His Truth Endures

The Real Me...

2012-02-27T10:15:00.000-06:00

The Real Me is the one I try real hard to not let anyone see, but if you want to meet the real me, come over to my house and watch my children for a day...

My children are a reflection of the real me that I hide from the rest of the world. My children who are born with a sin nature and a rebellious heart are a mirror image of what's in my heart. Caleb with his anger. Jordan with her sass. Isaiah with his complaints. Andrew with his temper tantrums. All of them with their impatience and selfishness. I get so frustrated when I see all of these things in them, until God reminds me, that's a picture of the real me.

The real me is lazy like my kids who don't want to clean their rooms. The real me is impatient and unkind with anyone who impresses on my time or gets in my space. The real me doesn't want to eat my veggies, I want sugar instead. The real me is angry that things don't always go my way. The real me would rather watch stuff I shouldn't than spend time in God's word. The real me is tempted by everything. The real me is jealous. The real me is mean. The real me is out for #1.

This morning when I was making breakfast my two middle sons complained the whole time about what I was making. They don't want to eat healthier. They like cereal and pancakes covered in syrup, who doesn't. Oh me I would rather make that stuff, it's yummy and then I wouldn't have to fight with them. Instead I continue to make the healthy food that no one wants, because it's better for them, even if they don't care. As I cook I grow angrier and angrier at my children for being so hard to deal with, AND THEN... The Lord places the scene of the children of Israel in my minds eye. Complaining about EVERYTHING. Disobedient at every turn. Rebellious and Hardheaded. Problem is he wasn't showing me that because of my ungrateful children, he was showing me how he has to deal with the same thing from all of his children (including ME). Then He so graciously pointed out that my children are a reflection of the real me. The one that they get to see. The one who is not perfect inside the walls of this house. The one who complains all the time. The one who loses her temper all the time. The one who would rather go back to Egypt then follow God in this wilderness.

Oh yes, I can fool myself at times, but I have no goodness apart from Christ. The fruit of the Spirit in my life... love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control ONLY COME FROM HIS SPIRIT. The real me as at war with the Spirit in me all the time. Galatians 5:24-25 tells us "and they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." Crucify the Flesh... That's what I have to do on a daily basis, because when I became a follower of Christ I didn't become perfect. Everyday I have to die to MY, MY, MY affections and lusts... Do you see that? MY affections and lusts... I still have them, I just have to KILL THEM and live in the Spirit. My children haven't learned to do that yet, so when you see them misbehave just know they are a reflection of me.

For our Health's sake...

2012-02-24T10:11:00.000-06:00

Health is a big deal... When you don't feed your body right it doesn't work right... I should know I haven't fed my right in a long time.   When I was pregnant with my firstborn I came across a book called "What the Bible Says About Healthy Living". It was full of wonderful information that I had never heard before. I couldn't put it down. Reading this book made me realize for maybe the first time how fearfully and wonderfully we are made. I saw that the Old Testament laws were designed to bring God's people amazing health.

Growing up I NEVER heard anything about good food for good health. I heard eat your veggies, but never knew why. So, who cares if you eat your veggies. We ate out alot...enough said. Anyhoo, read the book and decided to listen and obey. Not that I was a perfect picture of health. I have ALWAYS hated any form of excercise, except walking, and I don't do that enough. But, I did become more concious of what I was feeding myself and the new life inside me.

All that went out the door when I found myself pregnant for the 3rd time in 5 years. I was TIRED. I didn't care what I ate. Snickers and Diet Coke became my best friends. I ate terribly and so did my children. We started eating out more and when I did cook it was cheap and easy. Breakfast was cold cereal 4 times a week. Lunch at a fastfood place 2 days and junk the rest. My babies have always loved fruit and I try to have plenty around, but goldfish is a quicker, easier snack. The most frequent veggie they have seen in their lives is canned corn and green beans.  Ooooh Healthy!

Like I said in previous post my mom's recent battle with cancer has motivated me to seek better health for my family again.  We have also have a 3yr old that is VERY high energy.  I know his diet has to be a major factor in that.   So, we're making some changes around here. This is my list of 5 things I have committed to do to improve my families health:

1. Drink more water...   My favorite thing to drink and the only beverage I truly enjoy is Diet Coke, can we say NOT HEALTHY!!! Between DC and sweet (I mean SWEET) Tea, there's not much room for water. Likewise my children drink from my ST glass all day and when they have a glass of their own it's got some form of sugary drink in it. SO, for health's sake we're switching it up.   We have a new rule now... MOSTLY WATER!

2. More Protein... High energy does not need lots of sugar. DUH. But, that is what our snacks have been before. Thankfully my 3yr old LOVES almonds and string cheese. So, that's the new snack of choice.   I've already seen a huge improvement.   I changed our normally sugar filled yogurt to plain yogurt with added fruit. IF you have any suggestions on the protein let me know...

3. More Fiber...  We're adding more fruits and veggies and I got some flax seed to grind up and I'm putting that in our smoothies.  You know what fiber does... Everybody could use a clean out.

4. Juicing... I have had a juicer for a long time, but after a week or so I got tired of all the WORK it takes to get it out, use it, take it apart, clean it, and put it away again. BUT, I have now decided it's worth it for our health's sake.   The ONLY way I can get my littles to eat the green stuff they don't dig is JUICE IT. They love watching me juice the veggies and since it's a fun experience they like to drink the juice up.    I'm freezing the pulp and putting it in spegetti and meat loaf and whatever else I can think of.

5. Vitamins... I've always been a big fan of Vities as my littles call them, but I've NEVER been good at taking them on a regular basis. Vitamins always make a big difference in how I feel and my energy level, so I have to be more diligent to take my vities...

These are just a few things that I can do to improve our health, but you have to start somewhere. I find for myself it's better to add a new habit to one you have already established. So, this is where I'm starting, but if my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit it's time to stop abusing it. If I am in charge of the health and welfare of my family I better start doing a better job. Laziness is no longer an excuse. If I take better care of me then I will FEEL better... God has given us an astonishing miracle in these bodies that He made. Bodies able to detox and fight off all manner of illnesses and disease, but we have to give our bodies what they need. I'm starting today!!!

What about you? Do you have any suggestions or anything that you are doing FOR YOUR HEALTH'S SAKE???

Fear and Dread...

2012-02-23T09:17:00.000-06:00

One of the major things that has been on my mind since my Mom passed is HEALTH. No wonder since she died from Cancer which some would say is a curable disease, that is without chemo/radiation. I have been convicted like never before to be a diligent guardian over my families health. That should be pretty easy... no more McDonald's chicken nuggets. More fruits and veggies, less junk. The problem that is not in my control is all of the man-made toxins that are being forced on us all the time. Since this is out of my control I can easily become overwhelmed with FEAR AND DREAD. What if... thoughts begin to plague me. I don't know about you, but when I feel like my family is in danger, and I can't do anything about it I begin to feel like a caged animal...

How can you "rejoice in the Lord", or "think on things that are true and lovely" if your mind is plagued by unseen fears? One thing I KNOW to do is pray. When my spirit is heavy burdened I know where to go. So, today as I was praying and crying out to the Lord I told him what I was thinking and feeling. I told him that I felt down and not joyful. I told him I was fearful and overwhelmed.

Sometimes answers to pray take time, not today. His immediate reply Psalms 34:4

"I sought the Lord, and he HEARD me, and delivered me from all my fears."

The awesome thing is that Psalms 34 tells that He hears our prayers and delivers us from fear, when you continue to read it (which I hope you will), He tells us the remedy for fear...

vs 8 "O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed (happy and at peace) is the man that trusts in HIM.
"O fear the Lord, ye his saints: for there is NO LACK to them that fear HIM."

The answer to fear of man is to Fear the Lord. The Bible tells us that GOD IS GOOD so we can trust in HIM and not fear man. When I place my trust in a Good God what do I have to fear. As FDR said "We have nothing to fear, except fear itself." The Lord knows that there can be no end to fear in our lives. In the Old testament one of the most common phrases that God says to his people is "do not be afraid". 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God has NOT given us a spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Proverbs 17:22 tells us "A merry heart does good like medicine..." If that is true does the bible tell us that a merry heart can detox our body??? Is the key to good health a sound mind and a merry heart that rejoices in the Lord (phil 4)?

There's alot of speculation out there that the mind has a big impact on the body. Some would say that your thoughts can make you body sick. If that's the case I have to be diligent to guard my mind and my thoughts. I'm thankful that when I fall in the enemies trap of fear that I can run to the Lord in prayer and find answers in the Word of life. Psalms tells us that "HE sent HIS WORD and it healed them of all of their diseases... WOW... Think about Jesus going around and healing all those different diseases. Think of God's word as a healing balm... If we follow after the ways of the Lord HE makes us another promise:

"If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, IF you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, FOR I AM THE LORD, WHO HEALS YOU (Exodus 15:26)

I am thankful to the Father for giving us His Son. I am thankful to the Father for giving us His word. I am thankful for the promises of God that are able to remove our fear and dread.

Can't we all just get along?

2012-02-21T22:32:00.000-06:00

I have four children... Four completely different children. The oldest is a girl and then three boys. They look different. One has straight hair the other three have curls.  Two have dark brown eyes that are almost black, the other two have light brown eyes.  All three boys have totally different body types. They like different things.   One LOVES cars. The other football. The little guy likes anything... barbies, babies, balls and cars.   Caleb loves corn, Isaiah loves tacos and pizza, Jordan likes hamburgers... Caleb and Jordan LOVE chocolate, and Isaiah won't eat it.

In Psalms the bible tells us that God fashions us each individually.  As a parent of 4 completely different children I can see that this is true.   We (people) are all different. That's not news. With differences though can come conflicts. My children with their unique personalities and sin natures often have conflicts. I am convinced that NOTHING is more frustrating to a parent than children fighting. I think it's CRAZY how much they can fight about. I think they each thrive on annoying their siblings on a regular basis.

As if that's not bad enough they can NEVER agree on anything. If one wants to go to Chick-fila the other two want to go to McDonalds. When I ask if they want to go for a walk to the park two says yes and the other two say they want to ride bikes out front. When I ask if they want goldfish for snack someone ALWAYS wants something else.   If my normally hardheaded child is having a good day, my easy-going child is being tyrant... All of this could drive a crazy person sane...

But, watching this on a daily basis has driven home one of Christ most important messages... John 15:12 "This is my commandment, That ye love one another as I have loved you."   Jesus told his disciples the way the world would know they were his was that they would love one another.   There is nothing worse as a parent then having your kids fuss and fight over nothing. Surely when God sees this in the church family it breaks his heart.

It doesn't even matter to me as a parent who is right or wrong. I expect much more out of my more mature kids than I do from the little guys. If my 3 yr old is arguing with my 6 yr old over something he has no idea about I expect my big guy to just over look it and not argue. I expect my 7yr old not to hit back when they have been hit. God expects the same from us. Proverbs tells us not to argue with a fool. Paul says when one person celebrates a holiday and another person doesn't celebrate any that we should not make this an issue. The Bible tells us that we all have different gifts given to us to minister to the body of Christ... not for us to boast and definitely not to separate us.

The family of God is full of all different and diverse personalities all designed by God.   These differences should bring glory to God, but so often we use these differences to separate us.   It doesn't matter to God who is right and who is wrong... As a child of God our life should be marked by humility and love like Christ for our brothers and sisters.

Instead of acting like little kids who fuss and fight about everything we need to love like Christ loved so the world will know we are HIS disciples. Then maybe we could then "go and make disciples of all men". Boasting only in Christ because "if HE is lifted up he will draw all men unto him".   God the Father made us different to bring glory to Him. We are each made in His image. Let's celebrate what makes us different instead of letting it seperate us...   In the words of the great theologian Rodney King... "Can't we all just get along?"

A God of His Word...

2012-02-17T14:00:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how many things a person can fear... Worry and dread steal our joy and often cause us to panic over the future. I have recently been through one of those times that I ALWAYS dreaded... The death of a parent. In the past I have questioned how I would handle if one of my parents passed from this life to the next?!   Fear of the future can rob us of the peace of the present.

As most of you know my mom has been very ill. She went home to be with the Lord on the 13th of February.   My mom had cancer... I know it's a dirty word. I hate it too. But, the funny thing about this horrible word cancer is that it gives (us) the living TIME... Time to process the horrible prospect of a future without our loved one. It gives us time to say the things we need to say. It gives us perspective on what is TRULY important, like spending every minute you can with the one you will soon lose. I am personally thankful for this TIME. I am thankful for what this ugly cancer did to change us all and draw us closer to each other and closer to our Saviour. I am thankful for the gift of spending the last 12 hours of my mother's life holding her hand and singing to her, reading beloved scripture that has now taken on new life...

When we knew that my Mom was not going to get better I cried bitter tears. IT HURTS to lose someone you love. I cried for her. I cried for me. I thought of all the things we wouldn't get to do. I said things to myself like she is too young at 52 to leave us like this. I said things like what will I do without her. I screamed and I yelled in my spirit. I didn't want to give her up. SHE IS MINE... I told the Lord.   The thing is SHE IS NOT MINE. She is HIS. My mom was only on loan to me for a while. So now I need to cherish those that are loaned to me FOR NOW.

There are a few things that I have learned along the way... Life is short. Life is precious. Life is fragile. We are not promised tomorrow. The people we love are only on loan for a while. We must be prepared to release them when it is time.   The ONLY person we will ALWAYS have is JESUS. HE is the only one who can keep his promise that HE will NEVER leave us or forsake us.   HE IS ENOUGH.

And Finally I learned that our God is a God of his word. He will give you peace that doesn't even make sense. He will walk with you and carry you when you are not able to stand. He will heal your heart if you let him.   I know this is just the beginning of my journey, but my God has been so faithful this far that I am not afraid of tomorrow.  No matter what happens in this life He will walk with me.  I will see those I love again. Heaven is my home with my God and anyone who chooses to accept His invitation.

There is no need to fear the future... Don't worry about what you would do if you were in someone else's situation. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness." He's gonna give you the grace you need. He's gonna give you the strength you need.   Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." He's gonna give you peace...

There are so many promises in God's word that bring the child of God comfort. Read it. Read about Heaven... How could I want her back when she is in that GLORIOUS place. I'm going there too, so why would I want her back when I'm gonna see her soon???

Thank you Father for keeping your promises. You are an AWESOME GOD. You are my everything. What more could I want than you?!

This ain't a wonderful world....

2012-02-09T10:20:00.000-06:00

So, I'm glad it's not my home.

But here is a picture of where I will retire someday:

"I saw a NEW heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

And I John saw the holy city, NEW Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride for her husband.

And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, BEHOLD, the tabernacle (dwelling place) of God IS WITH men, and HE will dwell with them, they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be NO MORE death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be ANY MORE pain: for the former things are passed away.

And He that sat upon the throne said, BEHOLD, I MAKE ALL THINGS NEW. And HE said to me, Write: FOR THESE WORDS ARE TRUE AND FAITHFUL.

And He said unto me, IT IS DONE. I AM the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I WILL give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the WATER OF LIFE freely.

He that overcometh shall inherit ALL things; and I WILL BE HIS GOD, and he shall be my son."

It's obvious from this passage that Jesus knew that we would have sorrow, and pain, and suffering. I don't know what you are going through today, but God knows. I don't know your pain, but I know mine and I am comforted every time I read these words. Jesus knew this life was full of suffering. Paul said to be a part of Christ you must share in His suffering. Suffering is the best tool that God can use or allow in our lives to conform us to the image of His son, BUT GOD said that is not the end. THERE IS JOY IN THE MORNING. There is beauty in the ashes. There is a beautiful vessel that comes out of the Refiners fire and when that vessel is purified there is a place waiting that exceeds our imagination.

Father, I praise your holy name. You are my strength, my comfort, my banner. When I dwell on your word and your promises I can see this place is not worth holding on to. My home is with you. I can let go of the ones that you want to take there, because it's better there. I can rest and have peace. You are faithful and true and if you said it that's all I need. Thank you for preparing a place for one who is so unworthy... I can only Imagine!!!

Girlfriend let me tell you something...

2012-02-07T16:14:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been thinking about my "girl friends". So, I had to bring my thoughts to the computer!!!

First of all, growing up I didn't have good relationships with girls... I don't know if that is just natural or if it was me. I had a bestie in middle school and I was happy, she was all I needed.   I went to a new school in high school and again I had one really close female friendship. I was just one of those girls that HATED drama and liked hang'n with the boys more!!! I knew that something was missing though. I wanted to connect with other girls and just be me... I wondered if that would ever really be possible...

I mean if you watch any TV besides HGTV and Food network, you know we have an issue these days of females being VICIOUS!!! Hateful, conniving, man-stealing, self-worshipping FEMALES!!!   Turn on the TV for 5 minutes and you will see that the more nurturing sex is not so nurturing these days!!! I could REALLY go off on a tangit now, but I'll try to stay on track with what I'm saying!!! Have a 2 minute conversation with you neighbor and you might find out what every female on your block does wrong?! Talk to someone at church and you might hear about how she can't connect with any of the ladies at church. LADIES it should not be so.

I am thankful that all that may be true, BUT because of Jesus and his example we women can have wonderful, loving, supportive relationships with other woman. There are woman out there who will love you, listen to you, pray with you, cry with you, and laugh with you.   I KNOW this to be true because God has blessed me with some of the most wonderful friendships a girl could have. Some I see all the time and some I don't, but I KNOW if I needed anything any of them would be right there. I KNOW they are thinking of me and lifting me up in prayer. Some of my GF's are so busy they can't EVER pick up the phone... if they no telling what those little ones would get into... but just knowing they are there and the kind of friends they are gives me comfort...

So, IF you are my GF let me tell you something... I love you. I want you to know that you are a HUGE blessing to me and you bring comfort to my soul. I thank God for you!!! IT IS AN HONOR to be considered your friend!!! Thank you all for letting me be me and loving me with all your heart!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!

Times like these...

2012-02-07T10:14:00.000-06:00

The Bible says "give honor to whom honor is due". In proverbs it says "let another man praise you and not your own lips".    This post is an attempt to give honor and praise to some special people in my life.    As you know my mom is in the hospital facing a very serious situation. This is the first time in my life that I have had to rely completely on my faith and trust in the Lord. This is the first time I have had to look at what I believe and say is this (my faith) enough to see me through. Do I REALLY believe if I have to let her go that we WILL meet again someday? IS JESUS ENOUGH??? I have to say that God has been so faithful to bring me peace and comfort that HE has given me no choice... I have to believe because He has proven himself faithful and true. One of the ways he has shown me his faithfulness is with the people he has placed in my life.

The first person that God has been so kind and faithful to share with me is my husband. He is a rock for me. He listens when I need to talk. He gives me his strong embrace when I need someone to hold me up. His silent presence gives me courage. He knows just when to lighten the moment with a well timed joke. He is patient and kind.   He is the kind of husband that the world tells you doesn't exist.   I am so thankful that the Lord chose me to be his wife. There is security in knowing that He REALLY loves me!!!

There is a very good reason that I have the world's greatest husband... He has the most amazing MOM... She is ALWAYS there when I need her. My mother-n-love is my Naomi... She is someone I can talk to and cry with. I don't have to worry about my house being clean or my every move being examined by her. I have heard so many horror stories about "the inlaws", but I have been so EXTRA-ordinarily blessed with the world's greatest!!! She makes me laugh and she tells me the truth. She treats me like a daughter and not "my sons wife"... She is my friend in every way.   But, when it comes to needing something this is where she stands out from the rest... She just does whatever needs to be done. I never have to ask. Last night when I was just too emotionally exhausted to function she took care of everything without even needing to be asked...   I love you DLG!!! You are AMAZING and NO ONE ever lets you know how wonderful you are, but you ARE the best part of our family!!!!! You are a HUGE blessing in my life...

In a day of Jersey Shore, DH of Hollywood, and The Bachelor you might be convinced that females cannot get along. Reality shows have shown the worst of girl relationships just like TV has us convinced there are no good men out there... This is such a shame. The friendship between two woman can be one of the most rewarding relationships. I have been so blessed with the best friends. I'm so thankful for my friend Gayla. She is a what the bible calls a "a virtuous woman whose value is above rubies".    There is not an area in this life that we don't connect on. There is not a place where her wisdom has not touched my life. Gayla you make me laugh. You tell the truth in the most wonderful way. You lift me up when I'm down you and you bring me back to earth when I'm full of myself. I'm so thankful to be walking this narrow road with you. It's rare to know that another woman loves you and genuinely celebrates your success!!! YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND. Thank you for being here for me when I have needed you. Thank you for all that you have done... babysitting, cleaning, listening, praying... I LOVE YOU!!!

In times like this the people who love you step up and do what needs to be done. They PROVE their love by their actions... I'm am so thankful. I am so blessed. God is so faithful and so true. JESUS IS ENOUGH. When the Bible says "My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness." This is what it means... When the circumstances of this life are hard to bear God sends his grace and mercy so you can make it through. You all have been God's grace and mercy to me!!!

A gift from God...

2012-02-04T09:02:00.000-06:00

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights." James 1:17

The last two weeks have been out of the ordinary. If you don't know I have 4 children, 2 that are home-schooled and 2 toddlers. I also have 2 dogs that we got for Christmas (I don't know what I was thinking).   We also have a busy house most of the time with people in and out. This is all a big job on a regular basis, but recently my mom has been in the hospital, and I want to be with her as much as I can. That's hard to do with all this going on at our house. I don't want to neglect my family and my home. This is where my gift from above comes in...

God has given me an EXTRA-ordinary friend. She is the kind of friend that everyone needs. She is the kind of friend that would do ANYTHING for you. If fact other people tell her all the time I can't believe all you do for Angela. The thing is though a friend is more than laughter and good times. There are a lot of people who want to be around for the good times and the fun, but are no where to be found when you need someone. There are a lot of people who want to be there to comfort you when you're down, but don't want to put themselves out to help you do anything. I'm not talking about the friends who wish they could do something for me. I know there are people who will read this and think I'm talking about them, but I'm not. I know who would be here IF they could.

The prodigal son had the kind of friends who were around for the party. The kind that when you have lots of money and fun they hang around, but when the hard times come they are not around. He had the kind of friends that were no where to be found when he needed them. Those kind of friends are good for laughs and entertainment, but nothing else.

God has been so kind to me. He said "Trust me". Lean not on my own understanding and He will direct my paths. So, when I come to a crisis moment and I think what am I going to do?! All I have to do is call my friend.

"Your own friend, and your father's friend, do not forsake; neither go into your brother's house in the day of calamity: for better is a neighbor (friend) that is near than a brother far off." Proverbs 27:10

Friends are PRICELESS. Friends are VALUABLE. Friends are comforters. Friends are helpers. The Bible says that "a friend loves at all times".   I could write a whole other post on what LOVE is.   What LOVE is not is an emotion. LOVE is ACTION!!! So, whatever ACTION a person needs a friend does because they LOVE. If they need a hug, a good cry, a laugh wonderful.... but if they need babysitting and dishwashing... IF they need dog walking or dinner made even better... A good friend sees a need and doesn't even have to be asked... they JUST DO IT!!! I may not be this kind of friend, but I am learning from one of the best what it takes to be a good friend...

FAITH MARIE... You are a GIFT from ABOVE. I want to THANK YOU for everything you have ever done for me. Your kindness and humility are a breath of fresh air. In a world where everyone puts themselves FIRST, you stand out as an example of true friendship.   I thank God for you all the time. I know being my friend has been more like a job, but I love you and I appreciate knowing that I can call on you... I'm also thankful for your unconditional love and sweet spirit. I LOVE YOU!!!

Peace...

2012-01-31T09:09:00.000-06:00

My mind is full of troubles this morning...  We thought my mom was improving, but that's not the case. My brother called me last night and said the Doctors don't know what is going on with her and she is getting worse.   It was a shock. We had been thinking that her troubles would be behind us soon.   This all happened yesterday and the amazing thing is yesterday in my time with the Lord I was in John 14.

John 14:14 "If you ask any thing in my name, I will do it."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace, I give unto you: not as the world gives peace, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Don't you know I needed that last night when I got that phone call. Jesus KNOWS just what we need. I need his peace... Not as the world gives it through food, drink, relationships... but real lasting peace. That chapter talks about Jesus preparing a place for us. Yes we need to know this place is not our home. We need to be reminded that someday there will be no more dying, no more sickness, no more pain, no more good byes, no more crying... NO MORE!!!   We need to know that.

