Last night when I was laying in bed thinking about the last year an image came to my mind that reveals a lot about my relationship with the Lord. In the last year I have had times when I was really close to the Lord and some times when I was so far away that I couldn't see or hear him.
Like a kid at a carnival sometimes I have been holding my Father's hand and walking right beside him going where ever He lead me. Other times I have run ahead not able to wait for what was up ahead. Then there were times I would lag behind not wanting to leave some area when He said it was time.
There have been times when I just stood still overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds around me. Even some times when I longed to do the things that other people were doing... At those times I resented having a Father that was so diligent about my welfare. Times when like a child I didn't want to be told no.
But, at the end of the long day like a child running to catch up to Daddy, grabbing his hand and walking close feeling his love and knowing that no matter what He knew what was best and would never withhold any "really" good thing from me. Knowing that if He said no it was because of His great love for me. Filled with peace and joy to be going home with Daddy leaving everything behind and knowing that the carnival was smoke and mirrors, an illusion of grandeur and nothing more.
This year I have been close to You, Lord at moments... and this year I have strayed so far away. There have been times when you had to search the crowds to find me, but You always did. I have stood still refusing to move, but you held your ground and waited patiently for me to follow. You have carried me when I was too tired to walk. You have given me good things and fun times, but always reminded me this place is not my home. I have been ungrateful and selfish. I have pouted and whined. You have been faithful and true. Thank you for loving me through it all.
I pray that this year I will learn to follow closer to You. I pray that I will trust You no matter what I see or hear. I pray that I will learn to follow your lead. 2012 Happy New Year!!!!