Thursday, October 28, 2010

Do you ever...

Have those days when you forget to remember how blessed you are? There are a lot of places in the scriptures where God tells someone to write down the things that He has done so they could go back and see how He had worked in their behalf. WHY? Because He knows how forgetful we are. He has been showing me this lately usually through my daughter.

Everyday I try to let my children have some kind of treat or special thing. Sometimes even two treats... For some reason my daughter is the one who is always coming to ask me for something else. Maybe because she of all my children is the most like me. I have to remind her of the other things she has had that day and explain that's why she can't have what she wants at that point. I try to explain why too many treats is not a good idea, but alas she is a child and she really doesn't get it. Do you ever do that with the Lord. Do you ever have a prayer request that is the MOST important thing in your world and then He answers and you forget? The gratitude over that answered prayer so short lived that you come back moments later with what is the next "NEED" in your life. I'm sure if you're a mom you know how much you want to make your kids happy, but sometimes you just wish they didn't want so much or would just be content for a little bit?! Sometimes I have to tell her "Don't ask me for anything else today"... It's when I have said those words that I am reminded of how much I ask my heavenly Father. I'm not talking about serious stuff like friends/family salvation or sickness... I'm talking about my wants that really mean nothing.

When I stop and think about all that I have been given I'm shamed about how much I focus on me. I'm embarrassed that I spend so much time praying and whining about what I don't have when there are so many who really need an answered prayer. I'm glad that the Lord has been revealing this to me in this way because it really hit home. I'm spoiled and loved and overwhelmed with the goodness of the Lord. Every Good gift comes down from the Father... May I begin to remember all His good gifts instead of wasting time thinking of what I want next.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Crazy, Happy, Love...

Oh, two year old boy...
with your cute chubby cheeks,
and big brown eyes.

You smile is contagious,
but your scream is outrageous...

I love the way you sing at the top of your lungs,
and how you give the biggest of hugs...

You make me so tired I just wanna cry,
but without you I know I would surely die.

I know in the end God will use your strong will,
but for now you just might wanna chill.

This is an Ode to my 3rd born child... A more dilightful soul I may not have met, but He can strike terror into the hearts of his family... He knows every word to every song He has heard. He smiles and laughs at the simplest things, but screams bloody murder if something doesn't go his way. I'm not really sure what to do with him. He has no fear and doesn't care about discipline. He was named after Caleb in the bible. Caleb was a warrior for God who had no fear and stood firm on the promises of God. I can only hope and pray that my Caleb will one day live up to that legacy... C.R.G. May you be a WARRIOR for the LORD!!!

You make me CRAZY, and HAPPY, and I LOVE YOU!!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Finding Time and believing lies...

Today I was a ranting raving crazy Momma. By the middle of the day I thought I really better get out of here before I messed things up good. Of course I thought it was the kids, or the house, or homeschooling. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and thinking maybe I was the wrong person for the job. All I could see was a messy house, a crying baby, a screaming toddler and two big kids running around doing nothing productive!!!

The thing is that is the exact opposite of what I want for my life. I truly desire to be all that God wants me to be and I want to do it with a cheerful disposition. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I'm striving to learn and grow and become. I feel like the caterpillar inside the cocoon. Wrestling, twisting, and turning. Wanting to go forward to the new, but feeling so comfortable with the old. When will I become that butterfly???

So, today as I'm "thinking" only negative thoughts about myself and my life I received an email that talked about the enemies mission against a child of God. IF you belong to God then satan has no power over your soul or your eternity, but He does have the power to come against you in other ways. His greatest weapon is discouragement. He whispers those little lies that say you will never make it. You will never become what God wants you to be. You're doing a terrible job so why don't you give up. For me personally the enemy tells me that if I didn't have all these kids or if I didn't home school I would be able to do more. I would have more time if I didn't have so much going on... He tells me I just don't have enough time to do it all... All these negative thoughts all day feeding on my resolve and courage to push on.

After reading the email about thoughts and the enemies attack I "thought" or better yet God whispered to my heart that has been the problem today... I have been believing the lies all day. So, now I need to change my thinking... I need to start thinking on things that are pure and true and right... if there be any virtue or praise think on these things. I need to start listening to the Voice of Truth... because HE says "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." I have to stop believing the lies...

That's not all though God began to show me that I have time for what I want to do. I have time to spend on facebook or email. My time is precious and there isn't a lot of it so I need to really prioritize it. I also need to be more organized and proactive with my time even if that means writing a schedule out and sticking to it throughout the day. BUT, I cannot believe the lie that I don't have enough time in the day. I have to start a task and finish it so that I'm not looking around at a bunch of half done things all day. I know that I will feel more productive and encouraged when I have folded AND put up the laundry or when I have washed/dried AND put up the dishes... BUT, it's TIME to stop feeding on lies. This is my life and I love it. I know that things in the future will be harder even still than where I am now so I must take this time to learn and grow for the future!!!

Lord please help me to see every opportunity to become what you want me to be. Help me to call upon your NAME when I am feeling troubled. Help me listen to you and not my enemy... Thank you Lord for all the work you have done in my life!!! I love you!!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Love is...

Remember the comic strip "Love Is..." Love was always some action that you could do. I'm sure that they got this from God's Word. I Corinthinians 14... The famous love chapter as I've heard it called.

Love suffers long, and love is kind;
love does not envy,
love does not brag on itself,
love is not arrogant.
Love does not behave itself rudely,
love does not seek it's own way,
love is not easily angered,
and love thinks no evil.
Love does not rejoice in iniquity,
but it rejoices in TRUTH.
Love bears ALL things, endures ALL things,
hopes ALL things.
LOVE NEVER FAILS.
"Greater Love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13
Real Love is Jesus laying down his life for us. Real love is while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Real love goes FAR above and beyond what is required. Real love hurts. Real love requires sacrifice and surrender. Love is an action. Love is a decision. Real love is not something you and I are capable on our own. Real love is something that takes lots of practice so we are given lots of opportunities to express Real love.
As a mom and wife I am learning that there is always a choice. Will I love my family this time? What about this time or the next time??? Love is patient, love is kind... Have I been that today? If not then I have not loved. Have I been easily angered? Do I keep records for the wrong done unto me (even by my children)? Then I have not loved!!! I promise they know the difference between when I have loved and when I have not... If we say we have loved God, but do not love others then we have lied... (james)
Love covers a multitude of sins (done to us). The only way we can love like this is with the Spirit of God because... "God is LOVE", but even then love is not something that comes natural to us. We have to cultivate a spirit of love. We have to water it and weed it and grow love strong in our lives. We have to take every opportunity to share love with those around us especially our family. This is our ministry from God as wives. Love is our calling as the of children of God.
All you need is LOVE. Please help me to LOVE like you do Lord, because I'm no good at this. Help me to love beyond what I feel at any given moment!!!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Growing Weary...