John 14:16 "And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you FOREVER."

That Comforter rushed in that hospital room last night, and while we stood and prayed over my mom spoke those words of John 14 to my soul.   That Comforter brought me peace in the midst of my raging storm. In the middle of my feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. In the middle of my dark thoughts and worries about the future the Comforter spoke words of peace into my heart and soothed away my fears.

This morning my heart is still heavy... As I was dwelling again on the future my little one came and climbed in my lap. He doesn't know anything except me. If I'm there that's all he needs for peace. Completely unaware of the worries of the world he sits here with me smiling and playing. Doing anything to make me laugh with the most radiant, confident smile on his face. He has me what more could he need or want. In that moment Jesus reminded me of the child like faith he desires of us. He reminded me that in Him is perfect peace. He reminded me that I could smile and rest in His presence. He reminded me that as long as I have him I have all I need.

Thank you, Lord for knowing. You are not a distant, unseen, unfeeling God. You are here with me now. You care and before I knew I needed anything you had spoken you're words freshly to my heart. Thank you!!!!

My # 1 reason...

2012-01-28T15:01:00.000-06:00

IF you know me I KNOW you aren't surprised that I couldn't wait long to give my reasons for changing the way I dress... In the previous post I confessed that I no longer wear pants. I know this is not as big a deal as I'm making it out to be, but for me this has been a life changing decision, a drastic step if you will. Sounds silly even to myself.

There has been a lot said all over the blog world about this issue. You can look for yourself and see all the reasons WHY? and maybe I will go into each one at some point, but right now I'm focused on MY main reason. I'm don't want anybody to think that I'm trying to promote this, just trying to explain myself...

Sitting in my living room 5 years ago I watched "14 kids and counting"... I was stunned by what I saw. There had been a stirring for sometime in my heart that the norm might not be God's best, and when I saw that family I just sat and cried and I'm not even sure why. The girls at the time were all wearing "jumpers" they had sewn themselves that went down mid-calf, and I thought "NEVER" would that be me. HAHA. Over the years their styles have changed, but their convictions have not. One time I heard Michelle Duggar say "no the girls and myself don't wear pants, but this is our personal conviction".   I thought to myself WHY??? Why is this a conviction for them and not for me???

I "pondered all of this in heart" for a long time. I didn't want anyone to know what was going on in my mind. Then the curiosity became to much, so as they say, it killed the cat... I started to look this up for myself and what I found convinced me. Modesty... yes. Feminine... yes. Those weren't the main things that spoke to me though.

The clincher if you will was the "history" behind woman wearing pants.   Up until the middle of this century women wore dresses or skirts. They were beautiful and feminine. As one writer said "Women built this country in dresses".   Even though woman didn't have the same freedoms as men, woman were valued and protected.   What changed along the way?

One day a man dreamed up a scheme and put it into motion. We see the fruit of it today. It's what we call Feminism. He decided to convince woman that they were used, abused and unhappy at home. He told them that they needed more to be fulfilled. After time and circumstance woman began to believe this lie and through the course of unfortunate events found themselves in the work force.   Dresses and skirts were no longer functional in the factory. As a banner they held up the "trouser" and proclaimed "I can do anything you can do better", and have proceeded to set out and try.

To the feminist the pant became a symbol of equality. It was a way to reject the biblical teachings of Paul (whose inspiration was God) and what he said about a woman and her role and her dress. So, I decided that since pants were their symbol of their rejection of God's ways it's only right for me to wear my skirt or dress as a symbol that I will cling to God's ways.

Confession Time...

2012-01-27T22:26:00.001-06:00

Ok, here it goes. I am going to publicly announce this for the first time... I no longer where pants...

I'm not going to explain why right now... but, I do have my reasons. No, my church didn't tell me I had to. No, I'm not a legalistic. No, I don't judge anyone. This is a personal decision based on a personal conviction. This is my way of answering the questions that I have not been asked, but I can see in people's eyes. It's been 3 months and only 2 people (my mom and a very close friend) have been brave enough to ask. I'm taking the "the truth shall set you free" route with this. I can't hide it and I know some people are curious so... here goes nothing.

I have struggled with this for about 3 years. Off and on again this issue has been coming into my heart. It started oh so long ago when the Lord gave me a daughter and I realized that I did not want her to dress the way I did. This started my journey to modesty... I grew up believing that a girl could dress anyway a girl wanted to dress... "It's my prerogative" was my motto. Anything goes and I believed that my greatest asset was a cute little body. I didn't really put stock in much else. When Jordan was born I was a christian, but I had never been convicted about modesty until then. I knew immediately though that I had to set a new standard for this little angel that God had given me.

That's where it started and this is where I am after years of struggling with this decision I have taken the plunge... I thought this was going to be a huge sacrifice and even though I have fought the Lord every inch of the way, I have discovered that I LOVE dressing this way. I am HAPPY to wear skirts on a daily basis. I am comfortable and content, until I walk outside and start worrying about what everybody thinks... My biggest issue is will my christian friends think that I think that they have to do a certain thing or be judged... The other issue is what my lost friends will think... Will they think that if you become a christian you have to give up wearing pants. I'M GOING NUTS worrying about all this... and I have decided to just put it out there and get it over with. This is me. This is who I am. I'm happy and comfortable. I don't know WHY God has chosen this thing FOR ME, but he has and I'm gonna do it.

So, please feel free to say whatever your thinking. In fact I need someone to say something good, bad, or ugly. Cuz I'm going crazy assuming I know what everybody is thinking. I may soon write down all my reasons why just to get it off my chest, but for now I just needed to confess it!!!

A time for everything...

2012-01-27T08:38:00.000-06:00

"See, I have this day set you over the nations and over kingdoms, to root out, and to pull down, and to destroy, and to throw down, to build, and to plant." Jer 1:10

It seems that my life has been in disarray since the "holiday season".   Between decorating, gift buying and wrapping,and parties... Undecorating, putting the house back together, reorganizing, and trying to get back to school... then sickness.   I feel like my life is a total wreck... Not just my house, but my little guys are having discipline issues, I haven't been alone with the hubs since I can't remember when, and my friendships have been put on the back burner... I was feeling pretty sad for myself, and I emailed my HS group asking if anyone every had these times and if they felt as guilty as I do. In response I heard several woman say that January has been the same for them. Whew. Not the only one.

I began to think about some of the things that this time is teaching me. At the same time I read the verse above and it's been hanging in my mind for a couple days. Jeremiah's job was to root out, pull down, destroy and throw down AND then to build and plant.... Yes there are definitely things that need to be rooted out of my life. I see that now. Hard times expose those ugly things in my heart that I'm able to hide when everything is going my way. Paul says we must "lay down wrath, malice, anger..." Yeah those things need to be pulled down in my life and discomfort exposes this. Wrong motives that need to be thrown down. Wrong thinking and blind spots that have to be exposed. That's what this time has been about for me... pulling down, rooting out...

Praise God that He has two parts to this plan though... A time for building and planting. I just have to realize that the first part of the plan is equally as important as the second.   You can't plant a new garden until you have gotten rid of last years leftovers. Digging and tilling come before planting and growing... I'm thankful that there is a time of building and planting and even though this takes hard work to it just seems more productive. There will be a time for healing, cleaning, learning, restoring friendships, and spending time with hubs... And I will savor all that because God has been doing a little work in my heart.

My ways are not his though... He is preparing me for a place of perfection and I need to let him expose and destroy these things in my heart that won't fit in there.   Father, I pray that you would have the freedom to do whatever you desire to do in my life. I know you are completing the work you started in me. I know you are working everything for my good. I know you are teaching me the things I need to know. I am stubborn and stiff-necked person Lord and I thank you that you don't give up trying to teach me your ways...

I hate my life, I love my life...

2012-01-26T08:09:00.000-06:00

I just read a similar post from my dear friend and Mother in love. She had told me this story yesterday when I was whining about EVERYTHING in my life. Of course as she always does and as a faithful friend should she stopped me right in my tracks and said what I really HATE is that everything is not EASY.

Wow isn't that the truth. It never ceases to amaze me how content I am with my life when everything is going the way I want it to go. The opposite is true though when things get a little difficult. Like sick kids, long days of whining, sleepless nights, a dirty house, hormones, friction in relationships... When I start to get frustrated then I take it out on my nearest and dearest.... my husband. What I'm left with then is running to the closet throwing a fit and telling the Lord just what His faithful servant (tongue in cheek) thinks about all this.

As the Lord does he listens, comforts, soothes, and strengthens for the next thing. The other thing he faithfully does is expose the sin in my heart. This faithful servant is really a prideful and selfish person. Only happy when life is full of thorn less roses. Only loving to people who are easy to love. Only a servant to those who she deems worthy of serving. This faithful servant hasn't conformed to the image of Christ as much as she would like to think. This faithful servant has the ability to take every blessing and turn it into a burden. Like the Israelites I can take the Promise Land and turn into HELL on earth. Like the Israelites I fancy myself going back to Egypt. BUT GOD... comes in and speaks to my heart. He reassures me that this too shall pass. He urges me to "not grow weary in well doing, for in due time I shall reap the reward". He shows me that Love is patient (long-suffering), and kind. Love endures ALL things.

How would I know just how good this life is if I didn't have some hard times? How would I learn to love if he didn't give me some hard cases? How would I become more patient if nothing ever tried me? How would I conform to Christ's image if I didn't share in his suffering?

Lord thank you for the good and bad. Help me to hate my life for the right reasons. Jesus said for his sake we should hate our lives and die to ourselves, but not because it's too hard... Help me become a faithful servant who doesn't grumble and complain about everything. Help me learn to praise when I would open my mouth to gripe!!! After all I really am too blessed to be this stressed!!!

Jeremiah can we talk awhile???

2012-01-25T13:26:00.000-06:00

I know weird name for a post. I have been asked to speak for a ladies bible study get together. This used to be nothing for me. I was so young and dumb and confident in myself. Somewhere along the way on this journey with the Lord I've lost the confidence I once had. Oh, I know that the Lord will be there and he will speak the words he wants to say, he always does. WHICH I know is far more important than what I could say. It's just that in the last year the Lord has done somethings in my life that I know are of him and pleasing to him, but I feel isolated and different.

OH, how I HATE different. I didn't know that I hated different until I got there and started sticking out like a sore thumb. So, I want to retreat and hide away (like a lamp under a bushel). It's shameful for me to say, but I don't want to share what God has done, because I don't want to pass on this infection of different. ALAS, that is what God wants us to strive for right??? Different or a better word PECULIAR PEOPLE (1 peter 2:9).

In trying to find comfort for the illness you've received where do you look? Your inspiration JESUS and his words are "take comfort the world will hate you, because they first hated me." WHAT is this what I signed up for? YES... because counting my cost leaves me with two options fear God and follow Jesus or fear man and lose my soul. I can't go back to normal now!!!

I know this is all very down in the dumps and cryptic. Sorry about that! So, today I wish that I could sit down with Jeremiah. I know He had to feel this way.

"Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you a prophet to the nations."
"Then I said, Ah, Lord God! behold I cannot speak: for I am a child."
"BUT the Lord said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for you shall go to all that I shall send you, and whatever I command you to say you shall speak."
"Be not afraid of their faces: for I AM with you to deliver you, saith the Lord."
"Then the Lord put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the Lord said unto me, BEHOLD, I have put my words in your mouth."

Jeremiah had a hard job to do as prophet for God. He had to tell the people what God had said and even battle lying prophets who said everything was going to be ok and that judgement was not coming upon the country. Who would want that job? Let's not forget though that even if everyone rejected him that didn't change the fact that He was CHOSEN by God and given a message to speak. I'm sure with a burning fire in his chest and sweaty palms he relayed the message of God. What did he do when his message was completely ignored and rejected? I don't know what did Jesus do?

I want to sit down and talk to him and ask him in the end was the rejection of this world worth it, BUT I know the answer already!!!

"

Lessons I've learned on sick days...

2012-01-19T11:10:00.000-06:00

AHHHHH... Sick days the bane of every moms existence. The days that stop us right in our tracks. The days that test our endurance. Today is one of those days, but I was thinking about sick days andI realized along the way I have learned ALOT from sick days.

I remember in the beginning when I was a new mom with 2 small children that sick days and sleepless nights would almost undo me. I read an email the other day about how we always pray for good days when what we really need are a few hard days. Days that makes us stronger and teach up patience. I remember how 2 days of sickness and whining and vomit would make me cry and whine myself. I remember thinking is this ever gonna end. It's so funny to me how I literally fell apart. I hated taking care of sick whiny kids... I'm sorry that's just how I felt.

I used to hate that I couldn't get off the couch because they just wanted to be held. I would feel guilty that the house was a wreck and that I couldn't meet everyone's needs. I would just sit and look around and think about everything I could or should be doing. I would lose my patience (that I didn't have enough of anyway) with everyone and everything. I felt like a victim or that I was being punished in some way... Part of that punishment mentality had nothing to do with sick day it was other stuff that God had to work out of me (more on that later). Anyway, the point is I HATED SICK DAYS for a long time.

After a while though I started to see some changes in myself. I remember when I was 8 months pregnant with #4 and everybody in the house got sick. My oldest and I got the worst of it and we couldn't eat or drink anything for 2 days and we were up all night for 2 nights. I was trying to take care of her at the same time I was so sick, and it was hard, but God gave me the strength I needed to do what I needed to do. I was so proud of myself after that. I saw how far I had come from when I first started. Isn't that what hard times are all about?! Teaching us how to endure difficulty.

Although it's still not my favorite thing I can now embrace the interruption of a sick day. I know it's only going to last a few days. I can embrace the opportunity to sit on the couch with one of my babies and spend that time with them. I realize that God hasn't allowed me to be home JUST for home-schooling, but for sick days too. I know that being here patiently and kindly taking care of them when they are sick is just as important as teaching them to read and write.

This time it's the baby who is sick and I have been so blessed to watch as my older two have stepped up to help out. They are making breakfast and lunch. They are playing with their brother and keeping him occupied. They are asking what they can do to help me out. My children are learning how to serve and isn't that one of the most important things to learn as Christians, that it's not all about you, but how you can serve those around you (even mom). My son said today "I will do anything for you, because you always do things for me."

Sick days are not fun. Sick days wear on any moms nerves, but there is a lot to be learned from the hard days in this life. Sick days also make you appreciate the good days like you didn't before. Rest assured as a mom sick days will come and they will be hard. Sick days don't have to break you though... They can teach you so much along the way. I'm definitely thankful for the lessons I've learned from sick days...

In my hand, that I walked by, and one I sat by...

2012-01-17T16:53:00.000-06:00

It's been a few days since I stopped and smelled the roses... Sometimes things are just too busy, and as a result I'm WAY behind, but I'm back to reflect on God's gifts of grace. Day 9 of the Joy dare.

A gift in my hand...

There is no greater gift in this life to me than the one I can hold in my hand and hide in my heart. God's word. A love letter from the Creator to the creation, does that even make sense. Because our human, finite minds could not comprehend such a God He had to write it down. I love God's word for so many reasons. It gives me comfort when I hurt, guidance when I'm lost. God's word gives me boldness when I'm scared. God's word gives me a glimpse of a God SO great that my mind has nothing to compare Him to. I love the Bible because the 4 gospels show me who my Savior is and why He is worthy of Praise and Worship. The Bible tells me about where I came from and where I'm going, my purpose and His plan. I love the Bible.

A gift I walked by...

I couldn't really think of anything that I walked by today, but I was thankful to walk through a clean kitchen tonight one that I didn't have to cook in. We were invited to the in-laws house for burgers... YUM. This is a double gift. I don't have to cook or clean and I get to spend time with some of my favorite people. I have been very blessed with the family have married into. They are not only my family, but my friends and I love to be with them.

A gift I sat with...

After dinner we sat and played games and laughed. I know I mentioned before that my honey is a funny guy. Well, he came by that naturally and when his family gets together there is never a dull moment. I'm thankful for the pure enjoyment that God allows us to have. I think this is what heaven will be like... family having fun together!!!

I praise the Lord for the wonderful things in life that bring me so much enjoyment. I am blessed to live in a country where we can read God's word freely. I am blessed to be married to the most wonderful guy in the world and to be loved by his family. I am blessed to love my in-loves and have such a good time when I am with them. God is good to me!!!

3 evidences of Grace.

2012-01-12T18:49:00.000-06:00

The Joy dare for day 8 was something about a reflection, shadow, and light. This one was too much of a challenge for me because creativity and thinking out of the box are not my strong points. I'm more of black and white, get to point type of person. Although I can seriously appreciate those who have a vision. The other thing is I'm not very good with a camera. I don't have time to catch any reflections or shadows. So, with all that being said, my realist mind came up with my own three things today. Three times that I received a grace from God's Hand.

Still a baby...

From before I can remember I knew one day I would have a big family. When Bobby and I were dating and we talked about children he was shocked to find out that I wanted a lot of children, but he was convinced that I was the woman God had chosen for him (poor guy). I knew though that if it was God's will it would happen. At the time though I didn't know anything about what the Bible actually said about children. Sadly I just assumed He didn't care one way or another, because when I looked around the Church I didn't see many people who wanted very many. I saw a lot of people who had a couple children. Almost like they had a couple pairs of shoes or 2 designer purses. Something told me that contraception was not for us and that any life that God gave us was up to Him. After 2 little ones in 2 1/2 years I thought we better talk about where we were headed. I mean the Bible does say without a vision the people perish. Bobby and I were NOT on the same page and I really couldn't understand WHY God had given me this conviction that I couldn't shake if He was not gonna give it to Bobby too. After much prayer, a few years, and two more sons we had the conversation again. I had to know where we were going... God had radically changed my husbands convictions and he was now ready to accept any child that God gave us as a gift. SO, I naturally assumed we would get pregnant right away. I'm not like a lot of woman. I LOVE pregnancy, I LOVE babies (even the ones that keep me up at night), I LOVE ones, twos, threes (maybe not), just kidding, but I haven't found an age yet that I wasn't thoroughly in love with. I want a full house. I want a busy house. I'll take it all. My little guy is now 20months old and everyone is saying "when are you going to announce", "we're waiting to hear you're pregnant". All the while people all around me are getting pregnant and having babies all the time. I just knew it would be us before now. BUT, GOD is again teaching Angela a lesson. HE is in control. The GRACE for me is that my little guy is still such a little guy. He is so lovable and huggable. He just wants to sit in my lap and love on me so much. He is jealous of the dogs when I give them attention. He just LOVES mom and loves being with me. I don't know if that is why we are not pregnant yet or if God just made him extra dependent because He knew that I need that. Either way God knows my heart and that I need that. Caleb the son before him was NEVER like that. They were actually less than 2 years apart and He NEVER wants to hug and kiss. He has always been ready to be a big kid. He has always been independent. It never ceases to AMAZE me how God knows us and gives us what we need.

Laughter is the best medicine...

I've mentioned before that my husband is funny. His sense of humor is one of the major things that attracted me to him (not to mention he is extremely handsome ;-). He always has a slight grin on his face that makes you think he's thinking something naughty. I love that about him... Anyway, back to grace... Ok today I was trying to explain to Jo my 7 yr old that you can't start a sentence with "because", and you can't say "um" 3 times when your making a complete sentence. After I got frustrated with her lack of focus and she got frustrated with my lack of teaching skills in comes "knight in Sooners hat" aka Dad. He explains very effectively with a humorous example why and how you answer a question with a complete sentence. He always does that. He just knows how to diffuse a situation with a witty antidote... I love that man for that. I love the Lord for giving me such a beautiful and amazing husband... that is GRACE!!!

Dreams and visions...

After we had been married for a few months I was really starting to get the itch... You know the one "The baby itch". One night I had a vivid dream that I was driving down the road and I looked in the back seat and there was a little girl. My little girl and we were going on a girl's day. We were talking and laughing. I was struck by how intense I wanted that to be true. I missed out on that kind of relationship with my mom (who died when I was 2). The crazy thing is that I was pregnant with a little girl and didn't know it. I forgot all about that dream until tonight. I was walking up to Jordan and all the sudden that vision came back to my mind and I knew that she was that girl. The girl of my dreams. I knew that God was giving me what I had missed out on as a young girl... God is so Good to me.

This dare to find 3 evidences of God's grace each day are really opening my eyes to how intimately my God shows His love for me. Healing this heart one grace at a time!!!

Remind me again...

2012-01-12T09:52:00.000-06:00

The wind is blowing today. As I look outside and see the trees blowing in the wind and everything that is not anchored in the ground blowing away, I wish I was one of those trees. I wish that the wind could come and sweep away all my worries and just leave me standing tall. Ever have one of those days when you can't seem to shake the heavies. When you feel like the world is revolving on your shoulders? Some days the weight of responsibility seems too much to bear.

In the midst of all these thoughts the story of the woman at the well came to my mind. Shamefully when I think of that story sometimes and the words that Jesus spoke I roll my eyes and think "yeah right, never thirst again". What is it about us humans that we think life should be trouble free? For me troubles are the very thing that make me run to Jesus. When things are good, when the sun is shining without the cold and wind, I forget about Jesus. Not outwardly. No I still do the right things, but it's just become routine. But, when my heart is troubled then I remember my God. Reminds me of the Israelites. Always forgetting God until troubles come.

Never thirst again... Did Jesus mean that we would never have longing in our soul? No. Did Jesus say we would never yearn? No. When I was having all these thoughts God's Spirit rushed in and spoke to my heart. The other words of Jesus... "We will have trouble in this life." We will have anxious thoughts and we will doubt. Sometimes we will be lonely and scared. Sometimes we will face giants that threaten to destroy us. We have an enemy seeking to devour us. No there is no end the trouble we will face in this life...

Never thirst again. The Lord spoke to me of thirst. You can die of thirst, but there are definitely warning signs before you kill over. Your mouth gets dry first. So, what do you do? Do you just sit there? NO. What about eating something salty? NO. Do you stand at the faucet and stared at it until your thirst goes away? Or do you walk away and just hope that this blasted thirst will just go away if you try not to think about it. Then what happens... you start to have "hunger" pains that you don't realize are from thirst. So, you eat something and realize your even more thirsty than before. After a while you get a headache and then you start to feel light headed and fatigued... After a few days you're so weak you don't even want to raise your head. Eventually thirst can lead death.

It's humorous to me right now as I get this mental image of my spiritual life. Never thirst again... Yes we have the living water, yes he meets our needs, no we don't have to go to something over and over again to quench that thirst, but we have to ABIDE. Jesus said "I am the Vine, you are the branches. If a man ABIDE in me, and I in Him, he will bear much fruit." But we have to abide. W have to live in the Spirit and walk in the Spirit. We have to turn the faucet on.

As if to illustrate this point Jordan just walked up to me and said "Do you have a drink somewhere" and I handed her my drink... The End. Thirst Quenched.

Are you thirsty? Do you roll your eyes when you think about never thirsting again? Do you have sin in your life that separates you from the one who can satisfy you? Have you slipped away and run to other things to satisfy that longing? Do you think boy I sure am thirsty I wish that water would just get on me? Have you just given up and walked away from the faucet? Go back and turn it on and stick your head in. Get a big drink. Jesus can satisfy. We don't have to thirst again, but we have to drink in that living water. I promise you that water is still flowing!

Lord, I am thirsty. I feel dry and brittle. I need that life giving flow. I confess that I have slipped away AGAIN. Draw me to that living water again. I hear the sound of a waterfall in the distance lead me there once again I've lost my way. Thank you that you are the living water and that you will satisfy this thirsty soul once again.

In a bag, in my fridge, and in my heart...

2012-01-11T10:14:00.001-06:00

Day 6 of the joy dare... Thanks Sharity and Gayla for the encouragement!!!

In a bag...

After much meditation I FINALLY realized that NOTHING could beat out the gift in a bag that I received from my wonderful brother in love Jason... 3 pairs of fuzzy socks. Soft, comfortable, and extremely cute. Fuzzy socks are not only fun, but fashionable. Just like Jason himself!!!

In my fridge...

