Thursday, January 4, 2018

When I can't save the world.

I want to do stuff and I can't and that's hard.

Sitting on the couch with a fussy 4yr old in my lap.  He's tired and maybe not feeling all that great.  I'm grumpy and the house is a wreck.  Kids are fighting and I know nothing is going to be accomplished today.

It feels like my life is insignificant a lot of the time.  I had big dreams of doing something for Jesus and then I had kids.  Kids are overwhelming.  Pregnancy is tiring. Babies are all-consuming.  Toddlers are toddlers.  Just when I thought I was out of the woods I realized that big kids need you just as much as little kids.  Saving the world has been put on the back burner.  The reality is that it took having kids for me to realize just how messed up I am... so I wouldn't have been much of a world saver anyway.

There is so much I wanted to do that I can't...  For years (13 to be exact) I have wrestled with feelings of insignificance.  I think we all struggle with the idea of doing something that means something.   Our culture is especially affected by the idea of fame and fortune and being someone special.  So, what happens when we can't do stuff or be someone or save the world?

What happens when you're pregnant and sick and tired?  What happens when it's flu season and you can't leave your house for 3 months, because every single time you do, you come home with a sick kid?!  What happens when your life consists of sitting on the couch holding little people?  Instead of mission work, your days are full of laundry and dishes.  Instead of taking care of orphans and widows, you feel mired down by the weight of parenting, knowing you can't even do one more thing?

Through the years of wrestling with all this, I have found a few verses in the Bible that have given me lot of comfort and I wanted to share them with you, if you, like me feel like you're not doing enough, but you know you can't do anymore.

"He protects his flock like a shepherd; he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them in the fold of his garment.  He gently leads those that are nursing."  Isaiah 40:11  another translation says "those that are with young"...  The idea with this verse is that God is a Shepherd who leads his flock and sets the pace with those who are most venerable.  He leads the flock gently and carries the little lambs in the fold of his garment.  He's not in any hurry.  There is no rush with Jesus... He is the Good Shepherd.

In Psalms 23... the shepherd boy turned king says,

"The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not lack.
He makes me lie down in green pastures:
He leads me beside still waters."

He makes me lie down...  when I need rest He takes me to a quiet place and makes me lie down.

"Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."  Matt. 11:28

When Jesus is talking about rest here he is talking about resting from striving.  Resting from trying to prove your worth and value.  Jesus is our Sabbath Rest.  We can stop and we can rest, knowing that where we are and what is going on in our lives is right where we need to be...  So, momma if the only world saving you are doing right now is holding a little baby in your arms... rest in that.  If all you can accomplish right now is loving your family and mothering well, rest in that.  Let the Good Shepherd take the lead and set the pace.

King David loved the Lord, who had taken him from the sheep folds to be king over Israel.  He wanted to show his love to God by building his temple.  David called Nathan the prophet to him and said, "I want to build a temple for the Lord."  Nathan told him to do whatever was in his heart, but that night God spoke to Nathan and told him to go back to David and tell him these words...

":Are you to build a house for ME to live in?  From the time I brought the Israelites out of Egypt until today I have not lived in a house; instead, I have been moving around with a tent as my dwelling.  In all my journeys with all the Israelites, have I ever asked anyone among the tribes of Israel, whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel: Why haven't you built me a house of cedar?"

"This is what you are to say to my servant David: 'I took you from the pasture and from following the sheep to be ruler over my people Israel.  I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have destroyed your enemies before you.  I will make your name for you like that of the greatest of the land........ The Lord declares to you (David): The Lord Himself will make a house for you."

I love this story.  It reminds me that it's not really about me saving the world or doing great things.... It's about Jesus doing great things for me.  I can rest in Him.  I can let him take the lead and set the pace and if the only thing I get done for Jesus today is loving my family... that's right where I need to be.   

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