my POWER is made perfect in WEAKNESS."  2 Corinthians 12:9

and "But God chose the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to confound the strong."

Even though Joshua wasn't Moses, God chose him, called him and equipped him to carry out his mission.  I guess He will do the same with me.


Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Utterly Defenseless



 “At that time the Lord said to Joshua, ‘Make flint knives and circumcise the Israelites again.”

I thought that my faith had been tested to the limit.  I followed the Lord’s command to lead the Israelites through the Jordan at the height of harvest season, when the waters overflowed their banks.  The first step of faith parted the waters and we walked through on dry land and every one of us were completely amazed.  There are no words when you witness the impossible.   

The moment reality collides with an invisible force, who has that kind of power, everything you know profoundly changes.  I will never be the same.   The God of Presence is the God of Power.   If He is for us, whom or what shall I fear? 

 Yesterday, I was sure there was nothing you could ask that I wouldn’t do.  Yesterday, the calm assurance that You were completely in control of the Universe and I had nothing to fear felt unshakable.  And yet here we are on this side of the Jordan, with the walls of Jericho standing erect and impenetrable across the plain and You have commanded us to be circumcised.

Surrounded by enemies, You would have us as defenseless as newborn babies.  You would test our devotion and demand complete and total trust.  Even as I submit to your command I know that I never had any confidence in my flesh and You alone are my fortress, so thy will be done. 

Today, every male in the camp will be circumcised and we will display the mark of the covenant in our flesh.  We will step into the land you have promised us after first dedicating our whole selves to your will, your ways, and your word. 

Today, is the greatest test we have faced so far.  We will be utterly defenseless and completely dependent upon you to protect us…  but the truth is You have always been our strength.

I flashback to that day forty years ago as we stood on another shore terrified because there was no way of escape.  We had fled from Egypt and just as we reached the Red Sea, Pharaoh and his army came into view…  Moses raised his staff and plunged it into the water and right before our eyes the water surged up on two sides with a path to walk through the sea in front us.  We ushered millions into the valley made by the mountains of water on either side and as we reached the opposite shore the mountains of water crashed down on Pharaoh and his army.  God had buried our enemies in the heart of the sea.  We had been utterly defenseless then and you protected us.  We can trust you now. 

“And after the whole nation had been circumcised, they remained where they were in the camp until they were healed.  Then the Lord said to Joshua, ‘Today I have rolled away the reproach of Egypt from you.’…  On the evening of the fourteenth day of the month, while they were camped at Gilgal on the plains of Jericho, the Israelites celebrated the Passover.  The day after the Passover, that very day, they ate some of the produce of the land: unleavened bread and roasted grain.  The manna stopped the day after they ate the food from the land; there was no longer manna for the Israelites, but that year they ate the produce of Canaan.”  Joshua 5:9-12

How amazing to be the generation who stepped into the fulfilled promises that had been 400 years in the making.  To be the people who walk through the Jordan River on dry ground, to see the walls of Jericho fall.  To eat the fruit of the land, defeat enemies greater than themselves.  To live in houses, they didn’t build and enjoy vineyards they didn’t plant. 

With each new step of faith, they were witnesses to God’s faithfulness and miracles on their behalf.  With every painful, scary act of obedience they moved into a new level of dependence and trust. 

What Jordan are you facing today?  What is God asking you to trust him completely with?  The hard things we are facing today are the very places God wants to prove his faithfulness to us.  We may not understand.  It may be the wrong time or the wrong place.  It may be scary and feel impossible to trust God right now, but this is our moment in time to step out.
What the Israelites had no way of knowing at that moment was that the rumor of God stopping up the waters of Jordan had totally incapacitated their enemies as we can see from Joshua 5:1.  Just the rumor of His power had made them lose heart.  The children of Israel had never been safer than they were at that moment. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

On Dry Ground


The sun is coming up over the water, today we cross the river.  The promise is that as we take the first step in the water, the downward flow will stand in a heap and we will walk through on dry ground.  Everyone is prepared.  The people are anxiously awaiting the command to advance.  The Priests are to lead the people, carrying the ark of the covenant, keeping a thousand-yard distance, all eyes on the ark, because we’ve never gone this way before. 
I’ve spent the last three days replaying the report the spies brought back from Jericho.  A woman, a prostitute, hid my men on the roof of her house when they went to spy out the city.  The story they told is unbelievable.  She came to them after dark and said, “I know the Lord has given you the land and that the terror of you has fallen on us, and everyone who lives in the land is panicking because of you.  For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two Amorite kings you destroyed across the Jordan.  When we heard this, we lost heart and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on earth below.” 