Gal 6:9-10 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, IF we faint not. and as we have the opportunity, let us do good unto all men, ESPECIALLY unto them who are of the household of faith."

It's hard to not grow weary sometimes. As I think about all that needs to be done I get overwhelmed. Not just school, laundry, dishes... but more importantly love, compassion, kindness, gentleness, attention... Growing my children up in the faith is a long, hard journey. Especially difficult for me because I have so far to go in this journey myself. Sometimes I get frustrated and tired I know everybody does.

As I was reading this verse I saw something I hadn't seen before... "let us not"... Yeah as with most things this is a choice. I know some circumstances are impossible (not mine), but God says that His grace is sufficient. He has given us everything we need in Christ Jesus through his Spirit to endure and not faint. We can be filled daily with what we need for that day. We can "rejoice, and again I say rejoice", we can have the "joy of the Lord as our strength". BUT, the choice is up to us. I really hate that. I want it all to be easy and for God to do everything for me.

Another thing that really spoke to me about this verse is that is says when I have the opportunity I should "choose" to do well to ALL people, especially to those in the household of faith. Well, for me that "household of faith" are the small people in this household. WoW. I have a lot of opportunities to do well and not grow weary, but how many times do I react in the flesh and not the spirit. How many times do I choose to get frustrated, impatient, unkind... As a mother I have countless opportunities to share the faith with these my disciples. Do I look for times during the day when I can "Do Good"?

Making the choice to not grow weary is a hard one, but we have the promise of God that we will reap in due season those good things we have sewn. We will have the chance one day to see the beautiful fruit growing in our children's lives. Thank you Lord that you have given us all we need in Christ and that you promise to reward us for doing well. Thank you for also showing me that choosing to do well also makes me happy. I'm not really good at this yet, but I pray you will continue to work on me and not grow weary!!!

Monday, August 30, 2010

My New Motto...

My new motto is "we make it work"... I've had a few people ask me lately how do you do it... It being home-school two kiddos with a toddler and a new baby? How do the kids learn what they need to, how do the dishes and the laundry get done, how do the baby and the two year old get the attention they need? Well, the truth is I really don't know! I am amazed at the end of the day how we got it done and how my kids actually did learn something... But, WE MAKE IT WORK...

When we're having bible time and the babies crying... we make it work.
When we're doing phonics and toddles screaming... we make it work.
When I'm trying not to cry and someone makes me laugh... we make it work.
When I think we've accomplished nothing that day and they shock me with something they learned... we made it work...

It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. I love all of it. I love teaching my children. I am so proud of them and myself at the end of the day. I think of those two little ones and how much they will learn by sitting around the table with big bro and sis. I know it's all worth it and I'm happy because "We make it work". I'm thankful for all these lessons in patience!!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

One of the things I love...

About my man is his wonderful sense of humor. I have ALWAYS loved how funny he is... From the beginning he has had me laughing and thankfully that has not stopped, but now as we embark on this road of raising children I even more amazed by this gift. Humor in the home is a must to me. Whether I'm laughing at myself or at something kids have done it lightens the mood and brings a sense of belonging to the family. My husband and I have special secret jokes that nobody gets when we're not alone (I'm sure you do too). He makes me laugh when things get really hard and all I wanna do is cry. Or he makes me laugh so I will stop crying... Anyway, it is something that I have always found attractive and endearing about him, but I am starting to see it as practical or even essential to our home. He makes the kids laugh and helps them to cultivate their own sense of humor. He lightens their loads with his humor. And, now that we have a daughter that's getting older He makes her laugh when He wants her to stop crying. He even uses humor when he is disciplining the children and it works... I don't know how he does it, but he stays as cool as a cucumber and turns the situation around. I'm so thankful that God gave me this amazing man who has such a wonderful sense of humor because it really helps me to slow down and enjoy this life a lot more than I would!!! I love that man!!!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What works for me...

Like every other Mom I know I have read a lot of books trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do... You know the ones. They tell you don't rock your baby, don't nurse them down or do anything that you will have to break later. The books that say just lay them down when they are sleepy, but not asleep then they will learn how to soothe themselves to sleep. I don't know about every other Mom in the world, but after 4 babies and ABSOLUTELY no luck with that approach I have given up. All that approach has ever done for me is make bedtime a nightmare and after hearing them cry their eyes out and work themselves into a fit I pick them up and soothe them to sleep myself. I wouldn't even worry about it except you get advice from your Pediatrician to your mother to random people on the street. They make you think you will forever ruin your child if you don't do everything the way the book says...

Then God forbid if you let the baby sleep with you... I don't know if this started out of desperation to get some sleep or laziness or just because deep down I really love having the baby sleeping beside me, but it started and it has worked for us. We have been very blessed that each of our children have moved without much effort to their beds around 18mos. BUT, this is something you really have to be careful about sharing with people because they go crazy about this!!! Not that I care I'm pretty outspoken, but I feel sorry for other people who have to defend themselves.

Oh, and I LOVE the books that say that your baby will probably love some time alone swinging or just sitting by the window. I have not had one child yet that loved time by themselves until they were bigger... This time I didn't even get the baby swing and bouncer out. Why?!?!? Because I would be tempted to use it and then get frustrated with my baby because he wouldn't stay in it for more than 5 minutes. Now I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if all my children have been high need or if really babies were made to just want to be with their mommy, but that stuff hasn't worked for me...

The pacifier??? I have tried that one every time... I would love for my baby to use a pass so I didn't have to be the pacifier... BUT, again failure. They have learned the difference pretty quick...

So, what works for me and has worked with each one of my babies is having almost constant physical contact with my baby. THANKFULLY I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom so this works for me. I don't really have to be anywhere except here taking care of my children and that's how I like it. What has worked for me is soothing my baby to sleep myself. Sometimes rocking, singing, but always nursing!!! What has worked is having the baby sleep right beside me and we sleep really well. No trying to get him back to sleep at night because he never fully wakes up and I don't either!!! What works for me and has been the best investment I have ever made is a Ring Sling. I can have him close to me all the time which is what He wants and I can have my hands free to get housework done or schoolwork with the kids... It's just like having him in my belly now it's just on my belly. What works for me is not trying to force the pacifier on him, but responding to his needs even if that means it's not time to eat yet. Right or wrong this has been what works for me. Every time I start out trying to do it by the book, but my babies have had other plans. So, now I just wish I didn't have to feel guilty because other people think I'm doing it all wrong... I'm sure next time I will try it all again, but this is what has worked for me!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Like HIM...

Do you ever think about how the here and now is preparing you for the future? Or are you like me and just muddle through complaining about the inconveniences of life?

