Mom. Moomm. MOOOMMMMMMM!!!!
I want you.
Mom. Momm. MOMMMMMMM!!!
I need you.
Standing at the kitchen sink with dishes piled high, hands up to my elbows in suds, mind lost in thoughts of a day that has already worn me out and it's only 8 am. The dishes from the night before are crusted over with dried food, because I had no energy left last night to wash them... The day stretches out in front of me like Mt. Everest. Before I can start today, I have to finish yesterday. I'm tired and overwhelmed.
In the backdrop I hear his little voice calling my name. Sweetly at first and then more persistent. He stands at my feet and pulls on my pants leg. He used to having to call me over and over again. Still lost in my own thoughts, but aware that someone wants something from me, I haven't made the connection yet that I need to respond. That's when the inevitable happens... he screams my name. That does it. That pulls me completely out of my thoughts and right into anger... WHY are you screaming my name???? He just looks at me with the sweetest face and says, "I want you."
To be honest... I don't want to be wanted. I'm tired of being wanted. In fact I've been tired for 13 years. I'm busy. I need to get stuff done. I'm angry and frustrated... always. I don't want to hold you. I don't want to listen to one more story about super-heros. You know what I want???? I want a self-cleaning house. I want kids who don't whine. I want a dog who requires absolutely no attention. I want to be left alone. I want to read all day. I want to sit on the patio and not have someone ask me for another thing. That's what I want. But, he wants me and he needs me and so do the other 4 children that God has so graciously blessed me with.
I dried my wet hands, bent down and wrapped my arms around him, soaking up his beautiful love. In that moment I could see just how deep and wide the difference from my response to my children and the Father's response to his.
My favorite person in the Bible is David. He was a shepherd boy, who was chosen by God to become King of Israel. God himself called David a man after God's own heart. David's most beautiful quality was that no matter what was going on in his life his first response was to call upon the name of the Lord. David was a good man and a bad man. We was a good king, but he was also incredibly selfish and self-centered at times. David is famous for many things, adultery and murder being two of them.
David knew one thing... He needed the Lord. In the good times, he praised God. In the bad times, he sought God's wisdom. He prayed for forgiveness for his sins, rescue from his enemies, and most of all comfort. He wrote a good portion of the book of Psalms, which is filled with beautiful imagery of a man in close communion with his God.
Look what he said about calling to the Lord:
"Because he (God) has turned his ear to me, I will call out to him as long as I live." Psalm 116:2
"For you, Lord, are kind and ready to forgive, abounding in faithful love to all who call upon you. Lord, hear my prayer; listen to my plea for mercy. I will call on you in the day of distress, FOR YOU WILL ANSWER ME." Psalm 86:5-7
"Call on me in the day of trouble; I will rescue you, and you will honor me." Psalm 50:15
and this promise spoken through the prophet Isaiah:
"And it shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." Isaiah 65:24
Before they call I will answer them.
Jesus said, "Come unto me, all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."
If you are like me these verses feel a little foreign, meant for someone else, not you. Meant for someone important, like David. The problem is we compare an invisible God with people we can see. Like busy, tired mothers, who dread our call, instead of relish in it. But, God says He is not like us. His ways are not our ways. He is passed our understanding and we can't compare God to imperfect flawed humanity.
God delights in our call. In the beginning of the Bible we see the true heart of the Father, as he came in the cool of the day, to walk the length and depth of the beautiful garden, with the cherished man and woman he had created. He delighted in Adam and Eve. He delights in you.
The Father draws near to all those who call on him, in truth. He bends his ear. He stops whatever he is doing. He is never too busy. He is never far away. He doesn't grow weary.
My heart goes out to many of my friends who are in painful seasons right now. Some are hanging on to hope with the tiniest thread. They don't feel worthy to call out to God. They feel like my little guy felt... like God isn't listening. God is not like us.
One last incredible promise from God's word... "I AM sought by those who did not ask; I was found by those who did not seek me. I said, 'Here I am, Here I am..." Isaiah 65:1
Today, call out to him, "I need you". Call his name and he will say, "Here I am."