Hard To Believe

Sometimes, it's just hard to believe.  I remember the day I decided to follow Jesus like it was yesterday.  It was the most radical transformation... like Saul to Paul.  I would never be the same.  I had been to church a handful of times, so I really didn't know what all this meant, BUT I knew I had just encountered an invisible, personal God.  To try to explain this to someone who is not a Christian is impossible.  Believe me...  I know we look CRAZY.  Sometimes, I feel crazy, but the Spirit of the unseen God will not let me go and willingly or not leads me where He wants me to go. 

After 20 years of following this God you would think if would get easier.  You would think I might have Him figured out and be able to anticipate His next move, BUT there is no figuring our a God who would pour out his wrath (of sin) on His own son, in order to not crush humanity.  To figure out God I would have to be holy and I am not.  To figure out God I would have to be good and I am not.  To think I knew what He was up to in my life I would have to have His wisdom, His foreknowledge, His love and I have none of those things.  Even knowing all that I still try to determine what's best for me. 

The Bible says without Faith it is impossible to please God.  He really isn't interested in me figuring it all out...  In the last year I have come to understand that He wants my blind faith.  He wants my trust in His goodness, His provision, His plan.  That is hard.  I admit following an unseen God is HARD.   

"Faith is the realization of things hoped for, the conviction of things NOT seen." Heb 11:1

Ladies, I'm about to share something that might make some of you mad, but I don't really care.  I want to be honest with you and so I can't do that without what I'm about to say.

"Likewise, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that if they obey not the word they may without a word be won by the conduct of their wives." I Peter 3:1

This is one of those things that people look at the Christian faith and say WHAT???  Some think it's outdated, some just plain stupid.  For me I trust that the Bible is the inspired word of God, and therefore it should guide my life.  That does NOT make it easy.  If you know me at all, you know I have a LOT of opinions.  I am very outspoken and I think I'm right about everything...  so imagine if you will how hard it is for me to submit to my husband.  It's NEVER easy to let someone else take the wheel of your life and make decisions that affect your future. 

Lately, this has been tested to the max.  We have some decisions to make in our near future that we do not see eye to eye on.  One of us will have to give.  I have my dreams and he has his logic.  I live in happily ever after land and he is all reality.  I want so badly to convince him that what I want is right for us, BUT what if it's not.  Who decides between his logic and my dreams?  Do my dreams and thoughts not matter because I'm a woman?  Does God think I can't think for myself?  What's going on here. 

To be honest this post is not long enough for what I have to say on this subject and I will spare you most of it, but one thing I know is GOD IS GOOD and WISE, so if He said it I need to trust it.  The other thing I know is that more than anything God wants unity in our marriage.  How can 2 people become 1?  I don't know how many of you married people are 1 on anything or everything.  For 2 different people, who biologically do know have anything in common, including brains, to come together on any decision, someone will have to submit.  Here's the thing though...  I have a promise in my pocket.  Look back at that verse...  He may be won by the conduct of his wife.  :Listen, God has made me a promise, that if I trust GOD to lead my husband (even when I think my husband isn't listening) then I am under the protection and provision of a loving Father.  He is going to do what is best for me, for us, and for our family.  I have seen it time and time again.  I have seen the Spirit of God change his heart.  I have also seen when I didn't trust God and when I pushed my own way and later I was resented and I knew we had done the wrong thing, sometimes costing our family a lot.

Back to our big decisions... I have been in agony about the future, forgetting that My Father is ultimately in control, and will do what's best for us. 

Last Sunday, my oldest son came up to me with pants sagging and said "Mom, can you pin these?"  Just like me, he had come up with what he thought was the best solution.  I pulled him close and looked inside his jeans, they had the elastic band that you button to make them tighter.  The answer was right there.  Mom knew that.  I pulled the elastic as far as it would go and I was just about to button it when the boy stuck his two hands down in front of me and tried to do it himself...  I said "do you want me to do this or you?"  Immediately the Spirit whispered to my heart "Angela, do you want me to do this or you?"  In that second He reminded me that He knows better than I do.  He already has the answer.  He already knows what he is going to do in our future...  I just have to trust WHAT I DO NOT SEE.  I have to have faith (believe with everything in me), that there is a invisible, personal God, who has adopted me as his child, through the work on the cross, who is working in my life to do what is best for me, according to HIS PLAN. 

In Genesis 16 we see a wife who wanted a child desperately and she was willing to do anything, BUT trust this invisible God, to make that happen.  Sarai convinced her husband that he needed have sex with her handmaid in hopes that this would produce the long awaited son that she wanted.  He listened and it turned out as the biggest regret of her life.  You can read the story for yourself.  The gist is that Sarai got what she thought she wanted and it made her life hell.  For the next 14 years she lived with her disastrous decision staring her right in the face everyday. 

God had made her husband a promise that He was going to have a son and that He would be the Father of many nations.  Sarai wasn't a part of that conversation and she didn't trust that God was going to do this.  Who can blame her?  In her defense she had followed this husband a few times before and been disappointed, but God was always faithful to protect her from the consequences of Abraham's bad decisions.  The difference in this situation is that she forced her way and He did not protect her from the consequences of her decision. 

Marriage is not always easy.  It's not easy to submit to another person.  Women have said to me in the past it is easy for me, because I'm married to Bobby, as if that makes any difference.  It wouldn't matter who I was married to I would still be a very strong, opinionated woman who thinks she knows best.  One thing I know for sure though is there is an unseen God who leads our lives and He has always been faithful and if He wants me to trust Him to lead my husband then I will do that.  If he says "submit to your husband" and promises to protect me, then I know He will do what is best for us.  I also know that I will have peace and unity with the most important person in my life...  My Man.  I will take that, over being right any day!!!