Do you ever realize when God is giving you a perfect opportunity to practice what you preach in front of your children??

Recently I had a chance to "show" my daughter what I've been telling her for a long time. I try to teach her about how we should treat people. How we should love them unconditionally and how we should care about them in real ways like Jesus would. We are the hands and the feet of Christ. The problem is that I am not very good at this myself especially if it inconviences me or makes me uncomfortable. BUT, God is showing me you can never teach anything you do not do yourself.

I confess that I need to practice compassion and understanding alot more than I do. I confess that I need to practice patience and kindness alot more than I do. I read a post from someone the other day that reminded me that we have been given all the gifts of the Holy Spirit when we received Christ so now we just have to use them. I confess that I need to die to myself because I don't want to be bothered by other peoples issues. I know that sounds terrible and I almost don't want to admit that for fear that of what some might think, but it's true I really don't want to be bothered. It is in realizing this that I find great comfort in the FACT that my Savior is nothing like me. He makes it plain that He wants us to bring ALL of our cares to Him. It is in seeing this that I realize how wonderful my Savior is and that He is asking me to be like him and love people the way He does.

Anyway, the other day someone needed some love from me, but I was busy and I didn't want to be bothered. As I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes knowing that this person was upset and needed comfort the Lord spoke to my heart "This is a chance to be like me. This is the time to show your daughter how I love people." My heart was convicted, but I still didn't move to do anything. Then you know how God is when He wants to get a point across... Here comes my daughter and she said "Mom, I need to tell you something. " Then she whispered in my ear that this person was upset and crying... Then she just stood there looking at me waiting to see what I was gonna do. Now before you think I'm totally heartless this was at 5:15pm and we had people coming for dinner at 5:30. With 3 kids and a new baby you can imagine what my house looked like. I had just got the call at 4:45 that we were having company over. So, I had to make a decision would I worry about the temporal things or the eternal things? Here is my beautiful kind hearted daughter waiting to see me put my words into practice. When Jesus said we should be like children He was so right. Their hearts are so much softer than ours. Well, as you can plainly see God got his point across. So, I went and hopefully was a comfort to someone in need.

It wasn't until later that God began to show me that He is using every opportunity to prepare me for the future. Recently my husband was ordained into the ministry. He has been a Youth Pastor for many years and we know that God has used all of those years to prepare us for something in the future. This is not a brag by any means, but there have been many people that tell him one day they know God is going to make Him a pastor. He has a heart for people and He can share the word in such a wonderful way. I truly believe He is anointed and that God will use Him mightily. BUT, what would that make me one day??? Unless the Lord takes me home and gives him a more worthy replacement?! That is a joke!!! So, now is my time to prepare and learn and take every chance to be like Jesus. We should no matter our vocation do what we are called to do and that is Love one another!!! In real ways that go beyond ourselves. May God continue to grow me and make me more like His Son Jesus.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Will this spoil him???

I'm sitting on the couch with the baby in my lap. It has never ceased to amaze me how wonderfully he sleeps when I am holding him. He is so peaceful, so beautiful. I know the time will go by so quickly and he will be grown before I know it. So, I hold him in my arms instead of putting him in the bed. While I look around at a house that looks like a tornado came through it. I know there is so much to do... dishes, laundry, etc. And, there is that voice telling me "You're gonna spoil him". The same one that tells me each night not to hold him so close to me in bed. I should put him back in his bed. BUT, I LIKE to hold him, and I LIKE to sleep beside him. I LOVE watching him as he sleeps in my arm. AND, I know how quickly this time will pass.

I know there are things that need to be done, but as I look around this world I see far too many kids that aren't held enough and no one has time for them. The dishes will be there later, the laundry will still be there later. But, I want my kids to know that they were loved. That mommy was in love with each one of them. I'm sorry but I can't let him cry himself to sleep so if he wants to sleep next to me so be it. Pretty soon I won't be able to pay him for a kiss because he'll be too old for that. So, I'm just gonna enjoy each one of them where they are right now. If I am accused of bad parenting let it be because I gave them to much attention!!!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Update...

No, I'm not dead... Although sometimes I feel like the walking dead!!! HAHA !!!

Well, we are doing really good. The baby came right on time. He is beautiful. Everybody has adjusted very well to having a new baby in the house which always makes mom feel good. My two year old love his new little brother and thinks that he should be able to hold him all day and kiss him!!! We have had the occasional discipline problem, but that's to be expected.

We are off for the summer, but I think we will still do school a few days a week so that we don't forget anything!!! I love Home-school. There is so much freedom!!!

I am anxious to get into some kind of routine again, but that will come I guess. I'm just a creature of habit so I find comfort in doing the same things at the same time everyday. Not to mention being able to get out and grocery shop for myself. But, I also need to sit back and enjoy these weeks at home because I will never have them again with this little guy. Time goes by so quickly...

For whoever said that too many kids plays havoc on a marriage, I would like to say they are wrong. By God's grace we are closer than we have ever been. He has been so helpful and attentive after this our fourth child has come. I am so thankful for my husband!!!

Well, that's all I have time for for now... I hope to be back soon!!!

Monday, April 5, 2010

New Life...

Well, I'm at 33 weeks. You know this is about the time you're ready for this to be OVER!!! I love pregnancy. I think for the most part it's a wonderful, beautiful experience. Right up until about now when I begin to think this just might go on forever and I wonder if my body will always feel like this. Thank the Lord this is not my first go round so I KNOW that all of this is passing!!! And forgotten two seconds after holding that sweet new life in my arms. The longing for this newest little person is intense. Especially after two of my close friends have recently given birth. I don't even want to hold their babies because I know it will be unbearable waiting for Andrew to come. They are so beautiful though.

I love every stage of life so far. I love my "big" kids and watching them learn and form their own personalities and minds. I love watching my almost 2 years old walk and talk and sing. I enjoy watching them take in the world for the first time. I love being a mother. BUT, there is something remarkable about holding that new little life in your arms for the first time. Something so rewarding about them being so totally dependent upon me for the first few months. Something amazing about being the most important thing in the world to that small little person. I have missed that. I can't wait for this new little person to come meet us all. I am so blessed to be able to bear life. To be a Mother is so intensely amazing. To be a Mother and to have such beautiful moments with my little people is more than I could ever have imagined. I am so thankful for God's grace. I am thankful to be a woman, to bear life in my flesh, to feed from my body, to nourish their spirits and souls. What a privilege, what an honor.

So, I wait patiently enjoying the time that I have before 3 turns to 4. Waiting in anticipation to see how this new life fits into this family. Waiting until that moment when I can't remember what life was like without Andrew. Blessed beyond measure. I wait with aching back and sore feet knowing that SOON it will not even be a memory because my long awaited treasure will be here in my arms...

