I recently came to the realization that I desperately need the Lord's wisdom. I guess in the past my quiet time has been a hit or miss, do it when I can, get around to it kind of thing. BUT, as my family has gotten bigger and my children are outnumbering me I have come to the place in my walk with the Lord and I understand now what He means when He says "I am the vine and you are the branches". I have a tree in my yard and the limbs are kind of sickly. I don't know what made them that way, but I do know that they have to be removed. The are dead and not producing. But, the tree as a whole is fine. The other half of the tree seems to be doing quite well. As I have watched the tree God brought this verse to life for me.
Jesus said if the branches don't produce fruit they will be removed and thrown into the fire. I know that as His child he will not remove me and throw me in the fire, but I have no life apart from Him. I have to be connected. I have to receive His life giving flow. I need that flow daily. As a follower of Christ I know that I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me and I know that all truth comes from His word. I know that He is to be my first Love. I know that I need to spend time in prayer with Him daily. I haven't done those things faithfully so I have been like a branch that cannot receive what I need from the root. I have been disconnected. Thankfully God is so faithful to use whatever means necessary to draw me near Him once more.
As a Mom and Wife there is no better way to do that than for my home to be disrupted, dysfunctional or unpleasant. I am at the place now where I see that I can not do this on my own. I need wisdom that doesn't come from a book, tv, or the Internet. I need guidance, I need peace, I need patience, joy, love...
So, lately I have made my quiet time a priority. I have made praying a priority. I have begged for wisdom. I have pleaded for change (in me first), in my home... AND, I do not brag because as always God revealed my need and God drew me to Him. HE leads me in to all wisdom and truth. It is nothing I have done. Oh, He is faithful. James says if you lack wisdom ask of God and He will give it liberally.
I couldn't begin to share all that God has done in the last few days to answer those prayers, but He has been faithful to show me. The most important thing that He has shown me though is in Galatians where Paul speaks of the fruits of the Spirit. It goes on to say that we must walk in the Spirit. Well, we can't do that if we are not connected to the Spirit. I have prayed that He would show me what to do in each situation, but He can't do that if I am not walking in the Spirit.
So much of this parenting and marriage journey has been a teaching lesson for me. Learning a new way. Learning things about myself and trying to change those things. I always want to blame others when things aren't working, but again and again God shows me that "It's me O, Lord standing in the need of prayer."
I pray Lord that I would have a willing and teachable Spirit. I pray that for your Glory and not my own you would lead me in righteousness and teach me how to lead my children. You are so faithful and so good. I'm so thankful for the many things you have been showing me to implement in my home. I have had to only search for you and you have shown me the way. I'm sorry for my tendency to always want an answer to my problem instead of seeing my problem as a chance to seek YOU.