How could a woman, a foreign prostitute no less, who had only heard of Yahweh have more faith than a man who had been there and seen with his own eyes all your mighty wonders? How was she willing to risk her life and everything she had ever known to believe in You, because of a few rumors? 
The irony is that a foreign prostitute believes more than your own people that You have given us the land and you will hand over our enemies.  You have performed miracles, that at just the rumor of them, fortified cities have lost heart and tremble in anticipation.  Even though I was there when we crossed through the Red Sea and commanded the army in the battles against Sihon and Og, it’s still so hard to believe.
How strange that the confirmation from this woman is exactly what I needed to fortify my resolve, You are with me and you will make a way.   It’s time to take that step of faith.  We have prepared ourselves.  We have made our plans, but now it’s time to cross the Jordan.
They are waiting for my signal.  Turning to the people, I say, “Come closer and listen to the words of the Lord your God.  He said, ‘You will know that the living God is among you and will without fail drive out (your enemies), when the ark of the covenant goes ahead of you into the Jordan.”
The priests stand at the bank of the river, with bated breath and trembling hands, and take the first step into the water and we all wait a moment that feels like a lifetime, to see what happens.  Amazingly, the flow of the river stops as if an enormous invisible wall has been erected and I know in that moment that your hand is holding back the water.  There’s a collective breath and a sense of wonder at what we are witnessing.  The priests begin to progress into the dry river bed.  In a surreal daze we begin to move forward, each of us taking our first step into the water.   The twelve men from every tribe, who were appointed to gather the stones of remembrance, lift the heavy stones that will commemorate this day.  When we see the heaping stones, we will remember this day, on days when it feels like a dream and we wonder if it really happened, the stones will attest that we truly saw the waters held back and we walked through on dry ground. 

On the other side of the Jordan I watch as millions take their turns and walk across the river bed.  I see the faces of wonder, reflecting my own sense of amazement.  Who am I and who are these people that you, the Creator of the Universe would move mountains of water on our behalf.  Who are you God that you would do wonders and display your splendor and glory for all of us to see.   
You are the faithful God.  The God who keeps his covenant with his people.  The God who created heaven and earth.  The God who displays his wonders for all the nations to see and we are your people.  We are ready to follow you into the land you have promised.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Last Words

"Above all, be strong and courageous to observe carefully the whole instruction Moses commanded you."

These words reverberate through my mind as I stand at the river's edge.  Suddenly, I'm flashing back to that day so long ago.  Moses and Aaron had led us to Kadesh and there was no water.  The people were beginning to panic.  Shouting curses and threats, accusing Moses of leading us out of Egypt just to die.  An angry mob of fathers and mothers worried about their children, scared of what would happen if we didn't find water soon.   The whole area had been scouted, there was nothing.

These people hadn't learned anything from all the other times they had cried out against the Lord.  Nothing had turned out like we had all expected it to, when we left Egypt, but God had never let us down so far.  Didn't they remember the manna they picked up this morning?  Didn't they see every time Moses prayed, God provided?  Didn't they look at the Presence in the cloud every day?

As I looked up at my leader and friend I noticed the new lines around his eyes and the slight slump in his shoulders that hadn't been there a few short months ago.  The people and their endless complaining was taking it's toll.  He looked weary and defeated.  As they yelled out accusing him of leading them out in the wilderness to die of thirst, I was overwhelmed with sympathy for him but also secretly relieved it was him and not me that had to deal with these people.

After the worst of the shouting was over and the crowd was subdued, Moses and Aaron went straight to the tent of meeting, they fell face down and the glory of the Lord appeared to them.  The Lord spoke to Moses, "Take the staff and assemble the people.  You and Aaron SPEAK to the rock while they watch, and it will yield it's water.  You will bring out water for them from the rock and provide drink for this community and their livestock."

I watched as Moses walked out of the tent of meeting.  Instead of defeated as he had been walking in, he looked angry.  Who could blame him?  These people were stubborn and rebellious.  They always complained and never praised the Lord for his provision.  They were always accusing Moses and God of neglecting them.  They always begged to return to Egypt.  It was as if they couldn't remember that we were slaves in Egypt.  Sure we had food and water, but didn't they want to be FREE?  Didn't they want to have their own land and live for God in freedom?  Didn't they marvel at all that God had already done for us.

Moses and Aaron called all the people together and with the staff, which had been used to miraculously  part the red sea, in hand he said to the people, "Listen, you rebels!  Must we bring water out of this rock for you?"  Then he raised his hand and with the anger that had been building up for months, he swung that staff and hit the rock twice.  Immediately water rushed out and all the people roared with cheers and rushed to take their fill of the cold refreshing flow.  It was a miracle.