Thank you Lord for allowing ME to be Jordan, Isaiah, Caleb, and Andrews mother. Thank you for allowing me to live this life. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love. Thank you that your mercy endures forever and I am proof!!! I love you!!!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The difference...

Some days around here are better than others. Not just for me, but for the kids as well. I am 32 weeks pregnant. My feet hurt and my back aches. My nerves are raw and I have little patience. Sounds like the set-up for disaster... I've been getting up in the morning and having quiet time with the Lord. He is making me ever more aware that He is the Vine and I am the branch... "IF I abide in HIM I will bear much fruit." BUT, if not I will kill the fruit.

There are those days though that I think I'm way too tired and deserve to lay in the bed for an extra hour or two. Thinking foolishly that if I get more rest that I will be able to face the day in better form. Forgetting of COURSE that if I was walking in the SPIRIT that I would be able to face anything today. AND, that the fruit of His Spirit is just what my family actually needs from me... Love, Joy, Peace, Gentleness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Patience and Self-Control... These are the things that make the difference to ME AND THEM. Not more rest. More time with my Father.

On this day when I decided that sleep was so much more important I have managed to treat my children like a nuisance instead of a blessing. What a miracle I have growing inside of me. What precious treasures I have in front of me... Lord, help me to not forget that you MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN ME... AND, they the little people You have given me are the most important "thing" I have. Don't let me go my own way or lean on my own understanding. You can be my rest. You can be my strength, You can be my joy. They need me to be filled with you...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Good Gifts...

"And He gave some, apostles; and some prophets; and some evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; FOR the perfecting of the saints, FOR the WORK of the ministry, FOR the edifying (building up) of the body of CHRIST: Till we all come in unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a MATURE man, unto the measure of stature of the fullness of Christ." Eph 4:11-13

It's so amazing to me how life somehow lines up with what I am reading in the Word. We are planning a Women's Event at our church and it takes so many different people with so many diverse talents to make this thing come together. The are the Speakers that bring the message and because they will be the ones that are seen it's easy to assume that they did all the work. BUT, God in His infinite wisdom knows that none of us can do everything. AND, He did not create us to do so. I love that Paul says that when we are saved He gives us all gifts that are different from one another. None of these gifts are for our own good or glory, but for the building up of the church and for God's glory.

Just the Women's event has shown me how necessary every gift is. There are some people who are good at organizing, some that are good at decorating, some that are wonderful with children. With each person fulfilling their role and bringing their gift for use to build up the church we will have an amazing day that will bring glory to God. Every gift that each person has is just as important as another.

I love that Paul says that we are all members of one body and that each body part should be content and not try to be another body part. Where would we be without the hands and feet? Ask yourself which body part would you rather be without?! I'm not sure about you, but I want them all and I want them to perform the function they were meant to perform. If we all focus not on what others are doing, but what gift God has gifted us with and do everything "heartily as unto the Lord" we could do so much more for Christ. I noticed at the end of those verses how it talked about when we become one mature man in Christ is only after we become unified in faith and the knowledge of the Son of God. That reminds me of Philippians 1 that Christ should be our example "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. LET THIS MIND BE IN YOU WHICH WAS ALSO IN CHRIST JESUS."

It doesn't matter what your gift is God has given it to you to bring glory to HIM. You are important in the body of Christ. You fulfill a place that no one else can fulfill. "Every GOOD gift and every perfect gift came down from the Father of Lights." Don't forget the one who made you made you just the way He did to fulfill a purpose no one else can fulfill and if no one else sees be assured that God sees and He has promised us that we will receive a reward in Heaven.

Heavenly Father I pray that you would be glorified and magnified. Your word says when we magnify JESUS he will draw all men unto him. To magnify Jesus we have to say like John "He must increase, and I must decrease." I pray that I would decrease so that people can not see me, but the Son of God who lives in me. Only then can you use me to bring people to YOU." I pray that YOU will be BIG on that day. Blow our minds...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Abundant...

Well, the weather is beautiful here in Texas. Everyone in my family is well and now life is back to our normal. I haven't had much time to write, because life is so full right now. I am so thankful to say though that we are abounding with blessings. I am so thankful to God for HIS word. I feel more peace in EVERYTHING than I have ever felt before and I can only attribute that to walking closer with Christ. I can't say that circumstances have changed dramatically, but I can say that God has answered some important prayers for me so I know that He will answer the big ones as well.

I just wanted to take a moment to say how faithful my God has been to me. I am so thankful that He has drawn me near to His side. I am thankful that when we are IN CHRIST we can have hope, peace, joy, patience, self-control, goodness, meekness... LOVE for our family is just an overflow when we are abiding IN CHRIST... To God be the glory!!!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Light Affictions

Sometimes the Ways and Whys of God are a complete mystery we just have to trust in the perfect Will of God and we have to trust in His Goodness. Sometimes we have to hear what Paul heard "MY Grace is sufficient for You: for MY strength is made perfect in your weakness." 2 Cor 12:9. Sometimes we might think life is too hard or too painful, or too something... Our adversary doesn't have to throw too much at us for us to start believing that God is not there, does not care, is not good. Look at the children of Israel, after all they had seen and "such a great salvation" from Egypt, miracles OUR eyes have never seen. It only took them THREE days of being thirsty to believe God had left them. EVEN though the cloud by day was still there and the fire by night was still there. It doesn't take much...

But, sometimes God shows us a little something of what He is up to. A little morsel to keep us from going off the deep end. I thank God that I have had one of those times lately. I can't say that I have always been faithful to pray and read. I love God's word, but I have been very hit or miss with my quite time and my prayer life has been non-existent. Lately however something has changed for me. I have recognized my complete and utter dependence upon the Lord. So, I have been up in the morning praying and reading and taking God at His word that whatsoever I ask in Jesus name He will give to me. I believe that means if we ask anything that is IN the WILL of GOD. And, my requests have been for the betterment of my Family so I KNOW He will answer those... Somehow though things started to get worse instead of better. I began to get discouraged. Another tactic of the enemy...

This time though instead of giving up I went to the Lord with my honest heart. I told him how I felt (in reverence). I cried and told him what I saw with my eyes and that I was disheartened. I told Him I would continue to seek Him even in this time and that I would choose to praise Him, because I know He is Good and He deserves my praise. Before I was done praying this prayer something AMAZING happened. My Husband walked in the room and got down on His knee and began to pray with me. He began to pray for our family as the Spiritual leader and authority of our Home. Earlier when I had been reading my bible the Lord had shown me something that began to make since right at that moment.

2 Cor 4:14-18 "Knowing that He which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you. For ALL THINGS ARE FOR YOUR SAKES, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many abound to the Glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."