This took NO thought... OF COURSE Creamer is the thing in my fridge that brings me the most joy. When you have 2 little ones that get up before the sun breaks on the horizon you NEED something to look forward to. When I hear the words "the light is on outside", I wake up looking forward to a great cup of coffee!!!

In my heart...

Today when all my children ate the oatmeal I had made without complaining I was really happy, but when they each said "thanks mom for making us good food" I was filled with joy. Especially because I know that oatmeal is the last thing they want to see on the breakfast table... It's moments like that that make you stop and think I am doing something right. Thank you, Jesus for helping me along the way to not do the easy thing. Thank you, Lord for showing me in small moments like this that the dedication to train them up in the best possible way (for YOU) is going to pay off someday. Please direct their hearts to worship you and love others as they love themselves!!!!

That's a wrap for day 6... Again I praise God for the small things in life that bring great JOY and for this challenge to really pay attention to the gifts you give!!!

Day 5 of the Joy dare.

2012-01-10T17:51:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been a busy day so I'm just now sitting down to reflect on the small things that bring me joy. Today I'm actually doing the 5th day.

Day 5... Something Old, New, and Blue.

Day 5 was a little harder for me. I had to put some thought in it, but when I did I came up with some things that made me stop and really thank the Lord for.

Something old...

A wine decanter and glasses that were my real mother's. Someone saved a few very special and valuable things for me. My mother died when I was about 2. I don't really know a lot about her even though some have tried to give me insight. I think in my heart that we are very much alike, even if it doesn't look like it on the outside. I know we both love my crazy Father, and that's saying something. (hee hee) for those who know my Papi. When I look at this gift it never fails to draw me closer to the one who gave me life. Even if I don't know her I KNOW her and I feel her and that's why this something old is very special to me. She left a deep impression of her love in my heart and for that I am forever thankful.

Something new...

I had to think about this one hard as well too, but when I figured it out I was SURE this is the one new thing that brings me joy!!! MY NEW COMPUTER!!! My old piece of junk was on it's last toe. I came down to get on it one day it would not even turn on. I hadn't been able to use my "lap-top" on my actual lab for 2 years because it had to be plugged up somewhere. Even with high-speed Internet I thought I was using dial-up. Most of the websites I wanted to go to my computer would not connect to. Needless to say It was time to have a funeral service for my dear old computer. That day after I had resolved myself to not having a computer for a while my computer fairy Jen came in and handed me a box with you guessed it a BRAND NEW COMPUTER. OHMYGOONESS I couldn't believe how wonderful this was a new computer what a blessing!!! Thank you Aunt Jen.

Something blue...

Another hard one and another good one!!! I was sitting in my "blue" bathroom trying to be inspired. Blue is my favorite color this shouldn't be hard and there are some beautiful candle holders and other decorations, but nothing that really brought me any joy... And then I looked up and saw the most precious thing that I have that is blue. A picture drawn by my little princess when she was 5. A picture on blue paper. A picture of the two of us playing in wildflowers. I have it framed in a beautiful frame and put it in a special place because I never want anything to happen to and I knew this is my something blue.

These are my special things something old, new and blue. After a moment of reflecting on each one I give praise to my Heavenly Father for the little things that mean so much!!! Each one a reminder of the blessing in my life and the love he's has bestowed on one so unworthy!!!

Joy Dare Cont.

2012-01-09T10:30:00.000-06:00

The Joy Dare day 3 is three things overheard.

Being woken up at 6am by my little guy saying "da, da... hot dog, hot dog, hot dog, dog." How can you be mad when you hear something so sweet...

When I asked my 3 yr old for a piece of his candy and he said "You can't have candy, you're an adult." Isn't it so true that you wait your whole life to grow-up and do what you want to do only to find out that you can't just do what you want to.

The last thing that I have overheard that brought joy to my heart was my 6 and 7 year old reading the 95th psalm. "O come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms. For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods." This one is double joyful for me because they are reading God's word for themselves AND because I taught them how to read. I am so thankful that God allows me to be home and that I am able to teach them and be with them all throughout the day. I never have to miss anything wonderful that they do.

The 4th day of the Joy dare was... Something I'm reading, making, or seeing.

Something that I am reading that brings me joy is "The Smart Puppy" it's a dog training book. We just got two puppies for Christmas and I posted something on FB about getting tired of cleaning up poo. One of the ladies at my church responded with advice about dog training and then in a few days we received a book in the mail from Amazon. I thought that was so sweet of her to take the time out to do that for me. Lord knows all a homeschooling mom of 4 needs is to take on the job of training 2 dogs, but now I am armed with some good sound advice... Thank you Darla!!!

Something I am making I'm ashamed to say is my 3yr old's baby book. This brings me a mixture of joy and pain though. Going back and thinking about my warrior has been so bittersweet. My favorite memory of him was when he was first born and we was wide awake and looking around at everything. I could not believe how alert he was. He didn't fall asleep that night until he had been up 6 hours straight. I KNEW then that we were in trouble and I was right. He has been the hardest child along the way, but his sweet moments are the best...

Something I'm seeing... This is a gift that was given to me by my mother in love... It's a "Blessing box" and she wrote a blessing letter to go inside it. When I look at the box I'm reminded of the wonderful friendship that we have. When I need someone to talk to who I know will listen, but still tell me the truth (in love) she is the one. We refer to each other as Ruth and Naomi. We are sojourners in the life and I'm so thankful for our friendship!!!

Well, that wraps up day 3 and 4. I'm trying to get caught up so that I will be on the right day, but I know you're ready for a break... I sure am. Gotta get to work!!!

Catching up on Joy...

2012-01-08T17:36:00.000-06:00

Since I came by the Joy dare on the 7 day I decided today I would go back and do the first 6.

Day 1 of the Joy Dare: 3 things about myself I'm thankful for.

The first thing that came to my mind to be thankful for was the faith that God has given me to believe his word. The Bible talks about hearts that are receptive to the message of the Gospel and those that are not. Although this is not a result of anything I have done I am so very thankful that when the Spirit called and continues to call upon my heart it softens and turns to the call. I am thankful that God has given me the faith to believe in Him for my salvation, but also for the faith to believe that His word is the only Truth.

The second thing about myself that I am thankful for is the realization that people are the way they are because of the experiences they have had in this life. Even though sometimes I get frustrated with people I try to look past what they are doing to the why of what they are doing. I heard a long time ago that people respond to life out of hurts that they have experienced in the past. Being able to look past actions to the heart of the person gives you the ability to love them when you may not like what they do.

The third thing that about myself that I am thankful for is my willingness to accept each child as a blessing from God. Even if I may not always think this is the right time or that we can't handle any more I know that God is Sovereign and He knows what He is doing. I know that each child He has brought into our life has blessed us and grown us in ways that nothing else could. We are better people because of the small people that God has given us. No matter what He knows better than we do of what we can handle.

Each one of these things are not something that I have done or come by naturally, but they are the things that I love about myself that God has done in my life in the last 15 years since I became a follower of Christ. They are a result of God's transforming power in my life and I am so thankful that God is completing the work that he started in me so long ago. I'm thankful for the power of God's word to transform a life into something beautiful!!!

The 2nd day of the dare was a gift outside, inside, and on a plate.

Something that always brings me joy outside is a tree. Trees are so amazing to me. When I go on a walk with my children I always look around and I can't help, but be overwhelmed by God's wisdom and imagination. To think that the Great Oak comes from a tiny seed. Trees amaze me because there are so many different kinds. Big trees, small trees, thin leaves, fat leaves, or even bristles. Some bear fruit and some nuts. Some flower and some have cones. Trees are one of those things that lead me to praise God for his creation because no matter where you are you can see them and study their differences.

The thing that brings me joy inside my house is my bedroom. It's a sanctuary, a quiet place, a beautiful place. This is the place I can go away and get quiet and feel the presence of God. No matter what craziness I have experienced throughout the day I know that when I enter that place I can pray and reflect and just chill. It's also a beautiful place because it represents the place where husband and wife can be together uninterrupted.

Right now the thing on a plate that brings me joy is black bean and corn salsa. I know that's probably strange, but that's the thing right now it could change at any time. I like it though because it full of good stuff and I don't feel guilty about eating it. YUM!!! I love that God made food for our body, but he also made it to be enjoyed.

Well, that's the 1st 2 days of the Joy dare and I have to take a break to do other stuff so that's where I will end for now!!! I hope the small things that I wrote will inspire you to find things that bring you joy and make you thankful!!!

Taking the joy dare!!!

2012-01-07T07:56:00.000-06:00

I have been longing to be more joyful and I was inspired when I came by this post... Joy is a habit we have to cultivate. A habit must replaced with a new habit. I have the habit of complaining and being less than content so that habit must be replaced with a habit of praise and thanks....

Today being the 7th: 3 graces from people I love.

1. The unconditional love of my daughter who told me last night that I am the best mom ever and she would never want another mom. I know I'm not, but I am so thankful for her love because I have been hard on her and she is the oldest. I didn't really have a clue about being a mother, and most the time still don't, but she loves me anyway. She has taught me how to love more deeply.

2. My husband's sense of humor. He makes me smile when I want to cry and laugh when I would rather be mad. He interjects silliness into any situation. He helps me to see the brighter side of any situation. I'm thankful that He knows how to make me laugh!

3. My Mom's acceptance of hard situations. She has been dealing with lung cancer for the last year and no matter what she had to go through she just did it. She took the punches as they came and did it with so much grace. I respect her so much for fighting this thing and growing so much as a person in the face of the hardships.

These are the 3 people, but there are so many things about so many people that I could choose. I am thankful for all the amazing people that God has so lovingly placed in my life. Once I started looking there was something amazing about every person I know!!! Usually I'm talking about what I don't like... What a change in perspective.

If you love me...

2012-01-06T07:51:00.000-06:00

I love those comics "Love Is." According to the comic Love is a lot of things... Love is... spending time together, love is going out for a pizza when she's too tired to cook. One of my favorites is love is... cooking his favorite dish when you are on a diet. Another good one is love is... our new baby.

The theme of most of those comics is love is putting the other person first. The Bible says the same thing. Love IS an action and love always puts the other person first. I Cor 13 tells us that Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast... love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. The Bible also says that "love covers a multitude of sins". Love is a decision to put another person above ourselves even when that person is our enemy or has hurt us in some way. Love is sometimes... HARD.

BUT, my thoughts today really aren't about how I can love others... My thoughts today center around Jesus. He said Love for him is... obedience. Jesus said "IF you love me you will follow my commands." In the past I have deceived myself into thinking that I love God when according to HIS word I clearly do not. When there is known sin in my life I am being disobedient, therefore I can not according to God's word truly love him. OUCH. If I believe God's word to be the only truth and that my heart is deceitful above all things then I have to agree with what God's word says. I do not truly love God. I love myself and my sin.

This is where I am going to be very honest... It's painful for me to do so, but this blog is the place where I think through thoughts that are running amuck in my head. MY sin is PRIDE. I think I am better than other people and I will preach the glories of myself to anyone who will listen. BUT, to be so great I have to run other people down. My sin is GOSSIP and JUDGEMENT. I HATE this one the most, because it exposes the true nature of my self exalted heart. My sin is dishonoring my husband and complaining about my children (or the work). My sin is lack of faith in my finances. My sin is doing things my way because I don't trust the Lord and I don't want to wait on him. These are just some of my sins, but they reveal alot about my heart.

After reflecting on this the past few days I see that I do not truly love God. I do not keep the commands of Christ so I do not truly love him. So, my "resolution" not for the year, but for the rest of my days on earth to show Jesus that I do love him. I am going to take a serious look at each one of these sins and ask for forgiveness. I am going to beg God to show me how to repent of these things and not continue to do them. I am going to ask the Lord to prick my heart every time I commit sin against him, because it is my desire to prove my love to Christ. He proved his love for me when He gave all that he had for my salvation, so that He could restore fellowship with me. Isn't that the most amazing thing that HE wants fellowship with me... Well, that's a whole other post.

Lord, it is my desire to show you this year that I do love you. I pray that you will be increased in my heart and that I will decrease. I pray that my "works" will prove my love!!!

One Week...

2012-01-05T21:44:00.000-06:00

Well, it's the end of the first week of 2012 and already it's been a long year...

My mom who had been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer last year battled through it this last year and was declared cancer free in September. This week she was admitted into ICU because she had pneumonia and we were told that she has a hole in her lung, where half has been removed, that has not healed. This hole the Dr. said could be the result of more cancer. After a lifetime it felt like we received the wonderful news that my mom is still cancer free. Praise the Lord. However, she will need surgery to repair the hole in her lung.

Isn't it amazing how slowly time can creep by when you are waiting for news. I feel like half of the year has gone by already waiting on this news. The truth though is that it's been one week, thankfully Lord willing I will be able to enjoy the rest of this year watching my mom recover and gain strength after her surgery. One more day, week, or year is a blessing, but the struggle of this week has made me long for home more and more. I long for that day when we will be in heaven with Our God and we will be his people. I can't wait for the no mores, no more tears, no more pain... I can't wait for all the good. Mostly I can't wait to see Him face to face. The one who will wipe away our tears. The One who gave His life for me. The One who longed for fellowship with me so much that He would stop at nothing to make sure I was there with HIM.

This One Week has made me long for You more than ever.

What can I offer you?

2012-01-02T15:25:00.000-06:00

I read an article yesterday that really hit home http://shar.es/WcJoF. The article is all about our relationships with other woman and how it's time to stop competing. I thought it was awesome and so I will elaborate on my thoughts about this subject.

We moved to a new neighborhood about a year ago and I knew that God had placed us here to be a light and witness for him. The circumstances of the move really spoke to my husband and I about how HE had placed us exactly where he wanted us to be. Something strange happened at this point though... I became completely intimidated by the woman around me. This was not a new experience for me, I've felt this way before, but not to this extreme.

I look around me and I see smarter, prettier, more intelligent, sophisticated woman than myself and I want to RUN inside the house and never come out. Not much of a witness. To make matters worse it doesn't seem that any of them are interested to much in me, so that intensifies my insecurity.

How do you witness to people who have it all? I haven't really got that one figured out, but when I asked the Lord "WHY did you put ME here?" It's obvious I have NOTHING TO OFFER... that's when the Spirit of God spoke so quietly to my heart and said "YOU HAVE ME." Oh, yeah it's not about me. It's not about my strengths or the wonderful things that make me Angela... It's not about my talents, my looks, my accomplishments (or lack there of), my education (or lack there of). It's not about ME at all. It's about JESUS.

When Jesus said to his disciple the fields are white unto harvest, he was telling them that the world was ready for HIM. They may not be looking for Jesus, but they were in need of Jesus, and they were ready.

So, what do I have to offer another woman... JESUS. His love, his kindness, his peace, his joy. I can offer hope and encouragement. I can offer an atmosphere free from competition and an atmosphere free from judgement. I can offer CHRIST. It's not about me...

I pray that the Lord will help me overcome this debilitating insecurity so I can offer Jesus to the woman around me. I pray Lord that you will use this weakness for YOUR GLORY.

A kid at a carnival...

2012-01-01T08:27:00.000-06:00

Last night when I was laying in bed thinking about the last year an image came to my mind that reveals a lot about my relationship with the Lord. In the last year I have had times when I was really close to the Lord and some times when I was so far away that I couldn't see or hear him.

Like a kid at a carnival sometimes I have been holding my Father's hand and walking right beside him going where ever He lead me. Other times I have run ahead not able to wait for what was up ahead. Then there were times I would lag behind not wanting to leave some area when He said it was time.

There have been times when I just stood still overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds around me. Even some times when I longed to do the things that other people were doing... At those times I resented having a Father that was so diligent about my welfare. Times when like a child I didn't want to be told no.

But, at the end of the long day like a child running to catch up to Daddy, grabbing his hand and walking close feeling his love and knowing that no matter what He knew what was best and would never withhold any "really" good thing from me. Knowing that if He said no it was because of His great love for me. Filled with peace and joy to be going home with Daddy leaving everything behind and knowing that the carnival was smoke and mirrors, an illusion of grandeur and nothing more.

This year I have been close to You, Lord at moments... and this year I have strayed so far away. There have been times when you had to search the crowds to find me, but You always did. I have stood still refusing to move, but you held your ground and waited patiently for me to follow. You have carried me when I was too tired to walk. You have given me good things and fun times, but always reminded me this place is not my home. I have been ungrateful and selfish. I have pouted and whined. You have been faithful and true. Thank you for loving me through it all.

I pray that this year I will learn to follow closer to You. I pray that I will trust You no matter what I see or hear. I pray that I will learn to follow your lead. 2012 Happy New Year!!!!

Our New Editions...

2011-12-31T08:24:00.000-06:00

"All I want for Christmas is a dog." says my 6 year old son. He has been begging for a dog for 2 years. How can a parent deprive a child of such a request??? So, we took the plunge... not once, but twice.

We came home with two puppies. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! All jokes aside they are adorable and smart, but they are a lot of work. Up late at night and constantly watching to make sure they aren't going to the bathroom in the house. Since I have always shared my bed with my babies and nursed I didn't really have a problem with being up or loosing sleep with newborns... These two have their days and nights mixed up sleeping all day when the kids want to play and staying up all night when mom and dad want to sleep.

I've never been a dog person... I would laugh at people who made their dogs their children, but I gotta say these two are growing on me... turning me into a mushy dog lover.

My neighbor asked me yesterday what kind of drugs I was on to have 4 children and 2 puppies... Testimony to how much work these little creatures are... Well, I'm not on any drugs, but that might change...

Anyway, my sweet boy got his request and seeing the boy with his dog is one of the sweetest things I have ever witnessed so all the hardship is worth the delight I see in my boy.

A Master Trade...

2011-12-13T22:34:00.000-06:00

It's an easy thing to get overloaded... Busy is a way of life these days. After becoming a Mom I found it difficult to do all that I needed to do here and do all the outside stuff too. I felt like I needed to do this or that, but then I would neglect husband and children to do this other thing. Good things... It was always Good things, church stuff. The church needed me and I was burdened by guilt one way or another. This started me on a quest to find out WHAT does God's word say for me. I'm a Mommy with small children. What does the Lord require of me... It was amazing what I found.

I Timothy 2:15 "Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."

This verse is talking about the role of woman in the church. Well, let me just say that I have not seen this patterned in any church or area of life since becoming a Christ Follower so I was very surprised. There are many other good verses about a woman in my position and what our role is, but I like this one because it gives me permission to FOCUS on my family. In this world and even in the church we woman are always running around doing something, so to be told that the only thing God really expects for me to do is have children and raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is REFRESHING!!! I say that because I am not someone who can do it all or wear many hats. I need to know that it's OK to focus on one thing and do it to the best of my ability. I personally believe that if I'm taking good care of the home and family that my husband has the freedom to "Go tell" and share the Gospel with a lost and dying world.

I read a book recently that said if every member of the church would find out what God wants for them personally to do, and then do it, and then hold fast in that position that God's work would be much for affective. Instead we all want to do someone elses job. WHY??? We have to ask ourselves WHY??? I have found in my own life that it's because what God has asked me to do does not bring me much recognition or glory. I don't get praised for sleepless nights or changing dirty diapers. No one sees me doing the ordinary things I do each day. No one pats me on the back for doing 1000 dishes and 15 loads of clothes each week. So, when a chance comes for me to be seen I jump at it.

The thing is though that it's not about us it's about HIM. The thing is that if I'm doing something He did not ask me to do I'm not doing His will. The thing is that someone does see EVERYTHING I do and when I do His will for His glory with His joy as my strength HE SAYS WELL DONE GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT. The thing is I don't need to step out of my place to be seen because then I'm just trying to get the applause of man and IF I receive my reward on earth then I don't receive on in heaven...

So, I have to stay singleminded on the task he has placed before me. Day in and day out no matter how little anyone sees. God sees EVERYTHING!!!

As a result of this seeking I have learned that I can have a flourishing ministry that I share with my husband. Because I am focusing on my home I am able to open it anytime to anyone and do what God has called me to do and that is be hospitable. We have family night on Tuesdays with our extended family and tonight I received the most wonderful compliment... Someone said "I love it here I never want to leave." Lord thank you so much for helping me see that when I am in your will and doing only what you have asked me to do that I can be a Master of my trade. Thank you for using our home to ministry to others...

5 things that save my sanity...

2011-08-31T21:23:00.000-05:00

Today was ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!! You know the kind... the it's 8:05am and you wanna turn around and get back in bed cause YOU KNOW it's gonna be rough kind of day. Some days on this journey of Home-schooling are definitely harder than others. The days of school that coincide with teething baby and fussy toddler are the ones that do me in. They get me to thinking maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Today was a EVERYBODY including mommy is just too tired for this day. If baby wasn't crying and screaming momma while he pulled on my pants leg, then 3 year old was throwing himself on the floor in a fit of crying, and then to top it off if neither of them were crying, 7yr old was crying, whining, and throwing a fit about what she had to do. I literally sat on the floor at one point with 3 crying kids wailing around me, thinking WHAT AM I DOING???? It would be so much easier to send my big kids to school. I could take my littles to the park and play and do all the fun stuff I used to do when the bigs when they were little. I could clean my house (which by the way looks like FEMA should be called in). Someone else could be dealing with this 7 year old right now. BUT, I KNOW this is what God has called me to and that everyday is not like this. In fact yesterday my 7 year old was a perfect student. Anyway, back to the point of this post... I KNOW it is God's desire that we are thankful even in hard times, so as I was sitting here reflecting on this day I came up with a list of 5 things I am thankful for even on days like this.

1. I'm thankful PAPER PLATES!!!
2. I'm thankful for my beautiful husband who works from home and can interject some humor in days like this.
3. I'm thankful that on days like this when I know we won't get much learning done anyway, that I can sit on the floor with the bigs and the littles all together and read book after book to entertain them.
4. I'm thankful for dish washers, washing machines and dryers, and ANYTHING else that makes keeping this place going EASIER.
5. BUT the thing I am MOST thankful for on days like this is the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of my four children, because I AM NOT the perfect mom and Jesus is working this thing out in me. My kids see the worst of me and I am so thankful that they forgive easily and love completely!!!

Lord help me be a better Mommy please in Jesus name!!!

The Do's of God.

2011-08-28T11:59:00.000-05:00

One thing that has always confused me since becoming a Christian is why people who have not grown up in the church are zealous for Christ while so many of the people who have grown up in church are at best luke warm. This is NOT to say that that applies to everyone either way. It's just an observation.

I was 19 when I gave my life to Christ. I grew with very little Bible knowledge and we never went to church. By the age of 19 I had done many things I was ashamed of. I didn't really know anything about God and everyone around me was doing the same things as me so it wasn't an imposed guilt that I felt. It was something deep inside me that told me the life I was living was wrong. So, when I went to church one night because my mom had recently started going and begged me to go, I was SHOCKED by the message I heard from the pulpit. It was Christmas that night so I was sure I would hear about Jesus in the manger... But, instead the Pastor was talking about John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave his only son, that WHOSOEVER believes in him would not perish but have everlasting life." I had never heard such a thing. I knew God was my Creator and Judge, but not my REDEEMER. Jesus had come to redeem me, to set me free from all my baggage and bondage. NOW that was a message I could use. Like I said I knew God was my Judge, but I had never been told that God had loved me so much that He did something drastic about the situation I was in.

I decided right then and there that ANYTHING God wanted from me in return was perfectly fine, but I COULD NOT live one more moment without HIM. He was my SAVIOR, MY REDEEMER, and even now my FRIEND. What more could a person want? I zealously wanted to please my new Father. Don't get me wrong as a baby christian with no one to really lead the way I screwed up big time lots of times. I was confused and I even left everything behind to go back in the world at one time, but I LOVED GOD. He had been SO GOOD TO ME. I was not disciples in the ways of God.

Which brings me back to my former statement. I couldn't understand why people who had grown up in church would leave the Lord. I "thought" they knew better than I how to serve God and live for him, but what I found was a bunch of joyless drones who did what they "had" to do to get by. So many times I saw people who were just going to church because that's what you do. People my age who grew up in church were leaving in record numbers and trading in the blessedness of following Jesus for the world. I had been there before and I KNEW there was NOTHING out there. WHY were they leaving? Why didn't they love God or see what He had done for them?

