Thursday, June 18, 2015

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

First of all, Thank YOU for everything.  It must have been hard to raise another woman's daughter, but you never let it show.  You were so quiet and gentle, I WISH I wasn't the polar opposite of you, because somehow you made it all look so easy.  And, well, the thing is I've found out it's not easy...  I wish you would have told me a few things, but thanks for not telling me.

Thank you for not telling me that sometimes you really loved me, but you didn't like me.  That probably would have devastated me to know.  I found out the hard way though...  You can love your children with all your heart, but not like them sometimes.  Like yesterday, it was raining and I was tired of being in the house, so I took the kids to a surprise trip to Chuck E Cheese.  I HATE that place, not even sure what I was thinking, because I wasted valuable hours of my life and spent too much money.  They were super excited and I had that "I'm a GREAT MOM" moment, but as we were walking out the door two of the little people had fits and ruined it all...  I didn't really like them at that moment, but I love them.

Thank you for having self-control and not screaming every time I spilled milk on the floor...  That should be awarded with an Olympic Medal or something.  Thank you for cleaning up those messes everyday and not giving up or taking me to a home for messy kids.   Yesterday one of them spilled a full cup of SWEET tea on the floor.  I mopped 10 times and I'm still sticking to the floor.  That's ok though because after someone else spilled a bottle of EVO on the same spot this morning I had to get the mop out again, hopefully we won't wear down the tile in that spot. 

Thank you for the time that you spent crying and praying to God for me, because you knew there was NOTHING you could do.   It's hard to love a person with every fiber of your being and be so completely out of control of their thoughts and actions.  I realize I can't make them do anything after a certain point.  Thank you for never giving up and for crying out to God for my soul.  I know there were times you grew weary, but God answered your prayers.  

Thank you for reading me books OVER AND OVER again...  I know every word to "Are you my Mother."  For 10 years I've read the same books over and over and over, but I know it's worth it.  One of the things I remember about being a kid, is being snuggled up to you and listening to your  voice as you read my favorite books, so I know how important it is to my little ones.

Thank you for making eat my veggies, even when I would throw fits.  Thank you for making me take a bath.  Thank you for not letting me dress like a "dancer" when I was under your roof, as a teenage girl.  Thank you for telling me the truth when I really didn't want to hear it.  Thank you for forgiving me over and over again and keeping your heart soft towards me...  did you know some moms don't do that.  I didn't even know that was possible, but I do now.  I know women who didn't have a mom like me.  I also know that it's up to me to continue to love my children and forgive them when they hurt me... because children do hurt their parents and they really don't even know it, until they have their own kids. 

There is so much to thank you for.  I see that now, because I'm a mom, and I love being a mom...  but it's not always easy.  There is not a day that I don't think, WOW, my mom should have told me, but you knew I needed to figure it out on my own.  You loved me too much to tell me how much loving me cost you.  You loved me too much to let me see how hard it all was.  Thanks Mom!  You are my hero!!!

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