What the Lord was showing me was that all the time God is working in me, but sometimes the afflictions I go through are not just for me, but for others sakes. Sometimes God is working in the lives of those around us and He uses us to get their attention. One of the things that my husband said in is prayer is "I don't know if this is about me, but if it is I GET IT." Exactly what that verse I had read this morning had said to me.

Thank you Heavenly Father for a beautiful Husband with a soft heart. Thank you so much for loving me with an eternal LOVE that is CRAZY. I remember where I was and who I was before You brought me out of the deep pit. It is amazing to me that YOU the creator care so much about me that you would give me your time and meet me every time I come to meet with you... You are WAY beyond my understanding. The more time I spend trying to figure you out the more lost in You I get. I say with David "What is man that you are mindful of Him?"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Building strong muscles...

I was reading this morning in Proverbs 24:10 "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." I have also been praying Proverbs 31 every morning asking God to make me a Virtuous Woman... One of the verses says "She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. Another says "Strength and honor are her clothing..." Like I said I've been praying these verses every morning lately... But, instead of feeling stronger I have been feeling weaker... Funny how the Lord works.

I'm not going to get into the situations and circumstances that have contributed to this because I would only be trying to win your sympathy and some of you are not at the same stage in life so you might not even understand... BUT, I believe you do understand no matter where you are being tired, discouraged, weak, and maybe feelings of not having enough of you to go around...

Anyways, today I was mulling over that verse in my head as I feel like I'm about to drop dead from emotional and physical exhaustion. "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." Over and again I repeat that to myself... Man my strength must be pretty darn small if I'm fainting at this. Then I started to pray to the Lord. I love the verse that says the Spirit makes intercession for us because we don't even know what to pray for. There have been times in my life where I pray something thinking that it was my own thought only to a few minutes later realize that God put that prayer there because He was about to show me something... I love those times because I KNOW that He cares for my little stuff and I KNOW that He understands and I KNOW that He will be my strength when I am just too weak... I love Him so...

So, I'm praying Lord, you know I've been praying for strength and I know that I have to go through all this stuff so that you can make me stronger, but Lord I feel weaker. AND then He said the craziest thing to my heart. He said "Beloved, you only feel weaker, but YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU USED TO BE." Then He gave me a mental picture of how physical exercise feels like it's making us more tired, but it's not it is actually giving us more energy. Physical exercise makes our muscles hurt at first, but only because they are getting stronger. We would never endure anything if we never exorcised and so it is with God. I have been praying to be stronger and feeling weaker, but this is all necessary for me to have the strength to endure what ever comes my way next. This time of weakness is making me stronger for next time. When I am weak, He is strong. The Joy of the Lord is my Strength.

Thank you Lord for being faithful to answer our prayers even when we don't see that you are. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Your WAYS so much higher than mine. Your WAY of doing things is PERFECT, and my understanding is so limited, but YOU are so kind that sometimes you will even explain to your child, your servant, your creation what you are doing... Thank you that when I am in the refining fire you are sitting there intently watching me so I am not destroyed by the heat. Thank you Lord that you will not allow me to stay the way I am. YOU are AMAZING... I am undone in your presence...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Making Home made play-do...

One reason I love home-schooling is because I get to watch ALL (ages) of my children together doing things they thoroughly enjoy... Right now they are in the kitchen making home made play-do, even the 19month old. They are talking to each other and laughing and making messes. I am truly blessed and it's moments like these that make it all worth while. They love using the real bowls, and the real spoons. I really like these three little people I think I will definitely keep 'em...

And, if you're wondering if we ever get any work done I promise we do that just comes later!!!


Monday, February 22, 2010

All uphill...

Do you ever feel like parenting is an uphill battle? Imagine yourself at the bottom of the hill with you're sword panting and groaning trying to fight the enemy knowing you have half the energy that they do. You're down there getting hit with rocks that are being thrown from the top by miniature warriors that are laughing the whole time. It's not even like you're enemy (in this case your children) really hate you or anything, they are just fighting you for the simple fact that they find great joy in resisting authority.

As I write this I'm thinking about my beautiful daughter... She is my first born. I know this little warrior has a heart for the Lord. She loves to do what is right for Jesus, BUT with Mom it is a different story. I can see her little face with twinkle in her eye and mischief in her mind when she's looking up at me as I reprimand her about something. Oh, she's trying so hard not to smile, but it's not working. As I talk I see her mind working and her thoughts saying "Mission Control, I think we're wearing her down. Continue with the attack." She is almost more gorgeous when she is driving me crazy than when she is obeying all my commands?!?!? What is that? Then there are the two little boys, I don't even really know what to say about these too. I know I am lost when I look at them!!!

I think thoughts like "Will they EVER get this?" or "This is too hard, it would just be easier to let them do what they want."

Then I read verses like "Train up a child in the WAY, they should go and WHEN THEY ARE OLD THEY WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT." Ok, as a parent that can bring encouragement or great discouragement depending which part you focus on... I just want the they will not depart from it part and I want it right now. AND, then I think of the daunting task of training them up in righteousness and how many lessons that is going to take. I mean look how big the bible is. There are lessons on obedience, truthfulness, kindness, love, patience, self control... need I go on?! It will take a life time to teach all this stuff!!! And, if they resist you at every turn even longer. And, then there is the constant reminding of the things you already went over!!! Yeah I think uphill battle would summarize what I see before me...

BUT, then the Holy Spirit in HIS wonderful faithfulness and loving way reminds me that He has to do the same thing with me. He reminds me that being conformed to His will is going to take a lifetime, but He will never get too weary to correct me. He encourages me that He knew from the beginning that it was going to take a lifetime to perfect me and that I wouldn't be ALL that He desired for me to be until I get to Heaven, and that HE is okay with that. He is going to do the job anyway diligently and faithfully and patiently. He knows that I really don't want to do things His way, but He is so proud of me when I choose His way anyway. He reminds me that I am selfish and disobedient alot of times and even though He may have shown me something 1000 times I still forget. He tells me no matter what behavior I display He will never forsake me or give up on me. Because love ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS ENDURES...LOVE NEVER FAILS. That's really the issue. Do we love our children with the LOVE that God loves us? DO WE??? I ask myself again Do I love my own children like God loves me? Is my Heavenly Father my Model???

In Sync...

Last night I was watching the Couples Figure Skating and I was blown away by the couple from the US. They were so in tuned to one another you could see that they had spent alot of time together practicing their routine. They knew exactly what the other person was going to do and some of the moves that they did you would have to have COMPLETE TRUST in the other person to do.

As I sat there I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. As you may know He has been impressing upon my heart the absolute NEED for me to be connected to the vine. The need to be FILLED with His SPIRIT. The NEED to DIE to my flesh. He is showing me continually through triumphs and failures that "I can do ALL things through Christ" and "I can do nothing apart from Him".