I don't know all the answers, but I know some of it is home-life, and some of it perspective. Something else I have learned is too much of the time we Christians focus on the Don'ts of God and NEVER on the DO's of God.

There are over 600 laws in the word of God and everyone of them is for our Good, but the I'm mostly talking about the 10 commandments.

I thought about those 10 laws and wondered what they would look like if they were the 10 Do's of God???

1. Do KNOW that there is ONE God and WORSHIP HIM.
2. Do realize that no one has ever seen God so we can't compare him to anything we know of.
3. Do call upon the name of the Lord WHEN you need Him and only use His name in Praise.
4. Do Keep the Sabbath holy and set it apart to rest with your family and worship him together.
5. Do Honor your Father and mother and DO live long and be prosperous because of that honor.
6. Do LOVE your neighbor and enemy and see every life as valuable.
7. Do be faithful. "It makes you feel better to do the right thing."
8. Do work hard and provide for your family. "It makes you feel better to do the right thing."
9. Do ALWAYS tell the truth. It makes you feel better to tell the truth.
10. Do be thankful for everything you have and realize that God is GOOD and He knows exactly what you need. Somethings you want are not good for you.

The big lie has always been that God is not Good, but for those of us who have been dead in our trespasses and sins KNOW that God is Good. Those of us who have lived apart from God and were desperate and lost without him know that HE alone satisfies. We know where we have been and never want to go back there. As for our own children who we are raising in the faith, we MUST pass on our zealous love for God and focus on the Do's of God. There is so much that we can DO in this christian life it's a shame so many focus on what we can't do.

Capturing hearts....

2011-08-28T10:27:00.000-05:00

It's vital to our children to teach them the Laws of God. It's vital to lead them in the paths of righteousness. It's vital to "train our children in the way they should go." We know all that.

BUT, what is equally important is praying for their hearts to remain soft and pliable, so that the Word of God can take root. IF the soil of our children's heart is not soft then all the training in the world will be for naught. We can spend all day everyday training and teaching and end up with children who turn away from everything they have been taught the first chance they get.

As I read the word of God I see over and over how the downfall of a person was a hard heart. It wasn't that they didn't know the truth or that they didn't know the consequences of their actions, they just had hard unrepentant hearts. Starting from the beginning we have all wanted our own way. We desire to fulfill the lust of the flesh. WHY we are so shocked when our children have the same desires is beyond me. My little ones from the earliest ages all wanted things their way. As they have grown and matured they see that having what you want all the time leads to destruction, but that comes from experience and revelation. My one year old doesn't understand this. He just wants what he wants. We are the same way. We figure out along the way that our ways are most of the time not the best way. Then we cry out to God with broken hearts for the mess that we have made in our life and as a good parent he swoops in and saves the day. UNTIL we learn that really the WAYS of God are so much better than our way. So, we begin to live our lives for him because Father knows best and HE IS GOOD. My point is that like us even though they know the truth sometimes they will choose another way. They will fail and disappoint, but if their hearts are soft and pliable they will repent quickly and seek God's face.

The question is how do we keep their hearts soft??? MOST IMPORTANTLY we have to PRAY for this. I think PRAYER is the most effective tool that we have as children of God, sadly though it's the one we overlook. IF we do pray it to whine and cry and fuss about what we need or don't have. BUT, the word promises WHAT we ask will be given. The bible also promises that what we sow in tears we will reap in joy. We shouldn't waste our prayer times on all that selfish whining. We should be crying out to God for the hearts of our children, our families, our neighbors, and our nation. We should be pleading with God to turn our hearts back to him. We must pray for our children's heart to remain soft and pliable so that they can receive the word of God and be equipped to do the will of God.

Next, we have to REJOICE IN THE LORD. I am convinced that the reason so many of our children are leaving the faith is because WE are a joyless people. Rejoicing and worshipping keeps our hearts soft before God and the same is true for our children. My children and I turn the worship music up and dance all around this house praising the Lord. They fall in love with God when they see Mom in love with her Savior. Be thankful for every thing. Loudly praise God for the good things in your life. This makes a huge impact on your children.

Lastly, we have to be gentle with our children. Gently guide and nurture them in the Ways of God. Gently lead them. Don't force them to do the things they should, gently lead them. Be excited about devotional time with them. Show them how much you love the word of God and they will be curious for themselves. Be excited about going to church as a family. Listen to them and answer their questions gently. David says in the psalms that God's gentleness had made him great.

You are the greatest influence on your children. IF you are in love with the Lord and not just serving out of duty then they will love the Lord. IF you are excited about the things of the Lord they will be also. Love the Lord with all of your heart and they will love the Lord also. AND PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! God will answer those tearfilled prayers for your children.

Father we cry out to you. Revive our hearts again. Draw us near to you. Give us the desire to desire you above all things. Help us live for you and help us to love you will all of our hearts. Please capture the hearts of our children and keep their hearts soft before you. In spite of our failures and flaws redeem this generation for your GLORY!!! Thank you!!!

5 WHYS???

2011-08-24T17:02:00.000-05:00

1. Why do my children want me to hold their siblings to the full letter of the LAW, but for themselves they BEG FOR MERCY???

2. Why is it that my little guys favorite thing to do throwing things in any body of water... toilet, bath tub, pool???

3. Why do my big kids talk about scary things right before bed and then cry because they scared themselves???

4. Why do they want the opposite of what I have chosen for them JUST because I chose it??? EX. today there were 2 pairs of underwear in my 3yr olds drawer. I pulled one out and he said no I want the red ones??? WHY, JUST BECAUSE I CHOSE IT!!!

5. Why do they GRIPE AT ME ALL DAY ABOUT EVERYTHING I DO and then cry if I happen to leave them home with Dad for 2hrs for 1 night in a month???

No matter how many WHYS I could come up with or things that drive me loopy I am so thankful for each one of them. I don't know what I did to entertain myself before they came along. I look forward to the time of day each day when it's just me and dad on the couch laughing about the crazy antics of the day. I'm so blessed to have 4 wonderful, silly, specially made, God-given, make me shake my head, children. Life would be so boring without all the WHYS???

What do you need today???

2011-08-23T08:29:00.000-05:00

Did you know the Word has it???

Psalms 19:7 "The law of the Lord is perfect converting the soul..." That word converted means to restore. Whether you need to be restored for the first time or for the 100th time God's word can do that. God's word can restore you to a right relationship with God. Since my heart is deceitfully wicked I need to be restored all the time.

v7 "the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple." Do you need wisdom? I don't know about you, but I do. I need wisdom, because I am learning that my ways are so far from God's way. After I have been restored to HIM then his word gives me wisdom and insight and understanding. God's word and his wisdom are the only ones that we can really trust.

v8 "The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart..." Do you need rejoicing today? Look to the word of God. His word gives us comfort in times of stress, mourning, or fear. Do you need reassurance of the future? Look to the word of God. Are you sad? OR do you just need the Joy of the Lord? Look to the word of God.

v8"...the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes." The word of God is a light to our path and a lamp to our feet. I don't know about you, but I NEED to know what to do next. I need the security of knowing that I'm going God's way. God's word can lead us.

v9 "The fear of the Lord is clean enduring forever." The word of God can bring us to a place of respect and awe of God and that fear will bring us to a place of repentance and we will be clean and pure before God.

v9 "the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether." We can trust the word of God, because He is good and true and righteous. We can trust God and His word. That gives me comfort because people will let you down. People have agendas, but God is HOLY.

v10-11 "More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much find gold: sweeter than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is your servant warned: and in keeping them there IS GREAT REWARD." God's word is more valuable and satisfying than ANYTHING we could desire. The WORD of God will bless and reward the person who applies it.

I NEED the word of God for wisdom, direction, comfort, peace, reassurance of the future. I need to know what to do and I need to be reminded that this place is not my home. I need to be reminded of what my purpose is. Sometimes I just need to know that God sees me and every time I open the word of God he speaks to me to let me know He does see me, AND HE will never leave me or forsake me. He has a plan for my life that sometimes includes suffering and pain, but ALWAYS leads to righteousness and that not only is He preparing a place for me, but He is preparing me for a place. I need the word of God to conform me to the image of Jesus. I need the word of God to help me not love this world and want to fit in here. God's word has EVERYTHING I need.

Good Advice.

2011-08-02T22:39:00.000-05:00

Today on my FB feed I read this from Above Rubies and it really made me stop and think:

"It can be so easy to get caught up in the parental role, above every other role! After all, we are our children's advocates, and they are the most dependant people on us, often unable to do much on their own, especially when they are young. Is your husband feeling a tad neglected? Take some time today to make sure you are also being a loving wife, as well as an excellent mother. I know I need to! Love Michelle"

This statement made me take a minute to ponder is my husband "feeling" neglected? I can assure you my definition of neglected and his would be different. So, how is he feeling? I didn't ask him. But, so much of the time it's just me and the kids. Honey is working and doing church stuff so it's easy to get used to focusing on the kids and leaving him to himself. This statement reminded me that I am not just a mom, but a wife. A wife first and foremost. I cannot forget to nurture this relationship on a regular basis.

The wonderful thing that I learned a long time ago is that it doesn't take too much to make a man happy and in love with his wife. The honeymoon doesn't have to end after kids, it just takes effort. It's all about putting the other person first which is what we are supposed to be doing anyway. You cannot neglect someone you are putting above yourself.

I pray that I will remember what a precious gift my husband is and cherish every moment that we have together. I pray that I will treat him the way he deserves to be treated!!!

Teach me to love my children...

2011-07-25T17:30:00.000-05:00

If there is one thing I have learned since I decided to follow Christ it's this LOVE IS... AN ACTION. Love is often not love if it is not a sacrifice.

Titus 2:4 says that the older woman should "teach the younger woman to love their husbands and to love their children."

I don't know shouldn't loving our children be a no brainer??? Why should someone have to teach us how to love our children??? Why would God inspire the writer of Titus to include this? I think for the same reason He had to inspire the writer of I Cor 13 to explain what LOVE IS...

Love is Patient, Love is Kind
Love does not envy;
Love does not puff itself up,
Love does not behave its rudely,
Love does not seek it's own way, it is
not easily angered.

Using these verses we can gauge our Love.

I'm thinking about this verse today because it was "one of those days". We had a LONG busy weekend. Late nights and early mornings. And my children have been wild and crazy today. They are on overdrive and I am tired and grumpy. I want to lock them all in a padded room and go find a quiet place to take a nap. Since I can't do that my next impulse is to yell and scream and make everyone as miserable as I am. It was in one of those moments that this verse came into my mind. Praise God for his precious spirit for saving them from "me". Without the Word of God I am NOT the same person. I am a selfish, self-indulgent, self-worshipping person. So, I NEED God's word to show me what Love is. I need the Spirit of God to help me love that way.

We get a glimpse of this kind of love in Matthew 14:14 "And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them and He healed their sick."

What happens before this verse is really important. At this point Jesus is weary. He has just learned that his cousin John the baptist has been beheaded and he is mourning. He wants to go to a quiet place and get away. He wants to cry and be left alone. He has been healing people and raising the dead, giving sight to the blind. He is exhausted and all he wants to do is REST. BUT, as He is going to get away people begin to follow him. Hordes of people looking for Jesus. Wanting something from Jesus. Right at the time HE DID NOT FEEL LIKE BEING WANTED. What did Jesus do in that moment? He GAVE more. He had compassion on them. He saw their need and he felt their pain and He responded by healing all their sickness and then He fed the 5,000. Verse 18 says "Bring them to me." and He fed them. THAT is WHY God told the older woman to teach the younger woman to love their children. Because Love is a VERB. Love does what we don't want to do. Love puts others first and ourselves (our needs, our wants, our desires) LAST. Jesus is our example. God put these little people in my life to teach me what love is. Since the day I knew I had a life growing inside of me I have had great affection and emotion towards each of my children. Love goes past affection and devotion and emotion to a place of sacrifice for another person. Most mothers if they are worth anything would sacrifice her life in place of her child, but would you sacrifice your time, wants, needs for your child? What about that few minutes after you lay them to bed and all you want to do is chill out. You know what I mean you don't want to see or hear another thing. You don't want to be needed... What if they came looking for you. What if they had a real need. What if they just wanted to talk?! Would you sacrifice then?

Love is a sacrifice and it's inconvenient and that's why we have to be taught how to love.

No time for crying...

2011-07-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

This is just a developing thought that comes from a conversation with a friend the other day, but I think that we have too much self-reflection in the church. I know in the world it's all about finding oneself and becoming a better you, but in the church it's supposed to be about (J)esus first, (O)thers, and (Y)ourself LAST!!!

It's amazing to me how many depressed Christians there are out there. I mean down in the dumps and worried about tomorrow. I know please don't think I'm judging you if you deal with this. I just think it's a simply/complicated issue. Back to what I was saying. NO JOY, none, nada, zip, zilch, nothing!!!

Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice IN THE LORD ALWAYS: and again I say, Rejoice." This sounds to me like he is commanding EVERYONE IN CHRIST to REJOICE... not in their circumstances, but IN THE LORD. IF we are heavenly minded how can we do anything other than rejoice. I could develop this point more, but I'm sure you know that IN HEAVEN there will be no more crying, pain, sickness... That is something to rejoice about.

However, IF you are like most (myself included) heavenly things don't get me rejoicing very often. So, where does that leave us? With another command... Jesus said "come and follow me". What did He mean? To a place, of course not. Do what HE did. What did HE do? Healed the sick, raised the dead, fed the 5,000. You know what I mean. WELL, where does that leave you and me? I haven't healed any sick lately, but I CAN help take care of some. I haven't raised the dead, but I CAN minister to the elderly, the sick, and the mourning. I haven't fed 5,000, but I CAN open my house and feed a few.

There is SO MUCH we can do for the Kingdom in our everyday life that IF we were busy following after Jesus WE WOULD HAVE NO TIME FOR CRYING. If we were putting Jesus first and others above ourselves we would have no time to reflect on how depressed we are. IF we were seeking to follow after Jesus we would be surrounded by those that are truly in need and we would be overwhelmed with gratitude for our blessings. WE WOULD BE REJOICING IN THE LORD. How could we do anything else.

In no time in history have people ever had so much idle time on their hands and the result is a whole multitude of depressed people. Is the key to healing from depression as simple as giving our lives to others for the cause of CHRIST? Can we find contentment, fulfillment, and purpose in giving away our lives? Laying them down for others. In James it says true religion and undefiled is to take care of the widows and the orphans. THE FOUNDATION of the GOSPEL is LOVING OTHERS IN ANY WAY YOU CAN.

It's amazing to me that in studies people report they get a high from serving others and giving of themselves to others. GOD made us and he KNOWS what we need. He knows that we can not find purpose for ourlives by self-reflection. We can only find purpose in being used by him to serve those who are in need. What the world needs now is LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Not a feeling, but an action. What have you done for HIM/THEM lately???

Keepers

2011-07-21T23:20:00.000-05:00

I received this in an email and thought it was worth sharing!!!

I grew up in the 40's/50's with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it..... A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away.

I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away....never to return. So... While we have it..... it's best we love it.... And care for it... And fix it when it's broken........ And heal it when it's sick.

This is true. For marriage....... And old cars.... And children with bad report cards...... And dogs with bad hips...... And aging parents.........And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special........ And so, we keep them close!

8 THINGS GOD WON'T ASK ON THAT DAY.

1... God won't ask what kind of car you drove. He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

2... God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3... God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet. He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4... God won't ask what your highest salary was. He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5... God won't ask what your job title was. He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6... God won't ask how many friends you had. He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7... God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived. He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8... God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

Proactive Parenting...

2011-07-20T12:26:00.000-05:00

Something AMAZING happened today. It was really an ordinary amazing. You know the kind you just might miss if you aren't paying attention. I've been praying for God to give me WISDOM in raising my children. You know "training a child in the way they should go". I really need to do this post in parts. This will be one small part. ANYWAY, like I said praying for wisdom, because WELL, I'm finding out I can't rely on my own understanding. My way just ain't working. The wonderful thing is that God makes us a promise in James that if we ask for wisdom HE will lavish it on us. WOOHOO. I could use a wisdom flood.

Ok... Part 1. "train up a child".... Well, I have been pretty reactive about this command. You know what I mean. Only dealing with a discipline problem when it arises... which come to find out IS NOT the best way to do it. We are supposed to be PROACTIVE. Hence the TRAINING. Teaching what we know, when we get up, sit down, walk by the way and lay down. You know all this. We are supposed to be passing down the precepts and commands all the time. Which brings up a very good point... you have to be in the Word to pass down the Word.

OK... back to the amazing thing. My niece and nephew spent the night last night. My 7 yr old daughter and my 8 yr old niece are constantly fighting and I really have tried everything to help the situation with some success, but they still fight. So, we are sitting at the table eating breakfast and about to do devotional. I opened up to Proverbs 20 and saw verse 3. I thought wow that will be a good verse for today. It says "It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel." After I had the girls read the verse we began to talk about what this means. Just then my daughter gets very serious and says "Wow, we must be fools." I said, "well, why do you say that?". To which she replied "because we fuss and fight all the time." That was AMAZING to me. God's word had spoken to her heart and shown her something about herself and she didn't want to be a fool. I LOVE THAT!!!

The Bible says that the word of God is sharper than any 2 edged sword able to penetrate our hearts and change us from within. We NEED God's word. Our children NEED God's word. The Bible says that the Word of God is ALIVE and ACTIVE. It says that it NEVER returns VOID. We don't need more discipline and lectures. We NEED more of the WORD!!!

So, Part 1 is I need to rely on the Word of God to give me Wisdom so that I can pass it on to my children and be proactive about revealing sin to them so that they will seek a heart change. God's Word is soooooo much better at this than I am. Being imperfect they see my sin. God is perfect and so when they hear something from the Word of God they respect it.

I praise God for his patience and kindness. In Psalms David say the gentleness of God had made him great. Isn't that so true. God is so good to us that we want to live for him. We have to be so good to our children that they want to live for HIM!!!

Laundry

2011-07-19T14:10:00.001-05:00

Do you have a laundry day or do you do one or two loads a day? I know crazy ??? Why does it matter how you do your laundry? It won't help me get mine done. Which brings up another good point. Why am I on the computer asking random people how they do their laundry which is wasting my time!!! I guess so I don't have to think about my laundry.

Well, since you are interested, I have a laundry day. I "try" to get all of mine done in one day... Which NEVER happens. With a house full of littles it's never caught up. Besides someone is always using a towel or spilling something or changing for the 3rd time since breakfast. Anyway, part of the reason I have a laundry day is because I don't want to think about it for the rest of the week. I have one day each week where I wake up ready to tackle the small mountain of clothes that is waiting for me. Washing, drying, folding, putting up... It seems to go on forever that day or at least until about noon when I stop doing it and never get it finished. With small piles of folded clothes all over the place and baskets of still dirty clothes. OH, yeah don't even get me started about socks... WHY IN THE WORLD can I never find matches to socks??? Where do all the lonely socks go??? I've started a sock basket. I just folded 20 pairs of socks and it's summer time so we're not even wearing socks... that tells you just how long they have been sitting there.

What about this... IF you are like me and you have a laundry day then you work hard all that day to get the laundry done... washing, drying, folding, putting up... only to look around the rest of your house and it's a total nightmare. You haven't done one thing around the house because you've been washing, drying, folding, putting up. So, there are dishes all over the kitchen, food all over the floor, toys ALL OVER the house. You get my drift. Nothing gets done, except some of the laundry.

What about this... You work hard all day doing the laundry only to be asked by the hubs "where's that white shirt (his favorite shirt, that you have to wash every other day)?" OH YEAH that's part of the not been washed yet pile.... ALWAYS!!!

OR your daughter comes in to tell you that she has NOTHING to wear... You walk up to the closet becuase YOU KNOW you just washed all her clothes. What do you find in the closet??? A closet full of NEVER worn clothes that are SUPER CUTE. You say what about this or this or this or this only to find out that none of this will do BECAUSE she wants her favorite outfit that is still in the to be washed pile. I know the people in our neighborhood think well they don't need anymore kids they can't afford to get those poor kids any clothes. Not that we're rich, but if they could see all the clothes they don't wear...

Well, enough about my laundry drama... Tell me some of yours...

Couponing...

2011-07-19T11:25:00.000-05:00

I'm sure everybody is doing it now?! If it's not you it's probably someone close to you. I just started a couple months ago... I'm not an extreme couponer, but I've gotten some good deals for sure. It's been a rush to get some stuff for free. It's been like a puzzle (which is enjoyable to me) to match up coupons with the deals that are in the paper. I love getting more for my money. After watching prices for a couple of months I know what IS a good price or sale and what IS NOT. We are not running out of everything like we were before.

Some of the things I've gotten for free are: baby wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, bbq sauce, deodorant, body wash, contact solution, marinades.

Things that I've gotten for 30 cents and less are: Condiments (mustard, mayo, salad dressing...), pasta sides, brownies and cake mixes, taco season, pasta, more toothpaste, soap, body wash, deodorant, dish soap.

Things that have been 2-3 dollar cheaper because of coupons: dish soap, detergents, diapers, wipes, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, paper towels, boxed meals, cereals, eggs, lunch meat, frozen pizzas, sliced, shredded, stick cheese...

These are just a few of the things that we've been able to save money on. We buy 8 papers each week... that costs us $20. I know what you're thinking... We can't be saving that much money, but I have found each week that just one coupon from each paper has paid for the paper. This week for example Kroger was having a really great sale. If you buy 10 of a certain item you get $5 off. It was mix/match so you don't have to buy 10 of the same item.

Dish soap regular price $2.49 on sale 2.19 with 10/5 sale it was 1.69... I had a coupon for .25 that tripled... final price .94. That's a total savings of $1.55 each.

$1.55 X 6= $9.30. I bought 6 at the best possible price and saved 9.30.

I know that's a lot of math just to say with coupons and matching them to great store sales we are getting alot more for our money. One week I was able to get 8 packages of wipes for $4.00 total. They were regularly priced $2.50x 8= 20. I saved $16 on that deal and even got 4 more for FREE!!!

Saving money has been awesome... Getting stuff for free has been a lot of fun. BUT, one benefit of using coupons has been that we have been able to give away excess. We couldn't use all the stuff we are getting for free or cheap. So, we have been able to share with others. This has been such a huge blessing for me. Sometimes it's people that come over who need something, other times we as a family have taken food and other stuff to the food bank. I have also been able to share with family members who are struggling financially. You should see their face when you come in with bags full of goodies. We also have a lot of people in and out of the house all the time. So we have had a fully stocked pantry, freezer, and refrigerator to throw something together and people don't have to feel like they are being a burden. We have get togethers and parties all the time that we can just whip up some 10 cent brownies for desert and it doesn't cost as much as it use to to have people over.

Really that's what it's all about. Hospitality and Giving to others. Coupons are helping our family fulfill those commands!!!

Joseph and Brooke

2011-07-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

I've had 2 friends lose children lately. One of them had an 11 yr old son who had bravely battled cancer for the last few years. The other friend had just given birth to a long awaited baby girl and she passed away that same day. My Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer around Christmas time... she has been completely healed. This all leaves me to wonder WHY? WHY??? I know all the "christian" answers. I know that sometimes children die. It's just hard to fathom how these Moms get up the next day while the world is going about it's "normal" and they have to function. How do Mothers and Fathers function after the loss of a child? I know God's grace is sufficient... not because I know first hand, but because His Word says so. His Peace passes understanding when we need peace. I know at a time like this when the worst possible thing in the world has happened you have to cling to the promises of God. I don't know how they do it?! I don't know WHY this has happened?? BUT, what I do know is that this has made me think about how I have my children and I need to cherish them they way these mothers would if they could. I need to hold them close and be patient with them. I need to sit down and talk to them. I need to think before I speak. I need to put aside things that don't matter. I need to hug them and hold them when they will let me. Life is precious and we have no guarentee that tomorrow will come. We have NO Promises from God that tomorrow will be the same as it was today. We have ONLY now. As far as the Moms that I mentioned they are forever changed and an empty place will always be there. A sadness we can't really understand unless we have been there, but we can show them our love and let them cry on our shoulders. We can make them food. We can run errands for them. We can do anything to help them with the day to day. AND we can remember their children and cherish our own. So, for Joseph and Brooke I will do my best to honor what God has shown me through your lives and WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN!!! Rest in Peace.

