Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Let me Love you...

OH LORD...  Please save me from myself.   I have the Martha disease.  You have asked me 1000 times lately to just let you love me and I can't.   I am consumed with shame and guilt that should have been stripped away long ago.  I think that IF I do enough for you then I will have earned your love, the very same love that was given to me while I was yet your enemy.  The love that I could never earn is freely given to me.  WHY can't I understand that you want to walk with me in the cool of the garden?  WHY can't I let you lavish this love on me?  WHY am I always trying to earn your favor or do something for you?  YOU hedge me in everytime and say "Be still, my love".  You tell me to rest that I am the one in need of seeing you.  I try to blindly go out and make you known in attempt to somehow earn your favor, but you say be still, be quiet.   I  am like a dry wasteland that needs YOU to rain down on me, but when you do I won't let the water to go past the surface.  I am dying and yet trying to save the world.  I try to offer what I will not receive...  LORD, help me.  I cannot accept your love and it's the very thing I need.  I don't need to do another thing.  I NEED to let you love me, BUT I don't know how.  SAVE ME FROM MYSELF... 

This morning I woke up with the driving need to do something for Christmas and I wracked my brain to see what I could do?!?!?!  It was so overpowering, but all the sudden the Holy Spirit calmed my raging sea and spoke to me the same message he has been speaking...  "Let me love you."  I had just read Psalms 42 and those words come back to me...  "My soul thirsts for you." 

The Lover of my soul says "Beloved, let me love you!  My child let me love you!  My daughter, let me love you!"
I don't know how, but my prayer is help me soak it in.  Help me be like Mary at your feet.  Help me adore you this season...  You are the reason.

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