My question to myself last night was how much time do they (the skaters) spend together to be that In-sync? How many times does the girl have to be thrown in the air and caught before she gets to the point that there in no fear in her? How well do they have to know each other to be able to anticipate what the other person in going to do? How do you learn to TRUST someone else that much?

I'm sure you know where this is going... We can't spend one day a week at church and think we have a relationship with Christ. I can't spend 10 minutes every couple of days reading the bible and praying and think that I know the mind of Christ. God has a lot to say to us through His word. I have to spend time digging into it so that I can KNOW what He would have me do in any situation. I have to have few hundred practices with Jesus before I learn to TRUST Him completely that He will never let me FALL. I have to have been in scary situations to learn that I have nothing to fear in Christ. I read this morning about Jesus sending the Comforter who would be with us continually and lead us into all TRUTH. I have to spend time with the comforter to be comforted and I have to spend time with Him to be lead into all truth.

If it was Jesus's normal custom to go apart and pray and commune with His Father shouldn't it be mine. In Romans 12 it says " Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Paul was talking to Followers of Christ, not the lost. He was saying that it is a continual process to have our minds renewed. I have to spend time with Jesus to be IN-SYNC with Him. I have to spend time with Him to know HIS WAYS. I know some may be thinking OKAY Angela why is this so hard for you to understand?!?!? WE KNOW THIS, but I guess that I feel like I have been walking in the flesh for a while thinking that just because I was a follower of Christ that I was FOLLOWING CHRIST. My arrogance and my pride and being deceived and blinded has caused some problems in my home and I don't want that to happen anymore. So, I realize that I HAVE to spend QUALITY TIME with Jesus and m y bible to change me and my way of thinking.

Lord, please continue to show me my need to be transformed and that your work is no where near done. I pray that you would help me fall in love with you so that it is not an obligation, but a date when we get together... Please fan the flame of my love for you and be my ALL IN ALL. YOU deserve everything you're asking from me so I pray that I would give you anything with a willing heart knowing that you are GOOD and YOU ALONE satisfy...

Friday, February 19, 2010

Failure is not fatal...

I have been joking with people lately about why in the world God would allow me to have 3 children and one on the way if He knew I have absolutely no wisdom in raising children. I asked the same thing a few years ago when my husband and I were struggling in our marriage. Why didn't God show me everything I needed to know before marriage. Now don't get me wrong I know most of my lack of knowledge is because I so proud that I thought I knew EVERYTHING. WOW. WOW. My Preacher says something to the effect of "The older I get the more I see that I really don't know anything." Isn't that the truth.

I have had a lot of friends lately talk to me about their own struggles in marriage. Some have said they just don't know what to do and they think the situation is hopeless. Really I do know how you feel. BUT, I'm starting to see that God allows us to fail in anything we do because that is the only time we will run to him and say we don't know what we are doing and we need His WISDOM. Think about it. Where do you run for advice before things get really bad? Me, 1st the Internet, 2nd a TV show, 3rd a book or magazine. And, some of these things MIGHT sometimes have a good tidbit here or there of advice, but that's it. OH, YEAH the big one. Our Girlfriends, Moms, Sisters, the lady at walmart... And, again some of the people in our life MIGHT really be Godly council. BUT, from where do we need to seek WISDOM and GUIDANCE? You already know... God's word and Prayer, but WHY are these always last resorts?

The Bible is filled with TRUTH for every situation... It is amazing that when we ask God He really does begin to give us wisdom liberally just like James says. I mean I have been reading stuff lately that I have read 1000 times and just now I'm gleaning parenting truths from passages that before I didn't even know could be applied to parenting. It is ridiculous now that I look back as ALL the things I have TRIED and now after just asking for God to give me wisdom He begins to show me all these wonderful TRUTHS. Not that I have arrived. Far from it. Just like in marriage. I thought that I knew what I was doing after God showed me from His word. BUT, God is showing me over and over and over how I have to be connected to the Vine and that I have to be walking in the Spirit. Carnal minds cannot understand Spiritual things. And no matter how far I think I have come my mind is very carnal and my heart deceitfully wicked.

Back to the topic at hand. I am so thankful that with God what He says is true. "AND WE KNOW that all things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are called according to HIS purpose." Who would have thought that my failures would bring for the righteousness of God?!?!?! Don't let your failure keep you down. I'm so thankful that David says in Psalms that GOD remembers that we are just dirt. Can you believe He takes dirt and make sons and daughters out of it?! Is my God amazing or WHAT?!

But, now to the hard part. Now that we know that failure is not fatal we have to have GRACE upon others. We have to allow our children to fail. We have to allow our spouses to fail. We have to allow our Spiritual leaders to fail. We all know the saying "People learn from their mistakes!" Let's give eachother a break and allow our failures to make us better. Give ourselves a break and don't allow our failures to hold us back. Let our failures show us just where God can give us wisdom and knowledge. To God be the Glory for our failures and successes. IF WE GLORY LET IT BE IN CHRIST JESUS...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Man and the slave...

I remember the day like it was yesterday... I was a slave on the selling block. I don't remember how long I had been there. It could have been days or years. I had had many owners before. I had been beaten, bruised, and used. I no longer had any value of my own. The sun was beaming down and I knew every one could see the dirt staining me. All those people just staring and laughing. I heard the comments "Who would want her." "Shouldn't they just throw her away." "What's the point of her life?" It was constant and I KNEW they were right. I had lost hope long before that it would ever be different. That would take a miracle...

One day that started out like all the rest I was standing in the Hot sun listening to the comments, wishing for death to relieve this shame and humiliation. All of sudden there was a commotion... A man walking up and everyone could tell that this man was not like the rest. He was good and pure and I don't know how I knew it, but I did. Something about this man was like no other. I watched Him with lowered eyes curious what He would do. Who was He looking for? The slaves with strength and grace? I was sure there were plenty up there who could meet His need whatever that might be, but I knew He would never even see me.

After a few minutes I just looked off and went to some other place in my mind. As I stood there unaware of what was going on around me I felt a hand on my chin lifting up my head. I had not been touched in that way for a long time. When people had touched me it was either harsh or forceful. This touch was gentle and kind. I looked up startled by this touch right into the eyes of the most amazing man I had ever seen. He smiled and turned to the rest of the stunned crowd that was watching and said I'll take this one. I didn't even know what He said because the words were so foreign. For a moment He left me there to go haggle for my price. I think the man in charge said the man could just have me, but this man refused. He said he wanted to pay the greatest price for me...