Between dinner and breakfast....

2011-07-16T13:10:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how it happened... One thing I am sure of is this house was clean yesterday. We were having guests over so we cleaned and I must say I was pretty proud. It even spelled good. Somewhere between then and now things changed. It's not like there was a moment that it happened. I would have remembered that. I know I cooked in a fairly clean kitchen last night and this morning we had cereal, but NOW...

IT'S a DISASTER and I don't know how it happened. How do they do this amount of damage in that short time? Well, enough surfing it's time to do it again. As I am sweeping pops up for the 4,000 time I have to remember that they are really precious little creatures. Blessings from the Lord REALLY and worth every moment of sweat and tears that goes into raising them. Thank You Lord that you clean up my messes. Thank you, Lord for beautiful, messy, little children that fill this place!!!

The Golden Rule...

2011-07-16T11:43:00.000-05:00

Sometime instead of teaching my kids the Golden Rule I want to teach them an Eye for an Eye. It seems that I can overlook rejection from others if it's only done to me, but I bristle when it comes to the way people treat my kids. It's a sad day when the parents are worse about playing favorites or popularity than the kids.

We live in Reality TV reality. We form "alliances with the like minded" and formulate plots against those we want to eliminate. My family just moved to a new neighborhood (recently built) so everybody is getting to know each other. I knew from the start that we would not fit in, but I just assumed that we (the kids) would still make friends. And, I knew that God had place us here to witness and minister to others. What I did not know is that it would be this hard for me or them. I didn't know that moving here would be training ground for learning how to deal with rejection and loving people in spite of the way they treat you. One example of this happened this morning. Our neighbors came to the door and asked if the kids could come out and play. Sure we'll be right out, but before we could get outside the kids who had asked us to play were invited to someone else house and were allowed to go. This kind of thing happens alot and my 5 year old son doesn't even want to play with the boys because he gets left out all the time.

Like I said though this has given me lots of teaching moments about loving people like Jesus loved them. He was rejected and mistreated and unpopular. But, He was loving and kind and forgiving. It's hard to watch your children be hurt time and again, but God is the healer of all wounds and I'm glad that they know Jesus. So, I am trying to teach them that they should treat others the way they want to be treated. Hopefully, this will help them to be kinder and more courteous people. I'm still very sad that as adults we are bombarded with this popularity message so much that we have become like the reality shows we watch and we're passing it on to our children. I'm telling you it's time to turn the TV off and get the book out and let the Word transform our hearts and change our lives. We have sold out to the message of the world too long, and we are becoming a society of mean people.

Charles Spurgeon on Motherhood.

2011-07-14T14:23:00.000-05:00

This is a wonderful excerpt from taken from Charles Spurgeon's book Spurgeon’s Practical Wisdom {or Plain Advice for Plain People} about the influence of mothers.

MOST men are what their mothers made them. The father is away from home all day, and has not half the influence over the children that the mother has. The cow has most to do with the calf. If a ragged colt grows into a good horse, we know who it is that combed him. A mother is therefore a very responsible woman, even though she may be the poorest in the land, for the bad or the good of her boys and girls very much depends upon her. As is the gardener such is the garden, as is the wife such is the family. Samuel’s mother made him a little coat every year, but she had done a deal for him before that : Samuel would not have been Samuel if Hannah had not been Hannah. We shall never see a better set of men till the mothers are better. We must have Sarahs and Rebekahs before we shall see Isaacs and Jacobs. Grace does not run in the blood, but we generally find that the Timothies have mothers of a godly sort.
Little children give their mother the headache, but if she lets them have their own way, when they grow up to be great children they will give her the heartache. Foolish fondness spoils many, and letting faults alone spoils more. Gardens that are never weeded will grow very little worth gathering ; all watering and no hoeing will make a bad crop. A child may have too much of its mother’s love, and in the long run it may turn out that it had too little. Soft-hearted mothers rear soft-headed children ; they hurt them for life because they are afraid of hurting them when they are young. Coddle your children, and they will turn out noodles. You may sugar a child till everybody is sick of it. Boys’ jackets need a little dusting every now and then, and girls’ dresses are all the better for occasional trimming. Children without chastisement are fields without ploughing. The very best colts want breaking in. Not that we like severity; cruel mothers are not mothers, and those who are always flogging and fault-finding ought to be flogged themselves. There is reason in all things, as the madman said when he cut off his nose.
Good mothers are very dear to their children. There’s no mother in the world like our own mother. My friend Sanders, from Glasgow, says, “The mither’s breath is aye sweet.” Every woman is a handsome woman to her own son. That man is not worth hanging who does not love his mother. When good women lead their little ones to the Saviour, the Lord Jesus blesses not only the children, but their mothers as well. Happy are they among women who see their sons and their daughters walking in the truth.
He who thinks it easy to bring up a family never had one of his own. A mother who trains her children aright had need be wiser than Solomon, for his son turned out a fool. Some children are perverse from their infancy ; none are born perfect, but some have a double share of imperfections. Do what you will with some children, they don’t improve. Wash a dog, comb a dog, still a dog is but a dog : trouble seems thrown away on some children. Such cases are meant to drive us to God, for he can turn blackamoors white, and cleanse out the leopard’s spots. It is clear that whatever faults our children have, we are their parents, and we cannot find fault with the stock they came of. Wild geese do not lay tame eggs. That which is born of a hen will be sure to scratch in the dust. The child of a cat will hunt after mice. Every creature follows its kind. If we are black, we cannot blame our offspring if they are dark too. Let us do our best with them, and pray the Mighty Lord to put his hand to the work. Children of prayer will grow up to be children of praise; mothers who have wept before God for their sons, will one day sing a new song over them. Some colts often break the halter, and yet become quiet in harness. God can make those new whom we cannot mend, therefore let mothers never despair of their children as long as they live. Are they away from you across the sea? Remember, the Lord is there as well as here. Prodigals may wander, but they are never out of sight of the Great Father, even though they may be ” a great way off/’
Let mothers labor to make home the happiest place in the world. If they are always nagging and grumbling they will lose their hold of their children, and the boys will be tempted to spend their evenings away from home. Home is the best place for boys and men, and a good mother is the soul of home. The smile of a mother’s face has enticed many into the right path, and the fear of bringing a tear into her eye has called off many a man from evil ways. The boy may have a heart of iron, but his mother can hold him like a magnet. The devil never reckons a man to be lost so long as he has a good mother alive. O woman, great is thy power! See to it that it be used for him who thought of his mother even in the agonies of death.

T. G. I. Monday!!!

2011-04-11T10:17:00.000-05:00

I know I know what am I thinking??? It's hard to believe, but I LOVE Mondays. They refresh my soul. I have never been an organized person or someone who keeps to a schedule, but recently I have been doing some soul searching. God has brought to my attention through a series of books, articles and of course the bible that IF I am to be a Keeper of the Home I NEED to spend more time at home. I have in the recent past been going and doing more than I should. I think as home-school mommies we can get sucked into thinking that we have to have our kids involved in "stuff" or they won't be normal. We "must" make them social creatures... blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean. The problem being that I couldn't ever get ANYTHING done. I have 4 children and my oldest is the only girl so in the best interest of her I have been trying so hard to get her involved with other girls since she doesn't have a sister... The Lord recently brought to my attention that this is "Worry" the opposite of contentment. WHICH I am rubbing of on her. Would our children be content and thankful IF we were not constantly trying to fill in what we perceive to be the empty spaces of our lives?! So, I have begun to pray for the Lord to help me LOVE being AT HOME... And to put first things first. Help me learn to be the keeper of my home and all that goes along with that. I am first and foremost (striving to be a Godly woman), a wife, then mother, then school-teacher, house manager, bill-payer, etc. Surely God would not have given me this cup IF with the help of the Holy Spirit I could not handle it. "I can do ALL (these) things, through Christ who gives me strength." Well, immediately God began to show me how I needed to rearrange my (non-existent) schedule and put my priorities in order of greatest to least. "Seek ye first the Kingdom, then all (these) things will be added unto you." First thing is To-do list and stick to it... Who woulda thunk that this is all it would take?! All the sudden I have time to fit it all in and my kids are schooled, my dishes clean, laundry (some-what) done, and then at the end of the day my daughter gets to go outside and play with her two girlfriends that live RIGHT NEXT DOOR!!! However, all of this does not explain WHY I LOVE MONDAYS... Since I have been praying for all of those things my heart has begun to LOVE being at home and keeping my home. THEN the weekend happens and there is no schedule and we're running here and there. And Sunday is a day of church and rest so by Sunday night my house looks like a tornado came through and the dishes and laundry are pile up again. Sunday does give me a chance to refresh my soul, but when Monday rolls around I'm glad to get back to Keeping my Home... I'm thankful for this my domain and I pray that God will continually draw my heart back to it. There are so many things that can draw us away. There are so many that would tell us there is MORE OUT THERE. There are so many that would try to convince us that we are UN-FULFILLED... We have to be on constant watch against the schemes of the enemy and keep our priorities in order. We must guard our hearts against being draw away by our own lusts. God has a purpose and a specific plan for us as wives and mothers. I pray I will conform not to the ideas and values of this world no matter how hard it is or how tempting or how others view me. I have to see my life from a heavenly perspective.

Practice, practice, practice...

2011-03-16T10:48:00.000-05:00

My daughter recently started keyboard lessons. This has given me some insight into her personality. She loves the playing and going to class, she loves the attention she gets from others when she plays for them. I know it is boosting her self-confidence that she is mastering a new skill, BUT... She does not like to practice. She wants to be good and even know the songs the very first time she attempts to play it. She also doesn't understand why she has to practice the same songs over and over again. I've noticed it's the same way with school work. At first I was very frustrated by this and would lose my patience quickly with the lack of motivation. It didn't take long for the Holy Spirit to begin using this as a learning opportunity for me. As I began to see that I am much the same way.

The bible says that there is a way that seems right to man, but the end leads to death. Throughout the New Testament we are commanded to die to the flesh and renew our minds. Notice this word DEATH. This does not imply something painless and easy. However, I want EVERYTHING to be easy. I want being married and being a mom to be easy. I want homeschooling and housework to be easy. I want Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness AND self-control to be easy. I want hospitality to be easy and I want it to all be easy simultaneously. BUT, as you well know they are not. It takes years of practice and a test every now and then to learn any new lesson, especially when you are not naturally gifted in such areas.

God has always been faithful to allow me to get too far out in the water so that I will call out to him for help. HELP ME!!! That's my cry. I can't figure this thing out... At first it was marriage. I cried out for wisdom because "MY WAY" was definantly NOT working. God was faithful to answer my cry. He began to shower me with new ideas and ways of acting, thinking and feeling. I started to apply his wisdom to my marriage and WOW things really started to turn around. It wasn't easy, mostly because the principles that I learned didn't come naturally to me. Thankfully though things really changed and we have a good solid marriage thanks to God's word. THEN- dun, dun, dun... What happens you hit a few bumps in the road or some stress, or hormones or a new baby... Anyway there is a time of hardship and testing. How well did I really learn these new principles??? Well, I think I did pretty good when EVERYTHING was calm and still. Life doesn't stay that way long and what I have found is it takes a lot of PRACTICE to get something new down. Even then you still don't have it so it takes some testing to see how well you remembered what you have been taught. And over and over with the same lessons because like I said I don't come by this naturally.

Then it wasn't long after that that my two oldest children decided to have an opinion about life and distinct personalities marked by sinful heart. Don't get me wrong my kids are beautiful amazing creatures, but the Bible says that we all have a sinful heart and that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. So, after tears of frustration again I cried out to God for wisdom. First I must say that I foolishly thought that this parenting thing was gonna be easy. Just make some rules and apply some discipline and nothing can go wrong. WHICH is severely underestimating the FREE WILL of these little humans. Thankfully once again God began to show me some things. This I must admit has been an ongoing day by day adventure. Training a child in the way they should go can be a minute by minute responsibility and then you add a new little person every couple of years and it gets pretty crazy. But, when we call God is faithful to answer!!! Along the way parenting has given me the most opportunity to become more Christlike. So, the lessons in patience, gentleness, kindness and of course self-control have all come through parenting. AGAIN these are things that are completely out of my nature and character, but I found out the hard way that children learn by example. So, IF I was going to see these characteristics develop in my children then I was gonna have to learn them.

So, what does that mean for me??? Just like my daughter has to practice that keyboard everyday I must renew my mind and practice. Just like she has to play the same songs over and over I must practice the same concepts over and over until I can play by heart without looking at the music or my fingers. It has to get out of my head and into the deepest parts of my heart. AND, when I have gotten it I must move on to the next song and practice until I don't want to practice anymore. Then just when I think I've really gotten all the old lessons God will shake it up again and test me on it to see IF I REALLY GOT IT?! So, instead of throwing fits I need to practice because I know I love to feel accomplished, I love to get the attention from my heavenly Father and even from those close to me who recognize the changes in me, that I'm getting better everyday. Just like my girl when she practices. I love to watch her as she plays. I love to see her face light up when she has played a song perfectly for an audience. Remember Heaven is watching...

Do you ever...

2010-10-28T22:00:00.001-05:00

Have those days when you forget to remember how blessed you are? There are a lot of places in the scriptures where God tells someone to write down the things that He has done so they could go back and see how He had worked in their behalf. WHY? Because He knows how forgetful we are. He has been showing me this lately usually through my daughter.

Everyday I try to let my children have some kind of treat or special thing. Sometimes even two treats... For some reason my daughter is the one who is always coming to ask me for something else. Maybe because she of all my children is the most like me. I have to remind her of the other things she has had that day and explain that's why she can't have what she wants at that point. I try to explain why too many treats is not a good idea, but alas she is a child and she really doesn't get it. Do you ever do that with the Lord. Do you ever have a prayer request that is the MOST important thing in your world and then He answers and you forget? The gratitude over that answered prayer so short lived that you come back moments later with what is the next "NEED" in your life. I'm sure if you're a mom you know how much you want to make your kids happy, but sometimes you just wish they didn't want so much or would just be content for a little bit?! Sometimes I have to tell her "Don't ask me for anything else today"... It's when I have said those words that I am reminded of how much I ask my heavenly Father. I'm not talking about serious stuff like friends/family salvation or sickness... I'm talking about my wants that really mean nothing.

When I stop and think about all that I have been given I'm shamed about how much I focus on me. I'm embarrassed that I spend so much time praying and whining about what I don't have when there are so many who really need an answered prayer. I'm glad that the Lord has been revealing this to me in this way because it really hit home. I'm spoiled and loved and overwhelmed with the goodness of the Lord. Every Good gift comes down from the Father... May I begin to remember all His good gifts instead of wasting time thinking of what I want next.

Crazy, Happy, Love...

2010-09-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

Oh, two year old boy...
with your cute chubby cheeks,
and big brown eyes.

You smile is contagious,
but your scream is outrageous...

I love the way you sing at the top of your lungs,
and how you give the biggest of hugs...

You make me so tired I just wanna cry,
but without you I know I would surely die.

I know in the end God will use your strong will,
but for now you just might wanna chill.

This is an Ode to my 3rd born child... A more dilightful soul I may not have met, but He can strike terror into the hearts of his family... He knows every word to every song He has heard. He smiles and laughs at the simplest things, but screams bloody murder if something doesn't go his way. I'm not really sure what to do with him. He has no fear and doesn't care about discipline. He was named after Caleb in the bible. Caleb was a warrior for God who had no fear and stood firm on the promises of God. I can only hope and pray that my Caleb will one day live up to that legacy... C.R.G. May you be a WARRIOR for the LORD!!!

You make me CRAZY, and HAPPY, and I LOVE YOU!!!

Finding Time and believing lies...

2010-09-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

Today I was a ranting raving crazy Momma. By the middle of the day I thought I really better get out of here before I messed things up good. Of course I thought it was the kids, or the house, or homeschooling. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and thinking maybe I was the wrong person for the job. All I could see was a messy house, a crying baby, a screaming toddler and two big kids running around doing nothing productive!!!

The thing is that is the exact opposite of what I want for my life. I truly desire to be all that God wants me to be and I want to do it with a cheerful disposition. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I'm striving to learn and grow and become. I feel like the caterpillar inside the cocoon. Wrestling, twisting, and turning. Wanting to go forward to the new, but feeling so comfortable with the old. When will I become that butterfly???

So, today as I'm "thinking" only negative thoughts about myself and my life I received an email that talked about the enemies mission against a child of God. IF you belong to God then satan has no power over your soul or your eternity, but He does have the power to come against you in other ways. His greatest weapon is discouragement. He whispers those little lies that say you will never make it. You will never become what God wants you to be. You're doing a terrible job so why don't you give up. For me personally the enemy tells me that if I didn't have all these kids or if I didn't home school I would be able to do more. I would have more time if I didn't have so much going on... He tells me I just don't have enough time to do it all... All these negative thoughts all day feeding on my resolve and courage to push on.

After reading the email about thoughts and the enemies attack I "thought" or better yet God whispered to my heart that has been the problem today... I have been believing the lies all day. So, now I need to change my thinking... I need to start thinking on things that are pure and true and right... if there be any virtue or praise think on these things. I need to start listening to the Voice of Truth... because HE says "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." I have to stop believing the lies...

That's not all though God began to show me that I have time for what I want to do. I have time to spend on facebook or email. My time is precious and there isn't a lot of it so I need to really prioritize it. I also need to be more organized and proactive with my time even if that means writing a schedule out and sticking to it throughout the day. BUT, I cannot believe the lie that I don't have enough time in the day. I have to start a task and finish it so that I'm not looking around at a bunch of half done things all day. I know that I will feel more productive and encouraged when I have folded AND put up the laundry or when I have washed/dried AND put up the dishes... BUT, it's TIME to stop feeding on lies. This is my life and I love it. I know that things in the future will be harder even still than where I am now so I must take this time to learn and grow for the future!!!

Lord please help me to see every opportunity to become what you want me to be. Help me to call upon your NAME when I am feeling troubled. Help me listen to you and not my enemy... Thank you Lord for all the work you have done in my life!!! I love you!!!

Love is...

2010-09-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

Remember the comic strip "Love Is..." Love was always some action that you could do. I'm sure that they got this from God's Word. I Corinthinians 14... The famous love chapter as I've heard it called.

Love suffers long, and love is kind;

love does not envy,

love does not brag on itself,

love is not arrogant.

Love does not behave itself rudely,

love does not seek it's own way,

love is not easily angered,

and love thinks no evil.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity,

but it rejoices in TRUTH.

Love bears ALL things, endures ALL things,

hopes ALL things.

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

"Greater Love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

Real Love is Jesus laying down his life for us. Real love is while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Real love goes FAR above and beyond what is required. Real love hurts. Real love requires sacrifice and surrender. Love is an action. Love is a decision. Real love is not something you and I are capable on our own. Real love is something that takes lots of practice so we are given lots of opportunities to express Real love.

As a mom and wife I am learning that there is always a choice. Will I love my family this time? What about this time or the next time??? Love is patient, love is kind... Have I been that today? If not then I have not loved. Have I been easily angered? Do I keep records for the wrong done unto me (even by my children)? Then I have not loved!!! I promise they know the difference between when I have loved and when I have not... If we say we have loved God, but do not love others then we have lied... (james)

Love covers a multitude of sins (done to us). The only way we can love like this is with the Spirit of God because... "God is LOVE", but even then love is not something that comes natural to us. We have to cultivate a spirit of love. We have to water it and weed it and grow love strong in our lives. We have to take every opportunity to share love with those around us especially our family. This is our ministry from God as wives. Love is our calling as the of children of God.

All you need is LOVE. Please help me to LOVE like you do Lord, because I'm no good at this. Help me to love beyond what I feel at any given moment!!!

Growing Weary...

2010-09-01T09:19:00.001-05:00

Gal 6:9-10 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, IF we faint not. and as we have the opportunity, let us do good unto all men, ESPECIALLY unto them who are of the household of faith."

It's hard to not grow weary sometimes. As I think about all that needs to be done I get overwhelmed. Not just school, laundry, dishes... but more importantly love, compassion, kindness, gentleness, attention... Growing my children up in the faith is a long, hard journey. Especially difficult for me because I have so far to go in this journey myself. Sometimes I get frustrated and tired I know everybody does.

As I was reading this verse I saw something I hadn't seen before... "let us not"... Yeah as with most things this is a choice. I know some circumstances are impossible (not mine), but God says that His grace is sufficient. He has given us everything we need in Christ Jesus through his Spirit to endure and not faint. We can be filled daily with what we need for that day. We can "rejoice, and again I say rejoice", we can have the "joy of the Lord as our strength". BUT, the choice is up to us. I really hate that. I want it all to be easy and for God to do everything for me.

Another thing that really spoke to me about this verse is that is says when I have the opportunity I should "choose" to do well to ALL people, especially to those in the household of faith. Well, for me that "household of faith" are the small people in this household. WoW. I have a lot of opportunities to do well and not grow weary, but how many times do I react in the flesh and not the spirit. How many times do I choose to get frustrated, impatient, unkind... As a mother I have countless opportunities to share the faith with these my disciples. Do I look for times during the day when I can "Do Good"?

Making the choice to not grow weary is a hard one, but we have the promise of God that we will reap in due season those good things we have sewn. We will have the chance one day to see the beautiful fruit growing in our children's lives. Thank you Lord that you have given us all we need in Christ and that you promise to reward us for doing well. Thank you for also showing me that choosing to do well also makes me happy. I'm not really good at this yet, but I pray you will continue to work on me and not grow weary!!!

My New Motto...

2010-08-30T11:42:00.000-05:00

My new motto is "we make it work"... I've had a few people ask me lately how do you do it... It being home-school two kiddos with a toddler and a new baby? How do the kids learn what they need to, how do the dishes and the laundry get done, how do the baby and the two year old get the attention they need? Well, the truth is I really don't know! I am amazed at the end of the day how we got it done and how my kids actually did learn something... But, WE MAKE IT WORK...

When we're having bible time and the babies crying... we make it work.
When we're doing phonics and toddles screaming... we make it work.
When I'm trying not to cry and someone makes me laugh... we make it work.
When I think we've accomplished nothing that day and they shock me with something they learned... we made it work...

It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. I love all of it. I love teaching my children. I am so proud of them and myself at the end of the day. I think of those two little ones and how much they will learn by sitting around the table with big bro and sis. I know it's all worth it and I'm happy because "We make it work". I'm thankful for all these lessons in patience!!!

One of the things I love...

2010-07-19T21:31:00.000-05:00

About my man is his wonderful sense of humor. I have ALWAYS loved how funny he is... From the beginning he has had me laughing and thankfully that has not stopped, but now as we embark on this road of raising children I even more amazed by this gift. Humor in the home is a must to me. Whether I'm laughing at myself or at something kids have done it lightens the mood and brings a sense of belonging to the family. My husband and I have special secret jokes that nobody gets when we're not alone (I'm sure you do too). He makes me laugh when things get really hard and all I wanna do is cry. Or he makes me laugh so I will stop crying... Anyway, it is something that I have always found attractive and endearing about him, but I am starting to see it as practical or even essential to our home. He makes the kids laugh and helps them to cultivate their own sense of humor. He lightens their loads with his humor. And, now that we have a daughter that's getting older He makes her laugh when He wants her to stop crying. He even uses humor when he is disciplining the children and it works... I don't know how he does it, but he stays as cool as a cucumber and turns the situation around. I'm so thankful that God gave me this amazing man who has such a wonderful sense of humor because it really helps me to slow down and enjoy this life a lot more than I would!!! I love that man!!!

What works for me...

2010-06-30T09:46:00.001-05:00

Like every other Mom I know I have read a lot of books trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do... You know the ones. They tell you don't rock your baby, don't nurse them down or do anything that you will have to break later. The books that say just lay them down when they are sleepy, but not asleep then they will learn how to soothe themselves to sleep. I don't know about every other Mom in the world, but after 4 babies and ABSOLUTELY no luck with that approach I have given up. All that approach has ever done for me is make bedtime a nightmare and after hearing them cry their eyes out and work themselves into a fit I pick them up and soothe them to sleep myself. I wouldn't even worry about it except you get advice from your Pediatrician to your mother to random people on the street. They make you think you will forever ruin your child if you don't do everything the way the book says...

