Saturday, June 13, 2015

Misplaced Identity

Last night I was up around 3am, taking care of one of the little people and taking the dog out, afterwards I was wide awake, so I took a scroll through face book.  The latest story going around caught my attention and I read several articles about the white lady, who has been living as a black woman for 10 years.  She must have been pretty good at pretending, because she became the President of the NAACP in her city.  Her story really intrigued me, and I've thought about it all night, and when I went for a walk this morning I tried to figure out why?!?

There's a pretty dramatic difference between what she looked like as a young white girl and her as a black woman.  As a young girl she looks like an average looking, teenage, Midwestern girl.  Not much about her appearance was special or different. 

Her life story has also been altered to fit her lies and the truth about her growing up from what I have read is pretty, well you probably guessed, not special or different.

I think this story resonated with me because I want to be special.  Doesn't everybody.  Whether it's this woman or Caitlyn Jenner...  We all want to be special.  These are extreme examples, but I think we can all identify with feeling average, not special, and going to some length to alter what we feel is lacking in us. 

My struggle is not as much with my outward appearance.  I struggle more with trading who I am, and who God has called me to be, in exchange for seeking the favor of the people around me.  I struggle with knowing that God has called me to be "just a mom".  It's not glamorous, amazing, or attention grabbing, so I continually try to find things to make me feel more "special".  I look for ways to be validated and seen.   I don't want to be just this average mom, hidden away in my home, raising these children, being under-valued and under-appreciated. 

Maybe I'm alone in this, but I doubt it.  I think to some degree everyone I know is trying to alter themselves in some way to be more, different, better, accepted, loved, validated.  We are all looking for a way to be special...  But, we have missed a very important truth. 

We are seen, we are known, we are validated.  We were created individually, perfectly-imperfect.  I don't really understand how God knows 7 billion people, but I know that he knows me.  The Bible says that He created me.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, not to be anyone else, but to be ME.  I was fashioned together, in my mother's womb.  My DNA is unlike any other person.  My story is unique.  My gifts and talents given to glorify God.  My life a blessing to be enjoyed and appreciated.  God knows every hair on my head.  He knows my thoughts afar off.  He loves me.  

I think we are all missing the fact that we have been created for eternal purposes to display the image of God and bring Him glory.  My desire should change from how I become special, to how can I make much of GOD. 

My heart hurts deeply for the people who never find rest for their souls, who seek for something that is unattainable and who go to drastic measures to become someone else...  because I know how they feel to some small degree.  I am thankful that when my thoughts turn to what I'm not, that my God draws me back to HIS WORD and HIS TRUTH, to see through His eyes.  I pray for eternal perspective.  I pray for contentment in who God has made me to be.  I pray that being seen my Him would be the only thing that matters to me.

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