In a daze I went along with this man as he took my hand and led me to his home. He told me many things on the way. Things like I was no longer a slave. He said I had many brothers and sisters and that He would adopt me in his family. He told me that no matter what He would never leave me or forsake me. He said He would never abuse or use me. He said He loved me with an unconditional love that even He said I would never understand, but it was true anyway. As He talked He said "I really wanted you to listen and believe, because it would really make a difference." He seemed to always be telling me wonderful things.

As much as I wanted to believe these things I just knew it was too good to be true. So, I continued to think like a slave. I tried to earn his love, but I knew I never could. I ran away many times. On one of those times I had run back to the chains of slavery He came after me and this time things went terribly wrong. I had sold myself back to a horrible master. When the man came chasing after me this time the slave master said my freedom would cost more than the man could pay. The man would have pay with His life if he really wanted me to be free... To my shame and horror that is exactly what the man did. Right there in front of my eyes He gave His life for me. There I was FREE, but at such a GREAT PRICE. Why had my freedom cost His life. For three days I just sat there. Stunned by the actions of this man. Paralyzed by guilt. Then all of a sudden something too amazing to believe happened. The man who had laid down His life for me was standing in front of me. ALIVE AGAIN. Standing there with an outstretched hand. I would never be the same after that day.

Because of what He had done I now believed that He could do anything He said. I believed if He loved me then I must be worthy of more than slavery. I was convinced and I will never be the same again...

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life."

I Cor 6:20 "For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

Romans 8:15 "For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby, we cry, Abba, FATHER."

Phil 1:6 "Being confident of this very thing, that He which began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Thank you Heavenly Father for the MAN who laid His life down to REDEEM me. I am unworthy!!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Learning never stops...

I recently came to the realization that I desperately need the Lord's wisdom. I guess in the past my quiet time has been a hit or miss, do it when I can, get around to it kind of thing. BUT, as my family has gotten bigger and my children are outnumbering me I have come to the place in my walk with the Lord and I understand now what He means when He says "I am the vine and you are the branches". I have a tree in my yard and the limbs are kind of sickly. I don't know what made them that way, but I do know that they have to be removed. The are dead and not producing. But, the tree as a whole is fine. The other half of the tree seems to be doing quite well. As I have watched the tree God brought this verse to life for me.

Jesus said if the branches don't produce fruit they will be removed and thrown into the fire. I know that as His child he will not remove me and throw me in the fire, but I have no life apart from Him. I have to be connected. I have to receive His life giving flow. I need that flow daily. As a follower of Christ I know that I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me and I know that all truth comes from His word. I know that He is to be my first Love. I know that I need to spend time in prayer with Him daily. I haven't done those things faithfully so I have been like a branch that cannot receive what I need from the root. I have been disconnected. Thankfully God is so faithful to use whatever means necessary to draw me near Him once more.

As a Mom and Wife there is no better way to do that than for my home to be disrupted, dysfunctional or unpleasant. I am at the place now where I see that I can not do this on my own. I need wisdom that doesn't come from a book, tv, or the Internet. I need guidance, I need peace, I need patience, joy, love...

So, lately I have made my quiet time a priority. I have made praying a priority. I have begged for wisdom. I have pleaded for change (in me first), in my home... AND, I do not brag because as always God revealed my need and God drew me to Him. HE leads me in to all wisdom and truth. It is nothing I have done. Oh, He is faithful. James says if you lack wisdom ask of God and He will give it liberally.

I couldn't begin to share all that God has done in the last few days to answer those prayers, but He has been faithful to show me. The most important thing that He has shown me though is in Galatians where Paul speaks of the fruits of the Spirit. It goes on to say that we must walk in the Spirit. Well, we can't do that if we are not connected to the Spirit. I have prayed that He would show me what to do in each situation, but He can't do that if I am not walking in the Spirit.

So much of this parenting and marriage journey has been a teaching lesson for me. Learning a new way. Learning things about myself and trying to change those things. I always want to blame others when things aren't working, but again and again God shows me that "It's me O, Lord standing in the need of prayer."

I pray Lord that I would have a willing and teachable Spirit. I pray that for your Glory and not my own you would lead me in righteousness and teach me how to lead my children. You are so faithful and so good. I'm so thankful for the many things you have been showing me to implement in my home. I have had to only search for you and you have shown me the way. I'm sorry for my tendency to always want an answer to my problem instead of seeing my problem as a chance to seek YOU.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

And for this reason...

We must go through times of trial and tribulation. Why? Why I always ask am I going through this?! If GOD loves me... I know you know what I mean... Unless you are more spiritually mature than I am. If you are you know why. You know these times are not times of punishment or abandonment, but these are times of growth. It's taking me a while to understand.

When I was a much younger Christian I thought that God was punishing me for some wrong I had done. Now looking back I can see how the sin in my life then had natural consequences and just because I was now a christian did not mean I got away with my sin... You reap what you sew no matter who you are.

I guess at some point I "grew" out of that way of thinking... Don't get me wrong I know God disciplines those he loves, but he does not punish... But, for sometime now I have been in this cycle of thinking that if I served God and followed his commands then He owed me a life of ease and freedom from frustration and pain... I know it is sounds foolish to me too, but that's where I've been. I guess I overlooked all the wonderful people in my life who had experienced hardships. I guess I also overlooked the pain that my Savior endured on the cross... I mean the bible even says He was a man of many sorrows. Or what about the martyrs who have been murdered for their faith in Christ. Or the apostles who suffered and Paul who had many troubles that he said didn't even compare to the promise of heaven...

You get the picture... Recently God had revealed in my heart why he is allowing different hardships or trials or whatever you want to call them. And the amazing thing is I actually see it working to some extent I guess now that I know the reason I should be more open to this process. This morning as I was reading God showed me this verse. I have read it a thousand times, but I didn't really GET IT until now.

Romans 5:3-5 "And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation produces patience; and patience, character; and experience, hope: and hope makes not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

He loves us too much to allow us to stay the way we were. I'm so thankful that God is faithful to complete the work that He started in me so long ago. I'm thankful that He knew this was going to be a long process and that He has been so patient with me. I'm thankful that the testing of my faith is making me stronger. I'm thankful that when I feel so weak that Jesus is so strong. I'm thankful that one day there will be no more pain and no more sorrow, but for now the pain and sorrow is doing a work in my heart that would not be done otherwise. To God be the Glory for the great things He has done.

God has also shown me that for me it's only when things get bad that I look up and seek God.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

My Honey

While I was gone with the kids my honey was working hard. He surprised me with new tile in both bathrooms, painted both bathrooms and bead board in the front. It was so beautiful. I am truly blessed with
such a sweet honey... But, He did not work alone. My In -laws helped with everything... They are so wonderful and I am so blessed. They also cleaned my fridge, microwave, and oven.
It's amazing to be so loved...