Then God forbid if you let the baby sleep with you... I don't know if this started out of desperation to get some sleep or laziness or just because deep down I really love having the baby sleeping beside me, but it started and it has worked for us. We have been very blessed that each of our children have moved without much effort to their beds around 18mos. BUT, this is something you really have to be careful about sharing with people because they go crazy about this!!! Not that I care I'm pretty outspoken, but I feel sorry for other people who have to defend themselves.

Oh, and I LOVE the books that say that your baby will probably love some time alone swinging or just sitting by the window. I have not had one child yet that loved time by themselves until they were bigger... This time I didn't even get the baby swing and bouncer out. Why?!?!? Because I would be tempted to use it and then get frustrated with my baby because he wouldn't stay in it for more than 5 minutes. Now I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if all my children have been high need or if really babies were made to just want to be with their mommy, but that stuff hasn't worked for me...

The pacifier??? I have tried that one every time... I would love for my baby to use a pass so I didn't have to be the pacifier... BUT, again failure. They have learned the difference pretty quick...

So, what works for me and has worked with each one of my babies is having almost constant physical contact with my baby. THANKFULLY I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom so this works for me. I don't really have to be anywhere except here taking care of my children and that's how I like it. What has worked for me is soothing my baby to sleep myself. Sometimes rocking, singing, but always nursing!!! What has worked is having the baby sleep right beside me and we sleep really well. No trying to get him back to sleep at night because he never fully wakes up and I don't either!!! What works for me and has been the best investment I have ever made is a Ring Sling. I can have him close to me all the time which is what He wants and I can have my hands free to get housework done or schoolwork with the kids... It's just like having him in my belly now it's just on my belly. What works for me is not trying to force the pacifier on him, but responding to his needs even if that means it's not time to eat yet. Right or wrong this has been what works for me. Every time I start out trying to do it by the book, but my babies have had other plans. So, now I just wish I didn't have to feel guilty because other people think I'm doing it all wrong... I'm sure next time I will try it all again, but this is what has worked for me!!!

Like HIM...

2010-06-26T10:13:00.000-05:00

Do you ever think about how the here and now is preparing you for the future? Or are you like me and just muddle through complaining about the inconveniences of life?

Do you ever realize when God is giving you a perfect opportunity to practice what you preach in front of your children??

Recently I had a chance to "show" my daughter what I've been telling her for a long time. I try to teach her about how we should treat people. How we should love them unconditionally and how we should care about them in real ways like Jesus would. We are the hands and the feet of Christ. The problem is that I am not very good at this myself especially if it inconviences me or makes me uncomfortable. BUT, God is showing me you can never teach anything you do not do yourself.

I confess that I need to practice compassion and understanding alot more than I do. I confess that I need to practice patience and kindness alot more than I do. I read a post from someone the other day that reminded me that we have been given all the gifts of the Holy Spirit when we received Christ so now we just have to use them. I confess that I need to die to myself because I don't want to be bothered by other peoples issues. I know that sounds terrible and I almost don't want to admit that for fear that of what some might think, but it's true I really don't want to be bothered. It is in realizing this that I find great comfort in the FACT that my Savior is nothing like me. He makes it plain that He wants us to bring ALL of our cares to Him. It is in seeing this that I realize how wonderful my Savior is and that He is asking me to be like him and love people the way He does.

Anyway, the other day someone needed some love from me, but I was busy and I didn't want to be bothered. As I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes knowing that this person was upset and needed comfort the Lord spoke to my heart "This is a chance to be like me. This is the time to show your daughter how I love people." My heart was convicted, but I still didn't move to do anything. Then you know how God is when He wants to get a point across... Here comes my daughter and she said "Mom, I need to tell you something. " Then she whispered in my ear that this person was upset and crying... Then she just stood there looking at me waiting to see what I was gonna do. Now before you think I'm totally heartless this was at 5:15pm and we had people coming for dinner at 5:30. With 3 kids and a new baby you can imagine what my house looked like. I had just got the call at 4:45 that we were having company over. So, I had to make a decision would I worry about the temporal things or the eternal things? Here is my beautiful kind hearted daughter waiting to see me put my words into practice. When Jesus said we should be like children He was so right. Their hearts are so much softer than ours. Well, as you can plainly see God got his point across. So, I went and hopefully was a comfort to someone in need.

It wasn't until later that God began to show me that He is using every opportunity to prepare me for the future. Recently my husband was ordained into the ministry. He has been a Youth Pastor for many years and we know that God has used all of those years to prepare us for something in the future. This is not a brag by any means, but there have been many people that tell him one day they know God is going to make Him a pastor. He has a heart for people and He can share the word in such a wonderful way. I truly believe He is anointed and that God will use Him mightily. BUT, what would that make me one day??? Unless the Lord takes me home and gives him a more worthy replacement?! That is a joke!!! So, now is my time to prepare and learn and take every chance to be like Jesus. We should no matter our vocation do what we are called to do and that is Love one another!!! In real ways that go beyond ourselves. May God continue to grow me and make me more like His Son Jesus.

Will this spoil him???

2010-06-24T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting on the couch with the baby in my lap. It has never ceased to amaze me how wonderfully he sleeps when I am holding him. He is so peaceful, so beautiful. I know the time will go by so quickly and he will be grown before I know it. So, I hold him in my arms instead of putting him in the bed. While I look around at a house that looks like a tornado came through it. I know there is so much to do... dishes, laundry, etc. And, there is that voice telling me "You're gonna spoil him". The same one that tells me each night not to hold him so close to me in bed. I should put him back in his bed. BUT, I LIKE to hold him, and I LIKE to sleep beside him. I LOVE watching him as he sleeps in my arm. AND, I know how quickly this time will pass.

I know there are things that need to be done, but as I look around this world I see far too many kids that aren't held enough and no one has time for them. The dishes will be there later, the laundry will still be there later. But, I want my kids to know that they were loved. That mommy was in love with each one of them. I'm sorry but I can't let him cry himself to sleep so if he wants to sleep next to me so be it. Pretty soon I won't be able to pay him for a kiss because he'll be too old for that. So, I'm just gonna enjoy each one of them where they are right now. If I am accused of bad parenting let it be because I gave them to much attention!!!

Update...

2010-06-12T10:19:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not dead... Although sometimes I feel like the walking dead!!! HAHA !!!

Well, we are doing really good. The baby came right on time. He is beautiful. Everybody has adjusted very well to having a new baby in the house which always makes mom feel good. My two year old love his new little brother and thinks that he should be able to hold him all day and kiss him!!! We have had the occasional discipline problem, but that's to be expected.

We are off for the summer, but I think we will still do school a few days a week so that we don't forget anything!!! I love Home-school. There is so much freedom!!!

I am anxious to get into some kind of routine again, but that will come I guess. I'm just a creature of habit so I find comfort in doing the same things at the same time everyday. Not to mention being able to get out and grocery shop for myself. But, I also need to sit back and enjoy these weeks at home because I will never have them again with this little guy. Time goes by so quickly...

For whoever said that too many kids plays havoc on a marriage, I would like to say they are wrong. By God's grace we are closer than we have ever been. He has been so helpful and attentive after this our fourth child has come. I am so thankful for my husband!!!

Well, that's all I have time for for now... I hope to be back soon!!!

New Life...

2010-04-05T20:02:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm at 33 weeks. You know this is about the time you're ready for this to be OVER!!! I love pregnancy. I think for the most part it's a wonderful, beautiful experience. Right up until about now when I begin to think this just might go on forever and I wonder if my body will always feel like this. Thank the Lord this is not my first go round so I KNOW that all of this is passing!!! And forgotten two seconds after holding that sweet new life in my arms. The longing for this newest little person is intense. Especially after two of my close friends have recently given birth. I don't even want to hold their babies because I know it will be unbearable waiting for Andrew to come. They are so beautiful though.

I love every stage of life so far. I love my "big" kids and watching them learn and form their own personalities and minds. I love watching my almost 2 years old walk and talk and sing. I enjoy watching them take in the world for the first time. I love being a mother. BUT, there is something remarkable about holding that new little life in your arms for the first time. Something so rewarding about them being so totally dependent upon me for the first few months. Something amazing about being the most important thing in the world to that small little person. I have missed that. I can't wait for this new little person to come meet us all. I am so blessed to be able to bear life. To be a Mother is so intensely amazing. To be a Mother and to have such beautiful moments with my little people is more than I could ever have imagined. I am so thankful for God's grace. I am thankful to be a woman, to bear life in my flesh, to feed from my body, to nourish their spirits and souls. What a privilege, what an honor.

So, I wait patiently enjoying the time that I have before 3 turns to 4. Waiting in anticipation to see how this new life fits into this family. Waiting until that moment when I can't remember what life was like without Andrew. Blessed beyond measure. I wait with aching back and sore feet knowing that SOON it will not even be a memory because my long awaited treasure will be here in my arms...

Thank you Lord for allowing ME to be Jordan, Isaiah, Caleb, and Andrews mother. Thank you for allowing me to live this life. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love. Thank you that your mercy endures forever and I am proof!!! I love you!!!

The difference...

2010-04-01T14:50:00.001-05:00

Some days around here are better than others. Not just for me, but for the kids as well. I am 32 weeks pregnant. My feet hurt and my back aches. My nerves are raw and I have little patience. Sounds like the set-up for disaster... I've been getting up in the morning and having quiet time with the Lord. He is making me ever more aware that He is the Vine and I am the branch... "IF I abide in HIM I will bear much fruit." BUT, if not I will kill the fruit.

There are those days though that I think I'm way too tired and deserve to lay in the bed for an extra hour or two. Thinking foolishly that if I get more rest that I will be able to face the day in better form. Forgetting of COURSE that if I was walking in the SPIRIT that I would be able to face anything today. AND, that the fruit of His Spirit is just what my family actually needs from me... Love, Joy, Peace, Gentleness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Patience and Self-Control... These are the things that make the difference to ME AND THEM. Not more rest. More time with my Father.

On this day when I decided that sleep was so much more important I have managed to treat my children like a nuisance instead of a blessing. What a miracle I have growing inside of me. What precious treasures I have in front of me... Lord, help me to not forget that you MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN ME... AND, they the little people You have given me are the most important "thing" I have. Don't let me go my own way or lean on my own understanding. You can be my rest. You can be my strength, You can be my joy. They need me to be filled with you...

Good Gifts...

2010-03-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

"And He gave some, apostles; and some prophets; and some evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; FOR the perfecting of the saints, FOR the WORK of the ministry, FOR the edifying (building up) of the body of CHRIST: Till we all come in unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a MATURE man, unto the measure of stature of the fullness of Christ." Eph 4:11-13

It's so amazing to me how life somehow lines up with what I am reading in the Word. We are planning a Women's Event at our church and it takes so many different people with so many diverse talents to make this thing come together. The are the Speakers that bring the message and because they will be the ones that are seen it's easy to assume that they did all the work. BUT, God in His infinite wisdom knows that none of us can do everything. AND, He did not create us to do so. I love that Paul says that when we are saved He gives us all gifts that are different from one another. None of these gifts are for our own good or glory, but for the building up of the church and for God's glory.

Just the Women's event has shown me how necessary every gift is. There are some people who are good at organizing, some that are good at decorating, some that are wonderful with children. With each person fulfilling their role and bringing their gift for use to build up the church we will have an amazing day that will bring glory to God. Every gift that each person has is just as important as another.

I love that Paul says that we are all members of one body and that each body part should be content and not try to be another body part. Where would we be without the hands and feet? Ask yourself which body part would you rather be without?! I'm not sure about you, but I want them all and I want them to perform the function they were meant to perform. If we all focus not on what others are doing, but what gift God has gifted us with and do everything "heartily as unto the Lord" we could do so much more for Christ. I noticed at the end of those verses how it talked about when we become one mature man in Christ is only after we become unified in faith and the knowledge of the Son of God. That reminds me of Philippians 1 that Christ should be our example "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. LET THIS MIND BE IN YOU WHICH WAS ALSO IN CHRIST JESUS."

It doesn't matter what your gift is God has given it to you to bring glory to HIM. You are important in the body of Christ. You fulfill a place that no one else can fulfill. "Every GOOD gift and every perfect gift came down from the Father of Lights." Don't forget the one who made you made you just the way He did to fulfill a purpose no one else can fulfill and if no one else sees be assured that God sees and He has promised us that we will receive a reward in Heaven.

Heavenly Father I pray that you would be glorified and magnified. Your word says when we magnify JESUS he will draw all men unto him. To magnify Jesus we have to say like John "He must increase, and I must decrease." I pray that I would decrease so that people can not see me, but the Son of God who lives in me. Only then can you use me to bring people to YOU." I pray that YOU will be BIG on that day. Blow our minds...

Abundant...

2010-03-05T14:37:00.000-06:00

Well, the weather is beautiful here in Texas. Everyone in my family is well and now life is back to our normal. I haven't had much time to write, because life is so full right now. I am so thankful to say though that we are abounding with blessings. I am so thankful to God for HIS word. I feel more peace in EVERYTHING than I have ever felt before and I can only attribute that to walking closer with Christ. I can't say that circumstances have changed dramatically, but I can say that God has answered some important prayers for me so I know that He will answer the big ones as well.

I just wanted to take a moment to say how faithful my God has been to me. I am so thankful that He has drawn me near to His side. I am thankful that when we are IN CHRIST we can have hope, peace, joy, patience, self-control, goodness, meekness... LOVE for our family is just an overflow when we are abiding IN CHRIST... To God be the glory!!!

Light Affictions

2010-02-26T12:52:00.000-06:00

Sometimes the Ways and Whys of God are a complete mystery we just have to trust in the perfect Will of God and we have to trust in His Goodness. Sometimes we have to hear what Paul heard "MY Grace is sufficient for You: for MY strength is made perfect in your weakness." 2 Cor 12:9. Sometimes we might think life is too hard or too painful, or too something... Our adversary doesn't have to throw too much at us for us to start believing that God is not there, does not care, is not good. Look at the children of Israel, after all they had seen and "such a great salvation" from Egypt, miracles OUR eyes have never seen. It only took them THREE days of being thirsty to believe God had left them. EVEN though the cloud by day was still there and the fire by night was still there. It doesn't take much...

But, sometimes God shows us a little something of what He is up to. A little morsel to keep us from going off the deep end. I thank God that I have had one of those times lately. I can't say that I have always been faithful to pray and read. I love God's word, but I have been very hit or miss with my quite time and my prayer life has been non-existent. Lately however something has changed for me. I have recognized my complete and utter dependence upon the Lord. So, I have been up in the morning praying and reading and taking God at His word that whatsoever I ask in Jesus name He will give to me. I believe that means if we ask anything that is IN the WILL of GOD. And, my requests have been for the betterment of my Family so I KNOW He will answer those... Somehow though things started to get worse instead of better. I began to get discouraged. Another tactic of the enemy...

This time though instead of giving up I went to the Lord with my honest heart. I told him how I felt (in reverence). I cried and told him what I saw with my eyes and that I was disheartened. I told Him I would continue to seek Him even in this time and that I would choose to praise Him, because I know He is Good and He deserves my praise. Before I was done praying this prayer something AMAZING happened. My Husband walked in the room and got down on His knee and began to pray with me. He began to pray for our family as the Spiritual leader and authority of our Home. Earlier when I had been reading my bible the Lord had shown me something that began to make since right at that moment.

2 Cor 4:14-18 "Knowing that He which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. For ALL THINGS ARE FOR YOUR SAKES, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many abound to the Glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."

What the Lord was showing me was that all the time God is working in me, but sometimes the afflictions I go through are not just for me, but for others sakes. Sometimes God is working in the lives of those around us and He uses us to get their attention. One of the things that my husband said in is prayer is "I don't know if this is about me, but if it is I GET IT." Exactly what that verse I had read this morning had said to me.

Thank you Heavenly Father for a beautiful Husband with a soft heart. Thank you so much for loving me with an eternal LOVE that is CRAZY. I remember where I was and who I was before You brought me out of the deep pit. It is amazing to me that YOU the creator care so much about me that you would give me your time and meet me every time I come to meet with you... You are WAY beyond my understanding. The more time I spend trying to figure you out the more lost in You I get. I say with David "What is man that you are mindful of Him?"

Building strong muscles...

2010-02-24T12:19:00.000-06:00

I was reading this morning in Proverbs 24:10 "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." I have also been praying Proverbs 31 every morning asking God to make me a Virtuous Woman... One of the verses says "She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. Another says "Strength and honor are her clothing..." Like I said I've been praying these verses every morning lately... But, instead of feeling stronger I have been feeling weaker... Funny how the Lord works.

I'm not going to get into the situations and circumstances that have contributed to this because I would only be trying to win your sympathy and some of you are not at the same stage in life so you might not even understand... BUT, I believe you do understand no matter where you are being tired, discouraged, weak, and maybe feelings of not having enough of you to go around...

Anyways, today I was mulling over that verse in my head as I feel like I'm about to drop dead from emotional and physical exhaustion. "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." Over and again I repeat that to myself... Man my strength must be pretty darn small if I'm fainting at this. Then I started to pray to the Lord. I love the verse that says the Spirit makes intercession for us because we don't even know what to pray for. There have been times in my life where I pray something thinking that it was my own thought only to a few minutes later realize that God put that prayer there because He was about to show me something... I love those times because I KNOW that He cares for my little stuff and I KNOW that He understands and I KNOW that He will be my strength when I am just too weak... I love Him so...

So, I'm praying Lord, you know I've been praying for strength and I know that I have to go through all this stuff so that you can make me stronger, but Lord I feel weaker. AND then He said the craziest thing to my heart. He said "Beloved, you only feel weaker, but YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU USED TO BE." Then He gave me a mental picture of how physical exercise feels like it's making us more tired, but it's not it is actually giving us more energy. Physical exercise makes our muscles hurt at first, but only because they are getting stronger. We would never endure anything if we never exorcised and so it is with God. I have been praying to be stronger and feeling weaker, but this is all necessary for me to have the strength to endure what ever comes my way next. This time of weakness is making me stronger for next time. When I am weak, He is strong. The Joy of the Lord is my Strength.

Thank you Lord for being faithful to answer our prayers even when we don't see that you are. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Your WAYS so much higher than mine. Your WAY of doing things is PERFECT, and my understanding is so limited, but YOU are so kind that sometimes you will even explain to your child, your servant, your creation what you are doing... Thank you that when I am in the refining fire you are sitting there intently watching me so I am not destroyed by the heat. Thank you Lord that you will not allow me to stay the way I am. YOU are AMAZING... I am undone in your presence...

Making Home made play-do...

2010-02-23T11:05:00.000-06:00

One reason I love home-schooling is because I get to watch ALL (ages) of my children together doing things they thoroughly enjoy... Right now they are in the kitchen making home made play-do, even the 19month old. They are talking to each other and laughing and making messes. I am truly blessed and it's moments like these that make it all worth while. They love using the real bowls, and the real spoons. I really like these three little people I think I will definitely keep 'em...

And, if you're wondering if we ever get any work done I promise we do that just comes later!!!

All uphill...

2010-02-22T12:12:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like parenting is an uphill battle? Imagine yourself at the bottom of the hill with you're sword panting and groaning trying to fight the enemy knowing you have half the energy that they do. You're down there getting hit with rocks that are being thrown from the top by miniature warriors that are laughing the whole time. It's not even like you're enemy (in this case your children) really hate you or anything, they are just fighting you for the simple fact that they find great joy in resisting authority.

As I write this I'm thinking about my beautiful daughter... She is my first born. I know this little warrior has a heart for the Lord. She loves to do what is right for Jesus, BUT with Mom it is a different story. I can see her little face with twinkle in her eye and mischief in her mind when she's looking up at me as I reprimand her about something. Oh, she's trying so hard not to smile, but it's not working. As I talk I see her mind working and her thoughts saying "Mission Control, I think we're wearing her down. Continue with the attack." She is almost more gorgeous when she is driving me crazy than when she is obeying all my commands?!?!? What is that? Then there are the two little boys, I don't even really know what to say about these too. I know I am lost when I look at them!!!

I think thoughts like "Will they EVER get this?" or "This is too hard, it would just be easier to let them do what they want."

Then I read verses like "Train up a child in the WAY, they should go and WHEN THEY ARE OLD THEY WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT." Ok, as a parent that can bring encouragement or great discouragement depending which part you focus on... I just want the they will not depart from it part and I want it right now. AND, then I think of the daunting task of training them up in righteousness and how many lessons that is going to take. I mean look how big the bible is. There are lessons on obedience, truthfulness, kindness, love, patience, self control... need I go on?! It will take a life time to teach all this stuff!!! And, if they resist you at every turn even longer. And, then there is the constant reminding of the things you already went over!!! Yeah I think uphill battle would summarize what I see before me...

BUT, then the Holy Spirit in HIS wonderful faithfulness and loving way reminds me that He has to do the same thing with me. He reminds me that being conformed to His will is going to take a lifetime, but He will never get too weary to correct me. He encourages me that He knew from the beginning that it was going to take a lifetime to perfect me and that I wouldn't be ALL that He desired for me to be until I get to Heaven, and that HE is okay with that. He is going to do the job anyway diligently and faithfully and patiently. He knows that I really don't want to do things His way, but He is so proud of me when I choose His way anyway. He reminds me that I am selfish and disobedient alot of times and even though He may have shown me something 1000 times I still forget. He tells me no matter what behavior I display He will never forsake me or give up on me. Because love ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS ENDURES...LOVE NEVER FAILS. That's really the issue. Do we love our children with the LOVE that God loves us? DO WE??? I ask myself again Do I love my own children like God loves me? Is my Heavenly Father my Model???

In Sync...

2010-02-22T10:22:00.000-06:00

Last night I was watching the Couples Figure Skating and I was blown away by the couple from the US. They were so in tuned to one another you could see that they had spent alot of time together practicing their routine. They knew exactly what the other person was going to do and some of the moves that they did you would have to have COMPLETE TRUST in the other person to do.

As I sat there I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. As you may know He has been impressing upon my heart the absolute NEED for me to be connected to the vine. The need to be FILLED with His SPIRIT. The NEED to DIE to my flesh. He is showing me continually through triumphs and failures that "I can do ALL things through Christ" and "I can do nothing apart from Him".

My question to myself last night was how much time do they (the skaters) spend together to be that In-sync? How many times does the girl have to be thrown in the air and caught before she gets to the point that there in no fear in her? How well do they have to know each other to be able to anticipate what the other person in going to do? How do you learn to TRUST someone else that much?

I'm sure you know where this is going... We can't spend one day a week at church and think we have a relationship with Christ. I can't spend 10 minutes every couple of days reading the bible and praying and think that I know the mind of Christ. God has a lot to say to us through His word. I have to spend time digging into it so that I can KNOW what He would have me do in any situation. I have to have few hundred practices with Jesus before I learn to TRUST Him completely that He will never let me FALL. I have to have been in scary situations to learn that I have nothing to fear in Christ. I read this morning about Jesus sending the Comforter who would be with us continually and lead us into all TRUTH. I have to spend time with the comforter to be comforted and I have to spend time with Him to be lead into all truth.

If it was Jesus's normal custom to go apart and pray and commune with His Father shouldn't it be mine. In Romans 12 it says " Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Paul was talking to Followers of Christ, not the lost. He was saying that it is a continual process to have our minds renewed. I have to spend time with Jesus to be IN-SYNC with Him. I have to spend time with Him to know HIS WAYS. I know some may be thinking OKAY Angela why is this so hard for you to understand?!?!? WE KNOW THIS, but I guess that I feel like I have been walking in the flesh for a while thinking that just because I was a follower of Christ that I was FOLLOWING CHRIST. My arrogance and my pride and being deceived and blinded has caused some problems in my home and I don't want that to happen anymore. So, I realize that I HAVE to spend QUALITY TIME with Jesus and m y bible to change me and my way of thinking.

Lord, please continue to show me my need to be transformed and that your work is no where near done. I pray that you would help me fall in love with you so that it is not an obligation, but a date when we get together... Please fan the flame of my love for you and be my ALL IN ALL. YOU deserve everything you're asking from me so I pray that I would give you anything with a willing heart knowing that you are GOOD and YOU ALONE satisfy...