That was years ago and I had almost forgotten about that day, until a few days ago, when Moses called me to him.   At the end of his life, just days away from finally seeing the Promised Land, the man that I had followed, loved and respected for most of my life stood before me with only one thing on his mind.  That day.  He wasn't reliving all the glory days or the miracles he had seen and been a part of.

The man was sitting quietly thinking about the day that he forfeit seeing the land promised to our people.  He was thinking about the day that he didn't follow the Lord's command completely.  The day that cost him the most.

Moses looked at me with fire in his eyes and he said, "Joshua, above all do everything the Lord commands you.  Be strong and courageous."

Moses my hero, who had lived such a life of faith, was thinking about the time He didn't trust the Lord enough and with his last words he begged me to trust God and obey him completely."

The last words of a man reveal everything about him.  The regret that I saw that day sways my decision today.  I will not listen to the lies.  I will believe that if God says, "Do it this way" that his way is better and I will do it his way.

At the river's edge as the sun begins to set and shines out across the water I relive that day again.  I hear my friend one more time urge me to be strong and courageous and turning on my heel I issue the command to prepare...  We walk into the raging river tomorrow.


Thursday, April 19, 2018

At the River's Edge

Moses the Super hero of our faith is dead.  He walked up the mountain, still tall and virile and full of life at 120, but God had denied him the crossing of the Jordan into our promised land.  We have been waiting for 40 years to enter the land God had promised our forefathers.  And now I'm standing here looking at the banks of the overflowing Jordan, 2 million people behind me, looking to me for answers.  God has chosen me, Joshua, son of Nun to carry on where Moses left off.   Everyone is looking to me.  They know that God has spoken to me.  They know that God has chosen me...  what they don't know is...  I'm terrified.  How can I be responsible to lead these people?  Who am I?

I saw the waters part at the Red Sea.  I saw Moses set the staff in the water and I saw the waters separate.  Sure I was one of the spies that Moses sent into the promised land to check it out and yeah I stood up with Caleb against the other ten spies who said we couldn't take the land, but Moses was there.  I walked up the mountain with Moses.  I watched him disappear when God called him and I saw the mountain shake when God met with Moses in that secret place.  I've seen water flow from a rock.  I've gathered manna from heaven every morning for 40 years.  I've seen the presence of God dwell with us and lead us in the cloud during the day and the fire by night.  I KNOW God is with us.  He spoke to me.  It's me.... I'm not sure of.

Standing here on the edge of the Jordan river, during harvest season, with the banks overflowing, all I can think is this is bad time to cross.  In a couple months the river will calm down and we have a better chance of getting through.  Has God forgotten about all the new babies that have recently arrived and the mothers that have to carry them across?  Has he forgotten about the toddlers, who have trouble walking on level ground, much less through a river bed?  Has he forgotten all the little old ladies that need support, they can't do this!

I'm standing here at the edge of the water with this command to go across in 3 days plagueing me and I'm scared.  Surely God can't see what I can see.  Three times He told me "Be strong and courageous."  He knows me.  They may not know me.  They are willing to follow me, because Moses said God had chosen me to lead.  They look at me and they see a soldier, they see a man, but I feel like a coward.  I'm scared.   My faith will determine the faith of millions...  My trust will determine their trust.  The step they see me take, into these raging waters, will give them the courage to walk in as well.

I'm standing here looking at these waters and I'm not sure.  Will you be with me?  Will you keep your word to me?  Will you make a way when I can't see a way?  Will you walk before me?  Or will I be a fool?  Will I lose heart?  Will I believe the lies that the enemy is pouring into my soul right now?  I've got three days to decide who I will believe.  I have three days to decide if I will lead a nation to believe in an invisible God and trust him to part the waters for 2 million people as we walk through the river or if I will be the reason we stay right here.

Oh, Lord, Help me believe you Lord.  I'm so scared.  I want so badly to believe Lord, help my unbelief.  I know what I've already seen, but it's different this time.

The words rush into my soul, the Spirit of God speaks to my heart...

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name (Joshua, son of Nun);
YOU are MINE.
I will be with you,
when you pass through the waters,
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not overwhelm you.
You will not be scorched
when you walk through the fire,
and the flame will not burn you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
and YOUR SAVIOR."   Isaiah 43:1-3

I am Joshua, son of Nun, commander of the armies of Israel, standing at the banks of the river telling my heart to believe like Moses did, but I'm still afraid.

You've changed

 It's a subtle thing that I don't think people even realize they are doing but it's always there, that look in their eyes and th...