Saturday, January 30, 2010

100 Random things about me...

1. I love my family. I mean I love being a part of a family, I love the companionship. I love hanging out with my family, not just immediate, but my whole family.
2. I love holidays because I get to hang out with all of my family.
3. I love traditions... like pancakes on Sat...
4. I like cold weather clothes, but not cold weather...
5. I love living in Texas because one day it will be 30 outside and the next day it can be 75.
6. I really like my husband... I think He is probably the best man in the world and I'm not saying that because it's the right thing to say. I think He is really cool.
7. I like my kids alot most of the time, but even when their not being like able I love them more than I thought I ever could!!!
8. This should probably be #1, but... I really love the Lord. Sometimes I don't understand Him, but through it all He has been faithful to me. He loved me first and dragged me out of a pit so for that no matter what happens I will love Him.
9. I love Mexican food. Chips and salsa are my faves...
10. My best friend is 24, but she is so much more mature than I am at 32...
11. I love the color blue... any shade.
12. I love to be organized, but have not idea how to stay that way.
13. I have 5 junk drawers in my kitchen... You would think I could find better things to do with those drawers than keeping stuff I will never use?!?!?!
14. I love decorating shows so I can steal other peoples ideas because I have none of my own.
15. I hate kid's bday parties. I don't understand why I have to spend so much money on a bunch of decorations, plates, balloons, etc... that will just get trashed 2 hrs. later.
16. I throw away my kids toys when they get broken or lose pieces.
17. My favorite date night is dinner and a movie?! Nothing exciting..
18. Romantic gestures make me queasy...
19. My husbands jokes turn me on more than roses.
20. I love to laugh... sometimes when I'm not supposed to, sometimes way to loud, but I don't care.
21. I used to hate myself, but I'm really beginning to love the person God is making me.
22. I like my 32yr old body after 4 children. I'm not afraid of the light (if you know what I mean).
23. I love the feeling of security... with God, with Hubs...
24. I love a clean house, but I hate to clean... I don't mind to straighten, but I hate to deep clean.
25. Well, I could keep going, but I'm bored already and I'm sure you are too. SO, I am gonna stop at 25. I LOVE DIET COKE for the taste... What is wrong with me?????

Friday, January 29, 2010

Found what I was looking for...

The kids and I just got back from Great Wolfe Lodge. We went with my aunt and my best friend and her daughter. It was a lot of fun for a couple of days. I was running on fumes before we left. It had been a very stressful few weeks at home and I was feeling very discouraged. I just wanted to get away. That is just what we did. We got away from it all and were able to play. BUT, as the days passed I began to long for HOME.

We ended up leaving a day early because of sickness. As we were walking out I saw a sign that said "A man can search the World for what he needs, only to find it when he returns HOME." I thought that was so very appropriate for how I was feeling. I wanted to get away from home so bad, but it only took a few days to begin longing for home... Maybe sometimes we have to be away to see how good Home really is.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Put to the test...

"Count it all joy when you fall into various temptations; Knowing this that the testing of your Faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

Sometimes life is harder than I thought it would be. Since the day God stretched out his had to me in salvation He has been restoring the years that the locusts have eaten away. It has been a whirlwind of wonderful experiences with very little bad days or setbacks... I have to admit I have been spoiled by his wondrous goodness. I guess I just set myself up to think that the trials and tribulations that Jesus talked about didn't apply to me. I have to admit the last year has taken my faith by surprise. People I know would say that is one of my strong points. My faith is strong. I really believe the word and try to apply it everyday to my life. BUT, I know me. I know my struggles and fears. I know that my faith is strong only when my life is going according to my plans...

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you: but rejoice, inasmuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy." I Pet 4:12-13

I guess it's easy to hear, see, and believe God when life is good and worry free. But, like Israel I wasn't closer to God because things were good. He was just a part of my life. So, I don't know if the this last year He has put my faith to the test because He wanted to prove me or because my heart was cold and calloused and it was time for brokenness?! I haven't responded the way I should. I basically went into a coma. I've been going through the motions. I have been hurt and disappointed and I guess I thought I would give God the silent treatment. On a much smaller scale I feel like Job must of felt. Little did we (Job and I) know all along when we were being righteous it was mostly outward. So, the last two weeks have brought me face to face with my desperate need for my Savior. I can't play games with Him anymore. I will never be able to out play him. I'm just so thankful that He is so patient. That his ways are not my ways. Because anyone else would have been done with me by now. I pray that this testing of my Faith will fan the flame upon the alter of my heart once again. It's been too long since there was a sacrifice there.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes life puts your faith to the test. Is it real or is it a mask that you wear?

I hear sermons in church all the time about the sin of the Lost... We all know what "those sins are". But, very seldom are we as christians really confronted with the much worse apostasy of our hearts. Like Gomer the adulterous wife of Hosea I am coming back to my husband, my first love, the lover of my soul. And, I realize that the hedge that has been set around me was for my own good. I know for now that nothing will make me happy or satisfy me except a close relationship with Jesus...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

So it seems...

that my lack of motivation has had a lot to do with staying up too late. I decided to start going to bed at my normal time again and would you believe that I feel 100% better. I don't feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I haven't been sitting on the couch bemoaning my life. It's amazing what a difference rest makes. Thankfully I'm feeling much better and it was all so simple to change...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Over-whelmed and Under-motivatied...

I don't remember if I feel this way every year after the holidays or if it's especially strong this year... Being pregnant with 3 little ones and enduring the non-stop of the holidays was tiring. I took a few days off just to lay around in my pajamas, but I don't seem to much better for it. It's time to get back in the swing of things and I feel no motivation.

It's time to start home-schooling again. I think I'm already experiencing spring fever. I used to love winter, but now with children it's definitely hard not being able to go outside. The weather has been pretty cold here in Texas. Much more than in previous years. It is so beautiful from the window. I just long for those 70 degree days again.

I know this post probably sounds like a downer, but as I look around at all the things I NEED to do I'm feeling overwhelmed and under motivated. It's not a good combination. Maybe I need some coffee?!?!?!

Friday, January 1, 2010

A NEW Year...

I love the reminder every year that we get a fresh start to be better than we were before. I try not to make resolutions just because it is the new year, but I love the idea of reflecting on your life and making a real effort to be better.

This New Year more than ever this idea of a new start has made me reflect on my relationship with Christ and how he gave me a new start. A new life. A new future. It has made me think about how God says "His mercy is NEW everyday." I love that. I'm thankful for my new start 12yrs ago. I am thankful for new mercies everyday. I'm thankful for a future and hope.

This year of 2010 I pray that as I reflect on all these things that I will be renewed. I pray that God will "search me and know me, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." I hope to more concerned with what God wants to change in me. I pray to be called a woman after God's heart, or as Sarah a holy woman.