Today my friend and I were at the park and her 4 year old son had a melt down. She did what she could do, then she came over to me visibly shaken and I just hugged her. I know how she was feeling. I know at the moment she was wishing that I had not been there to witness that part of her life. She was frustrated and embarrassed... and I understand. I am there a lot. I don't always know what to do when my 4 year old is having a melt down and sometimes the situation gets out of control. Those are the moments I don't want people to see. So, our natural instinct is to hide those things or not get to close to each other because if I let you in you might see that I don't have it all together. But we can ONLY be friends if my 4 year old can have a bad day in front of you.
I decided that I am going to have friends... but, to do that I'm going to have to let go of being a perfectionist. I want to open the door wide and say come in when you come by unexpected. I want to let you past the fairly presentable Entry way, all the way into the kitchen, with food stuck to the table, dishes in the sink and trash running over. I need to let you see me have PMS. I need to be able to stink around you because I haven't had 5 min to jump in the shower. I need us to be real if you are going to be my friend.
I talked to a sweet friend the other day that just had her 5th baby and I asked her "how's it going?" She said fine and shared the good stuff with me and then she said "I'm really having a hard time with my 4 year old." I said yeah they are hard and there are moments that I can't stand mine. She smiled and said "thanks for saying that." Look I know how hard this is. I need to be able to tell you the truth if we are going to be friends.
I let a friend down this weekend and I had to ask for forgiveness. It was painful to see how my actions hurt my friend, but you know I'm going to do that sometimes. I'm gonna let you down. I need to be able to do that if we are going to be friends.
If we are going to be friends I need to know that I can show you all my ugly and you are ok with that. I need you to know that you can show me and I'm ok with that. I need you to not apologize for being human. I will stop too. I need you to not run around frantically trying to pick up the house... I don't care. I love you and I want to be your friend. I need you to not always say the right thing or always know all the right answers. I need you to cry when I cry. I need you to laugh when I laugh. I need you to understand that it's not always a walk in the park being friends with me, but it will be worth it.
Friendship is costly and priceless, but it's almost heavenly when we let go of the image we want other people to see. It's beautiful when I can be completely me and you can be you. It's amazing when a friend forgives you or walks through a death with you. It's extra-ordinary when they love you on your worst day.
We can only truly be friends if our kids can be brats in front of each other, if our houses can be messy, and if we can have bad moments that require forgiveness... We can only be friends if we rejoice with eachother over the good stuff and cheer each other on, but I'm committed to that kind of friendship!!!