Failure is not fatal...

2010-02-19T13:47:00.000-06:00

I have been joking with people lately about why in the world God would allow me to have 3 children and one on the way if He knew I have absolutely no wisdom in raising children. I asked the same thing a few years ago when my husband and I were struggling in our marriage. Why didn't God show me everything I needed to know before marriage. Now don't get me wrong I know most of my lack of knowledge is because I so proud that I thought I knew EVERYTHING. WOW. WOW. My Preacher says something to the effect of "The older I get the more I see that I really don't know anything." Isn't that the truth.

I have had a lot of friends lately talk to me about their own struggles in marriage. Some have said they just don't know what to do and they think the situation is hopeless. Really I do know how you feel. BUT, I'm starting to see that God allows us to fail in anything we do because that is the only time we will run to him and say we don't know what we are doing and we need His WISDOM. Think about it. Where do you run for advice before things get really bad? Me, 1st the Internet, 2nd a TV show, 3rd a book or magazine. And, some of these things MIGHT sometimes have a good tidbit here or there of advice, but that's it. OH, YEAH the big one. Our Girlfriends, Moms, Sisters, the lady at walmart... And, again some of the people in our life MIGHT really be Godly council. BUT, from where do we need to seek WISDOM and GUIDANCE? You already know... God's word and Prayer, but WHY are these always last resorts?

The Bible is filled with TRUTH for every situation... It is amazing that when we ask God He really does begin to give us wisdom liberally just like James says. I mean I have been reading stuff lately that I have read 1000 times and just now I'm gleaning parenting truths from passages that before I didn't even know could be applied to parenting. It is ridiculous now that I look back as ALL the things I have TRIED and now after just asking for God to give me wisdom He begins to show me all these wonderful TRUTHS. Not that I have arrived. Far from it. Just like in marriage. I thought that I knew what I was doing after God showed me from His word. BUT, God is showing me over and over and over how I have to be connected to the Vine and that I have to be walking in the Spirit. Carnal minds cannot understand Spiritual things. And no matter how far I think I have come my mind is very carnal and my heart deceitfully wicked.

Back to the topic at hand. I am so thankful that with God what He says is true. "AND WE KNOW that all things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are called according to HIS purpose." Who would have thought that my failures would bring for the righteousness of God?!?!?! Don't let your failure keep you down. I'm so thankful that David says in Psalms that GOD remembers that we are just dirt. Can you believe He takes dirt and make sons and daughters out of it?! Is my God amazing or WHAT?!

But, now to the hard part. Now that we know that failure is not fatal we have to have GRACE upon others. We have to allow our children to fail. We have to allow our spouses to fail. We have to allow our Spiritual leaders to fail. We all know the saying "People learn from their mistakes!" Let's give eachother a break and allow our failures to make us better. Give ourselves a break and don't allow our failures to hold us back. Let our failures show us just where God can give us wisdom and knowledge. To God be the Glory for our failures and successes. IF WE GLORY LET IT BE IN CHRIST JESUS...

The Man and the slave...

2010-02-18T10:09:00.000-06:00

I remember the day like it was yesterday... I was a slave on the selling block. I don't remember how long I had been there. It could have been days or years. I had had many owners before. I had been beaten, bruised, and used. I no longer had any value of my own. The sun was beaming down and I knew every one could see the dirt staining me. All those people just staring and laughing. I heard the comments "Who would want her." "Shouldn't they just throw her away." "What's the point of her life?" It was constant and I KNEW they were right. I had lost hope long before that it would ever be different. That would take a miracle...

One day that started out like all the rest I was standing in the Hot sun listening to the comments, wishing for death to relieve this shame and humiliation. All of sudden there was a commotion... A man walking up and everyone could tell that this man was not like the rest. He was good and pure and I don't know how I knew it, but I did. Something about this man was like no other. I watched Him with lowered eyes curious what He would do. Who was He looking for? The slaves with strength and grace? I was sure there were plenty up there who could meet His need whatever that might be, but I knew He would never even see me.

After a few minutes I just looked off and went to some other place in my mind. As I stood there unaware of what was going on around me I felt a hand on my chin lifting up my head. I had not been touched in that way for a long time. When people had touched me it was either harsh or forceful. This touch was gentle and kind. I looked up startled by this touch right into the eyes of the most amazing man I had ever seen. He smiled and turned to the rest of the stunned crowd that was watching and said I'll take this one. I didn't even know what He said because the words were so foreign. For a moment He left me there to go haggle for my price. I think the man in charge said the man could just have me, but this man refused. He said he wanted to pay the greatest price for me...

In a daze I went along with this man as he took my hand and led me to his home. He told me many things on the way. Things like I was no longer a slave. He said I had many brothers and sisters and that He would adopt me in his family. He told me that no matter what He would never leave me or forsake me. He said He would never abuse or use me. He said He loved me with an unconditional love that even He said I would never understand, but it was true anyway. As He talked He said "I really wanted you to listen and believe, because it would really make a difference." He seemed to always be telling me wonderful things.

As much as I wanted to believe these things I just knew it was too good to be true. So, I continued to think like a slave. I tried to earn his love, but I knew I never could. I ran away many times. On one of those times I had run back to the chains of slavery He came after me and this time things went terribly wrong. I had sold myself back to a horrible master. When the man came chasing after me this time the slave master said my freedom would cost more than the man could pay. The man would have pay with His life if he really wanted me to be free... To my shame and horror that is exactly what the man did. Right there in front of my eyes He gave His life for me. There I was FREE, but at such a GREAT PRICE. Why had my freedom cost His life. For three days I just sat there. Stunned by the actions of this man. Paralyzed by guilt. Then all of a sudden something too amazing to believe happened. The man who had laid down His life for me was standing in front of me. ALIVE AGAIN. Standing there with an outstretched hand. I would never be the same after that day.

Because of what He had done I now believed that He could do anything He said. I believed if He loved me then I must be worthy of more than slavery. I was convinced and I will never be the same again...

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life."

I Cor 6:20 "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

Romans 8:15 "For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby, we cry, Abba, FATHER."

Phil 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that He which began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Thank you Heavenly Father for the MAN who laid His life down to REDEEM me. I am unworthy!!!

The Learning never stops...

2010-02-17T13:18:00.000-06:00

I recently came to the realization that I desperately need the Lord's wisdom. I guess in the past my quiet time has been a hit or miss, do it when I can, get around to it kind of thing. BUT, as my family has gotten bigger and my children are outnumbering me I have come to the place in my walk with the Lord and I understand now what He means when He says "I am the vine and you are the branches". I have a tree in my yard and the limbs are kind of sickly. I don't know what made them that way, but I do know that they have to be removed. The are dead and not producing. But, the tree as a whole is fine. The other half of the tree seems to be doing quite well. As I have watched the tree God brought this verse to life for me.

Jesus said if the branches don't produce fruit they will be removed and thrown into the fire. I know that as His child he will not remove me and throw me in the fire, but I have no life apart from Him. I have to be connected. I have to receive His life giving flow. I need that flow daily. As a follower of Christ I know that I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me and I know that all truth comes from His word. I know that He is to be my first Love. I know that I need to spend time in prayer with Him daily. I haven't done those things faithfully so I have been like a branch that cannot receive what I need from the root. I have been disconnected. Thankfully God is so faithful to use whatever means necessary to draw me near Him once more.

As a Mom and Wife there is no better way to do that than for my home to be disrupted, dysfunctional or unpleasant. I am at the place now where I see that I can not do this on my own. I need wisdom that doesn't come from a book, tv, or the Internet. I need guidance, I need peace, I need patience, joy, love...

So, lately I have made my quiet time a priority. I have made praying a priority. I have begged for wisdom. I have pleaded for change (in me first), in my home... AND, I do not brag because as always God revealed my need and God drew me to Him. HE leads me in to all wisdom and truth. It is nothing I have done. Oh, He is faithful. James says if you lack wisdom ask of God and He will give it liberally.

I couldn't begin to share all that God has done in the last few days to answer those prayers, but He has been faithful to show me. The most important thing that He has shown me though is in Galatians where Paul speaks of the fruits of the Spirit. It goes on to say that we must walk in the Spirit. Well, we can't do that if we are not connected to the Spirit. I have prayed that He would show me what to do in each situation, but He can't do that if I am not walking in the Spirit.

So much of this parenting and marriage journey has been a teaching lesson for me. Learning a new way. Learning things about myself and trying to change those things. I always want to blame others when things aren't working, but again and again God shows me that "It's me O, Lord standing in the need of prayer."

I pray Lord that I would have a willing and teachable Spirit. I pray that for your Glory and not my own you would lead me in righteousness and teach me how to lead my children. You are so faithful and so good. I'm so thankful for the many things you have been showing me to implement in my home. I have had to only search for you and you have shown me the way. I'm sorry for my tendency to always want an answer to my problem instead of seeing my problem as a chance to seek YOU.

And for this reason...

2010-02-04T10:56:00.000-06:00

We must go through times of trial and tribulation. Why? Why I always ask am I going through this?! If GOD loves me... I know you know what I mean... Unless you are more spiritually mature than I am. If you are you know why. You know these times are not times of punishment or abandonment, but these are times of growth. It's taking me a while to understand.

When I was a much younger Christian I thought that God was punishing me for some wrong I had done. Now looking back I can see how the sin in my life then had natural consequences and just because I was now a christian did not mean I got away with my sin... You reap what you sew no matter who you are.

I guess at some point I "grew" out of that way of thinking... Don't get me wrong I know God disciplines those he loves, but he does not punish... But, for sometime now I have been in this cycle of thinking that if I served God and followed his commands then He owed me a life of ease and freedom from frustration and pain... I know it is sounds foolish to me too, but that's where I've been. I guess I overlooked all the wonderful people in my life who had experienced hardships. I guess I also overlooked the pain that my Savior endured on the cross... I mean the bible even says He was a man of many sorrows. Or what about the martyrs who have been murdered for their faith in Christ. Or the apostles who suffered and Paul who had many troubles that he said didn't even compare to the promise of heaven...

You get the picture... Recently God had revealed in my heart why he is allowing different hardships or trials or whatever you want to call them. And the amazing thing is I actually see it working to some extent I guess now that I know the reason I should be more open to this process. This morning as I was reading God showed me this verse. I have read it a thousand times, but I didn't really GET IT until now.

Romans 5:3-5 "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation produces patience; and patience, character; and experience, hope: and hope makes not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

He loves us too much to allow us to stay the way we were. I'm so thankful that God is faithful to complete the work that He started in me so long ago. I'm thankful that He knew this was going to be a long process and that He has been so patient with me. I'm thankful that the testing of my faith is making me stronger. I'm thankful that when I feel so weak that Jesus is so strong. I'm thankful that one day there will be no more pain and no more sorrow, but for now the pain and sorrow is doing a work in my heart that would not be done otherwise. To God be the Glory for the great things He has done.

God has also shown me that for me it's only when things get bad that I look up and seek God.

My Honey

2010-01-31T16:33:00.000-06:00

While I was gone with the kids my honey was working hard. He surprised me with new tile in both bathrooms, painted both bathrooms and bead board in the front. It was so beautiful. I am truly blessed with

such a sweet honey... But, He did not work alone. My In -laws helped with everything... They are so wonderful and I am so blessed. They also cleaned my fridge, microwave, and oven.

It's amazing to be so loved...

100 Random things about me...

2010-01-30T18:39:00.000-06:00

1. I love my family. I mean I love being a part of a family, I love the companionship. I love hanging out with my family, not just immediate, but my whole family.
2. I love holidays because I get to hang out with all of my family.
3. I love traditions... like pancakes on Sat...
4. I like cold weather clothes, but not cold weather...
5. I love living in Texas because one day it will be 30 outside and the next day it can be 75.
6. I really like my husband... I think He is probably the best man in the world and I'm not saying that because it's the right thing to say. I think He is really cool.
7. I like my kids alot most of the time, but even when their not being like able I love them more than I thought I ever could!!!
8. This should probably be #1, but... I really love the Lord. Sometimes I don't understand Him, but through it all He has been faithful to me. He loved me first and dragged me out of a pit so for that no matter what happens I will love Him.
9. I love Mexican food. Chips and salsa are my faves...
10. My best friend is 24, but she is so much more mature than I am at 32...
11. I love the color blue... any shade.
12. I love to be organized, but have not idea how to stay that way.
13. I have 5 junk drawers in my kitchen... You would think I could find better things to do with those drawers than keeping stuff I will never use?!?!?!
14. I love decorating shows so I can steal other peoples ideas because I have none of my own.
15. I hate kid's bday parties. I don't understand why I have to spend so much money on a bunch of decorations, plates, balloons, etc... that will just get trashed 2 hrs. later.
16. I throw away my kids toys when they get broken or lose pieces.
17. My favorite date night is dinner and a movie?! Nothing exciting..
18. Romantic gestures make me queasy...
19. My husbands jokes turn me on more than roses.
20. I love to laugh... sometimes when I'm not supposed to, sometimes way to loud, but I don't care.
21. I used to hate myself, but I'm really beginning to love the person God is making me.
22. I like my 32yr old body after 4 children. I'm not afraid of the light (if you know what I mean).
23. I love the feeling of security... with God, with Hubs...
24. I love a clean house, but I hate to clean... I don't mind to straighten, but I hate to deep clean.
25. Well, I could keep going, but I'm bored already and I'm sure you are too. SO, I am gonna stop at 25. I LOVE DIET COKE for the taste... What is wrong with me?????

Found what I was looking for...

2010-01-29T11:13:00.000-06:00

The kids and I just got back from Great Wolfe Lodge. We went with my aunt and my best friend and her daughter. It was a lot of fun for a couple of days. I was running on fumes before we left. It had been a very stressful few weeks at home and I was feeling very discouraged. I just wanted to get away. That is just what we did. We got away from it all and were able to play. BUT, as the days passed I began to long for HOME.

We ended up leaving a day early because of sickness. As we were walking out I saw a sign that said "A man can search the World for what he needs, only to find it when he returns HOME." I thought that was so very appropriate for how I was feeling. I wanted to get away from home so bad, but it only took a few days to begin longing for home... Maybe sometimes we have to be away to see how good Home really is.

Put to the test...

2010-01-22T10:23:00.000-06:00

"Count it all joy when you fall into various temptations; Knowing this that the testing of your Faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

Sometimes life is harder than I thought it would be. Since the day God stretched out his had to me in salvation He has been restoring the years that the locusts have eaten away. It has been a whirlwind of wonderful experiences with very little bad days or setbacks... I have to admit I have been spoiled by his wondrous goodness. I guess I just set myself up to think that the trials and tribulations that Jesus talked about didn't apply to me. I have to admit the last year has taken my faith by surprise. People I know would say that is one of my strong points. My faith is strong. I really believe the word and try to apply it everyday to my life. BUT, I know me. I know my struggles and fears. I know that my faith is strong only when my life is going according to my plans...

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you: but rejoice, inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy." I Pet 4:12-13

I guess it's easy to hear, see, and believe God when life is good and worry free. But, like Israel I wasn't closer to God because things were good. He was just a part of my life. So, I don't know if the this last year He has put my faith to the test because He wanted to prove me or because my heart was cold and calloused and it was time for brokenness?! I haven't responded the way I should. I basically went into a coma. I've been going through the motions. I have been hurt and disappointed and I guess I thought I would give God the silent treatment. On a much smaller scale I feel like Job must of felt. Little did we (Job and I) know all along when we were being righteous it was mostly outward. So, the last two weeks have brought me face to face with my desperate need for my Savior. I can't play games with Him anymore. I will never be able to out play him. I'm just so thankful that He is so patient. That his ways are not my ways. Because anyone else would have been done with me by now. I pray that this testing of my Faith will fan the flame upon the alter of my heart once again. It's been too long since there was a sacrifice there.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes life puts your faith to the test. Is it real or is it a mask that you wear?

I hear sermons in church all the time about the sin of the Lost... We all know what "those sins are". But, very seldom are we as christians really confronted with the much worse apostasy of our hearts. Like Gomer the adulterous wife of Hosea I am coming back to my husband, my first love, the lover of my soul. And, I realize that the hedge that has been set around me was for my own good. I know for now that nothing will make me happy or satisfy me except a close relationship with Jesus...

So it seems...

2010-01-07T11:01:00.000-06:00

that my lack of motivation has had a lot to do with staying up too late. I decided to start going to bed at my normal time again and would you believe that I feel 100% better. I don't feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I haven't been sitting on the couch bemoaning my life. It's amazing what a difference rest makes. Thankfully I'm feeling much better and it was all so simple to change...

Over-whelmed and Under-motivatied...

2010-01-04T13:02:00.000-06:00

I don't remember if I feel this way every year after the holidays or if it's especially strong this year... Being pregnant with 3 little ones and enduring the non-stop of the holidays was tiring. I took a few days off just to lay around in my pajamas, but I don't seem to much better for it. It's time to get back in the swing of things and I feel no motivation.

It's time to start home-schooling again. I think I'm already experiencing spring fever. I used to love winter, but now with children it's definitely hard not being able to go outside. The weather has been pretty cold here in Texas. Much more than in previous years. It is so beautiful from the window. I just long for those 70 degree days again.

I know this post probably sounds like a downer, but as I look around at all the things I NEED to do I'm feeling overwhelmed and under motivated. It's not a good combination. Maybe I need some coffee?!?!?!

A NEW Year...

2010-01-01T18:47:00.000-06:00

I love the reminder every year that we get a fresh start to be better than we were before. I try not to make resolutions just because it is the new year, but I love the idea of reflecting on your life and making a real effort to be better.

This New Year more than ever this idea of a new start has made me reflect on my relationship with Christ and how he gave me a new start. A new life. A new future. It has made me think about how God says "His mercy is NEW everyday." I love that. I'm thankful for my new start 12yrs ago. I am thankful for new mercies everyday. I'm thankful for a future and hope.

This year of 2010 I pray that as I reflect on all these things that I will be renewed. I pray that God will "search me and know me, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." I hope to more concerned with what God wants to change in me. I pray to be called a woman after God's heart, or as Sarah a holy woman.

No need to complain.

2009-12-18T16:19:00.000-06:00

Recently I have noticed that my daughter complains all the time. And as usual when I notice something irritating in one of my children I ask the question "where does she get that from?" I mean I am constantly telling all of them how thankful we should be for all that we have. We do devotionals on being thankful and grateful all the time. From my "perspective" I think she has a great life. From my "perspective" I think she has nothing to complain about.

As far as I am concerned my children have so much to be thankful for... Perspective is a funny thing. OF COURSE as I was thinking about this the whisper of the Holy Spirit came rushing in. OF COURSE He showed me how like most bad habits my children have accumulated in their short lives they learned this from the one they are around the most. OF COURSE He started to remind me of all the things I complain about.

This time though it was a little different. It wasn't a reprimand about complaining it was more of a question. The question I felt him ask was "When others hear me complain what do they think?" From others perspective do I have anything to complain about? What about the woman who can't have children? What would she think of my complaining about mine? What about the person who has less than I do? Would I have any right to complain? What am I saying about God's provision when I complain?

Maybe I should spend more time praying and less complaining. Maybe I'm really hurting my witness when I am complaining! Maybe I should take my own advice and be MORE Thankful. Maybe I should take a moment to count my blessings before I complain. Maybe I should see my life from others PERSPECTIVE. Because GOD has been good to me. God has met all my needs through CHRIST JESUS.

Being available...

2009-12-17T21:23:00.000-06:00

For years I have felt a burden to start a Storehouse ministry. Where people who want to get rid of stuff would donate their things (clothes, food, furniture...) to people who are in need. I never felt like the time was right, but this vision was always in the back of my mind. In the last year my family has had hard times just like everyone else. There have been times when things were pretty tight around here and although we have not been without we have had to sacrifice. It has really made me think about all the parents out there who must be so broken hearted when they look at their children and they don't have anything to give them.

There is a lot of suffering going on around me and I know that God has used this as well as our own struggles to propel me into action. Recently I have felt the burden that now is the time. I have so much going on with my family, but I think this is on of those things the Proverbs 31 woman would do. She takes care of the poor.

At first I was thinking really big. I was overwhelmed with all the what-ifs and not having the resources. I started praying "Ok, Lord, if this is what you want me to do then you have to make it happen. You have to provide." Little did I know that He had his own ideas. One day I said "Ok, what is your vision?" I mean I thought He was gonna come through with a building and really make this legit. But, it seems His answer was different for now anyway. I just started receiving all this stuff from people. Stuff that doesn't fit us. Stuff we can't use right now. And then COINCIDENTALLY people informed me of needs that they knew of?!?!? God began to show me that He would let me know WHEN there was a need and He would provide the things for that need, but I had to be available. I had to pay attention. I had to let the Lord lead me. BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM, not me.

He is AMAZING... I can't wait to see what God does next...

Christmas crafting...

2009-12-14T11:23:00.000-06:00

Listening to Christmas music and doing crafts. I love this time of Year!!!

Just thinking...

2009-12-12T21:18:00.000-06:00

I am so hardheaded. Why can't I just get it? I shake my head at myself, I can't imagine what the Lord does?! Let me start out by saying God is so faithful to me. I DO NOT deserve it, but yet He is...

He is trying to teach me to trust Him and Him alone. This is so hard for me. I always try to make things happen. As I was thinking of this tendency the Lord brought to my mind the children of Israel wondering around the desert. Everyday the Lord provided manna from heaven and everyday some would try to get too much or complain about God's provision. Their efforts to get to much always lead to nought when it would rot and be useless. I am like of them. God is providing for us "one day at a time". He has never once allowed us to beg as Psalm 37 talks about. Everyday there is just enough. BUT, everyday all I can think about is tomorrow and next week and two weeks from now. It's so funny because He was showing me how they would say everyday "Yeah, I know he provided today, but what if He doesn't come through in the morning!?" I feel like they must have felt... Out there in the wilderness with no food in sight just waiting on this invisible God to provide manna from heaven. I have never thought about this before. I used to say How could their faith be so small they saw all of God's miracles. Yet, I have seen plenty of God's miracles. Just like the children of Israel though I remember Egypt where there was plenty. Is Egypt better than this?! Lord, help me trust you! I don't want to doubt. Help my unbelief. Build my Faith. I'm thankful for the Word of God. There is so much comfort in knowing that no matter my situation there is someone in the Word of God who had to go through it before me and always God was Faithful. I don't want to fail this test.

How Great...

2009-12-11T21:43:00.000-06:00

Sometimes a miracle is such a small thing that you couldn't share it with someone else because they wouldn't see the wonder in it that you do. Sometimes an answer to your prayers is just a whisper back as if to say "I hear you..." I had one of those moments today when I really needed to know that He hears me. I know the Lord is trying to help me learn how to have a much more personal Faith in Him... I'm in a period in my life where I have learned that I can trust Him, but that I can not always be trusted. I think of the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac, and how really the test was could God trust Abraham. He saw that He could.

So, today I whispered a little prayer and tried with all my might not to try my old tricks of making things happen. Then it happened a phone call with a very ordinary invitation, but to me a whispered response to my heart. Yes, God hears my prayers. Yes, He cares about the small things too. Yes, He sees me trying and He provides. Because He is Jehovah Jirah "The Lord will provide". How Great is our God that He cares for each one of us and our situations.

Faithful...

2009-12-06T11:32:00.000-06:00

Today I was getting on to my son for something I had gotten on to him for about a hundred times already. I had this thought as I often do and I know probably every parent does "When is he gonna get this?" I've discovered that parenting is the hardest thing I have every done. Especially if your goal is "training them in the way they should go". I say especially because I am still being trained in the way I should go and I have no wisdom of my own. I have seen so many parents who have given up along the way and I really don't want to be one of those. But, I do understand. It is so hard to be diligent and to continue when you feel defeated. It is so hard when you feel like no one is listening or receiving the instructions. It's hard when you are trying to do your best and you feel resented and misunderstood by the people you love so much...

