Feminine Modesty

For a long time I feel like I have been in transition. I grew up thinking that my value and worth were completely based on looks. I felt confident in my looks and I dressed to make the best of what I had. When I became a Christian it was a new world to me. Even I knew that there was about to be a major overhaul in my life. It's been 13yrs now and I thought I had come so far in my walk. I thought I was getting close to the finish line of things that needed to be changed. I have been working on applying the Word to so many areas of my life. Not that I had arrived, I was just so much better than where I started. Wow. Little did I know that all that other stuff had all been surface stuff. I mean God and I had done some work, but it hadn't really reach the deeper layers.

After becoming a mom 5 years ago to a beautiful daughter, I realized I didn't want her to be like me. I did not want her to find her identity in her looks or clothes... So, thus began the work of the Holy Spirit in this area of dress. I began to be burdened about not feeling and being feminine... Man is that a process. There was a time in my life when I really thought feminine meant showing your body. Well, I really couldn't have her doing that now could I. I knew enough to know she was going to grow up and dress like me, because I had grown up to dress just like my mom... So, first I started wearing more dresses and such... Then I stumbled upon "Above Rubies" and other websites that were taking this issue so much further. Then I picked up my bible and said ok what do you have to say about this?! Well, needless to say what I saw in the pages of God's word did not reflect the women in my church or any women I knew. In fact to the women in my church you would have to be one of those "other" denominations if you had long hair or wore longer skirts. Anyways, I'm getting off the subject I just really didn't have anyone to show me the way... Then the word Modest came in to my vocab... What exactly did that mean?! I mean I was trying really hard not to "show anything". Wow, now God is telling me not to draw attention to myself?! Well, I was more than willing to dress more feminine and even show less skin, and just be more mindful of my dress, all the while being very fashionable. I even thought to myself I can be an example of modesty and fashion at the same time... Thus exposing my MAIN problem VANITY. When I read I Peter 3 and 1 Tim 2 and I saw the words modesty, sobriety, and shamefacedness I knew that could not be good. Then he goes on to talk about accessories (I LOVE ACCESSORIES), and hair, costly array. That is just going to far... Then He goes on to say that we should adorn ourselves with Good works if we profess Godliness. OH MY GOODNESS. To tell the truth that is where I have been stuck for the last few months. Seeing the situation of my heart. That I after all this time still found my worth and value in looks and clothes. That I still do not see my worth in Christ alone. I just read a great article on "Jesus is my Pearl" blog that showed me alot of what I am writing now... Things I could not admit to myself. What will my family think? What will my husband think if I go all the way. This is my cross right now, because I can see that I am holding on to my identity instead of holding on to Christ...

Well, that's enough self-reflection for now... I have to sit and meditate on all of this and pray for God to change my heart and help me become obedient... But, one last thought, the more I have embraced God's ways the more free I feel. I know to some they will assume this is about legalism and all that, but really it's about finding my identity in Christ and being free from years of bondage...