Friday, April 17, 2015

Fearless Friday-Never Enough...

Moses said, "Please, Lord, send someone else." Ex 4.

Once again I'm going to urge you to go read the whole thing for yourself..  I am only going to use this one verse and apply it to my life, but the story is amazing.  Seeing how God interacted with this man is incredible.  READ IT!!!

I am a Homeschool mom.  I know when you read my writing you probably think that's not a great idea for my children...  They are still young so don't be too afraid.  I know I'm not a writer.  Really I'm just a person who has been relentlessly pursued by God for the past...  well since forever.  I was 19 when I heard the Gospel (that Jesus came to save us) for the first time.  I was a complete mess of a person who couldn't resist the wooing of  God, and I'm still being wooed everyday.  I am prone to stray, but His love and grace draws me back everyday. 

I remember being pregnant with my first child and I knew I wanted to teach her at home.  I prayed for 5 years about this and one month before kindergarten started my husband and I decided that this is what we were going to do.  I was ecstatic.  By this point, I had 3 young children, kindergarten had gone pretty well and I foolishly thought this would be EASY.  I LOVED teaching K...  and then 1st grade hit.  What a difference a year made.  My daughter went from loving school to hating it.  We fought everyday.  Our relationship was a hard one even without school. 

All I ever wanted in the world was to be a wife and a mother...  since my childhood was not ideal I wanted to be SUPER MOM and I really believed it was going to be EASY.  I wanted a big family.  I thought that was going to be EASY.  

Today I fantasize about sending my children to school everyday.  I dream about what my life would be like IF the school age children were at school all day.  Today I fantasize about what life will be like without a baby, a toddler, a 4 yr old.  I long for the days when little people are not pulling at my legs screaming to go outside while I cook dinner, because this is the opposite of easy and glamorous. 

So, when I read about God calling Moses to go do this big job of  delivering his people from Egypt I TOTALLY get what Moses is feeling.   NOW that I know what I have gotten myself into I am saying with Moses...  send someone else.  Choose someone else. 

I LOVE God's response to Moses.  "And He (God) said, CERTAINLY I will GO WITH YOU." Ex 3:12...  My reasons for homeschooling have changed through the years and I know this is what God has called me to do, BUT God's reasons have not changed and he has shown me why He chose this path for ME.  He has been teaching me dependency all this time.  You see I needed to be humbled.  I was self-confident and I didn't rely on God daily.   Since I didn't rely on Him daily I became FULL of fear that I WAS NOT the person for this job.  I let fear paralyze me because I was sure I was going to mess all this up...  BUT, along the way the Lord has shown me that I needed to learn to depend on him and this is the way he has taught me.  On my own I will never be enough to do such a big job...  But HE IS GOING WITH ME.  His grace IS enough for me.  His strength is made perfect IN my weakness.  When He speaks those words to me my fear of failure melts away and my courage is renewed to face another day. 

I know you can relate.  Maybe you don't homeschool...  maybe it's a hard marriage.  God is enough.  Maybe it's a rebellious teenager.  God is enough.  Maybe it's your job.  God is enough.  I don't know what your hard thing is, but I do know that God wants us to realize that He is enough and He will go with us!!!

I hope you have a FEALESS FRIDAY knowing that God is ENOUGH!!!

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