While all of these thoughts were playing in my head the soft voice of the Holy Spirit said "yes, I know how you feel!" Then he brought one of my favorite verses to mind. "Being confident of this very thing, that He which has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. " I am a work in progress and it has been a long time that God has been at this work in me. I have been stubborn and rebellious, BUT God has been faithful, kind, and patient to me along the way. He has been there to bring me back when I have turned my back on him. He has loved me enough to not give up on me when I made it seem impossible that I would ever get it. HE has done that for all of HIS children and we owe it to ours to be faithful and kind and understanding and patient. We should be willing to work hard when we are tired and discouraged, because Jesus Christ had done the same for us. We can not give up or be discouraged this is a War for their souls and just as God fights for us everyday we must fight for them. When I think of how much patience my heavenly Father has had with me it motivates me to continue. He is showing me the way by the way he has treated me...

being real

2009-12-03T17:02:00.000-06:00

I usually try to stay positive when writing on here or facebook. I just want to point to God and His faithfulness, but today I'm gonna share a weakness.

I think we have 3 pretty good kids, BUT they are certainly not perfect! Not that anybody is. I just want them to love Jesus and follow him with their whole hearts. I have known since before they were born that I was inadequate for this job, but God would lead us along the way. My weakness is thinking that wisdom to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord in just given. I read my bible on a regular basis. I try to lead them in righteousness. We're home-schooling for many reason, but mainly to keep them from the bad influence and lies of this world. BUT, with all of that said... they are humans with strong wills and sin natures. I need more than all the 12 step programs or time out or spanking... I need wisdom. I have to spend time in prayer for all my children and pray for direction for each one of them individually. I have to "train them in the way they should go" with much prayer... I can not be lazy about this area of my life.

Today I was feeling so defeated. Every time I turned around my oldest a girl was being sassy and I had "tried" everything to let her know that this wasn't going to be tolerated. I had to discipline her because she just kept talking back. Afterwards as I was holding her in my arms I began to pray quietly because I didn't know what to do at this point. I felt like I had talked her out... As I was praying I told the Lord that I just wanted to raise them for His glory and I just didn't seem to have a clue how to do that. I was praying for wisdom for her and asking for her heart to be devoted to him. I was begging him not to allow myself or my husband to ruin these children that He had placed in our care... "What do I need to do?" I cried. As always my faithful loving Father answered my sincere plea. He showed me how very little time she has had exclusively with us since her brothers have been born. How she needs that time with mom and dad. How she is crying out for attention and we had better answer that cry before it is too late. I made plans immediately for the boys to go to gma's by themselves and we're taking her to have some alone time tonight. I'm sooooooooo thankful that when I desperately need an answer my Father will always give me the right one. I need to be more diligent to pray for his light to guide me daily while I'm on this journey. I just love my God for being so faithful to allow me to get uncomfortable so that I will begin to seek Him. God is so Good.

Happy at Home

2009-12-01T17:49:00.000-06:00

It's 5:50pm and I have just finished mopping my kitchen floor. Dinner is in the oven as we speak. My children are playing together having a grand time. We have had an hour of exercise, walking around our neighborhood pond with another HS family (you know socializing). School went great today. My daughter is reading above her grade level. She is responding well to having Mom as teacher. I am blessed to be at home with all my children around me daily. I am blessed to pass on my faith to my children on a moment by moment basis. Just as scripture tells us to "tell our kids when we rise, when we walk by the way, and when we lay down to sleep." Truly I am happy at home, in a way that the world tells me I can not possibly be. God is Good and we are blessed.

I had to take a break from the post for a minute. It's 6:30 and they had a bath because the grandparents are coming for dinner on a school night!!! My house is fairly clean. Yes I have 3 children 5 and under. I would love to take credit for lots of wonderful things that are happening in our home and family, but I can't it is all God. His word teaching us, his Spirit leading us into a wonderful way of life. Home-school has been such a blessing in sooooo many ways and I am thankful to have this opportunity. It amazes me when I talk to others about how hectic their lives are and how little time they have away from school and home work. I am blessed every time I talk to a mom that has to work and how "unfulfilled" they seem to be. I am glad that God never allowed us to get into a situation where we had to figure out how to make it work for me to stay home. Alas, I am happy at home.

Feminine Modesty

2009-11-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

For a long time I feel like I have been in transition. I grew up thinking that my value and worth were completely based on looks. I felt confident in my looks and I dressed to make the best of what I had. When I became a Christian it was a new world to me. Even I knew that there was about to be a major overhaul in my life. It's been 13yrs now and I thought I had come so far in my walk. I thought I was getting close to the finish line of things that needed to be changed. I have been working on applying the Word to so many areas of my life. Not that I had arrived, I was just so much better than where I started. Wow. Little did I know that all that other stuff had all been surface stuff. I mean God and I had done some work, but it hadn't really reach the deeper layers.

After becoming a mom 5 years ago to a beautiful daughter, I realized I didn't want her to be like me. I did not want her to find her identity in her looks or clothes... So, thus began the work of the Holy Spirit in this area of dress. I began to be burdened about not feeling and being feminine... Man is that a process. There was a time in my life when I really thought feminine meant showing your body. Well, I really couldn't have her doing that now could I. I knew enough to know she was going to grow up and dress like me, because I had grown up to dress just like my mom... So, first I started wearing more dresses and such... Then I stumbled upon "Above Rubies" and other websites that were taking this issue so much further. Then I picked up my bible and said ok what do you have to say about this?! Well, needless to say what I saw in the pages of God's word did not reflect the women in my church or any women I knew. In fact to the women in my church you would have to be one of those "other" denominations if you had long hair or wore longer skirts. Anyways, I'm getting off the subject I just really didn't have anyone to show me the way... Then the word Modest came in to my vocab... What exactly did that mean?! I mean I was trying really hard not to "show anything". Wow, now God is telling me not to draw attention to myself?! Well, I was more than willing to dress more feminine and even show less skin, and just be more mindful of my dress, all the while being very fashionable. I even thought to myself I can be an example of modesty and fashion at the same time... Thus exposing my MAIN problem VANITY. When I read I Peter 3 and 1 Tim 2 and I saw the words modesty, sobriety, and shamefacedness I knew that could not be good. Then he goes on to talk about accessories (I LOVE ACCESSORIES), and hair, costly array. That is just going to far... Then He goes on to say that we should adorn ourselves with Good works if we profess Godliness. OH MY GOODNESS. To tell the truth that is where I have been stuck for the last few months. Seeing the situation of my heart. That I after all this time still found my worth and value in looks and clothes. That I still do not see my worth in Christ alone. I just read a great article on "Jesus is my Pearl" blog that showed me alot of what I am writing now... Things I could not admit to myself. What will my family think? What will my husband think if I go all the way. This is my cross right now, because I can see that I am holding on to my identity instead of holding on to Christ...

Well, that's enough self-reflection for now... I have to sit and meditate on all of this and pray for God to change my heart and help me become obedient... But, one last thought, the more I have embraced God's ways the more free I feel. I know to some they will assume this is about legalism and all that, but really it's about finding my identity in Christ and being free from years of bondage...

Update...

2009-11-05T17:47:00.000-06:00

Well, I haven't been blogging in a while so there have been some changes in my life. Life is full and we are happy and healthy. Everyone is growing and changing.

My "baby" is now 16mos. old and doing the toddler thing. It's funny I never get tired of watching a little one learn about the world. It is so fascinating. He is nothing like the other two. He is fearless, outgoing, and FUNNY. I love watching all my children with each other... I guess it is a good thing that he is growing up, because we are expecting blessing #4 in May. We have 1 girl and 2 boys, so big sis is hoping for lil sis... It would be wonderful to have another little girl, but we will be happy with another rough-houser too.

My oldest is 5 and she started school this year. We decided through much prayer that home-school would be best for our family and it has been AWESOME. This I will have to document elsewhere, but I will say here that I love having her home with me. This is what I envisioned life should be like...

My middle is about to turn 4 and all of the sudden he has developed a real passion for football. That's all he thinks about. He tackles everybody, but mostly his little helpless brother. It's amazing how much they have all changed in a year. I love watching them all develop their own personalities, likes, and dislikes.

Well, that's enough for now I guess. I'm thankful for Family, love, and life... God is Good, Faithful, and True...

What I can do for You...

2009-07-27T14:44:00.001-05:00

Is never really what I want to do for You (I mean me).

I don't have a lot of time... I have 3 small children and I'm trying to be a "helpmate" to my Honey... I often lament over not having the time to do anything "special" for the Lord. One day as I was mulling over the list of things I can't do for the Lord like:

I can't go downtown and feed the homeless. I can't write a book telling all my wisdom (tongue in cheek). I can't start (lead) a bible study. I can't go over seas and do missions. AND on and on this list could go.

The Lord spoke to my heart and said there are MANY things I CAN do FOR HIM that I overlook daily.

I have a niece who is a single mom with an 8mo. old that needs someone to watch Him for little to nothing. WWJD? I could make a few meals for the lady down the street who just had knee surgery. WWJD? I have a friend going through a divorce leaving no extra money who needs someone to watch her children when she goes to the Dr. WWJD? I KNOW this list could go forever because there are countless ways to show the Love of Christ, but the point is these are things that I don't want to do. They are things that take sacrifice and have little earthly reward. So, again I see the true state of my heart. Which is "deceitfully wicked above all things."

What the Lord wants us to do everyday is look for the people that need help (REAL HELP) and do something for them to show that He loves them and cares for them. Then we will be doing something "special" for Jesus.

Complaining

2009-07-27T10:11:00.000-05:00

I guess the biggest thing that I struggle with is my tongue... Proverbs says death and life are in the power of the tongue and as I have become a wife and mother I have seen the truth of this statement. I probably wouldn't have the time or space here for all the lessons God has tried to teach me through interactions with my children. There are times though when this space helps me meditate on something He has shown me, like a diary of sorts.

Today in my devotional I read Philippians 2:14-15 "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and HARMLESS, children of God without fault."
I am known as a person who says whats on my mind. In a past life this was considered a virtue. Now, it's really a curse in so many ways. One of my favorite passages about wives is I Peter 3:4 where it says that "a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price." Proverbs has a lot to say about the tongue but on of my favorites that applies to motherhood is Prov 31:26 "...in her tongue is the LAW of kindness." I used to say well that's just who I am, (God forbid) I would even say this is the way He made me, BUT I have since come to see how much of what we learn in scripture has to be applied to our lives with a very healthy dose of Self-control.

It's funny because I think about how much I try to be Christlike to people I barely know or pass by on the street all the while I treat my family terribly. I would never treat stranger the way I treat my children. Although they can sometimes bring out the absolute worst in us it was not intended to be that way. We are supposed to exhibit the attributes of Christ to our family first and then our brothers and sisters in Christ. Why is it that I treat them the worst could it be that I have misunderstood the teachings of my Savior?! Have I misunderstood what Good Works He was talking about. Am I focused on the outside acts or on God changing me from the inside.

Back to the verse I read today... I complain about everything, I whine and complain and then I wonder why my kids do the same thing. I'm so thankful for the word picture that God gives me through my children. I may never get it if it weren't for seeing my children and then seeing myself the way God must see me. I love them so much and I try so hard to do what is best for them, but they don't want whats best and they complain.

I could go on for a while, but I won't I will just work on not complaining and disputing. I will work on having self-control and not making excuses for myself. I will work on not expecting perfection from others and mediocre from myself. I will work on "Rejoicing always" and being thankful in all things. I want to be blameless and harmless (to my family especially), and it may take a lifetime, but I am going to work on it everyday.

Thankful...

2009-07-26T13:45:00.000-05:00

I'm so thankful to be home. I'm thankful for a husband who sees my purpose in being at home. Sometimes I take it for granted, but this last week has brought this thought to the forefront of my mind. There are reasons too numerous to count, but the one at the top of my list this week is being at home with sick kids... My youngest son who is one came down with a BAD case of Strep... Now I'm not saying that I love being at home with sick kids. It's actually about the worst thing ever, BUT when my children are sick all they want is Mommy. I can't imagine not being there to take care of them, to hold them, to soothe away the tears. Since this is my profession I don't have to worry about how long I'm home from work or losing income... All I have to do is take care of my children just the way I can remember wishing my working Mom could take care of me when I was sick... This hard week also makes me so much more thankful for the weeks that go by without trouble... I love being at home with my children. I love my husband and I love being there to support him. I love not missing anything about my kids growing up. I love watching them learn new things. I love being home everyday and I'm so thankful.

"Behold the Lamb of God..."

2009-04-18T12:45:00.001-05:00

Philippians 2

"Fulfill you my joy, that you be likeminded, having the same love, be in one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not everyman on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God thought it not robbery to be equal to God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in the fashion of a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in the earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue shall confess that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD, to the Glory of God the Father."

It's in my "human" nature to boast in all kinds of things. I boast about my awesome husband, my beautiful children, my charmed life. When I cook something halfway decent I boast about that. When I've lost a few pounds and my jeans are fitting pretty good I boast about that. It makes me feel good to boast about things going well in my life. And when things aren't going so well it's in my "human" nature to complain about that... When my kids are sick I complain, when my hair just won't do right, when I burnt the biscuits... you get the hint. But, lately God is showing how much my conversations are about "ME" and how very little they are about "Jesus".

God's word says The Spirit bears witness of Jesus.
When John was questioned about who he was he said "I was sent to bear witness of the Light."
John said "I must decrease and He must increase."
When John saw Jesus coming he said to the crowd "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world." Drawing the attention away from himself to Jesus.

Paul said "Yeah without a doubt, I count all thing loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ."

Lord, let me boast in you. Help me to be more like you so that when people see me they see you. Help me decrease so that you can increase."

Why is it so easy???

2009-03-18T13:01:00.000-05:00

To point fingers, place blame, forget our vows, and break the covenant we made with our spouse and God?

I have a friend who is going through a separation. Although I believe with all of my heart that God is going to intervene in this situation it makes me reflect on the tendency to throw away our marriages like so much trash. Where has our loyalty gone, where has our concern gone for our children? Why is it so easy to walk away?

Marriage is a Covenant (an oath, solemn contract made between God and man) whose terms are dictated by God.

Matthew 19:5-6 Jesus says "For this cause shall a man leave Father and Mother, and cleave (be joined) to His wife; and They two shall be one flesh. Therefore they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."

That verse should serve as a WARNING to people. Remember we made an oath to the Almighty "FOR BETTER OR WORSE". The terms specified and dictated by God. What this world says is okay behavior doesn't apply to His children. Why do we think God overlooks our sin and gives a get out of marriage free pass. We are fooling ourselves. And like so many other sins the consequences of divorce are devastating and undeniable.

Let me say this LOUD and CLEAR. I don't care how amicable your divorce is. I don't care what reason you give. Remember it takes two and because Jesus has forgiven me for EVERYTHING I too can forgive ANYTHING. I don't care how well-adjusted your children seem... There are ALWAYS consequences to Divorce. One study says that children who have had a parent die are much more emotionally healthy than the children of divorce. Believe me I know I am a adult child of Divorce.

Even if you don't believe in Divorce and you just have an attitude of unforgiveness and bitterness you are in sin. Jesus said if you go to give your gift at the alter and remember your brother has aught against you leave your gift and go make it right with your brother. We are so self-righteous. We need to go back and take a good look at the words of our Savior. He said they will know you're my disciples if you LOVE one another. No greater Love hath any man than that He lays down His life for His friends. We say we are Christ Followers, but we can't love and forgive our spouses. How dare we preach to the rest of the world... I know this sounds pretty harsh, but you can be sure that God showed me myself FIRST. My heart is deceitfully wicked above all else and I have a tendency to justify my sin and cling to the wrongs done to me. We have to get rid of our self-righteousness and learn how to LOVE. Because Christianity is not about Good works it's about LOVE.

Must Haves

2009-02-26T22:17:00.000-06:00

It's been a wonderful week here in Texas. This is one of my favorite things about living here. You never know what the weather will be like. It has been sunny and 80 for the last 3 days. So, needless to say "we" have been outside as much as possible. Watching the kids play got me to thinking...

With all the gizmo's and gadgets out there you would think that kids aren't happy without a bunch of "stuff", BUT as I have seen this week there really aren't that many things you can't live without except:

1. Dirt or Sand
2. Water
3. Sunshine
4. Bubbles
5. Imagination
6. Plastic bowls and spoons for making mud pies...

These things are the things that can really bring joy to our kids. They have hours of fun with the most basic things. I love my kids they really put life into perspective. I know people who never go outside, never let their kids get dirty, and spend hundreds on games, movies, and toys. I think it's time to unplug and get dirty. Get some vitamin D. It's beginning to look alot like SPRING. Yeah!!!

Tribute to my Husband...

2009-02-10T12:30:00.000-06:00

Valentines Day is fast approaching and I am anticipating the same questions I get every year. "What did you get or where did you go or what did you do for V-day."

Well, I really don't like V-day. I don't want my Honey to spend his time fretting over the ways He could show his love to me.

So, as I was thinking about all this an idea came to me. I want my Honey to know that one day a year means nothing, flowers are nice, but they die. Jewelry is beautiful, but really who can afford that right now. Chocolate goes straight to my hips. I want my Honey to know that there are a million ways He shows His love to me everyday...

1. He makes me laugh when I want to cry.
2. He still thinks I'm beautiful, even though I don't look like I did before the kids.
3. He talks to me about things that are weighing on His mind.
4. He loves our children.
5. He works hard EVERYDAY to provide for us.
6. He gives up things that He wants (money, boat, new clothes, etc...) for all of us.
7. He still kisses me like He did at the alter.
8. He cuts me a break when everything isn't done.
9. He orders Pizza sometimes just because.
10. He lets me sleep late or take a nap when I really need it.

These are just a few of the wonderful ways my Knight in Regular Clothes shows me everyday that He loves me. I couldn't imagine my life without His everyday kind of love.

It's me?!

2009-02-09T11:05:00.000-06:00

When I was younger and people would ask "the question, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was always the same. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I wanted to make a home. It was something that I didn't have when I was young. My Mom was a working mom and she was always tired. It seemed to me that my brother and I were more of an accessory than a legacy. We moved alot due to not having any money. I never had the same friends or went to same schools for long. The only traditions we had were at Christmas and Thanksgiving. I know it sounds like I'm whining, but I'm not I'm just trying to give some background. I don't regret any of that, because it has made me the Wife and Mom I am today.

Anyway, as I grew older and making half-hearted efforts to pursue a degree and "career", people would ask what do you want to do? My answer was the same. I would tell them I'm just wasting time until I get married and start my family. I knew this is what I was supposed to do. Even though I didn't become a Christian until I was 19 I knew I was meant to be a mother with a house full of children. As the years went by people continued to ask because there was not even a marriage prospect around. I was 25, living at home with my parents, working for minimum wage waiting for prince charming. Even I could see how I looked to others. As if I had no drive or ambition, but I knew God would give me the desires of my heart. I had decided not to waste the money to go to school when there was nothing I really wanted to do. I know some would say how lazy or worthless, but I know better, I was staying true to my dreams. I remember even ladies in my church who said things like being a wife and mom were not enough, you needed something more to make you fulfilled. I was dismayed at such comments, but I just trusted the Lord. I prayed for my husband all the time and then one day it happened. I knew He was the one. I'm one of those silly romantics who really believe there's just one and that I have his rib. This year we will be celebrating Six years of marriage and so far we have 3 children under 5. I'm glad I didn't listen to all those people because I would've wasted alot of time and money since I'm making a home here for my family every day...

Although I knew that I was meant to have a large family my DH is another story. I believe that God is the opener and closer of the womb and I have always wanted to leave everything up to him. I want to receive every "blessing" He wants to give us. For my husband this has all been a long journey for him. I just prayed that the Lord would change his heart. Between our 2nd and 3rd He wanted us to use protection so I submitted to his authority and silently prayed for him. After a while I began to tell the Lord "I know you want this for us, why aren't you changing his heart."
I remember one day I was crying out in my prayer time and all of the sudden an answer came. It was a revelation about my husband and probably most men. God began to show me how I was the problem. It wasn't that my DH didn't want more children it was my attitude. Even though I was staying at home because I chose to, I was buying into the lies around me.

God began to show me that this is my profession, but I was treating it like a hobby. Only doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

I was always mad about something. Complaining about something the kids had done. The house was always a wreck. Proverbs talks about the "virtuous" woman. That word actually means able. Wow. I want to be seen as ABLE. Able to do all that God has called me to do. If I had been my own employee then I definitely would have fired me or at the very least not given me any more work. The bible says that when you faithful with little you will be given more. No wonder my DH didn't want anymore children. I was not faithful with the little I had already. I was always looking at life only seeing how everything affected me. I was so me focused and it was turning my husband off.

After that I started paying attention to my attitude about everything. I don't want to be the reason we miss out on "blessings". I began to do my best instead of just getting by. I quit listening to excuses about having 2 small children. I quit bemoaning lack of sleep and no me time. I quit holding back and I jumped in to full time giving to my family and it has made a HUGE difference in our life. I started to see just how much Power I have, whether I use it for good or bad is up to me. I quit listening to the lies of this world. I have also been praying for contentment. I know that another reason that my DH doesn't want more children right now is money. We have a 3 bedroom house with 3 kids. I have no problem with kids sharing rooms, but DH is another story. In the last few years I have learned how to be much more frugal with our $. I have learned to be thankful and content with what my DH provides for us. I believe that if we as women will be content and affirm our husbands they will not work themselves to death to try to keep up with everyone around them. I have seen a big difference in my husband since I just let go of my vision of the "American Dream" and just starting loving my life.

I don't want "IT" to be me anymore. I want to be found faithful. Thank you, Lord for showing me me!!!

The Big Sin...

2009-01-30T15:53:00.000-06:00

I took my 7mo. old to the Dr. today because He is sick... That goes without saying right?! Not anymore. Maybe I'm the only one, but I usually only take my kids to the DR. when they are sick. We have good insurance so that's not why. I'm just old-fashioned I guess.

Anyway, I'm sitting there with the Dr. telling her my sons symptoms when she looks up from her chart and says "Do you realize I haven't seen him for a check-up?" To which I reply yes I do. She then looks down again and Oh No here it comes, She realizes I'm the "ONE" who doesn't give my kids shots. Wow, I'm in serious trouble now. So, for the hundredth time (seriously) since I became a mother 4 1/2 yrs ago I have to hear a Dr. tell me about immunizations. I left one Dr. already because she just wouldn't stop nagging me about it. I have made up my mind. You don't have to agree with me, but last I checked it is still my choice. I feel like someone is going to call CPS on me every time I go to the DR. This is getting CRAZY... And as for the checkups. I know how He is growing. He is my third I know what developments to look for. If there were a problem I would not hesitate to get him the best care possible, BUT if it ain't broke don't fix it!!!

What do poor people do, what do people do who have 10 kids? I know they can't be taking their kids to the Dr. every time they turn around. What about all of us who grew up never going to the Dr. unless you were dying or something was broken??? I know alot of people disagree with me, but they are MY children, MY choices, and I "thought" my freedom! When they pass a law which I'm sure they will because REALLY it's ALL about $$$ anyway, and I have no choice I will do what they tell me too. But, for now I'm not giving my kids shots for illnesses they don't have and may never have. I will put my hope, trust, and faith in JEHOVAH RAPHA because He is the ONE WHO HEALS.

Feeling Peculiar...

2009-01-28T15:23:00.000-06:00

Titus 2:11-14 "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Savior Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."

It's one thing to feel peculiar in this world, that's to be expected. Things like modesty, un-family planning, submission to husbands all seem crazy to the world. Putting others first including your family is a mortal sin in this humanistic society. The notion that God is the opener and closer of the womb is barbaric. The idea that ALL life is precious and worthy of our time, energy, and effort is outdated. Picking up your cross, bearing others burdens, sacrifice, service all these commands ignored. We live in a world that says You are your own boss (god). My will be done. My pleasure is the most important thing. My life is about me. I'm gonna get all I can and step on anyone who gets in my way even if it's my spouse, children, or elderly parents. There is no denying the world we live in lives by these very same values. That's nothing new, but what really makes me sad is that as "christians" we have bought into all of this. We no longer follow Christ's example. We've become the like the world. The salt has lost it's flavor. It's sad, but there are few that would follow the whole council. There are a remnant of women sold out to the call of God. I feel a kidred spirit with so many online. I know God is calling us to raise a generation of Peculiar people to bring Honor and Glory to His Name. May we be found worthy. Thank you for sharing your lives with people like me who feel alone even in church. You give me the courage to continue searching for Truth.